Ok so grade 11 drama students have a film project at my school. Everyone pitches a film and the class votes and 3 are turned into films. I thought that because everyone is so supportive I would share my pitch. And if you do have criticism please make it constructive for my egos sake.
Drama film pitch
Guy is just a high school student. He’s not on honor roll, in any clubs or on any sport teams. He just a high school student, one that watches movies alone on weekends and looks at pictures of parties (that he wasn’t invited to) on peoples student spaces. This is just the life of a lower popularity scale16 year old at West Bridge High. Yet Guy dreams of being part of his schools inner elite group of students. This is the group guy would trade any of his friends for. Its not like Guys doesn’t like his friends, it’s just the longing for popularity out weighs the need for his current friends. It’s another Friday night and Guy sits at home watching Walt Disney’s Animated Classic “Dumbo” for the third time this month. This weekend Guy was missing yet another house party. The pictures would be uploaded on student spaces in two days and Guy would be able to see them then. He would be able to see who won beer pong, who hooked up with who and pictures of Tyler and Maddy together arms wrapped around each other. Maddy was extremely pretty, like this classy type of beauty. She wasn’t the type a guy would whistle at in the halls, he would just stop and stare. She was just that Pretty. Guy had no idea why she was with a douche like Tyler. Perhaps it was because he was the it boy at WB and the leader of the elite. This automatically made her the it girl. Heck even Guy would date Tyler if he could be part of the elite. It’s Monday morning as Guy walks to 1st period bio. SMACK Tyler walks straight into Guy. Guy quickly picks up his things and starts walking. When he notices a touch phone in his pocket and more importantly why was his collar was popped. Guy runs to the washroom. He then looks in the mirror and sees Tyler’s reflection. Before Guy could react Jamie Tyler’s right hand man, Grabs Guy and pulls him to 1st period gym. It wasn’t long until Guy received an angry text from his phone. Guy ignored it, after all Jamie’s parents were gone this weekend meaning there would be an amazing house party and plus Tyler had a date with Maddy tonight. The rest of the week was like a dream for Guy whose date on Monday went very well. Guy learned that Maddy’s personality was just as beautiful as her face. Maddy was also surprised to find there wasn’t a constant pressure for make out sessions and that Tyler actually held the door open for her as they entered the movie theater. She actually found her self falling in love with this new Tyler. Little did they know that this High school fantasy was coming to a close and would end at Nick’s big house party on Friday. With a one of the most intense confrontations the kids of WB would ever see.
ps. all material copy right Stewart Sinclair
(i don't want this to turn into a big fat liar situation)
My Film Pitch
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Escapay
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Re: My Film Pitch
stewie, I know you probably have good intentions with this film pitch, but honestly, I cannot see it as a good movie at all, even for a high school project. If anything, it's a simple fantasy of an underdog who trades places to see what it's like on the "other side", and changing things initially for the better, before a big climax changes it all for the worse. And in typical cliched high school films, it somehow all gets resolved, the bad boy learns a lesson, the good boy gets the girl, and we fade to black as the two slow dance the prom night away.
I don't want to make it sound like I'm beating up on your idea too much, but you have to know your characters before you can know the story, and the characters described are just too one-sided and cookie-cutter-cliche. The popular jock, the girl who's more than a pretty face, etc. And the main character, Guy, I hate to say it but he sounds like a fictional version of yourself (shy, watches Disney movies). And that's a great way for new/young writers to tackle projects. They put a fictional version of themselves in situations they normally wouldn't find themselves in ("What if I suddenly traded places with the alpha male of high school?"). The problem with that is most writers who do this end up being so afraid of giving their "fictional" self flaws that in order to make sure the good guy stays good, he becomes untouchable and boring. Who would care if a guy just sits around watching movies on the weekend, living vicariously through the lives of others by looking at pictures on myspace or whatever? To some people that would seem rather pathetic, and to others it just bubbles over with potential for a lot of great teen angst.
So know your characters first, and know them beyond one-dimensional caricatures that have been done to death. Give them an edge, but know that they have their limits as well. Guy is too much of a Mary Sue (well, in his case Gary Sue), he needs to be more than some wispy teenager who wants to be popular and have friends. What drove him to become shy, why doesn't he do anything about it besides just look at pictures of them? Having him suddenly get his wish and being *amazing* at being a popular guy is far too convenient and far too undeserving unless you know why he's not popular beyond "he's just an introverted kid." and even the perfect people have problems. Perhaps Maddy hates being popular because she still holds memories of being the overweight girl with glasses at her old elementary school. She remembers how kids picked on her and called her names, so when she got skinny over summers and moved away, she made sure to never treat anyone like that which resulted in her popularity that forces her to sometimes act as part of a group that once tormented her. That's a bit of a cliche as well, but one hardly ever explored (and one that is hardly ever explored in a plausible or makes-you-feel-for-the-character way). And Tyler doesn't have to be 100% douche. He could just as easily hate that his parents fight all the time and are considering divorce, but he hides it and puts on a fresh and slick face to make him seem more confident and jackass when in reality he'd rather just stand up and yell out at the world. Remember that bad guys have to have flaws beyond being the bad guy, they all have a vulnerability that they wish to keep secret.
I know it seems like a lot I'm throwing on you, but character is one of - scratch that, is THE most important aspect of a story. If you don't know your characters, your story is just ideas and actions that happen in some sequence by people who don't know why they do what they do. And, of course, you won't be able to get into all this kind of detail in a film pitch, so try and slim it down to the basics. Let them know your characters beyond usual and vague descriptions, and then give them the story, and make sure that story would justify why the characters are the way they are.
Also, even if these film pitches and subsequent films are just gonna be done for school, with students, with the resources available, etc. try to not always rely on the tired old teenfilm cliches. Sure, the cliches work because there's a certain camp and sentimental factor to them. But even if it's just a high school film project, it's a project that doesn't need to be restricted to high school romance (even with the fantasy element of switching bodies). Look at The Breakfast Club. A teen film that's nothing but cliched characters (the brain, athlete, the princess, the basket case, the criminal) but it works because you see how a relationship develops among them when they all end up as equals: sad little losers serving detention on a Saturday morning. Whether or not that relationship remains intact is a question that never gets answered, and because of that, it makes the film much better. It gives audiences a couple hours with characters who themselves only have a few hours as friends, before they know that come Monday, they'll have to either conform and stick with their cliques, or defy it all and still hang out.
So, to make a long post short: think about your characters, then work out what story best fits them. The switcheroo can be done, but don't make it too easy or too convenient for anyone. There needs to be conflict and issues that get addressed. Guy can't just wish for something, get it and everything else he wants, then lose it in some insipid plot point meant to be dramatic, only to gain it all again by the end of the film.
albert
I don't want to make it sound like I'm beating up on your idea too much, but you have to know your characters before you can know the story, and the characters described are just too one-sided and cookie-cutter-cliche. The popular jock, the girl who's more than a pretty face, etc. And the main character, Guy, I hate to say it but he sounds like a fictional version of yourself (shy, watches Disney movies). And that's a great way for new/young writers to tackle projects. They put a fictional version of themselves in situations they normally wouldn't find themselves in ("What if I suddenly traded places with the alpha male of high school?"). The problem with that is most writers who do this end up being so afraid of giving their "fictional" self flaws that in order to make sure the good guy stays good, he becomes untouchable and boring. Who would care if a guy just sits around watching movies on the weekend, living vicariously through the lives of others by looking at pictures on myspace or whatever? To some people that would seem rather pathetic, and to others it just bubbles over with potential for a lot of great teen angst.
So know your characters first, and know them beyond one-dimensional caricatures that have been done to death. Give them an edge, but know that they have their limits as well. Guy is too much of a Mary Sue (well, in his case Gary Sue), he needs to be more than some wispy teenager who wants to be popular and have friends. What drove him to become shy, why doesn't he do anything about it besides just look at pictures of them? Having him suddenly get his wish and being *amazing* at being a popular guy is far too convenient and far too undeserving unless you know why he's not popular beyond "he's just an introverted kid." and even the perfect people have problems. Perhaps Maddy hates being popular because she still holds memories of being the overweight girl with glasses at her old elementary school. She remembers how kids picked on her and called her names, so when she got skinny over summers and moved away, she made sure to never treat anyone like that which resulted in her popularity that forces her to sometimes act as part of a group that once tormented her. That's a bit of a cliche as well, but one hardly ever explored (and one that is hardly ever explored in a plausible or makes-you-feel-for-the-character way). And Tyler doesn't have to be 100% douche. He could just as easily hate that his parents fight all the time and are considering divorce, but he hides it and puts on a fresh and slick face to make him seem more confident and jackass when in reality he'd rather just stand up and yell out at the world. Remember that bad guys have to have flaws beyond being the bad guy, they all have a vulnerability that they wish to keep secret.
I know it seems like a lot I'm throwing on you, but character is one of - scratch that, is THE most important aspect of a story. If you don't know your characters, your story is just ideas and actions that happen in some sequence by people who don't know why they do what they do. And, of course, you won't be able to get into all this kind of detail in a film pitch, so try and slim it down to the basics. Let them know your characters beyond usual and vague descriptions, and then give them the story, and make sure that story would justify why the characters are the way they are.
Also, even if these film pitches and subsequent films are just gonna be done for school, with students, with the resources available, etc. try to not always rely on the tired old teenfilm cliches. Sure, the cliches work because there's a certain camp and sentimental factor to them. But even if it's just a high school film project, it's a project that doesn't need to be restricted to high school romance (even with the fantasy element of switching bodies). Look at The Breakfast Club. A teen film that's nothing but cliched characters (the brain, athlete, the princess, the basket case, the criminal) but it works because you see how a relationship develops among them when they all end up as equals: sad little losers serving detention on a Saturday morning. Whether or not that relationship remains intact is a question that never gets answered, and because of that, it makes the film much better. It gives audiences a couple hours with characters who themselves only have a few hours as friends, before they know that come Monday, they'll have to either conform and stick with their cliques, or defy it all and still hang out.
So, to make a long post short: think about your characters, then work out what story best fits them. The switcheroo can be done, but don't make it too easy or too convenient for anyone. There needs to be conflict and issues that get addressed. Guy can't just wish for something, get it and everything else he wants, then lose it in some insipid plot point meant to be dramatic, only to gain it all again by the end of the film.
albert
WIST #60:
AwallaceUNC: Would you prefer Substi-Blu-tiary Locomotion?
WIST #61:
TheSequelOfDisney: Damn, did Lin-Manuel Miranda go and murder all your families?
AwallaceUNC: Would you prefer Substi-Blu-tiary Locomotion?
WIST #61:
TheSequelOfDisney: Damn, did Lin-Manuel Miranda go and murder all your families?
Agreed with Albert
Also, if you are worried about people stealing your story, don't post it on a public forum. I've been working on a fantasy novel and its been going 2 years, seriously. But I have been developing it since I was 10. I am now 29. I came up with the idea at 10 as just a little short craptacular story just for me and over the years worked on it a bit more, fleshing it out, getting serious. I want to get it published when I finish it. Once I get some personal crap straight, I can put 100% focus on writing it and hopefully have it finished within 1-2 years and published.
I chose 5 friends I know and trust to read it. Some of them know I chose them and some of them don't yet. But I chose them because, like Albert here, they are damn good at creative criticism. If it sucks. They'll tell me. I have high hopes for this book. I want to have a test audience. I would NEVER post it on a forum because I am dead serious about it. I can't say its like some 100% original story. Inspiration goes to books like Wizard of Oz and Harry Potter. But there are some 100% original ideas of mine that I have never seen tried in a novel geared at the young adult-adult set.
But first thing you learn about writing....don't post your entire story or key scenes/details and then hope it doesn't get stolen. Because one day, if you have some really damn good story, and post it on a forum that ANYONE can read, you will NOT be able to prove they stole your idea.
Also, if you are worried about people stealing your story, don't post it on a public forum. I've been working on a fantasy novel and its been going 2 years, seriously. But I have been developing it since I was 10. I am now 29. I came up with the idea at 10 as just a little short craptacular story just for me and over the years worked on it a bit more, fleshing it out, getting serious. I want to get it published when I finish it. Once I get some personal crap straight, I can put 100% focus on writing it and hopefully have it finished within 1-2 years and published.
I chose 5 friends I know and trust to read it. Some of them know I chose them and some of them don't yet. But I chose them because, like Albert here, they are damn good at creative criticism. If it sucks. They'll tell me. I have high hopes for this book. I want to have a test audience. I would NEVER post it on a forum because I am dead serious about it. I can't say its like some 100% original story. Inspiration goes to books like Wizard of Oz and Harry Potter. But there are some 100% original ideas of mine that I have never seen tried in a novel geared at the young adult-adult set.
But first thing you learn about writing....don't post your entire story or key scenes/details and then hope it doesn't get stolen. Because one day, if you have some really damn good story, and post it on a forum that ANYONE can read, you will NOT be able to prove they stole your idea.
I'm interested to know more about these friends of Guy's. If they're friends, why would be be willing to sacrifice them to be the top dog? Why does he crave the popularity - what will it bring him? Why is he stuck watching movies at home alone if he's got friends anyway?
Rather than having becoming the most popular person in school being a wish fulfilment, why not point up the unpleasant side of the dream. Contrast the fun fabulous sexy party photos on the 'net with the reality of waking up and having to wash (someone else's) vomit off his jeans the following morning.
For a bit of character development, why not have Guy-as-Tyler begin to go slightly bad - to take advantage of his new position, treat people mean. How does Guy-as-Tyler interact with his old friends at this time (if at all)? I agree with Scaps, you can't keep your good guy good all the time, or he just comes out as bland.
And - I'm sure we're all dying to know - what is Tyler's reaction to being in Guy's body, which I suspect may well be the more interesting story of the two. Surely if he's going around acting like a turd inside Guy's body (which presumably he must be), there will be consequences for Guy later when they switch back - and how are they resolved?
Somewhere inside the cliches is an interesting story trying to get out. You're just got to keep rearranging the pieces until it comes out.
Also -
Rather than having becoming the most popular person in school being a wish fulfilment, why not point up the unpleasant side of the dream. Contrast the fun fabulous sexy party photos on the 'net with the reality of waking up and having to wash (someone else's) vomit off his jeans the following morning.
For a bit of character development, why not have Guy-as-Tyler begin to go slightly bad - to take advantage of his new position, treat people mean. How does Guy-as-Tyler interact with his old friends at this time (if at all)? I agree with Scaps, you can't keep your good guy good all the time, or he just comes out as bland.
And - I'm sure we're all dying to know - what is Tyler's reaction to being in Guy's body, which I suspect may well be the more interesting story of the two. Surely if he's going around acting like a turd inside Guy's body (which presumably he must be), there will be consequences for Guy later when they switch back - and how are they resolved?
Somewhere inside the cliches is an interesting story trying to get out. You're just got to keep rearranging the pieces until it comes out.
Also -
has got to be either the most interesting or most disturbing subplot in the entire film...Heck even Guy would date Tyler if he could be part of the elite.
"I hope we never lose sight of one thing - that this was all started by a little girl and a cat. And a rabbit."
Thanks for the tips guys.
Escapay I understand where your coming from. I know the charcters are really cookie cutter now but I do have alot of ideas for them. I did have a time and length restraint so i couldnt make the charcters any deeper then they were. Also I have a feeling that the kids in my drama class (there the ones who basicly decied if i get to turn this into a film) like cliches. Hopefully if I do get picked i can add some real depth to them.
Siren the copyright was kinda a joke. Pherhaps I should have added a wink simely face. And I hope that one day I will be able to read you novel.
MK Sharp Guys friends are kind of the Gordo type (if your fimilar with lizzie mcguire) they dont really care about popularity and are happy with themselves. They also dont think they know his real need for popularity. There also not realy the fun loving bunch and like to say home and keep to themselves so thats why Guy stays home and has no one to chill with.
as for Guy I really dont think hes alot like me. I only chose Dumbo because of the symbolism it had and how the character of Guy cold really connect with Dumbo.
Escapay I understand where your coming from. I know the charcters are really cookie cutter now but I do have alot of ideas for them. I did have a time and length restraint so i couldnt make the charcters any deeper then they were. Also I have a feeling that the kids in my drama class (there the ones who basicly decied if i get to turn this into a film) like cliches. Hopefully if I do get picked i can add some real depth to them.
Siren the copyright was kinda a joke. Pherhaps I should have added a wink simely face. And I hope that one day I will be able to read you novel.
MK Sharp Guys friends are kind of the Gordo type (if your fimilar with lizzie mcguire) they dont really care about popularity and are happy with themselves. They also dont think they know his real need for popularity. There also not realy the fun loving bunch and like to say home and keep to themselves so thats why Guy stays home and has no one to chill with.
as for Guy I really dont think hes alot like me. I only chose Dumbo because of the symbolism it had and how the character of Guy cold really connect with Dumbo.
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xxhplinkxx
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Then don't do it. It'll cheapen it.stewie15 wrote:I know the charcters are really cookie cutter now but I do have alot of ideas for them. I did have a time and length restraint so i couldnt make the charcters any deeper then they were.
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