Sky Syndrome wrote:I thought it was you, Escapay, who put "How was your summer? How is your wife?" in your SS letter every year. And I forgot you like making a mention of mashed potatos in your SS letters till I read your letter to your SS for this year.
Haha, that's JiminyCrick91 who always does that.
Anyway, here's my letter...
Dear Secret Santa,
I hope you weren't expecting any light reading. Sit back, grab a bowl of Milk Buds, Mashed Potatoes, and wrap a blanket around yourself. Come forth and know me better...
But I think at this point, if you don't know me by now, you will never, never, never know me.
Hey, that gave me an idea. Rather than have myself explain who I am to you, I should do it through song! It'll be like "Glee," only this letter won't include any autotuning or haters with nothing better to do. Unfortunately, that also means it's without fun characters like Brittany, Mike Chang, and Rory the Leprechaun. Not to be confused with Rory the Roman. Ah, Rory. One of the more unique companions ever on "Doctor Who." He never falls for the spell that the Doctor casts on his other companions, and is always grounded in the reality of life even when taken on spectacular adventures. He's the most human of them all.
Anyway, if I'm going to "Glee" this up, I should probably find a song that can sufficiently explain my love for things like "Doctor Who." I'm sure Chameleon Circuit wrote a trock song for this, and if Skyler can find one for me (he knows more about Time Lord Rock than I ever would), I'll insert it here. For now, rather than use a trock song that'll provide exposition, I'll just throw in a fun little ditty that was on "The Weakest Link" about five years ago.
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Actually, since I'm talking "Doctor Who," maybe I should use something from the current Doctor. Watch Matt Smith as he briefly sings "Itsy Bitsy Spider" to the baby who plays Alfie a.k.a. Stormageddon, Dark Lord of All!
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It's so difficult finding a proper place to start. Where should I start? Where do you start?
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That song actually was a bit of a downer. But hey, it was sung by Bea Arthur, who always played my favorite Golden Girl, Dorothy Zbornak. Yeah, yeah, I'm sure in the past I might have said it was one of the others. Truthfully, I'm a lot like Dorothy. She studied to be a teacher, as am I. She watches "Jeopardy!" religiously, as do I. She can reach the low bass note in "Ol' Man River," and I...know the words to the song. However, I didn't get knocked up in high school and stay married to Stanley Zbornak for 38 years. BUT...I did see the movie
Knocked Up, and there was a Stanley in my Voice and Diction class. But that Stanley was from Washington, not Brooklyn. And I don't think he ever sold plastic vomit or George Bush Point of Light on a Stick. Actually, now that I think about it, I don't know what he's doing now, or where he is. Or his last name. I think I just remember him because he was the first Stanley I ever met personally. Every other Stanley I know of is either a fictional character (Kowalski, Roper, Zbornak), or a famous person (Donen, Kramer, Kubrick, Lee, Tucci). And we can't forget the timeless children's classic,
Flat Stanley.
Aaah, too much talking. Figure out how to get a song in here. Now it's really like "Glee," with moments that don't always call for a song, but one gets thrown in anyway. Let's see, what's the best song to randomly insert? Maybe a 1980s power ballad. Since "Glee" pretty much has an iron grip on "Don't Stop Believin'" I might as well use something else. Maybe something like this...
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"Merlin" is easily my second favorite UK television series after "Doctor Who." I know pseudo-intellectuals will scoff and say, "Pshaw, there's a lot of other television that's better than 'Merlin,' it's nowhere near the original story!" and to that, I simply say "shut up." So what if it takes great liberties with LEGEND? So what if Merlin's a clumsy twentysomething? So what if Gwen is black? It's simply a new interpretation of a classic tale, let it be what it is without having a thousand years of other interpretations as excess baggage. Besides, "Merlin" has everything I want in a show: likable leads, entertaining stories that are both dramatic and comedic, and good production values to let it all come across in a pleasing way. Plus, you can't go wrong on a show that includes this hat:
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Now then, to move on from "Merlin" and onto something else. What else can I tell you about me through song? Might I enchant you with the soft lyrical voice of Audrey Hepburn, in the delightful
Breakfast at Tiffany's?
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Or maybe I'll let Rita Hayworth sex you up in her definitive role as
Gilda?
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Or perhaps we could use some dramatic moments, courtesy of Humphrey Bogart and Ingrid Bergman in
Casablanca. If you haven't seen the film yet, skip this clip. But the film's been around for almost 70 years, so why haven't you seen it yet?
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I hope that "why haven't you seen it yet?" question didn't offend you. If it did, I'm sorry. It's understandable. We have a finite amount of time on this planet, and we can't see every movie ever made.
But if I didn't offend you, I probably should! It's not Secret Santa unless we have an offensive lace collar thrown into the mix!
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By the way, you can check out my revealing interview with Lace Collar here:
Escapay versus The Lace Collar (August 31, 2010)
I'm sure you're probably tired of reading all these delays to my actual list. That's assuming you've been reading this in proper order rather than scrolling down. But it's all for good reason. I've made you watch a lot of silly nonsense. Actually, it's not silly. Nor is it nonsense. It's a nice representation of who I am, what defines me. I'm a nerd who'll probably sing aloud the "Doctor Who" if asked. And I enjoy babies. I spoil my goddaughter like crazy.
I often will ask myself where should I start, especially in cases as the song represents. The art of "moving on" is quite difficult, and everyone's faced with it several times in their life. 2011 had several instances of myself "moving on" from things in my past. Plus, I'm sure when I get old, my voice will be just as deep and hoarse as Bea Arthur's, and then I'll finally reach the low note when I sing, "Get a little drunk, and you land in jaaaaaaaiiiiiiiiiillllll."
Regarding "Merlin," maybe there isn't a real-life comparison for me. It's part of my anglophilia, I guess. But I do have black hair. Now, if only I had supernatural powers. Come to think of it, there is a connection. Merlin's gaudy hat could likely represent my hat collection.
Finally, Audrey, Rita, and Humphrey represent my psyche. Rita Hayworth is my id, she's the wild side that would love nothing more than to burst out and have fun. Audrey Hepburn is my ego, calm, reserved, and realistic. And Humphrey Bogart, he gets the super ego. A quick glance at wikipedia's definition, and the super ego is critical and moralizing, aiming for perfection. In my opinion, Bogart's acting in every role of his (that I've seen) was perfect every time. So it fits very nicely.
And we mustn't forget Lace Collar. I'm sure I've offended people before, just as
Song of the South has.
But where do you, Secret Santa, fit into all of this? You fulfill the Disney requirement and represent my Muppets. Technically, the "Secret Santa" part of you is a puppet, someone that I'm familiar with. But your performer changes every year. Actually, muppets may be slightly wrong. After all, Jim Henson operated Kermit, Rowlf, Dr. Teeth, etc. for many years until his death. But every so often, someone will have to come in and take over for the character. With Secret Santa, the operator changes every year. I've had wonderful UD Secret Santas over the years: Jessica, Renata, Matthew, Aaron, Joshua, Daniel. And now, it's your turn. I believe in you, Secret Santa. And so do all my past Secret Santas. As do the Secret Cindy Lou Who's I've given gifts to. We all believe in you.
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Best song ever sung by the Muppets.
No, wait.
This one is...
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I think that's about the best way to wrap up
Secret Santa: The Musical. Nothing tops it. So, I guess that means I'll have to finally tell you what I'd like to see under my tree. Each category relates to myself, with a miscellaneous category also included. But in truth, even though this is a list of 43 items, all I need is one thing: for you to have fun. I'm already grateful that you're thinking of me this holiday season, so I don't need much. Have fun with this. Surprise me. Just don't send me a lock of your hair for cloning purposes.
Doctor Who:
There's a variety of Classic Who that I don't have yet, but I'm currently concentrating on finishing up what I don't have from Fourth Doctor onwards. Thankfully, Fifth & Sixth Doctors are complete (at least until next year's Special Editions for "Resurrection of the Daleks", "The Caves of Androzani", and "Vengeance on Varos").
Doctor Who: The Deadly Assassin - the fourth Doctor returns to Gallifrey for the first time since his exile.
Doctor Who: Image of the Fendahl - the fourth Doctor and Leela encounter the Fendahl, a nightmarish creature from Time Lord mythology.
Doctor Who: The Sun Makers - the fourth Doctor and Leela visit Pluto in a future when it's considered a planet once again.
Doctor Who: The Creature from the Pit - the fourth Doctor, Romana, and K-9 encounter the titular creature from the pit.
Doctor Who: Meglos - the fourth Doctor, Romana, and K-9 in a forgettable adventure that I only want so that Season 18 is complete.
Doctor Who: Paradise Towers - the seventh Doctor and Mel visit Paradise Towers while viewers instead flock to other shows.
Doctor Who: Battlefield - the seventh Doctor and Ace reunite with the Brigadier, but also meet up with some Arthurian foes.
Doctor Who: The Curse of Fenric - the seventh Doctor and Ace take on Fenric, an ancient evil.
Doctor Who: Dreamland - the animated tenth Doctor returns in a story that's generally underwhelming. I mainly want this for the bonus disc, which includes three "Greatest Moments" specials.
Merlin:
Merlin Action Figures - I'm much too old to play with them, but they'll still be great to have. Since they're from the UK, you don't need to get them. Unless you're from the UK and shipping to me anyway. The first link is four the set of four, while the individual links are for the individual characters, in order of preference. (Yes, this is a direct copy/paste from last year's letter)
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Merlin Action Figure
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Morgana Action Figure
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Arthur Action Figure
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Gaius Action Figure
Merlin 2012 Calendar - since the Series 3 DVD for "Merlin" doesn't arrive in the US until January, I can't list it here. However, I do need a new 2012 calendar. 2011 was devoted to "Glee" and 2010 to Audrey Hepburn. I'd really like to look at my lovely Camelotians next year. This link is for AmazonUK, since it's not available in the US.
Merlin "Top Trumps" Cards - I can't really tell what this is, but I assume it's some type of card game. It's quite cheap, too!
Merlin Annual 2012 - I don't have any of the other annuals, unfortunately. But I've got to start somewhere...
Audrey Hepburn:
A collection of Blu-Rays and DVDs with Audrey...
The Nun's Story (DVD) - This is the only Hepburn film I need to complete my 1950s Hepburn collection. I'm not including
Green Mansions because that movie is such a bore, while this one is much better.
Breakfast at Tiffany's: 50th Anniversary Edition (Blu-Ray) - Audrey absolutely shines in this film as Holly Golightly. Fun fact: my Secret Santa in 2006 was Renata, and one of the gifts she gave me was
Breakfast at Tiffany's: 45th Anniversary Edition on DVD!
Charade: Criterion Collection (Blu-Ray or DVD) - This is one of my favorite Hepburn films, although props also must go to Cary Grant, and especially, director Stanley Donen. Note: If you select this, act fast and buy it at Barnes & Noble before stores close on Monday the 21st, as it's 50% off!
My Fair Lady (Blu-Ray) - I first became aware of Audrey Hepburn through this film, as it was the very first of hers that I saw. I know that Robert Harris (who worked on the 1994 restoration) is not pleased with the transfer here (he says it's a mere 30% of what we should be seeing), and I agree with his sentiments. But this version on Blu-Ray will satisfy me for now until Paramount or CBS Video cough up the money for a proper restoration.
Rita Hayworth:
None of her films are on Blu-Ray yet.
But there are still a few on DVD I haven't picked up yet.
Susan and God (Warner Archive) - Rita's a supporting character in this, but I haven't seen it yet.
The Strawberry Blonde (Warner Archive) - A truly delightful movie which helped to really develop Hayworth's screen presence.
Separate Tables - this is out of print, and extremely hard for me to find even in second-hand stores.
The Money Trap (Warner Archive) - Rita Hayworth & Glenn Ford's last film together.
Humphrey Bogart:
Too many of Bogart's films are on DVD for me to list here. Instead, I'll list two favorites that I don't have yet on Blu-Ray, along with the classic
High Sierra.
The Maltese Falcon (Blu-Ray) - Bogart will always be Rick Blaine or Linus Larrabbee to me, but his turn as Sam Spade is still amazing to watch. I planned on buying this for myself last year, but never had a chance to.
High Sierra (DVD) - I was recently watching Martin Scorsese's
A Personal Journey Through American Movies documentary and he talks about this one early on. It reminded me how much I enjoyed it when I first saw the movie. I'm surprised I haven't picked it up yet.
The African Queen (Blu-Ray) - When the film first came out, I bought the DVD for my quick fix in order to watch the film again, and postponed on getting the Blu-Ray version of the Commemorative Box Set. But now, that version is out of print and hard to find, so I'll settle for the standard Blu-Ray.
Muppets:
The Disney-owned Muppet movies listed below are also on sale at Toys R Us for $9.99 each, and includes movie cash for
The Muppets. So if you don't want to order from Amazon, you can get them there. And I already have
Muppets Take Manhattan, hence its exclusion from the list. Since the season sets are out of the recommended price range, I didn't include them.
The Muppet Movie: Kermit's 50th Anniversary Edition - the first Muppet movie made, and probably my second favorite (after
The Muppets Take Manhattan). It's got the most heart of all the Muppet movies.
The Great Muppet Caper: Kermit's 50th Anniversary Edition - I've seen this one the least amount of times, which is a pity, as I think it's the funniest of them all. I only recently rewatched it again, and I wonder why I never bought it on DVD before.
The Muppet Christmas Carol: Kermit's 50th Anniversary Edition - This is a seasonal favorite, and I like it better with "When Love Is Gone" included in the film. Such a lovely song that definitely helps to define Ebenezer, especially when it's properly reprised in the end to show how he's changed.
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Muppet Treasure Island: Kermit's 50th Anniversary Edition - Rather wacky and irreverent compared to other Muppet movies. But there are plenty of moments that make me enjoy the film despite its offbeat-even-for-Muppets tone.
Muppets from Space (Blu-Ray + DVD) - This is probably the least-loved of the Muppets' theatrical endeavours, but I still love it. Sure, some of the celebrity cameos are ridiculous now (Katie Holmes and Joshua Jackson, not as themselves, but as their "Dawson's Creek" characters!), but there are others that are absolute riots. Ray Liotta as the security guard, Kathy Griffin in love with Animal...
It's a Very Merry Muppet Christmas Movie - A huge letdown for the muppets, much like
The Muppets Wizard of Oz (which I excluded from this list, I don't care to see it at all). But I still enjoy this film, even though there are better Christmas projects that the Muppets have done.
A Muppet Christmas: Letters to Santa Extended Edition - I haven't seen this, but I figured it wouldn't hurt including it here.
Miscellaneous:
Various other movies on Blu-Ray or DVD.
Double Indemnity: Universal Legacy Series (DVD) - Lucy Ricardo hasn't trusted Fred MacMurray ever since she saw him in this movie. Meanwhile, I fell in love with Barbara Stanwyck thanks to this movie.
Pandora and the Flying Dutchman: Deluxe Edition (Blu-Ray) - I included this on my list last year, as I had recently seen the movie. I haven't seen it since, but my memory of it from last year is still very much "Omagosh, I want to see this again!" Perhaps you can help me out and get this?
Black Widow: Fox Film Noir (DVD) - I haven't included any Gene Tierney goodness yet, so this should remedy that!
The Egyptian: Twilight Time (Blu-Ray) - don't get this unless you're willing to spend twice the recommended price. I'm just rather annoyed that only 3000 were made. It definitely says something about the buying climate for pre-1970 films on Blu-Ray.
Doctor Zhivago: 45th Anniversary Edition (Blu-Ray Digibook) - Sure, it's no
Ryan's Daughter (my favorite David Lean film), but it's damn good.
Casanova: Masterpiece Theatre (DVD) - David Tennant as Giacomo Casanova.
Under the Greenwood Tree (DVD) - Keeley Hawes as Fancy Day and James Murray as Dick Dewy.
Lost in Austen (DVD) - I recently caught this again on some cable channel called Ovation, and remembered why I loved it in the first place. And I just read that Nora Ephron (
Sleepless in Seattle,
You've Got Mail, etc.) will be directing the movie version. Yippee!
Lucy's Really Lost Moments - it's a lot of public domain material and stuff that's been repackaged by other cheap DVD companies (and VHS back in the day). But this one is the best version as it's by Legend Films, who offer colorized versions (eh) of some segments, all of them are also restored/remastered.
I think that about covers everything, Secret Santa. I intentionally left out Disney things, mainly because my collections are pretty much complete there, and any titles I don't have yet, I'll get on my own. But, if you want to Disney up my gift, just buy me a random vinylmation or something. Last year, in another Secret Santa on another forum, I received Disney Silly Bandz.
If you're still wondering who I am, just check out old Secret Santa letters:
Secret Santa 2005
Secret Santa 2006
Secret Santa 2007
Secret Santa 2008
Secret Santa 2009
Secret Santa 2010
As always, the vital information, slightly modified since previous years to be more musical in certain instances...
Name: Albert Gutierrez
I don't think there's any songs that would say my name.
Location: Amy Walker can tell you where I am...
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State of Mind: Hopeful, mainly due to this song being played ad nauseum in my car after seeing
Bridesmaids
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Occupation: Grover's Stand-In. Although I think I may have to fight SpringHeelJack for the position.
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Age: Old Enough
Sex: Not Enough
Shirt: Large
Pants: 36
Shoes: Not if I can help it.
Socks: The barer the foot, the freer the sole/soul
Boxers or Briefs: Briefs
DVD List: Here
Blu-Ray List: Here
Okay, I lied. Only three things get a song. I'm sure there are songs for the rest of the categories. But I'm too lazy to think of any, and this letter is long enough. And there's really just one more video left for me to share with you.
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Happy Holidays!
Your Secret Cindy Lou Who,
Albert "Escapay" Gutierrez
I actually had some free time today as my morning class was canceled (Professor was sick, send good thoughts her way!). So I figured I'd stop by here and let you know how I was doing. This gives me a chance to spend more time getting to know you. Actually, it gives you more of a chance to get to know me. But if you don't know me by now, maybe you never knew me at all. Wait, I'm confusing things. I used that line in my proper letter. Oh, well. Let's just get to the mashed potatoes...
