Dating

[Siren]

I'm 30 and its scary now as it was when I was 16. Actually, I feel 16 again. After I graduated training, the new training class came in in April and there was this one guy who walked past my desk and into the training room and I couldn't help but think, I wish I got in that class. I see him everyday and as social, loud, and open as I can be with any other person there, I stuck to sideway glances at him while on break. I felt like I was at the lunch room in high school. But I didn't pine for him and dated other people. Almost all the guys I have ever dated, they make the first move. They show me they are interested before I do. I just don't have the courage. So being we never shared more than a passing "Hi" in the hallway, I have reserved myself to just live life as normal. Enjoy my breaks with the friends I made there, but can't drag my feet over to his table and say more than "Hi."

Then the other night, I had gone on a date and it went ok. It was nothing to write home about and there was no sparks. Friends maybe, but that's all. I figured I had a gift card for Walmart, I'd stop by there and buy myself a couple of dvds. Oh and underwear. So there I am with my package of brightly colored underwear and DVDs in hand and we spotted eachother near the lines, which were super long for 9:30PM...never go to walmart then, its crazier than Saturday afternoon. He asked how I was doing and saw the movies and asked what I was getting. As I am paging through the DVDs, Truman Show, Dances with Wolves, and True Blood, there is the package of underwear. I was mortified and spent my time fumbling through the DVDs to keep them as hidden as possible, which was impossible. Of all the times I decide to buy underwear. I might as well had a pack of pads and some bras while I was at it. But during my time of being underwear conscious, I found out we had quite a bit in common. He had a huge cartload of stuff, and I had a handful. Anyone with sense in their head would have been in the express line, but I decided to follow him like a lovesick puppy to the normal line. Besides, the express line was LONGER than the other lines, so I explained I would have to wait just as long anyways. I have a Walmart discount card too, so I gave him my discount. We ring our stuff up, I bury the underwear to the bottom of the bag and we parted ways in the parking lot, where I sat in my van contemplating driving over and giving him my number, but I am a coward. A yellow-lined coward when it comes to being forward to a guy I like. I have a harder time with rejection at the beginning than in the relationship. Its just different. If rejection happens right away, its more self-conscious about how I look, dress, act etc. If its later, then its more about personality differences and I deal far better. And he seems really shy too. But least when he speaks to me, he makes sense. He was a speech major. Me, I am a blabbering idiot. So I drove home after Walmart, no number exchange.

The next day I actually cared about how I dressed. I put on some nicer jeans, a nicer shirt and did my hair. Though I skipped on make-up because its just not my thing much anyways. So I am talking to one of the girls at work about it and she's like, "Oh, that explains the cleavage." LMAO Seriously, I wasn't thinking cleavage, I was just looking for a nicer shirt, rather than a big baggy t-shirt with some funny phrase.
Break time comes and he comes out after me and normally he heads to the left to sit with some other people and he came over and sat with me. We talked for a while and he had to go inside, again, I followed him like a puppy. I get in there and before he can go back to work, I finally stammer, "I didn't have the nerve last night...", I give him one of my business cards and give that line they say in the movies, "That's my number...my personal number.", tell him he can call me sometime, if he'd like. He gets a card out of his wallet with his "personal number".

I get back to my desk, turn to my friend who I talked to before and flash the card at her and shake my chest, "It worked." God, I am such a slut.

He's seen my underwear far sooner than any other guy I have ever gone on a date with too.

LMAO

But come on, share your dating stories, this could be a super fun thread. Just make sure they are not R rated

[PixarFan2006]

That was a great story.

I personally have never been involved in a relationship (I am kind of worried that it won't go well.). I have a hard time talking to other people due to my Autism.

[Siren]

PixarFan, I have known several people who have autism and are in perfectly, normal and happy relationships. I'm 30 and still never been married. You meet the perfect mate when you are meant to, not always when you expect or hope for it. I have found most of the best relationships I had happened when I wasn't looking.

Also, I don't know how old you are, but if you are over 18, I am sure there are places, be them websites or support groups that I bet you can find singles who either have autism or understand it fully and are comfortable with it to have a relationship with someone who has autism. One of the couples I know, he has autism and she does not and they make it work beautifully. If you go one of those routes, always be careful though. VERY careful. Especially online dating stuff. Arrange double dates with a friend for instance. IMO that is the safest way to meet someone the first time.

[pap64]

If you think dating is scary even though you already have experience with dating just imagine how a guy who has NEVER, and I mean NEVER, gone out on a date or even got interested in dating anyone...

[Mason_Ireton]

Yeah I'm the same boat Pap64.....I have various reasons why I never dated, I'll list a few

1. ADHD/Autisc/Asperger Syndrome (makes communication difficult along with recongizing social cues)

2. Come from a family of Special Needs (Major setback for me to date)

3. My past is dark, alil distrubing, but it made me stronger in the end.

4. Somewhat complex to figure out.


It's difficult for a Autisic person to date especialy when We can't realize full social cues and try to maintain ourseleves in various situation.

[pap64]

In my case...

- I was the nerdy/weird kid so very few girls were interested in me in school

- I'm the type of guy who is interested in meeting a girl, not just looking for someone to sleep with, so the search becomes harder when you are trying to find your significant other.

- I don't feel ready to start a relationship

- The mistakes done by my sister and father in their relationships kind of disturbed my views on dating and marriage in general.

[Mason_Ireton]

I wasn't POPULAR either, but I was fairly good at education and such....I kinda blame my family for "tarnishing" my dating ability and yeah it's difficult find a true person to have a strong bond with.


Why does datin have to be so difficult yet enjoyable?

[xxhplinkxx]

CRYSTAL!!!

I LOVED your story!! hahaha! Good thing your brought the girls to work with you that day, they always get the job done!

And honey, you're totally not a slut... take it from someone who knows.

[Elladorine]

I had a lot of social issues when I was younger. Because of my extreme shyness and low self-esteem I didn't date at all throughout school.

I was asked out for the first time when I was 18. And the guy stood me up.

My first actual date didn't happen until I was 23. As the guy drove me around, he accidentally ran over a raccoon. I cringed in my seat, hoping it wasn't a sign.

I think it was actually.

[Siren]

I totally can relate about social issues. I tend to go uber-shy when it comes to someone I like. It takes a few dates to get me to be at a 100% comfort level where I am not prejudging every single thing I plan to say and then judging it even more after I say it. I want to smack myself in the forehead half the time but that would only make me look more insane. Inside I am screaming to make a move and I freeze.

And IMO, when your ready, your ready to date. And I have spent a 3 year hiatus from dating before, so sometimes even though you have dated before, you just need to take a good long break till you are ready to try it again. Dating is literally like fishing. You get a few nibbles now and then, sometimes you might lose a good one, but if you keep at it, your bound to catch one someday.

And let me tell you something about nerdy kids...The guy I am majorly crushing on right now, he is a total nerd. Glasses, all business dressed, etc. While most people there are in jeans and t-shirts and such, he is straight arrow. But I've always been more attracted to nerdy guys. So believe me, there are women out there who love nerdy guys. Heck, Hot Topic sells t-shirts that say "I <3 nerds"

Tonight we went on our first date. We had dinner at Ruby Tuesdays. In our talks on the phone, we discussed our likes/dislikes, including drinking. Neither of us drink much. But I did mention how mudslides are my favorite, so he insisted he treat me to one of those. He paid for dinner too, the whole bill. Didn't let me pay. Total gentleman. We decided to go mini-golf. IMO movies are a terrible idea for a first date or even a second date. Those first few dates should be about you getting to know someone. You can't do that in a theater. So I know he was a golfer and suggested mini-golf just for fun. He takes it entirely too seriously, lol. He had me laughing the whole time because he is all stoic and professional about it. He was having fun certainly, but it was funny to see someone take it so seriously. This coming from someone who feels if the ball is within a hair of being in the hole, it should be considered in the hole. Hehehe. He won the game, by just 5 points though, so I kept up pretty well. He drove me home, we discussed going out again, a hug, a kiss, yeah

[xxhplinkxx]

I tend to go uber-shy when it comes to someone I like. It takes a few dates to get me to be at a 100% comfort level where I am not prejudging every single thing I plan to say and then judging it even more after I say it. I want to smack myself in the forehead half the time but that would only make me look more insane. Inside I am screaming to make a move and I freeze.

UGH! ME TOO! I hate that and no matter how much I say I won't do it, I do it EVERY. SINGLE. TIME!

He drove me home, we discussed going out again, a hug, a kiss, yeah

WOOOOOO!!!!

[Gurgi30]

I would love to contribute to this thread but seperating from a 10-year marriage and 15-year relationship is tough enough without adding more stress to it. My wife or ex as she likes to say, technically we are still married, has been dating for about 6 months now and all of my friends and family say I should start dating again. I just don't think I'm ready.

Like most of you it seems though I have issues with approaching people about going on a date and somehow it just doesn't seem right since I am still married.

Oh well, maybe sometime soon I can contribute here. Thanks for the story though Siren.

[blackcauldron85]

Aww, I'm so glad everything's going well so far, Crystal!!! I'm happy for you!

As far as dating goes, I dated a lot in my teenage years (I had stages- guys my age, then guys younger than me, then guys older than me- it just worked out that way). Then I got married at 20, which probably didn't surprise anyone, haha. And if you know me at all, you've read my rants. I don't think that getting married at a young age is necessarily a good thing.

As far as approaching someone you like, in the words of Nike, just do it! You have nothing to lose. If the person is rude to you, then they're so not worth you crushing on! I'm the girl who would write notes to guys I like...I can be a quiet person, but I'm not necessarily shy around people I know (strangers are another thing!). If you never try, you'll never know!

[Siren]

I tend to be attracted to guys older than me. Its just, most the guys I met my age or younger and still in a world of stupid. No offense to any guys here. Not sure if it has to do with where I live or what. We are near Daytona, party central in Florida. I am just more a homebody. Or prefer doing things like taking a walk on a quiet beach, mini-golf, walking down the old streets of St. Augustine, etc. I despise clubs. I don't smoke. I rarely drink. Seriously, I have maybe 4 drinks, a YEAR. I usually drive, so I don't want to kill someone or get a DUI. So I prefer to sip on some soda all night.

And yeah, I try to approach first, but I'll probably just embarrass myself. As it was, that night at Walmart, I had liquid courage in me. After the failed date, I didn't feel like going home. So I stopped at Starbucks, sucked down a Cafe Mocha and sat in my van contemplating what to do with the rest of my failed evening. I had a Walmart gift card in my pocket and figured I'd drive up there for a few movies. Spending money on myself always makes me feel better, lol. And it just goes to prove my theory about fate. If the date went well, I'd never have gone to Walmart. If I decided to just go home after the bad date, I'd never have gone to Walmart. If I decided not to get the Starbucks coffee, I wouldn't have been hyper enough to gave the courage to talk to him. Then again the coffee made me sound more stupid. LOL Instead of just not knowing what to say, I couldn't stop myself and my words ran into each other. Frankly, the coffee made me twitterpatted, Hell I wanted to kiss him then and there in front of Walmart. I got home and could not sleep all night. Between the coffee and thinking of him, my mind was racing. I went through every scenerio in every romantic comedy with him and I playing the characters. Screaming in pleasure at the mall to fighting over pushing the toast down in the toaster twice.

I got some courage again today to test the waters for a second date. We both have work tomorrow, and he isn't quite the night owl I am. We just got a new big screen tv and living room set, so I figured I'd invite him over for a movie tonight. I told him I liked baking yesterday so I am gonna break some brownies.

I also agree getting married young is not always a good idea. It certainly can turn out perfect, but a majority of the time, it doesn't. We need to grow up before we are ready to commit. Commit to not only just one person, but a family. So many divorces these days happen very very young. I was saying for years I wanted to be married by 30. I've pushed that back to 35, and now I am just, I'll get married whenever its right. But I'd like to be married before I am 40

[pap64]

I tend to be attracted to guys older than me. Its just, most the guys I met my age or younger and still in a world of stupid. No offense to any guys here. Not sure if it has to do with where I live or what. We are near Daytona, party central in Florida. I am just more a homebody. Or prefer doing things like taking a walk on a quiet beach, mini-golf, walking down the old streets of St. Augustine, etc. I despise clubs. I don't smoke. I rarely drink. Seriously, I have maybe 4 drinks, a YEAR. I usually drive, so I don't want to kill someone or get a DUI. So I prefer to sip on some soda all night.

And yeah, I try to approach first, but I'll probably just embarrass myself. As it was, that night at Walmart, I had liquid courage in me. After the failed date, I didn't feel like going home. So I stopped at Starbucks, sucked down a Cafe Mocha and sat in my van contemplating what to do with the rest of my failed evening. I had a Walmart gift card in my pocket and figured I'd drive up there for a few movies. Spending money on myself always makes me feel better, lol. And it just goes to prove my theory about fate. If the date went well, I'd never have gone to Walmart. If I decided to just go home after the bad date, I'd never have gone to Walmart. If I decided not to get the Starbucks coffee, I wouldn't have been hyper enough to gave the courage to talk to him. Then again the coffee made me sound more stupid. LOL Instead of just not knowing what to say, I couldn't stop myself and my words ran into each other. Frankly, the coffee made me twitterpatted, Hell I wanted to kiss him then and there in front of Walmart. I got home and could not sleep all night. Between the coffee and thinking of him, my mind was racing. I went through every scenerio in every romantic comedy with him and I playing the characters. Screaming in pleasure at the mall to fighting over pushing the toast down in the toaster twice.

I got some courage again today to test the waters for a second date. We both have work tomorrow, and he isn't quite the night owl I am. We just got a new big screen tv and living room set, so I figured I'd invite him over for a movie tonight. I told him I liked baking yesterday so I am gonna break some brownies.

I also agree getting married young is not always a good idea. It certainly can turn out perfect, but a majority of the time, it doesn't. We need to grow up before we are ready to commit. Commit to not only just one person, but a family. So many divorces these days happen very very young. I was saying for years I wanted to be married by 30. I've pushed that back to 35, and now I am just, I'll get married whenever its right. But I'd like to be married before I am 40

Good to know I am not the only human being who despises what I like to call "Meat Markets", AKA clubs and bars. My hate is because I have friends whose first attempt at meeting people was bar hopping and getting drunk like crazy. Save for one of them they have been able to find people OUTSIDE bars and clubs and are happy.

Not to mention that you usually find the wrong kind of people at bars and clubs.

[Mayhem]

Nice to hear things are going well for you Crystal

Actually your story about the underwear reminded me of something similar way back in one relationship. We were in the very early stage (we'd only really kissed up to this point) and I was visiting her place (well, her parents as she was still at home) and out there in the garden was a washing line with some of her underwear on it (and before you go there, yes it was hers as her mother was a lot larger!). Attempting not to be crude here, but I'm sure I'll fail miserably... I liked what I saw

I've pushed that back to 35, and now I am just, I'll get married whenever its right. But I'd like to be married before I am 40

How am I feeling?! I'm almost 35 now and still unmarried... then again I'm a guy and there doesn't seem to be as much pressure on us to believe we're over the hills by the time the 30 years roll in... still, I hold the same aspiration; I would like to have that part sorted by the time I'm 40

(not for the lack of trying mind you, girlfriends come and sadly girlfriends go too)

[blackcauldron85]

Good to know I am not the only human being who despises what I like to call "Meat Markets", AKA clubs and bars. My hate is because I have friends whose first attempt at meeting people was bar hopping and getting drunk like crazy. Save for one of them they have been able to find people OUTSIDE bars and clubs and are happy.

Not to mention that you usually find the wrong kind of people at bars and clubs.

I don't go to clubs or bars, either- I don't drink, I don't like drunk people, and it's just not a great atmosphere, at least for me.

Grocery stores are a great way to meet people- I dated many guys I worked with and there were many others I would have had it all worked out right or had I been single. Good times.

There are so many people out there in the world. I don't believe in soulmates- I think that there are so many people you could have a great relationship with. There are definitely people I meet who, had I been single, I would've gotten to know better. What could've been... And back in my teenage cashier days, it was almost like I had a waiting list- I knew who I wanted to go out with next after my current relationship fizzled. Again, good times.

Confidence is definitely key- even if you are really unsure inside, approach the person in a confident (but not cocky!) manner. Just be yourself, but be confident. I like to play this game while waiting in line for things, or waiting for food at a restaurant, especially if I'm hanging out with people I don't know as well as others (it has limited appeal if just Bobby and I are playing, since we know each other pretty well)- it's the What's Your Favorite... game. Just pick a category and get to know the other person. Everything from "what's your favorite color/food/band/rock formation"...whatever! It's a great ice breaker (but they might think you strange at first if all of a sudden you just start a game...). I'm a big supporter of just being yourself and if someone else doesn't like you for you, then they're not worth your time. I'm the type of person who is very childish and will play games and whatnot...it's all about finding what ice breakers work best for you. So, if you meet someone you like and don't know what to say, you could try the What's Your Favorite... game!

[CampbellzSoup]

You know...

I actually like dating and dislike dating...I'm a hermit, meaning that I actually like being by myself, however I don't mind occasionally going out with someone or being affectioate once in awhile...I just dont like the feeling of having someone to answer to all the time, someone to monitor where I am or who I'm with, and most of all I just like my space.

However, I am sadly seeing someone now haha who is taking up my space.

My pros and cons:

+ someone to talk to
+ someone to do things with
+ someone to be affectionate with
+ holding hands and going places
+ having somoene make you feel secure
+ sharing your life with someone

cons:
- as a man you have to pay for everything so ugh a big chunk of my paycheck is gone
- answering to someone all the time
- forfitting a LOT of your free rights to see what they want instead
- dealing with relationship drama which is the WORST

Overall I'll settle down eventually, but for now I like my space/being alone.

[dvdjunkie]

Isn't youth wonderful?? It' s too bad that it is wasted on the young people who don't know what dating and relationships are all about. Gay or straight, a relationship is between two people, not just one, and it is not 'sharing' space in your life, it is making room in your life for that other person. And handicaps are just excuses to hide behind. The only person who is handicapped is you, and your self esteem. If you are under the age of 16, you shouldn't be worried about dating at this stage of your life, you need to be finding who you are, and what you want from life. If you are over 18 and still haven't found that one person, that's okay. You don't have to marry the first person you meet. And don't judge people because your parents or a sibling made a bad choice. You are your own person and it is your life to live and make what you want of it. 'Woe is me' doesn't work in a relationship anymore. And when that right person comes along, remember it is friendship first, the person you make a commitment to had better be one of your best friends, ever.

There is a saying that my grandmother taught me when I was a little boy, that you only meet five true friends in your lifetime - five!!! So you first must define friendship in your circle of friends. A true friend would take a bullet for you!! A true friend would stop what they are doing and come to your aid whenever you need them. A true friend won't talk behind your back about anything.

Something to think about as you grow up, and begin looking for that life partner you desire. It doesn't have to happen today, or even tomorrow and don't panic if it doesn't happen in the next year. Life has a purpose and when you find out exactly what that purpose is, then you have a head start on finding that 'significant other' in your life.

I am talking from true experience here. My first wife and I dated for exactly five years, and our marriage lasted five year and 17 days. Not from lack of trying, but because of all sorts of problems that got in the way of our being truly happy, and the death of our 2-year-old son didn't help matter in any way.

Today I can say that I have truly been happily married for forty years to a wonderful lady who I met on a Thursday night at 10:30 pm and married less than two days later on Saturday at 9 a.m. We have a son and twin daughters and 10 grandchildren, whom I adore with every minute of my life. My wife is my best friend, and I know that I am hers.

So quit hiding behind your 'faults', and get out there and ask that special person to just go out for a burger and a movie. You can call it a date, or whatever you want, but it is a start, and all things have a beginning.

[Dottie]

This is a really nice topic and I love everyone's stories.

So, about me. First let me say that I like the idea of dating, the way it is done in the US ,a lot. Going out for dinner or a movie to get to know one another is just great. Sadly, in Germany this isn't done a lot. German men just don't know what dating is and usually the only way to meet someone is at a party or some club etc. (at least if you're under 25 and not working).
I am not somebody who likes going to parties a lot and I am not one of those girls who are easy to get, far from it, I am actually very shy around men.
So, I've actually never been on a date, gosh I haven't even made out with anyone in my life (and I am already 20).
Call me old-fashioned, but I am always waiting for the waah-wah-woom thing to hit me when I see someone that I might like. Or probably I am just too picky. But then again, if I go out (which I do more ever since I started college) I basically never get hit on, although I don't even think I am that un-pretty.
So, yeah, sometimes I feel a little lonely, but then again I am a person who sometimes just needs some time alone and I would need a partner who could respect that or somebody who was so like me I wouldn't mind spending a whole lot of time with.