What Disney Characters Will Never Say

[Cordy_Biddle]

Belle: "What the hell was I thinking? Screw the bookstore! Kindle is the way of the future!"

[Margos]

[IagoZazu]

(Guard enters Frollo's door after hearing him sing "Hellfire")

Guard: OK sir, I do believe you have been looking at porn for too long. Lay off the hormones... if you still have any.

Jafar: Now, pussycat, come over here so I can get my bony fingers on that sexy hourglass waist of yours.

Gaston: It's not right for a woman to read. One day they get their nose in a book after their husband messes with them and they get ideas. Freaky ideas. Then they get thinking... and that's when their little schemes start. Thinking creating ideas? That's scary. Imagine the carnage Belle!

Belle: Gaston, you are positively sextist.

Gaston: Why, thank you Belle! Don't forget to put the y at the end of x too!

Belle: Since when did you learn the alphabet?

Gaston: I learn my trade...

(Villagers of Belle's village are burning books)

Villagers: Fahrenheit 451 baby!

Book Shop Keeper: What a pity. Oh well, I never sold those books anyway, and Belle only borrowed them!

Terk: Tantor, I gotta take a break.

Tantor: Why?

Terk: Oh, you know. I gotta go talk with my group. You know, take a look at the view.

(Terk arrives at a mound where a group of other female gorillas are sitting)

Terk: Welcome to the "The View"! What crap is happein' later?! Get any dirty looks today Elizabeth?

Ursula: You have your looks! Your pretty face! And don't underestimate the importance of a BOTOX! HA!

(The tower holding Aladdin and Abu captive crashes in the Artic)

Aladdin- I'm colder than crap!

(After he and Abu dodge the rolling tower, Aladdin realizes something)

Aladdin- Wait a minute, how did we get all the way up here if the tower was hollow?

[PrincePhillipFan]

Snow White: Oooh! It's dark inside!

Deer: Like your head, simpleton!

Snow White: *gasps* Oooh! I didn't know you could talk!

Deer: What you don't know could fill a warehouse.

[Big Disney Fan]

KERMIT THE FROG: Alright, Piggy, I admit it, I have eaten pork on occasion, but that was before I met you!

MISS PIGGY: And Kermit, I admit I have eaten frogs' legs on occasion, but that, too, was before I met you!

(Fozzie Bear walks up)

FOZZIE: Alright, Kermit and Piggy, I admit I have eaten pork and frogs' legs on occasion.

KERMIT: But that was before you met us, right?

MISS PIGGY: Yeah, Fozzie, before us?

FOZZIE: Yeah, about that... Actually, it was more like... ten minutes ago...

KERMIT, MISS PIGGY: ...

(Sweetums walks up)

SWEETUMS: Alright, Kermit, Piggy and Fozzie, I admit I have eaten pork, frogs' legs and bear steak on occasion.

KERMIT, MISS PIGGY, FOZZIE: But that was before you met us, right?

SWEETUMS: No!

(Sweetums picks up a striped bucket full of different meats divided into three different sections and walks away, humming to himself as he always does)

SWEETUMS: Sorry, guys, I have eaten meat based on you guys' kinds, but before I met you all!

KERMIT: Well, I'm sure you're sorry about that.

FOZZIE: Yeah, you didn't mean any harm! Right, Miss Piggy?

(Piggy doesn't answer)

KERMIT: Uh, Piggy?

SWEETUMS: Oh, yeah, about Miss Piggy... I don't think I have kicked my pig addiction yet...

(Piggy does a slow burn)

KERMIT: Uh, Piggy?

MISS PIGGY: Hiiiiiii-yaaaaaaaa! (karate-chops Sweetums) Hmph! (walks off in a huff)

[Mason_Ireton]

Serg. Garica: Oh Don Diego, it's you.

Don Diego: How bout a brand of whine Sergant?

Serg. Garica: Oh no thanks. I drink way too much, always drunk on duty.

Don Diego: No wonder you can't catch me *laughs*

*Serg. Garica looks at Diego*

Serg. Garica: What do you mean?

Don Diego: Why I'm Zorro. I've been right under your nose the whole time. pretending to be a total wuss

[Big Disney Fan]

COACHMAN (from "Pinocchio"): Give a bad boy enough rope and he'll soon make a Democrat of himself!

[schoollover]

I have a good one from mary poppins.

Mr.Banks- Can you explain all of this.
Mary Poppins-Let me just tell you one thing
Mr.Banks-Well what is it
Mary Poppins- I don't have to tell you shit!
Mr.Banks-

I 'm really not thet funny I guess.

[Margos]

I don't know, schoollover, I got a good chuckle out of it.

[Big Disney Fan]

Yeah, I thought that was pretty funny.

[Super Aurora]

Gaston: It's not right for a woman to read. One day they get their nose in a book after their husband messes with them and they get ideas. Freaky ideas. Then they get thinking... and that's when their little schemes start. Thinking creating ideas? That's scary. Imagine the carnage Belle!

Belle: Gaston, you are positively sextist.

Gaston: Why, thank you Belle! Don't forget to put the y at the end of x too!

Belle: Since when did you learn the alphabet?

Gaston: I learn my trade...

(Villagers of Belle's village are burning books)

Villagers: Fahrenheit 451 baby!

Book Shop Keeper: What a pity. Oh well, I never sold those books anyway, and Belle only borrowed them!

This actually happen but the Disney executives were being greedy and decided to keep that part in the vault. Gary and Kirk were pissed.

[Big Disney Fan]

TIMOTHY MOUSE: Dumbo, the ninth wonder of the universe! The world's only flying Republican!

[Margos]

(On the set of Fantasia)
Walt: No, Chernabog, No! That's all wrong! You're not putting enough feeling into your movements!
Chernabog: I'm sorry, I just can't seem to find my motivation! I hate A Night on Bald Mountain! Can't I do The Dance of the Hours instead? Please!? I'd make a better ballerina than Hyacinth!
Hyacinth Hippo: Why, I never! If you need me, Walt, I'll be in my trailer! (storms off)
Chernabog: See!? She's too tempremental! I would take all of your direction, I swear!
Walt: No, that's no good. First of all, we didn't give you any legs. Secondly, you're bigger than the entire set of The Dance of the Hours. Oh, and you'd look horrible in a tutu. Not to mention the fact that I don't know where we would find another good volcano demon....
Hop Low: (looking adorable and enthusiastic) Oooh! Oooh! If he doesn't want to do it, I can! I'm tired of being the littlest mushroom! It would be much more fun to be surrounded by fire, evil spirits, and ungodly manifestations of the dead! (cute smile)
Walt: (to himself) Why, oh why, didn't I just become a chartered accountant...?

[blackcauldron85]

Great job, Margos!

[UmbrellaFish]

My sequel to the original Disney Girls on the Backlot. It's a little different, and there's some mild language. So here we go!-



(Grand fanfare erupts on the Disney Backlot as Princess Tiana rides on a float, lovingly admiring her Prince, Naveen. Princesses Ariel, Belle, Cinderella, Snow White, and Aurora are sitting on a bench.)

Ariel- Bitch. We’ll see how happy she’ll be when she’s got eight sequels and a brat to keep up with.

Cinderella- (puffing on a cigarette, and smirking) Still upset your Broadway show closed so soon?

Ariel- At least my show didn’t debut on a cruise ship.

Cinderella- Yeah, your’s was in a toilet.

Ariel- Why, I never-

Belle- Girls, girls, calm down. Both of you know you can never be as successful as me- I had a long run in a fabulous Broadway show, I’m the smartest of all you idiots, and most impressive of all, I’m the !STAR! of the only animated film to be nominated for Best Picture. So shut your faces.

Ariel- (under her breath) But you didn’t have a TV show…

Snow White- LA, LA, LALALALA, LA, LA, LA, LA!!!!!

Aurora- Oh, for heavens sakes Snow, shut up! You’ve been talkin’ for seventy years now, don’t you think it’s time to give our ears a break.

(a bird lands on Snow White’s hand)

Snow- Hello little birdie. It’s so nice to see you. You see, I’m so lonely because these girls won’t speak to me. Will you be my friend?

(bird nods “yes”)

Snow- Oh, thank you! La, la, la, la, la.

Bird- Chirp, chirp, chirp, chirp, chirp.

Snow- La, la, la, la, la, la.

Bird- Chirp, chirp, chirp.

Snow- La, la, la.

Bird- Chirp, chirp.

Snow- La-la!

Bird- Chirp-chirp.

Snow- Laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa-la-la, la, la.

Bird- Chiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiirp, chirp, chirp, chirp, chirp.

Snow- La, la.

Bird- Chirp, chirp.

Snow- Laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa-

(Cinderella smacks the bird off of Snow White’s hand and it lands with a bang to the ground. Standing up, on one little leg, it looks pitifully at Snow, and she bends down to pick it up. However, the birds begins hopping away, and Snow runs after it, “la-la”-ing all the time.)

Aurora- Thank God she’s gone.

(The other Princesses nod their heads in agreement)

Unknown- Psst!

Aurora- Did you hear that?

Unknown- It’s me. (Out of the shadows comes a slender figure in a pink dress, with a brown paper bag on her head, with poke-holes for the eyes in the middle)

Cinderella- (very dramatically) Oh my God! It’s an Untouchable!

Unknown- Princess Eilowny at your service.

Ariel- (scoffing) Princess! You aren’t fit to wear the title, you flop!

Eilowny- I come in peace, Princesses. We must discuss of Giselle.

Aurora- She should be ours. Poor, poor, successful moneymaker, doomed to obscurity with your kind.

Eilowny- That’s just it! She won’t wear the paperback.

Ariel- Well force it over her big forehead you dopes!

Belle- Still jealous of the new redhead, Ariel?

(Ariel sticks her tongue out of mouth. Then, suddenly from out of the sky comes a woman clutching an umbrella)

Mary Poppins- We’ll take her. She’s suited to our kind- the halfies.

Ariel- Yeah, dump her on the British bitch!

Mary- (to Ariel) Cheeky. Now, where’s the girl?

Eilowny- Here she is. (A tattered and dirty Giselle is flung from the shadows to Mary. They take off into the air)

Belle- (to Mary) Chim-chim-cheree!

Mary- Oh, shut up, you twit!

(As Mary and Giselle fly out of sight, Eliowny stays for a few seconds, and finally collapses on he knees)

Eilowny- Please, please let me stay with you!!!! I don’t want to go back there.

Cinderella- Take her away.

(Royal Guards, who just happen to be standing there for no reason, drag Eilowny away)

Jasmine- (running down the Backlot with Pocahontas and Mulan) YAY! YAY! YAY!

Belle- What is it, Jas, Jas, Jasmene?

Jasmine- Jasmine, Jasmine. We used to be friends Belle. Don’t forget me just because I don’t have a Platinum anymore!

Belle- Well, Jas…mine, what brings you here?

Jasmine- Tiana’s in OUR group!

Ariel- (shocked) No!

Jasmine- Yep, yep, yep! The Princess and the Frog was only a moderate success!

Aurora- That’s too bad… But we’ll take Poca back now.

(Pocahontas begins squeeling with excitement and runs over to the Princesses)

Jasmine- Why Poca?

Cinderella- Didn’t you hear? Her movie’s number two on the all-time grossing movie list.

Jasmine- That’s not fair! That movie is Avatar.

Aurora- Same thing. (Pocahontas sits on the bench) Welcome back, Poca.

Pocahontas- This is the happiest day in my life! To be accepted!

Jasmine- But, but, no! No, this can’t be! It’s not fair!

Cinderella- Get your magic carpet ride out of here. (Jasmine starts to leave, but Cinderella pointing to Mulan adds) And don’t forget Ching-Chang-Chong either!

(After the two leave, everything is quiet)

Belle- So did you guys hear they made boy movies here too?

Aurora- (shocked) No!

Belle- Mmmhmm. There’s this thing called Treasure Planet…

(THE END)

[schoollover]

My sequel to the original Disney Girls on the Backlot. It's a little different, and there's some mild language. So here we go!-



(Grand fanfare erupts on the Disney Backlot as Princess Tiana rides on a float, lovingly admiring her Prince, Naveen. Princesses Ariel, Belle, Cinderella, Snow White, and Aurora are sitting on a bench.)

Ariel- Bitch. We’ll see how happy she’ll be when she’s got eight sequels and a brat to keep up with.

Cinderella- (puffing on a cigarette, and smirking) Still upset your Broadway show closed so soon?

Ariel- At least my show didn’t debut on a cruise ship.

Cinderella- Yeah, your’s was in a toilet.

Ariel- Why, I never-

Belle- Girls, girls, calm down. Both of you know you can never be as successful as me- I had a long run in a fabulous Broadway show, I’m the smartest of all you idiots, and most impressive of all, I’m the !STAR! of the only animated film to be nominated for Best Picture. So shut your faces.

Ariel- (under her breath) But you didn’t have a TV show…

Snow White- LA, LA, LALALALA, LA, LA, LA, LA!!!!!

Aurora- Oh, for heavens sakes Snow, shut up! You’ve been talkin’ for seventy years now, don’t you think it’s time to give our ears a break.

(a bird lands on Snow White’s hand)

Snow- Hello little birdie. It’s so nice to see you. You see, I’m so lonely because these girls won’t speak to me. Will you be my friend?

(bird nods “yes”)

Snow- Oh, thank you! La, la, la, la, la.

Bird- Chirp, chirp, chirp, chirp, chirp.

Snow- La, la, la, la, la, la.

Bird- Chirp, chirp, chirp.

Snow- La, la, la.

Bird- Chirp, chirp.

Snow- La-la!

Bird- Chirp-chirp.

Snow- Laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa-la-la, la, la.

Bird- Chiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiirp, chirp, chirp, chirp, chirp.

Snow- La, la.

Bird- Chirp, chirp.

Snow- Laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa-

(Cinderella smacks the bird off of Snow White’s hand and it lands with a bang to the ground. Standing up, on one little leg, it looks pitifully at Snow, and she bends down to pick it up. However, the birds begins hopping away, and Snow runs after it, “la-la”-ing all the time.)

Aurora- Thank God she’s gone.

(The other Princesses nod their heads in agreement)

Unknown- Psst!

Aurora- Did you hear that?

Unknown- It’s me. (Out of the shadows comes a slender figure in a pink dress, with a brown paper bag on her head, with poke-holes for the eyes in the middle)

Cinderella- (very dramatically) Oh my God! It’s an Untouchable!

Unknown- Princess Eilowny at your service.

Ariel- (scoffing) Princess! You aren’t fit to wear the title, you flop!

Eilowny- I come in peace, Princesses. We must discuss of Giselle.

Aurora- She should be ours. Poor, poor, successful moneymaker, doomed to obscurity with your kind.

Eilowny- That’s just it! She won’t wear the paperback.

Ariel- Well force it over her big forehead you dopes!

Belle- Still jealous of the new redhead, Ariel?

(Ariel sticks her tongue out of mouth. Then, suddenly from out of the sky comes a woman clutching an umbrella)

Mary Poppins- We’ll take her. She’s suited to our kind- the halfies.

Ariel- Yeah, dump her on the British bitch!

Mary- (to Ariel) Cheeky. Now, where’s the girl?

Eilowny- Here she is. (A tattered and dirty Giselle is flung from the shadows to Mary. They take off into the air)

Belle- (to Mary) Chim-chim-cheree!

Mary- Oh, shut up, you twit!

(As Mary and Giselle fly out of sight, Eliowny stays for a few seconds, and finally collapses on he knees)

Eilowny- Please, please let me stay with you!!!! I don’t want to go back there.

Cinderella- Take her away.

(Royal Guards, who just happen to be standing there for no reason, drag Eilowny away)

Jasmine- (running down the Backlot with Pocahontas and Mulan) YAY! YAY! YAY!

Belle- What is it, Jas, Jas, Jasmene?

Jasmine- Jasmine, Jasmine. We used to be friends Belle. Don’t forget me just because I don’t have a Platinum anymore!

Belle- Well, Jas…mine, what brings you here?

Jasmine- Tiana’s in OUR group!

Ariel- (shocked) No!

Jasmine- Yep, yep, yep! The Princess and the Frog was only a moderate success!

Aurora- That’s too bad… But we’ll take Poca back now.

(Pocahontas begins squeeling with excitement and runs over to the Princesses)

Jasmine- Why Poca?

Cinderella- Didn’t you hear? Her movie’s number two on the all-time grossing movie list.

Jasmine- That’s not fair! That movie is Avatar.

Aurora- Same thing. (Pocahontas sits on the bench) Welcome back, Poca.

Pocahontas- This is the happiest day in my life! To be accepted!

Jasmine- But, but, no! No, this can’t be! It’s not fair!

Cinderella- Get your magic carpet ride out of here. (Jasmine starts to leave, but Cinderella pointing to Mulan adds) And don’t forget Ching-Chang-Chong either!

(After the two leave, everything is quiet)

Belle- So did you guys hear they made boy movies here too?

Aurora- (shocked) No!

Belle- Mmmhmm. There’s this thing called Treasure Planet…

(THE END)

I would like to add on to that

Belle,Ariel,Cinderella,Aurora, and Pocahontas continuing their disussion, when

Perdita, Nala, and Lady walk in.

Ariel- what are you doing here?

Belle- Especially you lady, nobody even knows you.

Lady- People do know me, in fact I sold 6 million on my 2006 platinum, which was just as much as yours belle and I'm very popular despite my lack of merchandise .

Ariel- I thought you said she only sold 3 million copies ,Belle.

Belle- Um,well anyway why are you here Nala.

ARE you kidding me, i'm one of disney's highest grossing films, my sequels become some of the best selling dvd's or video's of the year, i'm the best selling platinum, I,m the olny one here who still has a broadway show, My merchandise makes a lot of money, and the parks promote me like crazy, so shouldn't I be a princess in the financialy succesful sense.

Cinderella- wow nala, but what about you Perdita

Perdita- My film is 11th highest grossing if count infation. And I am very popular with people, and I don't need merchandise to prove it.

Pocahontas- let's discuss this.

Princesses dicuss and say

Aurora- Okay ,Nala youre a no brainer because of youre success. Lady you barely got in, but youre in. perdita youre also in but youll have to work for us for a week.

cinderella - now let's go to the castle for tea.

Everyone else- yeah!

[Heil Donald Duck]

Heil Hitler!

[zackiellovedisney]

After reading the Disney Princess stories I decided to make my own twist by making it Disney Villains. The Villains will be in a game show were they will have to stand each other and a new villain will be introduced every week. We will initially start out with 5 villains and some will leave and come back over the course of the story, Lets Begin

The villains all wake up and notice who they are surrounded by. There is Scar,Maleficent,Jafar,Queen,and Ursula

Scar:Why did I sign up for this.

Maleficent: Don't worry I just turn into a dragon and eat you

Jafar:Like that will help any of us

Queen: All of you aren't pretty. I am more beautiful so I shouldn't be here. The fat girl is freaking me out

Ursula: Who you calling fat you (put insult here)

Jafar:Sea girl is a little feisty

Ursula: I show you feisty

Scar: It is so fun watching you turn on each other

Everyone: Be quiet you are the only one without magic so we will rip you too shreds.

Scar:Come here and I will rip you. If you didn't notice I am more popular than all of you. My movie made the most money

Queen: Actually with inflation that is me

Scar: I hate you

Maleficent: I am glad we feel the same way

Ursula: Oh be quiet Ms. best Disney Villain. I launched Disney villains again. Lion and Muslim over there wouldn't be nearly as good

Scar:I am such a better villain then all of you

Everyone: But you can't use magic

Queen: Secret meeting everyone but Scar

Secret meeting assembles

Queen: I know a way to get rid of Scar

Ursula: We take away his voice

Queen: No

Maleficent: We turn into a dragon

Queen:No!

Jafar: We become genies

Queen: For Gods sake No!

Jafar,Ursula,Maleficent: What do we do then!

Scar: Can I get in the conversation?

Everyone:No!!!!!!!!!!

Scar:Fine Fine

Queen:We feed him a poison apple

Maleficent: That's it

Queen: Yep

Scar: I heard everything you just said

Queen: No you didn't now who wants an apple

Scar: Maybe you should eat it. Apples make people prettier.

Queen: You are right

Takes a bite out of poison apple

Falls down and dies

Jafar: Well at least we know she isn't the smartest Disney villain

Maleficent: Don't worry she will be back later in the series

Scar: Oh great

[Margos]

Heil Hitler!

.....Well. That was... random.

(and that was pretty funny, Zackiellovedisney!)

[zackiellovedisney]

Here is a sequel to my villains show

Maleficent: I can't take this anymore. All of you lesser villains are just so annoying

Ursula: You aren't that fun either

Jafar: Ladies stop arguing me and Scar are getting along. So Maleficent how about that date

Maleficent: Not going to happen Jaf Jaf Jefer

Everyone: Jafar

Maleficent Sorry not good with names

Ursula Girl you better take up his offer. You don't want the tiger or what every that is do you

Scar Lion!!!!!!!!!!

Ursula Whatever

Cruella De Vil: I am new here where do I put my suitcases which aren't filled with dead puppies.

Scar To the right. You get the Queen's old bed

Cruella Goodie.

Jafar You don't really seem like a villain

Cruella Excuse me. I am Cruella De Vil. I kill puppies for a living. Did any of you kill some puppies. No you didn't. I kill every single animal for it's fur so don't tell me that I am not a villain. I am more popular than all of because I am so freaking insane. I am the H Bomb of the animal kingdom. If I wanted to I would kidnap a lion kill it and wear it's fur like a coat. Anyway Scar you fur looks very pretty today

Scar Back off before I kill you

Cruella You can't kill me. Out of all of you I am the only one who didn't die in my movie because Walt thought I was too insane to die. Kitty can't kill me and neither can best Disney villain

Maleficent That is it I am tired of all of this. If one more villain walks through that door I will kill myself

Sharpay from High School Musical walks in

Sharpay Where do I put my stuff

Maleficent I hate this sh-

Everyone Stop

Jafar You can't say that you belong to Disney

Maleficent Listen here you bit-

Ursula You can't say that. Disney is a squeaky clan company

Jafar Well that never stopped her before. She said hell in her movie and so did Frollo. You two curse like sailors to us Disney folk especially Frollo singing a song about hell.

Sharpay I like singing for no reason because I am the most popular girl in school

Maleficent That is it

Pulls a gun out and shoots herself

Down in the dead contestant world Maleficent appears with the Queen

Maleficent Ah come on I have to hang out with you now

Sharpay appears

Sharpay Yeah they shot me when I started singing. But this place has the pretty girls. Let's talk about boys and makeup

Maleficent breaks down crying