But reading this thread I couldn't help feeling for all of you and it made me think about my life right now.
Actually, I am happy, happier than I have probably been in a long time. Not that I was ever depressed or anything, but I always felt like something was missing and that I wasn't like a normal teenager who goes out and has a whole bunch of friends. I was never like that.
But now, that I am in college, there are actually people who think like me, who are as crazy weird as I am and with whom I can share a lot of things. I have finally found "my people" as weird as that sounds.
But then there is still the love problem (and compared to some of y'all's stories this may sound pathetic and like a little girl whining about nothing). The thing is, I am gonna be 21 soon and I have never ever had a boyfriend, not even kissed a boy/man. And I usually don't get hit on either or maybe I just don't realize it if a guy looks at me (I can be pretty blind at times). (And the only guys who have ever hit on me were gross and/or drunk)
I've also never met a guy who I really wished to hook up with...(maybe I am too picky and have too high expectations, stupid romcoms) until this July when I met a guy who is majoring in the same subject as I am and I met him at a college party.
Problem is, I was there with my best friend, and I really love her as a BFF, but he apparently liked her better and they hooked up.
Of course, this hurt, for a long time and once again it made me feel like I am just not the girl any guy could ever fall in love with. Like I was less worthy, like I was just the friend who tags along and who never gets a guy: the unattractive, squeaky-voiced girl.
Now, my friend and he, they're broken up, because he is a very busy guy and, although he didn't tell her that, she thinks that he thinks that she is not the Right One for him.
Of, course, since I still have a huge crush on him, now I feel like I want him to become my boyfriend. He fulfills a lot of the things on my "list":
tall, pretty much the same interests as me, very nice, romantic, a little shy at first, nice hair (red, which is love).
He seems like the right guy for me, but since he chose my best friend in the beginning I doubt that he would ever want to get together with me for whatever reasons.
This is where my insecurities kick in, I am insecure about my looks, I am not fat, I am not malformed, I just don't know if I am pretty. There are some days when I look in the mirror and I feel pretty and then I see a picture of myself and I hate my face and I can't imagine how anyone could ever think I am hot.
I am not that shy, I just sometimes feel like I have this aura around me that makes men stay away from me, makes them not even look at me.
I also don't know how this guy, who himself has little experience with girls, will feel when I tell him that I have literally NO experience with guys.
Maybe it's that I am way too romantic and that I am looking for true love and that deep inside of me I have the fear that I may never find it.
This has actually gotten quite long, but to lighten the mood I will share another thing with y'all: I hate it when people cannot spell the word d-e-f-i-n-i-t-e-l-y correctly
Only kidding. No problem with being too romantic, hehe I wanted a crazy love story and got it, so I'm sure you'll find one eventually too.