Dating

[SpringHeelJack]

cons:
- as a man you have to pay for everything so ugh a big chunk of my paycheck is gone
- answering to someone all the time
- forfitting a LOT of your free rights to see what they want instead

That's the best part about being in a gaylationship, you're both the man, and things get split up pretty evenly. Also, sometimes you can share clothing.

Also I have very few dating stories. The first date I went on with my current boyfriend of 2.5 years was to see "Borat", and I think that sums up our relationship pretty well.

[Siren]

cons:
- as a man you have to pay for everything so ugh a big chunk of my paycheck is gone
- answering to someone all the time
- forfitting a LOT of your free rights to see what they want instead
- dealing with relationship drama which is the WORST

Overall I'll settle down eventually, but for now I like my space/being alone.

Not all women are like that though. I have always been for being equal. If you've only been with women who make you forfeit your right to see movies and tv shows you want to see, then those girls are selfish. One of the first dates I went on with one guy, we went and saw 300. I did not want to see it. At all. But in a long lasting relationship BOTH people need to sacrifice things.

I've been in relationships without all that. Totally equal. Or for instance...he pays tonight, I pay tomorrow and such.

Now this new guy I am with, he is like strict traditional. Which is actually kind of refreshing. Not financial wise, just to know there are men out there who aren't out just for a shag. He wouldn't let me pay, not even for the tip. Later at mini-golf, I wanted a drink. I had cash, he didn't. He was insisting on visiting the ATM there to get $20 to get a couple of waters...plus pay the $2+ fee I am sure it had. But I planted my feet in the ground for that one. Its one thing to want to treat me, another to spend wastefully just for me to have a bottle of water. So I used my $5 to get us drinks. It wasn't like he was trying to impress me by paying at all. He wasn't throwing money at me or anything, I just have the impression, he is very old traditional with dating. He wanted to buy me some jewelry while we were there, it was just some pretty beads, but I politely said it was okay, I truthfully don't wear much jewelry. Tomorrow we are going to old St. Augustine and I am betting he will try and buy me something tomorrow. Just to make him feel he is reaching his traditional dating goal, I won't fight him much about it and just point out something small and inexpensive and say, "That is so cute.", I have a feeling he'll get it for me. I want him to do it more for him, than for me. I've never been much to wanting a man to spend lots of money on me. I like to spend what I earned on me, but I admit, its nice. Its been over 10 years since I was in such a traditional relationship. These days the guys I meet are trying to stick their hand up my shirt by the 3rd date. It gets kinda tiring when talking and spending time together isn't enough for some guys

[pap64]

Its silly to think that men have it the worst in a relationship. Like Siren said a relationship means EQUAL sacrifice. A woman also has to give up some of her freedom, her way of living and many other things.

Hell, even gay relationships have the same problems as a normal relationship since ALL relationships involve the wonderful feeling of love, which comes with enough emotional baggage to supply a third world country.

[PeterPanfan]

I don't really have much to add since I'm a teenager and fool around more than I date, but I think both members of the relationship should balance out so that each person is providing half of what they need, instead of, like, 90/10 %.

And I'm happy you found a relationship that's going well for you, Siren!

[tsom]

dvdjunkie, I don't mean to get all in your business and everything, but your story really seems interesting. How did you two know you were ready for marriage two days after meeting each other? That's really cool. It sounds like something you see in a movie!

[Mayhem]

Oh I have to agree with Crystal there as well... I don't mind paying but if I'm expected to always pay, and to compromise without any in return... meh indeed. Bit of a turn-off for me. Guys like their other half to make surprises and buy things too you know... well this guy does at least

[dvdjunkie]

tsom wrote:

dvdjunkie, I don't mean to get all in your business and everything, but your story really seems interesting. How did you two know you were ready for marriage two days after meeting each other? That's really cool. It sounds like something you see in a movie!

It is a very long story, because we were basically up from the time we met on Thursday evening until dinner Friday night, when her roommate came busting in the door of Denny's and said that she and her boyfriend were going up to Reno to get married.

While riding in their car, going along as their witnesses, we encountered several little 'problems' with the car, and a journey that should have taken about an hour and a half, took almost 10 hours. We sat on the side of the road in a turn-off, for over three hours alone, trying to use a makeshift fan belt from the girls' wastebands, which they reluctanly gave up. A CalTrans truck came into the area and took Larry and I up to nearest gas station, about 30 miles away, while the girls waited in the car. When we got back with a fan belt, it turned out to be the wrong one, and so the CalTrans guy pushed us (totally against the law in California) all the way to the gas station. After another two hours we finally got the car started with the new fan belt on and headed for the summit of the Sierras, knowing that we could coast down hill into Reno if anything else happened. We found out that all the chapels in Reno are open 24 hours, but the Courthouse, where people get their marriage licenses is only open 8 a.m. to 5 p.m. We went into a little coffeehouse/restaurant and had breakfast, and that's when Suzie, the roommate, said that she and Larry had talked it over and with all that has happened, it isn't a good omen to get married today. My darling companion, at the time, grabbed Suzie and took her in the little girls room and when they came back out, Suzie tells Larry, 'Okay, we will get married today, but only if you pay for Bill and Bev to get married with us".

That is how it all started, as a bribe, and a thought that since this was all in Nevada, and we lived in California, we could always just tear up the license and forget it ever happened. And here we are, 40 years later and just as happy as that first 'date', and we have 10 grandkids as a bonus.

[Elladorine]

Amazingly sweet story, dvdjunkie, thank you for sharing!

* * *

Rey (my current boyfriend) and I have said we sorta feel we missed out on the whole dating thing. We'd known each other online for about a year and were just friends until our feelings intensified practically overnight. And since we were thousands of miles away from each other it made our relationship very difficult in the traditional sense.

As I've been saying for a while now, it's rather bizarre to look back on it all. Although most of my friends were supportive, a few of them told me I was crazy and that falling for some guy online wasn't "real." I was also warned there was no way it would last, as we couldn't possibly know each other well enough to even think about having a relationship. Heh, I still find myself wondering how the heck it all happened, especially since I was never lucky in the whole dating department (he's only my second relationship and I'm his first). But I knew I was in love with him before we ever even spoke on the phone and long before I got to meet him in real life. The human heart is a crazy thing.

We'd already considered ourselves a couple for three months before we were able to meet each other in person, so perhaps meeting at the airport was technically our first "date." He took me out on the town and we had a wonderful time checking out all the tourist stuff as well as having some alone time. The night before I had to fly back home he took me out to California Pizza Kitchen for dinner, which kind of became our "special place." I found myself crying when it was time to leave, but I had things to tie up at home and we still had to figure out our living situation if we wanted to be together and make things work. After 8 long and lonely months of saving up and searching, he found us a house and I moved out to Las Vegas so we could finally be together. Wow, a big change from the rural area I grew up in! My car broke down on the way, but that's a different story altogether.

So we went from talking on IM and on the phone to moving in together rather suddenly. It took some time for us to adjust to all the changes, but early on we agreed that it just felt right to be together and I've never regretted a moment of it. One of my friends (who isn't sentimental in the least) knows of the troubles I had with my last relationship and told me I've found my fairy tale ending.

Despite our age and background differences we've been going on three years now, strong as ever. And every month or so he still takes me to California Pizza Kitchen for a night out . . . so perhaps we never really missed out on "dating" after all.

[blackcauldron85]

Awww to both of your stories, Bill & engimawing!

[Mooky]

Awww to both of your stories, Bill & engimawing!

I agree, those are really beautiful stories!

[disneyboy20022]

WOW....what a romantic beautiful story dvdjunkie aka Bill....you don't hear of many stories like that anymore.....

Anyway.....my dating experices......I don't know where to begin because I have never been on a date or had a girlfriend....ever...I was the one in schools that got picked on or who had hardly if any friends over the years other than the ones who like you for your stuff....whether it be for a sega genesis when I was 8 or to whether I am 22 today and have PS3....I really have never had a friend who liked me for me.....they just saw my stuff and for a while with me having asperger syndrome autism thing and the combo of Crohn's disease.. I thought it was okay...but I soon realized they were no friends of mine......so I couldn't even have a friend who didn't like me for my stuff let alone a girlfriend who even would be interested in me......so....yeah I had some crushes on a girl or two but they never liked me back......except for one that I blew when I was in the 4th grade.....for some reason I have flashbacks and it feels like its happening just as if I were 9 years old again....

anyway I like this girl named Laura....she liked me because i was funny....and polite....nice (mind you this is the 4th Grade) anyway....on the bus one day someone asked me if i Liked liked Laura.....and she was sitting behind me....so I got nervous and pretended like I couldn't hear the question...then....my heart stopped.....and I heard Laura's voice...asking me.....Well Michael...Do You have a crush on me....and I quickly said no (even though I did like her) and by the time I thoughtof re-correcting my answer it was her bus stop and the school bus let her off....and her younger brother and sister who were twins about a couple years younger than me....I tried very hard to try to show her I liked her after that but it was too late..the damage was done.....I had a broken heart....In High School I tried later on to get her to like me but that was fruitless....even now its hard to let her go...but I have...reluctantly......that door is shut.....so I accepted to myself....It's to painful to be hurt so I made a promise to be single for the rest of my days.....I told myself besides I have so many other problems in my life at that time with colonscopies going on and coping with the Crohn's at the level of my Asperger Syndrome I decided I didn't have time in my life for love.....


and It remained that way since I was 16 years old.....Until recently I recently met a girl online..who was friends with a low life friend of mine who we both have decided he's not worth the time.....whom I have become friends with.....we dated for two days...and then she broke up with me....she is currently with a guy whom she met from childhood or something....but I will remain friends with her...when she chose her friend over me I said I would remain her friend no matter what...and when I got hurt she asked me why I said that even...and I said I wasn't lying about I would remain your friend no matter what.....I never said though I would be disappointed that it wasn't me......I've learned something in life....If you truly love someone let them go...if they come back to you and stay with you its meant to be.....Now truth be told I still have feelings for that online girl....but it is not my right to choose for her who to date....she and she alone can only make that choice.....some battles in life you gotta do on your own....My grandma told me once....just an everyday life thing that I try to apply to my life everyday...If it's meant to be its up to me and I think what she was saying was no one force you into doing something...sometimes we must make choices in life on our own....it's not up to a strict parent or best friend....in life sometimes...we must choose for ourselves...some decisions have to be made by you...and a trust in faith.....Some Battles we will have to win on our own...while some will have the calvalry by your side making decisions

We have one life to live on this earth....so...Like I have told many a people.....

People want change...that's impossible...because we already have had change.....some good...some not so good...and we are still having change every day....change is nature.....it goes hand in hand......actions we do or have done or will do effect someone in the world whether it be directly or indirectly known to any of us....we are on this planet at this time of date for a reason....everyone has a place in the world....and anyone's decision can indirectly or directly effect another persons way of life either positively or negativley or a balanced helping of both

[ajmrowland]

I'm slightly autistic, with my Aspergers and ADHD. I didn't know so many other people here also had autism. My life hardly makes sense enough as it is.

What advice would you give if I were looking for a job, or learnign to drive? My parents always seem worried about that, but I've grown impatient.

In school, I was always the weird bucktoothed kid who was daydreaming about some movie or something. I was asked to a seventh grade dance(my first and last), but that never really did anything. I've recently been interested in both dating and sex. Don't judge me, I'm just being upfront. I have found someone who I'm interested in(and who seems to actually like me), but I'm sorta easy and casual about it. We're not actually dating, but we do hang out a lot and have gotten to know each other quite well. Of course, we're total opposites. Basically, I'm taking it just slow enough to avoid rough waters. It seems to be pretty smooth sailing at the moment.

[totallyminnie86]

I never had any 'conventional' dating experiences in high school or anything. I was always the girl with the crush, and was always rejected as 'just a friend' nothing ever worked out for me then. I started to develop low self-esteem from it, thinking that I wasn't pretty. I wasn't the type of girl who would throw myself at a guy, I'd just be myself and if anything I was a bit shy. For some reason nothing ever worked out. I never had a single date. I had never been kissed. Nothing.

I wasn't expecting at all to end up meeting someone I am now planning to spend the rest of my life with, so it all worked out in the end I'm pretty sure I've posted some photos on here of me and my fiance, but I don't know that I've ever mentioned our story/situation.

About 3 years ago, I had joined a forum (dedicated to 80s pop culture) and I was really enjoying have this online community to hang out in (the particular forum I was on has since went to hell more or less, so I hesitate to mention it by name, lol) I found it was great to post on there, and made a lot of 'online' friends and was just happy to have a place to talk about stuff with people that I had such common interests in.

There was this one guy though, who caught my attention. We had such similar and specific interests, and he was such fun to talk to, and I always enjoyed reading his posts. Simple enough, right? seeing as we're all on a forum, I'm sure some of you can see where I'm coming from
Well, I didn't think that across 8,000 miles, and two different continents we'd even have a chance. He's from Australia! I didn't even let the thought occur to me. I was pretty much in denial that I was attracted to him, lol!

But, I soon realized you can't mess with destiny. I was going through some difficult things in my life when I met him. At first I thought, this is too complicated, but here we are nearly three years later, more in love than ever, engaged and still keeping our connection strong even when we have to be apart.

We had our first 'date' the summer we met in person for the first time. We had pretty much already decide not to see other people for 6 months already by this point. I know some people can read this and think, 'yeah right, how does that work' but really I was so smitten. I didn't even want to look at anyone else. And of course he was the same way. The level of trust between us is unbelievable. We met, and of course - our connection was every bit as strong as we'd imagined.

Anyways, he stayed with me and my mom, and we ended up going on vacation with my family, and a bunch of family friends, a huge group of us, and we broke away for a while and had our first official date, pizza and video games in an arcade, afterward we shared an ice cream cone and walked along the beach at night. We pretty much went straight to living together after meeting, but it was just so natural. Always has been.

Never did I think I'd find someone I am so completely happy and comfortable with. I honestly didn't even think I'd ever get married, I certainly did not want kids. And I never ever would have thought that I'd be engaged so young (I am 22, he's 23, but both of us have August birthdays, so we're almost 23 and 24) Life changes, it throws you so many things you aren't expecting, often when you're least expecting it too. I am happy. We've had so many struggles we've had to face together already. We know that we can use these opportunities to make us stronger.

We're really best friends, and to think we found each other from other sides of the world all through a forum. Well, it wasn't that instant, lol. We start messaging on MSN and we ended up talking for hours! We realized we had a growing attraction to each other.

Then we started talking on the phone, and with the help of a great phone card managed to talk for 5 and 6 hours a day (time zones and scheduling allowing, lol) When we finally met in person after about 6 months, we knew this was special and different. Sure not the most conventional boy meets girl story, but I wouldn't trade it for anything, right down to our sending valentine's day gifts across the world to each other. Our 'artifacts' from our relationship are somewhat nontraditional, lol. A photo of him showing off his newly acquired passport. ' I can't wait to be with you' text messages, still stored in a cell phone after years. A postmarked box that contained valentine's gifts from before we'd 'met'.

I know this story sounds crazy, but I always tell people -yes it does feel like something straight out of the movies. But when people are around us, they see it too. I've been told by many people that they can sense our happiness and that we just give off a very peaceful presence from our being together. So I guess my point of typing all this is to let everyone know that there is at least one believer in love. I guess I'm just lucky, what can I say? lol.

It may look impossible, but life can surprise you - and when the moment is right- whenever that may be... you might just find yourself swept off your feet.


Oh, and to top it all off - would you believe the first thing he said directly to me online (in response to my mentioning that I knew the precise 1985 issue of a magazine he was talking about, we love print advertising!) he said

'Marry me? '


And wouldn't you know it.. I am!

[Widdi]

Dating is hard for me as monogamy doesn't seem to be my natural instinct. I grow bored of people really quickly, even people who seem to be perfect to me and people I can picture myself with forever grow tiresome after a week or two.

I also avoid confrontation by just cutting people out rather than dumping them. It's cruel and immature and something I need to get over... Ah well.

So basically I'm more of a "friends with benefits" type of guy. I dream to one day meet someone who holds my interest, but as long as there are other people out there who just want the quick hook up I'm not worried.

My friends call me (light-heartedly I hope) "the "Joey" of the group.

[Dottie]

"Joey" is sooo 90s. It's called being a "Barney" now.

[Widdi]

"Joey" is sooo 90s. It's called being a "Barney" now.

lol I guess none of my friends watch "How I Met Your Mother".

[blackcauldron85]

Aww, Minnie, that's a great story! Whenever you've mentioned your finance here, you've always seemed so happy! I think it's great when people take chances, and I was kind of stunned when you said that he stayed with you and your mom- my parents would never let someone I met on the Internet stay with us! Heck, my parents don't know that I've met people from the Internet, even though my mom is on a forum and has met other ladies from it, so hmmm...

Rambling, but yeah, cute story!!!

[totallyminnie86]

Yeah, its so hard to tell the story and really get across the point how random and lucky this all is, lol. My mom was always really protective of me growing up, so even though my family was a bit cautious at first (which is natural, I'd be worried if they weren't!) they soon realized this was something incredibly rare and special. Yeah, before he stayed with us, my mom sort of got to know him too, sometimes we'd all talk on the phone together.. and I got to see pictures of his family, and so we'd always ask about what was going on with each other, it was really nice, to feel like you could get to know someone and their daily life that well from so far away! 6 months pretty much, of him being in my/ our lives everyday.. my whole family felt like they already sort of knew him too, lol! I talk to his family all the time, and hopefully I'll be going down there soon. (well, as soon as I can get over my fear of flying that is, lol)

[Siren]

Gravedigging to update...

In the shortest way possible....

The guy at work I liked so much. He had told me he just wanted to be friends and it broke my heart, but I held out hope for a while there. I finally gave up, for real. And eventually, I finally got over him about a month ago. I realized, he and I have nothing in common, I was delusional, lol. He's a nice friend and all, but I am all into conventions, horror movies, tend not to give a rat's behind what people think of me most times...he isn't any of that. He's...well...a stick in the mud. I think he would totally annoy me as a boyfriend. Too worried about what people might think as I saunter through a renn faire dressed as a wench and making revelry. He would be doing a lot of "are you sure your okay doing that?" and "is that allowed?"...he's like, ultra-conservative. And I'm not talking politics. I've dating conservative men too, but at some point, they do "let their hair fall down" for lack of a better term, he doesn't. He's stiff and stoic, and I can't deal with that in a relationship. Its like I'm the dot and he's the line. I want a squiggle, or at least an angle, and he's got no angles.

So anyways, I moved on and stayed friends...like he originally said he wanted to anyways...breaking my heart at the time. I noticed once I started showing outward signs he was not the focus of my attention, he started trying harder to become it and then it just got a bit annoying, but I dealt through it. I and my friends, can only figure...he wants to go out with me, but is on the fence. Well, I got tired of it and got over him. And now it bothers him. We haven't spent every weekend together. Its been a month since we spent time together. And I have asked him over to watch a movie, but he couldn't that night, so its not like I was being mean to him, he's still my friend. Just been busy with family, the horseback riding, theme parks, etc.

So last night, I went on a date...with a friend's son. I use to work with her and now my sister works with her, and she had tried to get us together before without success. But he seemed more forced. This time, he asked for my number....after he heard I had purple hair. So I figured...why not? I'm still on the market, lol. So we went out, compared to the last time, like 5 years ago, this time, we had a connection. We have far more in common. He is more relaxed and humor comes more naturally to him. He also likes horror movies and such. His name is Mike. So before I go out, I get a text from Nick, asking what I was doing that night, I said "going out". I made like 3 posts on my Facebook about going on a date. I made it all pretty clear to the world...I have a date! WOO HOO!...BTW, Mike asked me on a second date. We are going to the movies later this week.

Today at work he asked how my weekend was. I skipped over Saturday night till he asked me point blankly..."So you want out with your friends to McCharacters (local pub)."
"No, I went to Ruby Tuesday for dinner."
"Oh, you went to Ruby Tuesdays with your friends"...he means my girlfriends of course.
*sigh here goes nothing* "No, I went out on a date."
"Oh...OH...Oh...I didn't know you were seeing someone."
"Yeah, well, I was available. He's a long time friend."
And I quickly changed the subject, but it sunk in. At first I felt a bit bad, I think I hurt his feelings and then I did a mental slap on myself and reminded myself, he broke my heart first, played mind games with me, confused the hell out of, can't make up his mind what he wanted, I shouldn't feel that bad. He had his chance and he blew it.

But in the end, I am glad he did. If I was going out with him and realized how little we had in common, I would have broken up with him and it would have caused a rift in friendship...and I work with him 4 days a week. Awkward. Everything happens for a reason and sometimes the people you think you are meant for, you aren't.