Escapay versus Prince Charming

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Escapay
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Escapay versus Prince Charming

Post by Escapay »

An imaginary interview with Prince Charming, as we discuss his family name, his two best friends, and a secret affair that was never exposed publicly until now...

Hi, and welcome back to "Escapay versus..."! I had a rather busy winter and couldn't interview Tramp like I intended, he ended up managing the promotional tour for the new book Lions, and Tigers, and Bears, Oh My!: An Animal's Perspective Working at the Walt Disney Company, co-written by Lambert, Shere Khan, and Humphrey. I'm told that the companion, It's Raining Cats and Dogs: Another Animal's Perspective Working at the Walt Disney Company will be written by him, Pongo, Thomas O'Malley, and Si. But enough about Tramp. In his absence, I have managed to schedule this one-on-one chat with tonight's guest. He's quite a chatterbox, I was surprised, especially since he has probably five lines in his movie. So, without further ado...it's Prince Charming!

It's great to be here, Scaps.

So, Charming, a lot of people want to know: is that really your name?

Haha, no. My real name is Chancellor Callum Cleophas Courtland Caldwell the IV.

That's a lot of C's there.

Dad was realy into alliteration.

But back to "Charming"

Charming was just a nickname I picked up, and it's stuck around even now.

Tell us the story.

When I was little, I hated taking naps, but would be forced into them. I'd toss and turn in my bed and cry and carry on. Anything to avoid a nap. One day, my governess got so fed up with me that she picked me up and tossed me in the supply closet. I landed on a pile of Charmin toilet roles and fell asleep straightaway. Father would have fired her, but when they all realized I slept best on bed made of Charmin, they kept her on as the Royal Toiletries Manager. After awhile, I was dubbed Prince Charmin by the servants, and the name caught on everywhere else. By the time I was 16 and 17, the girls at school were noticing how handsome I was getting, and so they added the "g". Since then, I've been Prince Charming at school and with friends, but maintain Prince Chancellor Callum Cleophas Courtland Caldwell the IV at the palace and on legal documents.

What school did you go to?

I was privately tutored until I was 12. Then Father put me in the public school in the kingdom. He knew that I could have continued my private education, but he wanted me to get to know the people. The security measures were a nightmare.

Did you get treated differently because you were royalty?

At first, I did. The teachers would be extra nice to me, while the students were extra mean. I hated it. They'd say that I'd never truly be one of them, that going to the school didn't mean I was a part of it. A few of the older ones would bully me, but as soon as a guard appeared out of the shadows, they'd go away. It got better, but my first year, I probably only had two real friends. We'd call ourselves the Three Outcasteers.

Who were they?

One of them was Horace. His parents worked at our livery stables, and I'd occasionally see him take in and manage my horses after I went for a ride, so he already knew me. He was this big broad guy, probably a foot taller than anyone else our age, and his face always looked like he was angry, which he wasn't. That's just how he looked. Whenever he spoke, it was in this deep booming voice that almost made the ground shake. Most of the other kids were afraid of him, but he was probably the nicest guy you'd ever get to know.

Then the other was Babs. She was my lab partner and just about the sweetest girl ever. We were each other's back-up spouse, and had I not met Cinderella and fallen in love with her, Babs and I would have eloped when we both turned 30. It would have shocked everyone, especially Father, since he wasn't keen on our friendship initially. A lot of people weren't, actually. Nobody at school would talk to her because of her parents, since they were divorced.

They shunned her because of divorce? What a stupid thing to do. That must have been hard on her.

The fact that I married a commoner like Cinderella is still controversial for some noble families. Divorce is even less common in the kingdom, and Babs' parents got a lot of flak for it from their friends, neighbors, everyone. But Babs took her "reputation" in stride. She told me that her parents had an arranged marriage, but ultimately decided enough was enough, and separated. Her dad lives over in King Stefan's kingdom, and sometimes when she visits him and his new wife, Horace and I go with her.

But yeah, Horace and Babs were my two closest friends throughout my public school years. They stuck by me, and I by them. Even though I got popular during my "Charming" years and made a lot of friends, I was still very close to Horace and Babs. Once we graduated, I made sure the three of us would always be together.

What did you do?

I promoted Horace at the livery stables. He was no longer just a stable boy, but the general foreman in charge of all royal animals. And Babs became a Royal Ambassador, so she travels to other kingdoms on my behalf. She's always wanted to see the world, and this position lets her.

Earlier you said that marrying Cinderella was still considered controversial. Can you elaborate on that?

There's not much to elaborate. I mean, while most royal families these days seem to marry outside of those with noble blood, there are a few who still wish for it to stay pure, for lack of a better word. A few of them are quite vocal about it, and since I was the first Disney Prince to marry a commoner, I got some flak for it. True love be damned, they'd say. Of course, the movie doesn't reflect this at all. It's become highly romanticized.

Do you dislike it?

No, I just wish they would have given it a more realistic spin. Especially given what followed afterwards. But when Walt asked if he could turn our story into an animated feature, who are we to say no?

What was that like, working with Walt?

It was great. There's really no other words for it. He knew that Cinderella would be the emotional core of the film, and wisely decided that the main focus would be on her. My role kept getting smaller and smaller, soon I was just in the movie for probably three scenes. The mice got more screen time than I did.

They are cute mice.

Haha. I just felt left out of the whole thing, like it was a walk-on or cameo role. But I did it anyway, because it made Cinderella happy. She needed the happiness, she was always a fragile and emotional woman. Life was really tough on her after her dad died, even when she moved into the palace.

How so? Did she adjust well to life in the palace?

There were a few bumps at first. She didn't get along well with Prudence, the castle majordomo. But they eventually found some common ground. They both love watching "M*A*S*H" reruns, and they bond over that. I surprised Cindy on an anniversary by taking her to a "M*A*S*H" convention, where she met Jamie Farr. He invited us over for Christmas, and when we got there, he was wearing a Cinderella dress that he made just for the occasion. Cindy showed up in army fatigues, so both of them had a laugh.

So things are good with you and Cinderella now? Aurora hinted that you guys were having some issues earlier.

We take things one day at a time. But it's a long healing process. Hints of it was actually used in A Twist in Time.

What do you mean?

That other movie, Dreams Come True, was the studio-produced sequel to our love story, so it's a lot of stupid fluff that didn't really happen. But A Twist in Time was something that Cinderella and I wrote together with Anastasia.

Anastasia?

Yes. It's based on real-life happenings after we got married. We wanted Disney to make it so that people knew that "Happily Ever After" sometimes needs a bit more work after the "ever after". Also, we wanted to be able to play some real emotional human drama, to let people see that we were real people with real feelings. Fairy tales are fine, but both of us wanted to show a real love story that had real ramifications on the relationship.

I don't quite understand.

Neither did Disney. They wanted A Twist in Time to just be a great "what if?" parallel universe where the entire climax of the first movie went into an entirely different direction. They changed most of the story, but there are still elements of truth. Mainly the fact that Anastasia and I fell in love. That's what really happened.

WHAT?

It's a long story. Really long. Like, I'm not even sure if Cinderella and Anastasia would want anyone to tell it. They prefer never to address it in interviews.

And Disney completely changed the story?

They changed everything. I can't go into very specific details, beyond the fact that Anastasia and I really fell in love. They were completely aghast at what really happened, and knew it wouldn't be marketable at all, at least not to the audience the wanted. Had we done the movie at Miramax, they might have allowed it. But because we had to make a movie that served as a quick 70-minute babysitter, they kiddified it up. They got some writers to change it up completely. We still did the movie, mainly because it was part of our healing process. Plus, the paycheck was still good.

So where are the three of you today?

Cinderella and I are back in the same bedroom again, and we still see our counselor once a week. We rejoined our bowling team with Aurora and Phillip. It allows us to act like a normal couple, even if it's just once a week.

Anastasia moved back in with the baker. He was always there for her, and he still is. We've decided, as best as we can, to remain friends.

Wow. Just...wow. I don't even know the whole story but...wow.

Hey, you wanted to know.

I guess I did.

So, is it time for the questions?

Questions? Oh yes, the questions. Do you still want to answer them?

Of course.

What's your favorite type of pie?

Cherry.

Have you ever seen a squirrel dance?

Unfortunately, no. Plenty of mice dancing, but no squirrels yet.

Would you ever float around on a cloud and drop water balloons on people?

I'm actually afraid of heights. So no.

But you did that stunt in A Twist in Time with the sailing ship...

That actually was Irving, my stunt double. Continue.

Boxers or Briefs?

Commando.

Who's your favorite Mouseketeer?

I've always identified with Bobby. He could do anything.

Do you believe in Ghosts?

I'll believe them when I see them.

Favorite song to sing in the shower?

"Teenage Dream"

Slipcovers: Yay or Nay?

Yay. Don't hate, man.

Who invented post-its?

Art Fry. Come on, everyone knows that.

Finally, one more question. In ten words or less...what do you think of the company today?

Thanks for the paychecks.

Well, thanks so much for taking the time to do this interview, Prince Charming, er Chancellor Callum Cleophas Courtland Caldwell the IV!

Anytime, kid. Anytime.

And that's all the time we have today, folks. Tune in next time when I interview...um...tune in next time to find out!!



The "Escapay versus..." Series:
Escapay versus Walt Disney Home Entertainment
Escapay versus Walt Disney in the Great Beyond
Escapay versus Mickey Mouse
Escapay versus The Lace Collar
Escapay versus The Horned King
Escapay versus Princess Aurora
Escapay versus Prince Charming
Escapay Versus ??? - coming soon
Escapay Versus Tramp - coming soon
Escapay Versus Walt Disney in the Great Beyond, Part Two! - coming soon

Disclaimer:
This is a work of fiction. I don't know if Prince Charming really fell in love with Anastasia, or if he was teased in school. Everything that "Prince Charming" says is a fictional depiction of him.

albert
WIST #60:
AwallaceUNC: Would you prefer Substi-Blu-tiary Locomotion? :p

WIST #61:
TheSequelOfDisney: Damn, did Lin-Manuel Miranda go and murder all your families?
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PrincePhillipFan
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Post by PrincePhillipFan »

:lol: I think this may be my favorite of yours yet. I'm really looking forward to seeing the second interview with Walt's ghost. :p
-Tim
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SpringHeelJack
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Post by SpringHeelJack »

So, wait, all this time he was friends with Barbra Streisand? I kinda skimmed it.

And I can't believe he goes commando. That's going to make my next viewing awkward.
"Ta ta ta taaaa! Look at me... I'm a snowman! I'm gonna go stand on someone's lawn if I don't get something to do around here pretty soon!"
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pap64
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Post by pap64 »

This was a great read, Albert! I really like how you tie all the elements together!

You gotta do this with UD members or someone else. It would be funny :D
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