The Relationship Advice Thread

[xxhplinkxx]

So, I've never been one to bring my personal problems to UD, or let alone make a thread about them, especially since I *HATE* when people do that which is why I've made this topic more general so that everyone can join in instead of just making it about me, but I really am in a position where I need some advice.

Obviously I'll only be taking into consideration advice from those of you who have actually been in a relationship (Sorry )



So, here's my dilemma: How do you break up with someone that you like?

Now, I know you're thinking... why on earth would you break up with someone you like? Well... while we do get along and both like each other, that's about the only thing we have in common and I just don't see us lasting together...

I mean, I've called it off with plenty of people I don't like, that's a breeze. But in this situation... I don't want to hurt him... is there a way to pull it off?

Too bad I can't just pretend to be Jewish and say I need to marry another Jew. Oy vey.

So... help?

[PeterPanfan]

Since I'm still a teenager, and relationships usually consist of flings, I'm not really one to give advice.

But, if you really like him, I do think you should try and remain friends.

[blackcauldron85]

I've done this. Honestly, just say, "It's not you, it's me. I want to stay friends, but I don't want a relationship right now." I mean, you don't have to add in the "with you" to the end of the sentence. If he's a decent person, he'll understand, and over time, the two of you can be friends. It's so much better to break it off earlier rather than later. I was strung along one time, and that hurts the most, knowing that the other person was just too chicken to break up with you.

So, be honest but kind. Good luck!

[Ting Ting]

I agree with Amy. Just tell him the truth. Let him know that your connection with him feels more friendly than intimate, and stress the fact that you want to remain close friends. If he doesn't accept that, then that's his problem.

But no matter what you do, I wish you luck! Breaking up with someone is always a difficult thing to do.

[xxhplinkxx]

Hm. I probably should have updated this

I actually just broke up with him this past Sunday. After a week of hardly talking, he finally got the hint I guess and we spoke on the phone and we just finally got it over with.

It was sad and all but it's ok cause I've already got someone else

[universALLove]

Hm. I probably should have updated this

I actually just broke up with him this past Sunday. After a week of hardly talking, he finally got the hint I guess and we spoke on the phone and we just finally got it over with.

It was sad and all but it's ok cause I've already got someone else

Wow! That tea party of yours really DID go swimmingly!!!

[xxhplinkxx]

Wow! That tea party of yours really DID go swimmingly!!!

[universALLove]

Wow! That tea party of yours really DID go swimmingly!!!

Did the white rabbit show up by any chance...?

[xxhplinkxx]

Did the white rabbit show up by any chance...?

Yes... yes he did.

[universALLove]

Did the white rabbit show up by any chance...?

Yes... yes he did.

Tick tock, tick tock, tick tock

Time goes by... so slowly
Time goes by... so slowly
Time goes by... so slowly
Time goes by-

So slowly, so slowly, so slowly,
So slowly, so slowly, so slowly,
So slowly, so slowly, so slowly,
So slowly, so slowly, so slowly,
So slowly, so slowly, so-



"It's 2 days slow that's what it is"

[Prudence]

I've done this. Honestly, just say, "It's not you, it's me. I want to stay friends, but I don't want a relationship right now." I mean, you don't have to add in the "with you" to the end of the sentence. If he's a decent person, he'll understand, and over time, the two of you can be friends. It's so much better to break it off earlier rather than later. I was strung along one time, and that hurts the most, knowing that the other person was just too chicken to break up with you.

So, be honest but kind. Good luck!

That's my method, though the other person will most likely blame their self if they were the one that wanted the relationship in the first place. In which case, let the other person know that it really is "you, not [them]" no matter how abused that line is. Your actions will eventually prove it well enough.

You, please do me a favor and don't reply. There isn't a need to make this another one of the MasDence Topic Hijacking Tangos.

[Mason_Ireton]

I'd thought it'd be alright to bump this thread....

Maybe somebody could help me with this situtaion.

I'm starting to realize that I'm liking somebody, problem is...my family background, my past and I have no clue if she truely notices me. Recently we've been e-mailing back/forth and it's fun, engaging too, but I'm afraid to ask if she LIKES me... don't wan'na scare her off, met her a few days ago, yet durning the conversation, I felt like I knew her for a fair amount of time......

any suggestions would be helpful

[ajmrowland]

The one I've been trying to get into a relationship with has already stated on facebook that she's in a relationship with someone else.

I'm a little surprised, actually.

[Mason_Ireton]

Ooh yea that'd a catch a person off guard.

I just started a friendship with the person that I've been e-mailing.... and we added each other on facebook also. So far we're getting along extremely well and have bout 90% in common, especialy the fact that we have Asperger syndrome... which comes in handy for both teams I guess.

[memnv]

The one I've been trying to get into a relationship with has already stated on facebook that she's in a relationship with someone else.

I'm a little surprised, actually.

A lot of women say this so they dont get hit on like crazy, just because they say they are in one does not mean she is in one, also may never have changed status after an old one

[blackcauldron85]

So, for those of you who are married or in long-term relationships, does it feel like relationships in movies or books, like a fairy tale, like you can't imagine life without that person? Like that's the only person you want to be with? Like you actually look forward to seeing that person when you get home? You like spending time with them and have things in common?

Or is real life not like that, like a movie, where you kind of just settle or whatever. Just wondering. Because I want that. I have issues.

*edit* So, I'm doing some research into the issue (and what I wrote above isn't necessarily the issue, just a part of it...growing apart, getting older & changing if basically the issue, I guess), and I just read this:

http://www.city-data.com/forum/relation ... art-2.html

It isn't always about the strength of that bond between two people. Often, people change in fundamental ways that makes them no longer compatible. For example, suppose you start out as a couple who absolutely does not want to have kids. But then as you get older, one of you decides they want to have kids. Here's another example. Maybe you're both non-practicing Christians. Then one day, one of you decides to fully embrace your religion, but the other person has no interest. Now, the person who's been born again no longer feels a deep connection with their partner, because their faith is such a big part of who they are now, but it's not something that's important to their partner. I think one reason people drift apart is because they realize the things they originally bonded over weren't that deep to begin with. Maybe they both had a love of sports or music. But over time, their tastes changed. Now they don't have something deeper to fall back on. I've seen couples who reach a point where they have nothing in common but their kids. And once the kids move out, they have nothing left to talk about.

I just wanted to add that. Because that's basically what I feel has happened.

http://www.wisegeek.com/what-are-some-d ... -young.htm

Other people who married too young believe that they missed out on learning how to live on their own. When people go from a parent’s home to a new home with a spouse, they miss this step. It’s also anybody’s guess how a person will change and grow once they’re out of their teens. 18 year olds may have some character bents, but the thought that they are fully formed and have all their ideas in place is pretty silly, given the vast changes that occur as people mature in their 20s. How a person is now can change dramatically in the course of a few years, and these changes don’t always contribute to healthy marriages.

That, too.

[PeterPanfan]

Ames, I believe I, along with others, have told you our advice on this before, and that is to get seperated.

I know I'm not one to fairly judge, but from everything you said, it seems that you two, or at least yourself, are not really interested in the relationship anymore. Does Bobby, at all, know your feelings?

[blackcauldron85]

I know, but I just was curious as to other people's thoughts now, I guess. A week or two ago I told him I don't want to be married anymore, and he was like, "I won't bug you anymore," like him bugging me to do chores is my problem or something...

I asked my uncle if need be, if I could crash at his house and bring my dog, Oliver, and he said yeah, so now it's just knowing what steps to take, I guess.

[PeterPanfan]

But at least he knows it's beginning to fall apart, and not forcefully holding you down or anything. That didn't make sense, lol.

[Elladorine]

I know I've never talked to you about this outside of what's been said in this forum, but from what I've seen here . . . well, you've always been such a nice person and it's pretty obvious that you're not happy in your situation. At the very least, you deserve to find happiness. We all do. And at the same time I know how scary it can be to leave the familiar and dive into the unknown in search of that.

This makes me think of talking to a friend a few months back. I mentioned that when I was still with Lock (the ex whom I was with for 5 years), I did my best to be the greatest girlfriend I could for him, to do everything I could for him. But at the same time, I often daydreamed of being whisked away from him, to be swept off my feet by someone else for a sort of "happily ever after." But that hardly seemed realistic or even fair to either of us. The reality was that I had committed myself and had every intention of working things out with Lock, for better or for worse, even if we weren't married. My friend said the way I daydreamed was an obvious sign that I was with the wrong person, no matter what I was telling myself at the time . . . because you're simply not with the person of your dreams if you find yourself constantly dreaming of someone else, of something more . . . ideally, your dreams really should be about the future of the person you're with. It was my very first relationship and I had settled. I'm not sure if I'd realized it at the time, or even realized that I deserved more.

Being with Rey has been a completely different case. I miss him when he's away at work and he tells me the same. We watch movies, travel together, and continue to have so much to talk about. I had doubts about my ex even at the best of times, but have no doubts whatsoever about Rey, even through an occasional disagreement. And most important of all, I'm happy; like my friend had suggested, I actually do dream about my future with him. I feel we have a lot to look forward to together and can't even picture myself with anyone else.

In your case it sounds like you realize you deserve more and have for quite a while. And it also sounds like you don't really have anything tying yourself down with him. Perhaps it is a good time to take a break from your situation, camp out with your uncle, and figure out what those next steps are. Even if he doesn't want a separation, going on with the way things are now isn't fair to either of you.

The best of luck to you. *hugs* I'm around if you ever need to talk.