Princesses and heroines's Unenchanted Tales

[Disney Duster]

Just read Lizzie's tale now, it was funny and good! I like how she wanted to be a pirate, and stole Will's coin. In the movie, how does she get the coin? It's like she really stole it! I like how she fell in love but the man died, so now there can be an other Enchanted Tale for her!

[Ariel'sprince]

I"m glad you liked it .
In the film when they were little he was on the water and brought him to her ship and when she saw the coin she took it to hide it so they crew in the ship were she was won't think he's a pirate,thought I need to see it again.
Yeah,I wanted to make something with Dead Man's Chest and At World's End so she can fall in love with Davy Jones and I thought of making her kill him and become the ruler of the oceans like she always wanted.
I was thinking of editing-When she meets Norrington I tought of making her fall into the water because she tried to kill herself,should I add that?.

[Ariel'sprince]

My Cinderella's Unenchanted Tale:
"My name is Cinderella,I like this name thought it sounds like cinders,oh well,when I was little my papa merried some hag named Lady Tramine and she had 2 daughters-Anastasia and Drezilla and he so busy with them all the time and I wasn't his little princess anymore,I was so angry! so I decided to send my birds to eat him!!!! yes!!! HOW COULD HE???? where were we? oh yeah,so I lived with my stupid stepmother and my stupid stepsisters,they paid me money for cleaning their house and I did wonderful things to them like putting mice in their teacups and chicken food in their bras,that was fun,I also had many mice and birds and there's also a dog named bruno and a hourse called Major.
One day I was cleaning the floor but that stupid Lucifer (My stepmother's cat,I once tried to throw him in the fountain but luckey for him Lady Tramine) made the floor dirty,I had it!!! I wanted to make gloves from him like I planned from the moment I first saw him but then someone knocked the door and we got an invitation to a ball at the palace where Prince Charming will choose his bird,oooh! I can kill him and have all of his cash! I asked my stepmom to go to the ball but she still I can go if I"ll get my work done,I should have known she planned *too much* work for me,but my mice made me a dress but then my stepsisters ripped it off! so I want outside,thinking how to get to the ball and then some evil witch came in! but she turned out to be my fairy godmother which I didn't knew I have,she turned a pumpkin into a coach,mice into hourses,the hourse into a coachman Bruno into... well... oh,I don't know why she needed him,and give me a much better dress but I hate this thing on my hair that looks like I have earphone,she told that the spell will be broke in midnight,oh well,at the ball I met my one true love... the Duke! but then this stupid Prince Charming (Don't ask me how he got that name,there was nothing charming about him) came and we danced I was pretending I was in love with him,and we danced,then he almost kiseed,what do to? tell him that I don't like him? then midnight came and I was on my way but I lost my slipper thought one didn't changed with the spell.
The other day Prince Alarming came to find me with my lost slipper,I knew Lady Tramine will make me work more so I tried to get her attention,make her follow me to my room and then lock her in,I even sang to draw her attention but when we were at my room... she locked me up,what I was planning to do to her her,I tried to destory the door but nothing worked,the mice got the key but Lucifer captured Gus who had the key,so I told the birds Bruno (Because he always wanted to kill Lucifer),he pushed Lucifer out of the window,I knew that now I could made gloves from him,anyway I went down and tried to put the slipper on put my stepmother broke it,I had the other slipper anyway.
I merried Prince Alarming just like I planned,after a month I killed him by putting poison in his tea and I did the same for his father,and I became the queen of Castle Of Dreams,the mice,the birds,Bruno and Major lived at my castle,I was merried to the Duke and oh,Lucifer turned into my new gloves,and I lived happily ever after".

[pap64]

I like these!

Here's my un-enchanted tale: Belle

*WARNING: The following contains a very rude, crude and poorly written interpretation of a popular Disney character. Ultimate Disney has nothing to do with the author's creation. Viewer discretion is advised.

"Hello, my name is Belle, which means Beauty. Yes, I am so pretty that my parents gave me an adjective for a name!

Me and my father moved to the little village when I was a young girl. I hated it back then and still hate it now. There's very few people to engage a smart conversation with. They are either gossiping about the baker's wife sleeping with the butcher or some stupid crap like that.

Then there was this jerk named Gaston. Don't get me wrong, I thought he was hot but was a MAJOR MANWHORE!

Seriously, before he even met me he slept with nearly every woman in the village. Lord knows the type of STDs he might be carrying. *Shudder

Anyways, one day I lead my father to believe that he had FINALLY created a winning invention so I sent him to the fair so I could finally get some silence and catch up on my stories.

Then our horse came back and I decided to check on the old man because if I didn't find him people would accuse me of murder!

So I end up at this creepy old castle and find my father all locked up. I then met this bitchy old guy who kept yelling at me and my father. I thought he was weird so I told him to show his face...AND THE MAN'S A FREAK SHOW!

He was part gorilla, part buffalo, part man, part bear...man bear pig? Anyways, when I saw that I fell IN LOVE with him.

Truth to be told...I LOVE big, hairy men. I love being treated like a chew toy by men twice my size. "But what about Gaston?" you ask. Well, not only is he a man whore...I think he is secretly gay. Someone that loves themselves THAT much must be gay...

So I made up the whole "noble daughter" act and convinced him to let my father go while I stayed as a prisoner. When he agreed I nearly wet myself in anticipation.

Over the next few days I got to know him, he was cute, he rubbed my feet, I played with his hair. We DID talk about doing it...but agreed it was too early for it.

Then we had this lovely feast and dance, and all of it was ruined thanks to my father...

I don't remember what happened exactly, but all I know is that Gaston went up to fight Beast and prove his non-existent manliness, but got killed in the process. Pathetic.

But in the battle Gaston had stabbed Beast, and died afterwards. I was SO heartbroken...but on the plus side I was going to have a great fur coat!

But all of a sudden, his corpse starts floating in mid air and a fireworks show begins.

When it was over, this man turns to me and says "Belle, its me!". I look closer and realized...OH...MY...GOD.

My beautiful, big, fat, hairy, smelly and ill behaved beast turned into a queer prince. WTF!

I honestly wanted to kill him in the post. Here I am, warming up to the greatest guy ever only to become yet another pretty boy. Man, how can Snow White and Cinderella put up with this crap!

What hurts me even more is that he and the servants knew all along this would happen. I was used to get rid of a curse. Beast didn't love me, he only love the opportunity of being human again. He says that he does love me, but I'm not buying it. I am a modern woman.

I decided to marry him, because I rather sleep with a pretty boy than being the poor inventor's daughter. But everyday when we are asleep I look at him and remember that beautiful animal who had the potential to rock my world.

Looking back, maybe I should have married Gaston. Gay or not, at least HE knew how to treat a woman.

*Sigh...

THE END!

[Ariel'sprince]

Oh gosh,pap64,that was hilarious ,the whole story was really funny .
Can you do another one? (You can do about heroines you love).

[Ariel'sprince]

Snow White's Unenchanted Tale:
"My name is Snow White,but you can call me Snow,I remember someone called me So White,who was that again? anyway I got this name because my mother thought my skin is almost white like snow,and then she died,when I was a little kid I was father's little princess and all of his cash will be mine the day he"ll die,but one day he merried that stupid bimbo and she became my stepmother which means she"ll get some of money! I was angry I put poison in father's tea,but after he died it turns out she didn't wanted any of our money at all so everything was mine! yay!,years has past and she wasn't so bad,she was at her bedroom all day (And I had no idea what she doing there) and I was cleaning around to get money.
One day I was cleaning around and those stupid birds couldn't stop looking at me,so I told him that the well in the castle is a wishing well,and when they won't look I"ll throw them inside! so I wished one true love for more money,and then this queer prince showed up! I realized that he's a raper and so I ran into the castle but then he started to sing to make me come down,so I send a bird to kiss him that hopefully he"ll get sick.
The day after my stepmom told me that wants to decorate the ballroom or something like that so she send me and the woodsman to pick up some flowers,I picked a few flowers but I heard an annyoing bird crying,I send her away and then I heard someone sneaks behind me! it was the woodsman! I whould have ran away but I was so scared and shocked that all I could do is standing there,the woodsman threw the knife and start crying and wipe his nose with my dress! eeew!!! he told that my that my stepmother wants to kill me! I knew she was after my money! I ran and saw all those animale and started to scream because I thought they whould eat me! then I realized they"re okay and I asked to help me find a place to stay,they showed me a little cottage but it was so dirty we had to clean it,after the cleaning I went asleep and after a while it turns out that 7 little dwarfs lives there so I told I"ll clean around and make food if they"ll let me stay,they agreed but they didn't knew I planned to kill them and have their house,after I made a soup they got high and started dancing,wow,I just gave them soup.
And the other they told me that I not to open the door to anyone beside but who cares what they say? I made my self a pie and then some old hag
offered me to buy some apple but the animales attacked her because they wanted to keep my money safe so she deicded to give me the apple for free,after she left I ate the apple and it was bad,so I decided to pretend that they apple was poisned and I fell alseep so I won't clean around and make food,those stupid dwarfs put me in a glass box with smelly flowers,I couldn't breath inside and those flowers didn't helped!.
The day the raper from earlier came and now I tell you how I know he was a raper-He thought that I was dead and he kissed me,bahh!!!!,so I decided to merry him,then kill him and get all of his money,I "woked up" and everyone were happy.
Before we went to his castle I told him that I need to visit my castle first,while checking the castle I decided to check my stepmother's room and the weirdest thing happened-She wasn't there,I decided to take one of her jewels that I always and then noticed some door I have never seen before,I walked in and found some dusty room with a gaint mirror,I walked into the mirror and the mirror turned out to be alive and you know what? I fell in love with him! he was the perfact groom! he explained me that my stepmother wanted to be the fairest maiden in the land or something like that and I was the fairst one and that's why she tried to kill me and after the dwarfs saw her when they came back whem,she ran away and died on her way,anyway I used one of my stepmother's potion to kill the prince,and I had all of his money and I became the queen of my castle.
And the mirror and I lived happily ever after".

[pap64]

Oh gosh,pap64,that was hilarious ,the whole story was really funny .
Can you do another one? (You can do about heroines you love).

Glad you liked it!

Here's one starring Cinderella, but this one's going to be different. Its my interpretation of what happened after the slipper fit Cinderella.

The celebration:

Cinderella: But you see, I have the other slipper

Lady Tremaine: OMFG!!!

Step sisters: NO WAY!

Grand Duke: YES! I can finally end this stupid search!

*The Grand Duke proceeds to put the slipper on

Grand Duke: I officially declare that this young maiden is to wed the Prince! What do you have to say, beautiful maiden?

Cinderella: Wow...all I must say is...

*Stands up, then points to Lady Tremaine and the Stepsisters

Cinderella: IN YOUR FACE!!!!!!!!!!

*Cinderella then proceeds to dance and sing around, proclaiming her victory over her step family

Cinderella: Hey Anastasia! As someone that has done your laundry all these years I have some great advice...There's a solution to those red stains on your underwear...ITS CALLED TAMPONS!!! HAHAHAHAHAHA!!

Drizella: HAHAHA! THAT'S SO TRUE!

Cinderella: What are you laughing at, Miss "I wet the bed"?

*Anastasia and Drizella look embarrassed. Lady Tremain looks furious as Cinderella continues to do a victory lap around the living room

Cinderella: oh Step-Mother! You look upset! Here, have some warm tea!

*Cinderella picks up the tea kettle and tea cup and fills it with tea. As she approaches Lady Tremaine she pretends to trip and spills tea all over the Stepmother

Cinderella:...I'm not cleaning that. It ain't my job anymore! HAH!

Lady Tremaine: WHY YOU LITTLE BRAT I'LL WRING YOUR NECK!

Cinderella: Ah ah ah! I'm royalty now! Which means touch me and I'll have you killed! Now Dukey, escort me to the palace! I have a Prince whose world needs to be rocked!

Grand Duke: Yes sir!

*Cinderella and the Grand Duke happily storm to the coach, singing "We are the champions"

Lady Tremaine: ...I knew I should have killed her when I had the chance.

THE END!

[Disney Duster]

Oh, so that's why she hid the pirate coin, thanks Sprince. You can add her killing herself by editing the story, but I like it with her trying to swim away, too.

I like your new stories. Cinderella killing her dad because he wouldn't pay attention to her kind of fits with the Grimm's version where Cinderella's father started to love his stepfamily more than his own daughter. I especially liked all the stuff she wanted to do with Lucifer, and her headphones, and Prince Alarming (like that Beauty and the Beast lyric!), and the whole happily ever after where she killed everyone to become queen.

You made Cinderella and Snow White work to get money, which is a positive thing for people. The Prince totally is like a raper, especially with him kissing a dead girl, haha! I like how the bird was supposed to make him sick! And the huntsman does look like he wipes his nose on her dress in the film! I really liked the end, where the birds protect Snow White's money, and then she eats the apple to stop doing things for the dwarfs, and then she falls in love with the magic mirror and poisons the prince just like the queen tried on her. I realized, Snow White could fall in love with the mirror because he says she's the fairest one of all like he's complimenting her!

Pap, I liked your stories, too, though Belle's a lot more than Cinderella's. I like how Belle hated stupid gossip and "crap like that"! I hope it's just for the story that Gaston is a manwhore, 'cause originally no girl was good enough for him except Belle. I liked Belle's whole plan, getting rid of her father by saying he finally made one good invention, and she would get accused of murder if she didn't find him! And the best part was she loved the Beast partly for how he looked, though also how he acted, treating her like she wanted. It brings up a point I had previously thought of, if he changes into a prince, it's kind of not fair to Belle because he's not exactly the man she fell for, even though it's just in looks by the end of the original film.

[Ariel'sprince]

Oh, so that's why she hid the pirate coin, thanks Sprince. You can add her killing herself by editing the story, but I like it with her trying to swim away, too.

I like your new stories. Cinderella killing her dad because he wouldn't pay attention to her kind of fits with the Grimm's version where Cinderella's father started to love his stepfamily more than his own daughter. I especially liked all the stuff she wanted to do with Lucifer, and her headphones, and Prince Alarming (like that Beauty and the Beast lyric!), and the whole happily ever after where she killed everyone to become queen.

You made Cinderella and Snow White work to get money, which is a positive thing for people. The Prince totally is like a raper, especially with him kissing a dead girl, haha! I like how the bird was supposed to make him sick! And the huntsma does look like he wipes his nose on her dress in the film! I really liked the end, where the birds protect Snow White's money, and then she eats the apple to stop doing things for the dwarfs, and then she falls in love with the magic mirror and poisons the prince just like the queen tried on her. I realized, Snow White could fall in love with the mirror because he says she's the fairest one of all like he's complimenting her!.

You"re wellcome then I"ll keep her trying to swim away (I thought that trying to kill herself is funnier).
I"m glad that you liked my stories in the Grimm's story he started to hate her? (When the Prince was there he told him that he has his own daughter but he told him that she's too poor to show her,what a stupid father).
I thought that they were so greedy they just cared for the money.
Were the stories funny thought?.
And I think I"ll start another Ariel's Unenchanted Tale with Ariel's Beginning.

[Disney Duster]

Well, you're right, her trying to kill herself is funnier, I was saying her swimming away is also funny and she gets to stay alive, but it's your choice.

Yea, in the Grimm's version the father starts loving the stepfamily more, they probably did that to him.

Your stories are funny, yes! And I would love to hear your version of Ariel's Beginning.

[pap64]

Disney Duster: Thanks for the kind words.

About Gaston being a "manwhore": Yes, it was all for parody's sake. However, he always struck me as the type of guy that is so sure and full of himself that he would sleep with anyone, then say that the girl wasn't good enough for him.

And Belle liking the Prince more as a Beast, well I confess I drew the inspiration from the many discussions we had on the matter. Plus, I know a lot of BotB fans feel the same way, so I felt like making Belle actually enjoy the Beast as, well, THE Beast.

[Disney Duster]

Oh, pap, you would be delighted to know I've heard many people, including Sprince, think the Prince is ugly, and he should have stayed the Beast! He is rather cute, but I think I would be okay with either one. It's be cool if he could switch looks for whatever mood Belle's in...!

[pap64]

Oh, pap, you would be delighted to know I've heard many people, including Sprince, think the Prince is ugly, and he should have stayed the Beast! He is rather cute, but I think I would be okay with either one. It's be cool if he could switch looks for whatever mood Belle's in...!

Prince Adam mode: For long walks, nice chat, shopping and ruling a kingdom

Beast mode: For wild sex, cold nights and when you want something to hug and cuddle

I think the problem is that Disney made Beast too much of a beast and the Prince too pretty.

If I am not mistaken, the Beast in the original stories only looked like a Beast, but was pretty much human, right down to mannerisms and language. Take a look at the Ron Perlman and Linda Hamilton version. Yes, he still behaved beastly and had the face and claw of a lion, but if Linda kissed him it wouldn't be gross or "wrong". Disney's Beast, however, was too gruesome. Just look at how he ate oatmeal! So I wouldn't be surprised if Disney decided to downplay the affection in fear that people would find something wrong with it.

As for the Prince...You know how when the servants turned human they still retained many aspects of their enchanted forms? Well, I think human Beast needed more wild hair, be physically built (this prince looks big, but not buff, if you get what I mean), a deeper voice and maybe even have facial hair (a goatee, a trimmed beard etc.). That way, he would have been a handsome Prince, but still a lovable Beast. Not fugly or anything like that, but not the typical pretty looking prince, someone that would make people think "Yep, that's someone only Belle would fall in love with...".

But this is just me...

[Flanger-Hanger]

Prudence: Alright Eilonwy, do you have any suggestions?

Eilonwy: 'Bout what?

Prudence: The plan? Yo know, the way of getting Disney to recognize more obscure charactres through merchandise?

Eilonwy: Lady, that was like a year ago, does anyone care at this point?

Gizmoduck: WHERE ARE THERE NO ORANGE LEGO PIECES?

Rita: It's legos dude.

*Gizmoduck slaps Rita for making such an obviously stupid statement*

Prudence: Ugh.

Eilonwy: Wait I have an idea!

Gizmoduck: Orange paint!

Eilonwy: NO! Look there's one guy in the company who they got to listen too, because whatever he says can make the CEO *Snow White screams* do just that.

Frou-Frou: Who?

Eilonwy: His cage is on the 3rd floor.

*Prudence and Eilonwy take the elevator which has a nice elevator cover version of "Part of Your World" playing*

Eilonwy: I love this song!

Prudence: I can take it or leave it.

* they reach the third floor which strangely resembles The West Wing from BatB artifacts and characters are scattered about, including Jack Pumpkinhead, The Rocketeer's helmet and jet pack, B.O.B., MMC posters, devils from Mr. Toad's Wild Ride and all the subs from 20K. A cage is in the middle.*

Eilonwy: He's right here, you can see with my bauble.

Prudence: Wait you can do magic? Why not just roast the CEO *Snow White screams*?

Eilonwy: I'm not that powerful. Anyway, ah, here it is! *she squats down to speak to th individual inside* Hi there, I'm Princess Eilonwy. We'd like to have your help.

voice inside: For what? Wait! Don't make me do it! NOT A FOURTH ONE! *the individual inside bangs on the iron bars as he cries out for help, he then calms down and crawls into a ball*

Prudence: *walks over and sees the individual under the baubles light* Zac Efron?

Zac: You! You stay away you! I want no part in this plot!

Eilonwy: But we want to help you as much as you want out. This is Prudence here, remember Cinderellas 2 and 3?

Zac: Ya.

Eilonwy: Well were here because we want Disney and namely the CEO *Snow White screams* OK does she have to do that every time!

Zac: It's better than hearing her sing.

Prudence: Amen to that!

Eilonwy: look the point is since your the one who always seems to make money, which Disney loves, you could convince them to help us in our cause. Please, if you do this to us we promise that you'll never have to live in this cage again and eat....from a dog bowl!?

Zac: Actually, that was my idea. I think plates harm the rain forests by representing clear cutting of trees.

Eilonwy: *to Prudence* he's worse than Gizmoduck, he could certainly use our help. *back to Zac* So is it a deal?

Zac: Sure, anything to prevent me from doing more touring to promote number 3.

[Ariel'sprince]

Well, you're right, her trying to kill herself is funnier, I was saying her swimming away is also funny and she gets to stay alive, but it's your choice.

Yea, in the Grimm's version the father starts loving the stepfamily more, they probably did that to him.

Your stories are funny, yes! And I would love to hear your version of Ariel's Beginning.

Oh,okay then I might edit that .
Poor Cinderella,but I think that in the end the birds pokes the stepfamily's eyes,do they poke his eyes too?.
I"m glad that you think so okay,I"ll also make an Ariel's Beginning story thanks so much for reading and enjoying the stories and I whould also like to see your Unenchanted Tales.
Flanger-Hanger,I"m glad to read more of your story I think it whould be funny if you"ll add Hannah Montana in it (She can help them or try to stop them ).

[Disney Duster]

Actually pap I like the Prince as he is. It makes it feel more like a fairy tale. Morally wrong or not, Disney's fairy tales are about looking graceful and beautiful. I know it sounds different from what I said before, but I am fine with keeping the part where the beast becomes a prince. At least the new wave of Disney artists sticked to past Disney traditions with that.

However, I will admit that for the people who love the film for saying it doesn't matter what you look like, the film and it's characters looking beautiful perhaps should be eradicated, to keep with the message. So maybe the prince wouldn't be too hot, but be vain and beastly anyway. Or maybe they should have used some kind of cinematic tricks to never see his face or buff bod. Just close ups of his eyes, far away shots, shadowy lighting...

Or perhaps Belle should have really shown hate for beastly looks or pretty looks, only liking skinny nerdy guys or something, so that we know when she gets that prince, she actually wished that he didn't look that way either, but it doesn't matter because he still has his inside. Besides, they have the same eyes...maybe the movie tells you you can love someone for their eyes.

OR maybe the magic spell would just revive the prince, because he could say, "Belle, you make me feel human!" But I suppose it's about returning to exactly the way you used to be, being yourself.

I would say the problem with the messages of Beauty and the Beast may be that they are...convoluted and confusing. But maybe that's only under too much deep thinking/analyzing/is it even the right thinking?

As for how the servants looked...well, since the Prince was merely turned into a beast for acting beastly, none of them acted like clocks or candles unless I guess Lumiere was fiery, but basically how they were before determined how they would be under enchantment. But for the prince, it was all inside, not how he looked outside, no wild hair. The only thing is he's the buffest of the Disney princes, so he has the beastliest body and that makes sense.

Andf I would kiss the Beast because I thought his thing with the oatmeal was cute!

Flam-Ham, so glad you are continuing your story, and that was just as funny as they've all been...which is a lot, so you know!

Sprince, the birds only pecked out the stepsisters' eyes. Thanks for your interest in more of my Enchanted Tales, we'll see if I get ideas, and can't wait for more of yours.

[Escapay]

Every time I think about Beauty and the Beast now, I remember Miss Pettigrew Lives For A Day and Delysia LaFosse's line: "There is something so sensual about fur next to the skin, don't you think?"



albert

[Ariel'sprince]

About the Beauty And The Beast topic-Maybe it's about her falling in love with the Adam? who Adam really is?.

Sprince, the birds only pecked out the stepsisters' eyes. Thanks for your interest in more of my Unechanted Tales, we'll see if I get ideas, and can't wait for more of yours.

Oh,why not the stepmother's eyes too?.
You"re wellcome I think that you should make an Unenchanted Tales about Jasmine,you can do something really funny with her,did you liked my Jasmine's Unenchanted?.
Thanks I"m glad that you can't wait for more of my UT.

[Disney Duster]

Well I think the stepsisters just go to the wedding, maybe to get Cinderella to give them something or just be at the palace and have a good time and that's when the birds peck out their eyes.

In the Perrault version, Cinderella actually forgives them and gives them rooms in the castle and helps them find men to marry.

I liked Jasmine's, though it was actually a little confusing but I still got most of it and it was funny. The best part was Jasmine attacked the prince, not Rajah! I also especially liked Jafar being the Snack of the Desert!

I'll post if I have a lot of time and get ideas.

[pap64]

In the Perrault version, Cinderella actually forgives them and gives them rooms in the castle and helps them find men to marry.

Heh, and to think some people hate the idea of Cinderella helping out Anastasia in the sequels .