Personally I don't believe a word of it!In a shock move, the Disney board of executives have announced they intend to attempt to close down all Disney fan sites. In a statement issued last night the Disney board say "We regret to take this course of action however we feel sites such as "Animated-News.com" and "UltimateDisney.com" breed bad feeling towards our material. We feel that they badmouth the Disney name, particularly with regard to the output from out Toon Studios division.
Michael Eisner also commented that he felt future projects such as "The Jungle Book 3" which went into the early stages of pre-production last month, would meet nothing but conjecture. He also commented on the health of his staff saying "My artists work hard on these projects and it saddens me to see People who claim to be Disney fans showing so little respect for the animated sequels that these talented individuals produce. I feel that at times their health is damaged, by this ill feeling leading them to not preform to their best." This is believed to be the reason why after 3 years in production "Tarzan and Jane" only had about 10 minutes of footage, meaning that 3 TV episodes of the "The Legend of Tarzan" TV series were spliced in, in order to complete the feature. Naturally the board felt the course of action to take way to make pay and budget cuts, yet demand the same level from the filmmakers.
Also it was revealed that "Snow White and the Eight Dwarfs", due for Direct to video release in 2007 to coincide with the 80th anniversary of the film has also been greenlighted. Mr. Eisner commented "We feel that Brad Bird's Script is a winner, and that "Snow White and the Eight Dwarfs" will be a huge hit, perhaps even to rival the greatest animated features of all time such as "The Land Before Time X" and "The Brave Little Toaster Goes to Mars".
Also it was revealed that the Eighth Dwarf "Fatty", who was stuck in the mine during the first film, in order to explain his absence will be voiced by Matt Le Blanc. "I am thrilled" Le Blanc stated, "It's been my life-long dream to appear in a Disney film, and after Friends I thought I'd never work again, and let's face it "Joey" isn't exactly Grade A material. Also I hope to give that bastard Schwimmer a run for his money". Le Blanc was clearly referencing David Schwimmer's role in the upcoming, bound to be a cheap knock of Shrek, but with animals in stead of fairy tale creatures, using jokes older than Michael Douglas, bore fest that is Dreamworks upcoming project "Madagascar". It was also announced that Rene Zellweger will bring the heroine Snow White into a somewhat semi consciousness of acting brilliance. "I am thrilled" she droned in that Southern, nasal, drawl we've all become so accustomed to.
The release of "Snow White and the Eight Dwarfs" also coincides with Disney's 80th Diamond Edition DVD release of the original "Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs" due for Blu-ray treatment next time around. Disney have announced that it will include the new song "Who's gonna feel her up?" a song deleted from the original film which is sung by the Dwarfs as they ogle Snow White as she sleeps. The upcoming release will also feature a new modified cropped version of the film for 16X9 TVs. A technician "Olden McGroin" stated "I've had so much fun panning and scanning Disney classics over these past few years, It was a challenge to this chop stuff of the top and bottom, rather than at the sides". In fact Disney were so pleased with the work that McGroin has done, he has been nominated for the Academy Award for Best Disturbance of a classic.
It is due to these reasons that The Disney executives has decided to take the course of action to close down all Disney fan sites, as they do not wish the progress or popularity of these film to be hindered. When asked what would happen if the owners of these fan sites would not cooperate, Michael Eisner responded "If they do not meet our demands, them we will have to nuke them". It was recently revealed that Michael Eisner after several "Business trips" to Iraq, supposedly as research trips for an upcoming animated film, had struck a deal with Saddam Hussein, prior to his capture in 2003. Mr Eisner agreed to hide all of the weapons of mass destruction for Mr Hussein, as long as all Disney movies were guaranteed to reach the number one spot in Iraq, however Mr. Eisner had forgotten that cinema going is not really one of the priorities of Iraqi's at the current time.
As the deal had already been struck Eisner transported the WMD to Disneyland in the Spring of 2003. These weapons have been stored at DisneyLand ever since. When the UN found out about this they were most displeased, however due to a loop hole, Disney Land was found to be separate from the rest of the United States and had immunity. Also Eisner had hired the Hun Army from the film "Mulan" and also the Gods from "Hercules" after their films has been completed, and their power was more than the entire US armed forces. It was revealed that in 1973 Nixon had lost the entire armed forces in a bet with Better Middler. Middler commented "That's right I own them, now get off my property before I nuke your ass", then quickly adding "Don't litter". After Middler had acquired the US armed forces in '73 the US armed forces now only comprises of 3 men in a tent with a box of Sandwiches in South Carolina, with only a shoe for a weapon. It is needless to say that this would not be sufficient to battle Disney's hun army. Also it is rumoured that the fairy tale castle at the heart of DisneyLand is actually a lanch pad and the middle tower is actually a large rocket with enough power to wipe a small country off the map.
Also Disney has the advantage over the US government as it was revealed that the Moon Landings were filmed at Disney's Sound Stage 1 at the Burbank Lot, apparently props from "20,000 Leagues Under the Sea" were reused. If you study the footage carefully you can see clearly that in one shot a giant squid is clearly visible behind Neil Armstrong.
The history between Disney and the US government is certainly a troubled one, many things which have recently come to light such as Minnie Mouse being used as a sex object to lure Germans during WW1, and the fact the "Lilo and Stitch" is based upon the events of Roswell, scared the government most deeply. Also Disney reveales the events of September 29th 1984 when 3 cows set off to catch a yodelling bounty hunter, however unlike the events in the film the cows went on to kill 38 people, and deafened 464 by mooing loudly.
As Eisner still has these weapons he acquisitioned from Hussein it is these he plans to use to deystroy all Disney fan sites.
He said that if they had not been closed down by Midnight on 31st March 2005 the attacks would begin.
*UPDATE*
Eisner is true to his word!
Click the link!
http://www.netdisaster.com/go.php?mode= ... disney.com
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