What Disney Characters Will Never Say

[Inuyashasgirl_1323]

*just something I thought of to pass the time away.. Yeah ok I'll admit that this is the cause of boredom...*

Ariel: my milkshake brings all the fishboys to my waters and there like its better then yours, damn right its better then yours, I could teach you, but i'd have to charge!!

Alice: So, Ariel does that mean your a hoe??

Ariel: No it just means I'm hotter then you....

Alice: You wish... Just because you go around half naked dont mean that you have to rub it in our face... Damn your such a hoe...

Ariel: So what who cares.. Oh wait YOU care... Its not your body so get over it...

Alice: I would if you would stop being so self absorbed!!!

Ariel: I AM NOT!!!

*Bell comes in*

Bell: Sorry Ariel, but you are a little self absorbed...

Alice: A LITTLE??? HAHAHAHA TRY A LOT!!!!

Ariel: Bell your suppose to be my best friend..

*Ariel starts to cry*

Bell: Im sorry your not self absorbed....

*Ariel stops crying* Ariel: you mean it???

Bell: yeah, *Not really, Bell says in her head*

Alice: Ok ok im done with this stupid crap...

*end*

*Sorry if you didnt like it.. It was one of my first posts and I was bored so I just made all this up in my head and then put it out here for all ya to see...*

[Mason_Ireton]

*laughs* nice one Kris, that was defintly funny *smiles* we still got'ta work on Sneezy and Grumpy *laughs* welcome to UD

*Mad Hatter goest to hat store*

M.Hat: Ooh such lovely collection *tries some baseball caps*

March Hare: I don't think it's you *eyes the baseball cap* you know?

M.Hat: hmmm you're right my dear friend. *sees the perfect french hat*

March Hare: Say this might be you *gives to M.Hatter*

*He tries it on*

*M.Hat/March Hare break into the Hat song*

Mad Hatter/March Hare: What's that? A hat? Crazy funky junkie hat!
Overslept, hair unslightly
Try to look like Kira Knightly
We've been there, We've done that
We see right through your funky hat

[Ariel'sprince]

More:
Jasmine:Call me a princess, I don't care,Call me obsessed with nails and hair,Only concerned with what to wear,Shallow and so blase.
Evil Queen:Bah,i"ll never be the fairest of all.
Yzma:After the Emperor New School i"m now a super model.
Ariel:Oh look,Flounder! a FORK!!!.
Aurora:I want a spinning wheel for my birthday.
The Prince:I need to stop breaking people's gardens.
Jim Hawkins:You know,those Pirates stuff are very voilent!.
Pip:They're making stories about me unfreeze Prince Edward with frutis? Giselle,wait!!! i"m coming to the real world,too!!!.
Jack Sparrow:Finding treasures is boring!.
Maleficent:Oh,let's send candies to poor children!.
Captain Hook:Join my crew,we have cookies.
Tron:Tron sequel! please Disney!.
King Triton:Oh Sebastian,can you smell the sweet pollution the wonderful humans left?.

[Isidour]

Jack Sparrow: Ron? Oh, no thanks. I don't drink other than water
Barbosa: Oh Jack please, YOU may be captain of the Black PEarl, I'm too old for this stuff
Elizabeth Swann: In love for a blaksmith or a pirate?! Are you nuts?! Lord Becket in the other hand...that's a real man!
Will Turner: Now that you mention it, Jack is way hot and handsom....I MEAN...good fellow!
Davy Jones: Do you fear death?...I DO HIDE ME,HIDE ME!

[MadameGaston]

Gaston: Beast's sooo hot...

Maleficient: I'm like totally getting my nails done Saturday with my BFF Aurora!! ^^

Brom Bones: *to Ichabod* Here's you an apple Mr. Crane, Your the bestest best teacher ever *Hugs*

Alice: When I grow up I want to be a Teacher!

Kuzco: I'm Donating allll my clothes to those two orphans on the street in Agrabah

Belle: That guy's so like totally hot!

Malina (On The Emperors New School): I need to accept I'm jiust a big o'l Mary-Sue!!

Megara: *singing* Some Daaay My Prince Will Cooome

Jasmine: Ewwww, Get those gross orphans away from me, LOCK ALLL THE STREET-RATS UP!!!

[PrincePhillipFan]

I love a lot of these so far!

I know it's not written especially for this thread, but I thought that maybe a lot of you would like to read it since it's in the same vein as this thread. I did a little script a while ago with all the Disney princes in therapy that I posted here:
http://werecatboy.deviantart.com/art/Di ... y-78436871

In case anyone would like to read it and get a giggle out of it.

[Flanger-Hanger]

That was awesome Philfan! God I hope Snow gives that Prince of hers another whack in the head with a rolling pin, he deserves it.

[MadameGaston]

Katrina: Blah, Blah, Blah, Blah, Blah! I could just TALK ALLL DAAAY!!!

Bimbettes: We don't need Gaston we got better things to do like STUDY!

Giselle: I don't need a man !

Peter Pan: When I grow up I wanna be an accountant! : D

Robert: *singing* I don't wanna grow up I'm A Toys R Us Kid theres so many toys at toys r us that I can play with!

Jasmine: Ya know, Achmed, that underwear makes you look really sexy!

[PrincePhillipFan]

That was awesome Philfan! God I hope Snow gives that Prince of hers another whack in the head with a rolling pin, he deserves it.

I'm so glad you liked it! I'm thinking of maybe writing another sequel to it sometime too.

Peter Pan: When I grow up I wanna be an accountant! : D

[Ariel'sprince]

PrincePhillipFan-That's story was really funny my favorite parts were the Phillip,Eric and Adam parts,I whould to see Edward in it (And also Aladdin too).
More:
Triton-I love humans.
Phillip-No,I"m not going to kiss a girl that didn't brushed her teeth for a while!.
Mad Hatter-I hate tea.
Jasmine-I guess I"ll merry Achmed.
Maleficent-I"m afraid of the dark.
Meg-I"ll save the day!.
Merriweather-I love pink.
The Blue Fairy-Of course I"ll bring your puppet to live,give me 100$.
Lefu-No one sukcs like Gaston!.
Jiminy Cricket-Pinocchio,don't go to school! let's take the day off... no,all the week off!.

[blackcauldron85]

PPF, that was awesome!
[/quote]Milo: *staring at his hands* You know, I never noticed this before, but my fingers are squared off...[/quote]

[/quote=]Fauna just stares off into space with that ridiculous sugar smile. I think she’s either going senile or getting Alzheimer’s![/color][/quote]

[/quote]Prince: If she wouldn’t have stopped yelling at me, and hitting me upside the head with her rolling pin, I never would have come![/quote]

That was very enjoyable! I don't like to think of any Disney characters as jerks, though, but it was still a great read- you're very talented!

[PrincePhillipFan]

Thank you, Amy! (I hope it's not presumptious of me to call you Amy like the others here. If it is, then I'll just call you BC. ) I'm glad that you liked it. Re-reading it again, the Fauna line I wrote keeps making me laugh imagining her like that.

[blackcauldron85]

Thank you, Amy! (I hope it's not presumptious of me to call you Amy like the others here. If it is, then I'll just call you BC. )

You're welcome! And you can call me Amy!

[Jules]

I decided to compile my favourites.

Mason_Ireton

Mason never quite got the point of the game, but his contributions are very clever and inspired! I think this is his best one:

Peter Pan (inside Skull Rock): "Well, well ... a codfish on a hook. *hovers above Hook* Or should I say Hook, line and sinker?"
Captain Hook: "Scurvy brat! I'll get you for that bad pun. Mr. Smee, blast him to Davy Jones' Locker!"

Giggles!

Princess Stitch

A promising UDer when she was active. Wonder what happened to her. The following isn't actually a proper contribution of hers. Rather it's an example of what the contributions should be like (she was explaining to Mason).

Captain Hook (to Peter Pan): "You know ... all this fighting is silly. Why don't we go have some milk and cookies and talk this over?"

Very funny in its simplicity!

Lazario

This horror-loving UDer's contributions to this thread are simply a hoot. I also really appreciate the sense of sophistication in his dark humour.

Snow White (storming up castle stairs to the Evil Queen's Mirror Room): "Queenie, I got a bone to pick with you, you evil, mean, ignorant, horrid, awful, dreadful, abominable, contemptible, beastly, deplorable, pitiful, devious, malicious, heinous, miserable, detestable, loathsome, despicable, appalling, hideous, malevolent, nauseating, envious, deceitful, pathetic, nasty, low-down, no-good, green-eyed, black-hearted, cruel, petty, bitter, vicious, two-timing, back-stabbing, vile, jealous, vain, wicked, vindictive, spiteful, foul, venemous, phony, cranky, odious, dirty, slimy, icky, gross, filthy, stale, sour, crummy, shabby, cruddy, scuzzy, grubby, grody, ratty, mucky, grungy, tacky, ugly, fat, old, wrinkled, gangly, buck-toothed, dowdy, haggardly, lanky, decrepit, pimply, crater-faced, air-headed, superficial, shallow, conceited, vacuous, pretentious, cynical, fake, flighty, vapid, insipid, frigid, smelly, flat-chested, graceless, campy, slovenly, decayed, disgusting, repulsive, repugnant, repellent, wretched, revolting, Past Your Prime, ancient, senile, self-conscious, transparent, rotten, deformed, vacant, warped, disheveled, uptight, retarded, frivolous, imbecilic, dog-faced, odorous, rancorous, drooling, misshapen, homely, squalid, atrocious, paltry, monotonous, irrational, feeble-minded, outdated, rude, loose, driveling, stinking, dense, lousy, banal, crabby, mouldy, musty, flabby, floppy, flimsy, droopy, baggy, dry, tired, foolish, weak, obvious, stupid, worn-out Super-Spinster! And your shoe's untied, you messy witch!"

Aurora (to Prince Phillip, after waking up): "I've always relied on the kindness of strangers. Now, do you use protection?"

Classic.

SpringHeelJack

Short, terse, concise and funny:

Peter Pan: "Screw this! I wanna be an accountant."

You so totally ripped this one off MadameGaston. Sue her Jack!

Prudence

Prudence's contributions are normally very sophisticated and rely on a subtle and somewhat sublime sense of humour ... except for this:

Cinderella (to almost any other female character from her movies): "No, you shut the FUCK up and listen to me, bitch! Why? WHY?! Don't MAKE me slap you! Because I'm hot and you're not, that's why! Like, duh! Got that, bitch? I DO WHAT I WANT. Get the @&*##&#@## out of my life!"

Lovin' it. *insert dreamy-looking emoticon*

Flanger-Hanger

This guy has it in for his fellow humans.

Christopher Robin: "Pooh, are you stuck?"
Pooh: "No, I'm just showing off my ass to Rabbit. OF COURSE I'M STUCK! Now get me out of here, pea brained retard!"

Chernabog_Rocks

Genie: "I used to suffer from multiple personalities ... but we're okay now."

Cherny's literally had me in peals of laughter.

Escapay

You almost didn't make the list, young man! Only the cucumber joke saved your hide. Ooooh. I love the clever innuendo in this one.

Alice introduces Cinderella to the magic mushrooms of Wonderland.

Alice: "Here, try this one. It makes you bigger."
Cindy: "Bigger, like breast-wise? Or just taller?"
Alice: "Taller."
Cindy: "Well that's no good. I want a bigger bust."

(Cindy gives back the mushroom. Alice gives her a rosebud.)

Alice: "To get bigger breasts, you gotta take this singing rosebud."
Rosebud: "I think she looks pretty."
Cindy: "Quiet, bud!"

(Cindy eats the rosebud, and immediately her bust inflates two bra sizes.)

Cindy: "Oh my!"
Alice: "Awesome, isn't it?"
Cindy: "Do you, um ... have anything to make ... um, other things grow larger?"
Alice: "Like what?"
Cindy: "Well ... let's say I wanted a bigger cucumber?"
Alice: "For your salad?"
Cindy: "Yes! Yes, for my salad, that's it! I love cucumbers in my salad."

(Alice gives Cindy a Drink Me Potion.)

Alice: "Rub the cucumber in this Drink Me Potion."
Cindy: "The Drink Me Potion? But ... that makes things smaller! And I want my cucumber to be big! Big and throbbing!"
Alice: "A throbbing ... cucumber?"
Cindy: "I like my cucumbers ..."
Alice: "Well, the Drink Me Potion will make it smaller, but then you take this Eat Me Cookie, crumble it up, and rub the crumbs on it. The more crumbs you rub on it, the bigger it'll get, until it's a size you want. Just make sure it's not too big. I don't know if you could handle a cucumber ... that ... big ..."
Cindy: "Believe me, I can handle a cucumber that big."

(Cindy eagerly takes the Eat Me Cookie, and runs off.)

Ariel'sprince

Yes, the prince makes the cut. And I've corrected the spelling mistakes!

Elizabeth Swann: "I'm in love with the Kraken!"

John Smith: "Pocahontas, sing me that song of the colours of the wind one more time and I'll throw you off the mountain! And yeah ... with all of its voices!"

The End.

[PeterPanfan]

*After Pongo and Perdita come home from their walk to discover the puppies gone.*

Perdita: "Did it work?"

[Prudence]

Oh splendid, you featured my "Ariel'sprince"-esque one. At least you're loving it. Loving it ala the way people "love" McDonald's, perhaps.

[Big Disney Fan]

THOMAS O'MALLEY: (singing) Abraham DeLacey Gieuseppe Casey... (stops singing) Oh, who am I kidding? I'm Mr. Fluffykins and I'm lactose intolerant.

[blackcauldron85]

THOMAS O'MALLEY: (singing) Abraham DeLacey Gieuseppe Casey... (stops singing) Oh, who am I kidding? I'm Mr. Fluffykins and I'm lactose intolerant.

That is awesome! If I did a WIST, I so totally would put that in it!!!

[BelleGirl]

Dopey: Anything at all

Snow White (after being woken by a kiss from the prince): Thank you prince for waking me up, but I think I will stay with the dwarves. They need me to do their housework, so thanks and goodbuy to you."

[Ariel'sprince]

That was funny,BelleGirl .
Soon I"ll wirte what happened when Hannah Montana found herself in Halloween Town.