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"Hide yo wife, hide yo kids, hide yo husbands cause they be rapin' errebody out 'ere."</center><P ALIGN="right">
- Antoine Dodson</p>
Oh boy, oh boy,
oh boy... This fucking movie...I shouldn't have watched this. I want my wasted hour back that Disney will never get me.
My death is one hour earlier because of this piece of shit. What an abomination; a piece of human feces pushed into a DVD disc. I want to kill everyone involved with this movie, everyone, in the fucking credits, and all of their family. I don't give a shit if your name is in the credits and/or you're related to the people involved with this movie, one day...
one day I'll be there with a gun in my hand. Offended? You
should be, motherfucker. After I saw this movie I went outside and shot my dog, my very best friend ever since I was a child. After that I wrote a fanfic about me raping my dead dog's corpse, and then posted it on Deviantart - it got
glowing reviews.
After that I pushed the gun against my head and told myself...I should shoot, but then I realized I had a <i>duty</i> to review this piece of garbage. (More like
doody, am I right?) Let's begin...
The Bad:
You know they should've really called this movie
Cinderella II: At Least It Isn't As Bad As Miscarriage, but even that I think would be highly debated amongst the greatest of philosophers from world history. If you put Jim Jones and Aristotle in a room and make them watch
Cinderella II: Dreams Come True, they would both agree it's shit. If you put Stephen Hawking with a Young Earth Creationist in the room and make them watch
Cinderella II: Dreams Come True, they would both agree it's shit. This movie's garbage comes to a full circle in how accepted it is as being the worst sequel ever made by people of
all races and beliefs.
Characters - First problem is the goddamn characters. There was three people who wrote this movie:
Jill E. Blotevogel, Tom Rogers, Jule Selbo. To all of these people:
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Even Christ saw Cinderella II.</center>
Every character in this movie...is awful. Every new character, every old character that is mischaracterized pointlessly, everything, ever forever and ever...and it'll never go away. Jennifer Hale could've gotten more money prostituting her body than voicing Cinderella in this movie. I would know cause I would've
PAID HER myself! Cinderella is so
bad in this, she's practically turned into this Super Mary Sue character that no one can relate to, not even the little girl audience this is targeted to. On the other side she does make some really cute facial expressions in this movie that make her look quite, uh,
delicious...
The mice...are even worse than in the original Cinderella. One of my criticisms of the original movie were the mice, and they're even oh-so more prevalent here. These mice are some of the most elite when it comes to annoying Disney characters; always has and always will be. However this time Disney took liberties in making them even more
annoying and more
stupid and more
pointless than they are in the original movie! This time they provide the main comedy of the movie, causing hijinks all over the place for no real rhyme or reason other than that they're there. They have no reason to be in the plot, and if they did I wouldn't care anyway. I also find it funny how the castle allows mouse holes to rampantly appear all over the place oh-so conveniently. They're trying to kill the things, right? Cover the holes! Set some goddamn mouse traps! Jesus Christ,
WHY AREN'T THESE MICE DEAD?!
The Prince...contributes nothing. Anastasia is just as unlikable as the original movie; unfortunately this time you don't
love to hate her you
hate to hate her. Lady Tremaine doesn't act like she does in the original aside from the fact that she's a mean old lady. The king acts retarded. The new female character Prudence serves as a poor copy for Lady Tremaine. Pom Pom is lame, and what's even worse is that a whole segment she's
TRYING TO EAT A HUMAN BEING, what the fuck?! Human!Jaq is even a worse offender to the previous complaint cause he
ACTUALLY RUNS AWAY FROM POM POM AND TRIES TO SLIDE INTO A MOUSE HOLE HEAD FIRST!! None of the characters make sense nor are they decent or likable or anything, really.
Music -
OH MY GOD, THE MUSIC! God is all of the music in this horrible, like literally the worst music I've ever seen in ANY Disney film. It isn't just "popish," it's badly sang, has no rhythm, and isn't memorable whatsoever. What's worse is that the credits song is a hip-hop style romp for no real reason. I take back what I said about the music in
Bambi II and
Return to Neverland, this definitely takes the cake for being utterly disgusting and awful to the ears. Don't believe me? Listen to this garbage:
<center><iframe title="YouTube video player" width="425" height="349" src="
http://www.youtube.com/embed/Qe3v1JIPVWs" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe><iframe title="YouTube video player" width="425" height="349" src="
http://www.youtube.com/embed/QqLbqWA_SbA" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe><iframe title="YouTube video player" width="425" height="349" src="
http://www.youtube.com/embed/1PojScaL3lo" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe></center>
Enough said.
Humor - Mygod is the humor bad. Every joke, nothing is funny. I've already mentioned the mice, but did I ever mention the
HILARIOUS pudding scene was when it fell on his head? The humor is so bad that I can barely remember this shit...
Setting - I'll let this picture sum it up for me:
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WELCOME TO HERP DERP CASTLE</center>
Boring - This movie is boring as hell, just sayin'. All rage inducing moments, no
so-bad-it's-good.
The Good:
There is nothing good about this movie,
nothing.
Well, okay, it isn't the
worst thing in the world.
Top 5, though? Definitely.
Top 5 Worst Things Ever:
1. Child Rape
2. Miscarriage
3. Cinderella II: Dreams Come True
4. Death
5. Castration
Conclusion:
I don't have much to say about this that I haven't already said.
Yeah...this movie is bad. From what I hear, it's piecing together episodes from a rejected animated TV series. Thank god it was rejected or we would have to put up with
more of this shit. It certainly doesn't compare to the original, which despite having
some flaws it's still a fantastic Disney movie. I'm aware that this review is kind of all-over-the-place, but what can I say otherwise about a movie that
IS all-over-the-place?
One day when I raise a daughter, when she sees
Cinderella II: Dreams Come True and asks me to buy it I'm going to beat the shit out of her. Just kidding.
..not really.
2/10