So, as you can tell by my nick, I´m a DC comics fan.
This doesn´t mean that I don´t watch Marvel movies (I do, I even own some of them) or hate the company...just that I do buy DC comics, lead figurines, own their series... and most importantly, wear their shirts.
Wearing DC Comics shirts to me has become part of my personality. Defines who I am; and everyone around me knows so.
Well, a son (26) of a friend of mine gave me for Christmas a Captain America sweater.
You can imagine my surprise...and hers as well.
In most ways I appreaciate the gift. But its not something I would ever wear.
...and as explained, because is not who I am. In fact, I mentioned this to some friends of college and they just can´t believe it since they know me.
I told my friend to give it back so it could be exchanged (my mistake)...BUT I told her to tell him anything else besides "I don´t like it"... like, it doesn´t fit for example) but she did tell him so.
Now her son is offended and my friend, that knowing me understood at the moment, now doesn´t.
I would have never gave it back since it was a gift. However, being a sweater and her son living close to me would mean that he must eventually had to see me wearing it. And since I wouldn´t... I thought it would be worse that way.
Now my friend is mad at me and I can´t make her understand my point of view.
What do you think of this?[/b]
Who made a mistake? Opinions regarding a situation I have...
Well, while I understand that you don't wear any other brand T-shirts other than DC Comics, I think that in this situation you would have been better off keeping the sweater and graciously accepting your gift.
Giving gifts back, especially to people who aren't close, close friends or relatives, is always difficult, and it's far better in my opinion to keep the gift or exchange it yourself rather than ask the person who gave it to you to do so. I understand you can't always return a gift without a receipt, but really, it was a gift, so you haven't lost anything. At the end of the day, even if it sits in your wardrobe for the next 10 years you're no better or worse off than you were before you got it.
That's what I would have done anyway. I've received gifts that weren't to my taste at all, but I guess we all have to smile, say thank you and then what we do with it is our own business.
Maybe you could have worn it the next time you saw him, and then never worn it again after that, just so he thinks it's being used. It's a small sacrifice to make, and most people would probably never notice the comic brand - I certainly wouldn't!
How to fix this situation now? That's the hard part, probably harder than it would have been to just keep the sweater and wear it once or twice. I'm not saying you were being ungrateful, but gift-giving is a surprisingly sensitive subject for most people.
Maybe you should just bite the bullet, go around and apologise. Say you realise how rude it must have seemed returning the gift and try to explain why you couldn't wear it - but in the most light-hearted and friendly way possible. Make fun of yourself a little, it'll take the heat off the other person if you make a joke about the reason why you can't wear a Captain America sweater. Most importantly, don't leave it at that. If you want to save your friendship, ask both of them to go out with you sometime or involve them in any upcoming plans you have, lunch or whatever, so you can try to carry on as normal. The more gracious you are about the situation the better.
Hope this helps!
Giving gifts back, especially to people who aren't close, close friends or relatives, is always difficult, and it's far better in my opinion to keep the gift or exchange it yourself rather than ask the person who gave it to you to do so. I understand you can't always return a gift without a receipt, but really, it was a gift, so you haven't lost anything. At the end of the day, even if it sits in your wardrobe for the next 10 years you're no better or worse off than you were before you got it.
That's what I would have done anyway. I've received gifts that weren't to my taste at all, but I guess we all have to smile, say thank you and then what we do with it is our own business.
Maybe you could have worn it the next time you saw him, and then never worn it again after that, just so he thinks it's being used. It's a small sacrifice to make, and most people would probably never notice the comic brand - I certainly wouldn't!
How to fix this situation now? That's the hard part, probably harder than it would have been to just keep the sweater and wear it once or twice. I'm not saying you were being ungrateful, but gift-giving is a surprisingly sensitive subject for most people.
Maybe you should just bite the bullet, go around and apologise. Say you realise how rude it must have seemed returning the gift and try to explain why you couldn't wear it - but in the most light-hearted and friendly way possible. Make fun of yourself a little, it'll take the heat off the other person if you make a joke about the reason why you can't wear a Captain America sweater. Most importantly, don't leave it at that. If you want to save your friendship, ask both of them to go out with you sometime or involve them in any upcoming plans you have, lunch or whatever, so you can try to carry on as normal. The more gracious you are about the situation the better.
Hope this helps!
The thing is... I DID explain to him. I thanked him regardless.
...and at that point it was ok; at least on the surface.
But things started to go from that to worst now.
I will be getting it back (since in fact he told my friend: "I gave it to him. He can wear it or throw it away") and keep it.
...I can understand his position but not my friend´s. Since she knows me and now tells me almost the same thing.
On other things:
Why did I say I appreciate it for the most part?
Because of several reasons:
1. People that know me for just over a year can tell the things I like and who I am; without being friends.
...This person (my friend´s son) "knows" me for over 4 years and gave me that gift.
2. I have given him several gifts, like videogames, by putting effort into it. I look to see what kind of games he has, search for similar ones, look through the Internet to see how good they are and then go find them.
...he just bought the first thing he saw in a store nearby.
3. I´ve seen that what have I given him (do knowing he would like it) has been unappreciated. The games are getting dust and a movie I gave him still is wraped. On top of that, I don´t work (like he does) so all the more reason to take that in consideration.
...so, why must I feel bad just for being honest?
But what I want them to understand is that I don´t hate Marvel or that I´m being rude. Just that wearing DC shirts have come to define who I am.
What I can get from this is:
1. I made a mistake for giving it back.
2. My friend could also have kept the truth from him.
...and at that point it was ok; at least on the surface.
But things started to go from that to worst now.
I will be getting it back (since in fact he told my friend: "I gave it to him. He can wear it or throw it away") and keep it.
...I can understand his position but not my friend´s. Since she knows me and now tells me almost the same thing.
On other things:
Why did I say I appreciate it for the most part?
Because of several reasons:
1. People that know me for just over a year can tell the things I like and who I am; without being friends.
...This person (my friend´s son) "knows" me for over 4 years and gave me that gift.
2. I have given him several gifts, like videogames, by putting effort into it. I look to see what kind of games he has, search for similar ones, look through the Internet to see how good they are and then go find them.
...he just bought the first thing he saw in a store nearby.
3. I´ve seen that what have I given him (do knowing he would like it) has been unappreciated. The games are getting dust and a movie I gave him still is wraped. On top of that, I don´t work (like he does) so all the more reason to take that in consideration.
...so, why must I feel bad just for being honest?
But what I want them to understand is that I don´t hate Marvel or that I´m being rude. Just that wearing DC shirts have come to define who I am.
What I can get from this is:
1. I made a mistake for giving it back.
2. My friend could also have kept the truth from him.
-
Disney's Divinity
- Ultimate Collector's Edition
- Posts: 16384
- Joined: Thu Mar 17, 2005 9:26 am
- Gender: Male
It's sad that this situation is happening to you over a T-shirt. 
I wouldn't have been offended personally. But, then, I would have either asked what somebody wanted or given them money to buy what they want for themselves.
I'm not sure what you could do, but I would probably do what candydog suggested and try to apologize (with self-deprecating humor). I would just say it isn't anything personal.
I wouldn't have been offended personally. But, then, I would have either asked what somebody wanted or given them money to buy what they want for themselves.I'm not sure what you could do, but I would probably do what candydog suggested and try to apologize (with self-deprecating humor). I would just say it isn't anything personal.
Listening to most often lately:
Christina Aguilera ~ "Cruz"
Sombr ~ "homewrecker"
Megan Moroney ~ "Beautiful Things"
-
Disney Duster
- Ultimate Collector's Edition
- Posts: 14120
- Joined: Fri Jun 17, 2005 6:02 am
- Gender: Male
- Location: America
There is good advice in this thread already. Apologizing especially sounds good.
I will also say that it seems like maybe you are not entirely sure of what other people are feeling and thinking. You put special effort into your gifts to make sure its what he likes. But does the son know its that level of effort? Also, he keeps your games and they gather dust. Doesn't that indicate that he keeps your gifts to show you he appreciates the thought, and he doesn't care so much about the idea of giving someone something that is known for certain is exactly what they want? And even though he knew you for 4 years he obviously didn't know that you only wear DC comics shirts and not just any comic shirts. He might not even have known that Captain America wasn't DC comics. I didn't know that either till now.
And he did still put thought into the gift. He knew you like comics shirts. He saw it and he thought of you. He must have thought it was perfect, being right there. He just didn't know it wasn't the kind of comics you liked.
It is a shame your friends are not exactly like you, but people that are friends still have their own individual feelings on things.
It's actually funny you are talking about being honest when you thought lying was okay at first. You see, you are changing how you felt about the matter as well now. You wanted to seem just nice at first, now you want to be more honest. Your friend who you wanted to lie for you probably later understood why sending the gift back hurt a little bit.
I think that if you keep the shirt and apologize and your friends see you are trying to make them happy, things would be alright, and then maybe they will try extra hard next time to get you something that will make you happier, like a DC comics only shirt, and you can remind them to do that in a joking way if you want. Then I would give the shirt away to someone who would really like it, though it may take a while to find someone.
I will also say that it seems like maybe you are not entirely sure of what other people are feeling and thinking. You put special effort into your gifts to make sure its what he likes. But does the son know its that level of effort? Also, he keeps your games and they gather dust. Doesn't that indicate that he keeps your gifts to show you he appreciates the thought, and he doesn't care so much about the idea of giving someone something that is known for certain is exactly what they want? And even though he knew you for 4 years he obviously didn't know that you only wear DC comics shirts and not just any comic shirts. He might not even have known that Captain America wasn't DC comics. I didn't know that either till now.
And he did still put thought into the gift. He knew you like comics shirts. He saw it and he thought of you. He must have thought it was perfect, being right there. He just didn't know it wasn't the kind of comics you liked.
It is a shame your friends are not exactly like you, but people that are friends still have their own individual feelings on things.
It's actually funny you are talking about being honest when you thought lying was okay at first. You see, you are changing how you felt about the matter as well now. You wanted to seem just nice at first, now you want to be more honest. Your friend who you wanted to lie for you probably later understood why sending the gift back hurt a little bit.
I think that if you keep the shirt and apologize and your friends see you are trying to make them happy, things would be alright, and then maybe they will try extra hard next time to get you something that will make you happier, like a DC comics only shirt, and you can remind them to do that in a joking way if you want. Then I would give the shirt away to someone who would really like it, though it may take a while to find someone.
Thanks.
The regarding DC-Marvel...he DOES KNOW the difference. In fact, the year before he gave me a DC Comics shirt as a matter of fact.
As for him knowing the effort I put into making gifts...I think, it should be noted: given the fact that having no relationship with him I gave him games he doesn´t have, of genres he does like and games that that are real good. There you can see.
As for other thoughts... will have to wait since I´m leaving right now.
The regarding DC-Marvel...he DOES KNOW the difference. In fact, the year before he gave me a DC Comics shirt as a matter of fact.
As for him knowing the effort I put into making gifts...I think, it should be noted: given the fact that having no relationship with him I gave him games he doesn´t have, of genres he does like and games that that are real good. There you can see.
As for other thoughts... will have to wait since I´m leaving right now.
-
disneyboy20022
- Signature Collection
- Posts: 6868
- Joined: Tue Aug 23, 2005 2:17 pm
I agree with Disney's Divinity.Disney's Divinity wrote:It's sad that this situation is happening to you over a T-shirt.
I'm not sure what you could do, but I would probably do what candydog suggested and try to apologize (with self-deprecating humor). I would just say it isn't anything personal.
Also
There's a saying I try to live by that might help in future occasions.
choose your battles wisely......and ask yourself these magic five words in any kind of situation. Is this really going to matter in 5 years. if the answer is no, I'd suggest just do it, same as your friend who gave you the sweater.
Want to Hear How I met Roy E. Disney in 2003? Click the link Below
http://fromscreentotheme.com/ThursdayTr ... isney.aspx
http://fromscreentotheme.com/ThursdayTr ... isney.aspx
-
Disney Duster
- Ultimate Collector's Edition
- Posts: 14120
- Joined: Fri Jun 17, 2005 6:02 am
- Gender: Male
- Location: America
...but you just think that anyone should be able to see it. How do you know for sure he can see it? If he really can see it, would he be letting them gather dust?DC Fan wrote:As for him knowing the effort I put into making gifts...I think, it should be noted: given the fact that having no relationship with him I gave him games he doesn´t have, of genres he does like and games that that are real good. There you can see.
Because, I once let him borrow several movies to watch over the summer (3 months) and when got back told me he didn´t see them.Disney Duster wrote:...but you just think that anyone should be able to see it. How do you know for sure he can see it? If he really can see it, would he be letting them gather dust?DC Fan wrote:As for him knowing the effort I put into making gifts...I think, it should be noted: given the fact that having no relationship with him I gave him games he doesn´t have, of genres he does like and games that that are real good. There you can see.
As for him noticing, it should show. When that person´s always gives you clothes for gifts and another that has no relationship with you gives you something you actually like and it´s hard to figure out should give you a hint.
-
Super Aurora
- Diamond Edition
- Posts: 4835
- Joined: Wed Oct 04, 2006 7:59 am
I personally wouldn't be bother by it.
Marvel and DC both have awesome stuff
I like marvel characters (90's Jean Grey is one of my big inspiration for one of my characters) but I find the story and world of DC much easier to adapt by and follow.
Marvel and DC both have awesome stuff
I like marvel characters (90's Jean Grey is one of my big inspiration for one of my characters) but I find the story and world of DC much easier to adapt by and follow.
<i>Please limit signatures to 100 pixels high and 500 pixels wide</i>
http://i1338.photobucket.com/albums/o68 ... ecf3d2.gif
http://i1338.photobucket.com/albums/o68 ... ecf3d2.gif
-
Disney Duster
- Ultimate Collector's Edition
- Posts: 14120
- Joined: Fri Jun 17, 2005 6:02 am
- Gender: Male
- Location: America
I'm sorry man but it's sounds like you are assuming he gets it when he doesn't. He cares more about just getting someone a gift that has some thought than giving someone something you know the other person will definately use.DC Fan wrote:Because, I once let him borrow several movies to watch over the summer (3 months) and when got back told me he didn´t see them.
As for him noticing, it should show. When that person´s always gives you clothes for gifts and another that has no relationship with you gives you something you actually like and it´s hard to figure out should give you a hint.
Funny thing.
The sweater doesn´t fit me.
I wish I ha realized this sooner...
To be honest, I think that anotherreason this guy was pissed at me (or the stituation) is the fact that he didn´t have the receipt to change it.
...this way he "had" to buy another thing; not that I´m asking.
But, that´s another way to look at this:
Putting aside the style of the person, you can´t buy someone clothes if you don´t know that person´s size, much less throw away the receipt.
The sweater doesn´t fit me.
I wish I ha realized this sooner...
To be honest, I think that anotherreason this guy was pissed at me (or the stituation) is the fact that he didn´t have the receipt to change it.
...this way he "had" to buy another thing; not that I´m asking.
But, that´s another way to look at this:
Putting aside the style of the person, you can´t buy someone clothes if you don´t know that person´s size, much less throw away the receipt.
-
disneyboy20022
- Signature Collection
- Posts: 6868
- Joined: Tue Aug 23, 2005 2:17 pm
More than 5, bad math on my pointKhonnor wrote:What are the magic five words?disneyboy20022 wrote:......and ask yourself these magic five words in any kind of situation.
For any argument or disagreement, etc
In 5 years from now, will this really matter?
Want to Hear How I met Roy E. Disney in 2003? Click the link Below
http://fromscreentotheme.com/ThursdayTr ... isney.aspx
http://fromscreentotheme.com/ThursdayTr ... isney.aspx
-
Disney Duster
- Ultimate Collector's Edition
- Posts: 14120
- Joined: Fri Jun 17, 2005 6:02 am
- Gender: Male
- Location: America
-
ajmrowland
- Signature Collection
- Posts: 8177
- Joined: Fri Jan 16, 2009 10:19 pm
- Location: Appleton, WI
I thought that since, knowing him, he wouldn´t have minded that much if it was someone closed to him.Disney Duster wrote:
DC fan somehow I doubt that was the real reason he was mad. Did you come up with that reason yourself, or was it something he hinted at?
How can I know him if I have no relationship with him? Because my friend and I talk about her family.
...something he doesn´t do about me.
Still, regarding what was said before, that this is not such a big issue..
Well, of course it´s not.
However, since I´m not close to him and I go to his house every now and then... it would be a very uncomfortable situation for a long time.
PS
I may have news about this eventually.
