Good times. I remember when I was new to the place, when I was starving to speak with others that shared my interest and passion for all things Disney. But I also felt socially awkward and incredibly shy. I wasn’t very happy in my personal life yet did what I could to put my best face forward, since hiding behind the general anonymity of being online allowed me to do just that.Anyway, this was a fun, exciting place. I really felt like I found a great crowd that I could relate to and be a part of. But something changed along the way. . .
I could blame a handful of unfortunate situations involving the forum that made me leave, but the truth is that I was in the middle of an identity crisis and would have wandered away regardless.
However, I’m still leery to set foot in any threads that involve coming out of the closet.
A while back I said I might take the time to explain my huge absence but I suppose much of the detail doesn’t matter anymore. It might feel good to vent though.
I went off on a road trip halfway across the country with my best friend back in the fall of ‘05, and one of our destinations was Disneyland. Somehow the trip became a major turning point for both of us when it came to the perspective on our lives, and when we returned home it was as if everything had changed. I finally let myself become aware of all the troubles I was having with my then boyfriend. I felt betrayed by the friend that I had taken the trip with (a long, involved story that I needn’t get into). I felt I had nowhere to turn and simply couldn’t handle the extreme, sudden loneliness I was left with, not to mention what I later realized was mental abuse from the guy I thought I was in love with. And for whatever reason, I’d lost the comfort zone I’d felt at UD and eventually stopped posting.I had loved to draw when I was younger and decided to really bury myself back into art once again. It was the perfect escape of my increasingly miserable reality. I think I was a bit embarrassed by the mature subject matters I was beginning to explore with my art though, and for personal reasons I didn’t want my real name attached to the new user name I adopted specifically as my new “artist persona.” I eventually made a few false starts coming back here as “enigmawing” (starting in early ’06) but felt incessantly self-conscious about it.
In the meantime I casually befriended a former Disney animator through another site, one of those that lost his job during the infamous closing of the 2-D studio. I became one of his forum moderators, making the occasional contribution, attempting to keep the peace amongst the members (I’ve always enjoyed being the mediator), and generally just hanging out and having fun in his little community. I also became very good friends with one of the members there. . .
My old boyfriend became increasingly selfish, angry, and irrational as time went on, but I still felt committed to him and wanted to make things work between us. Things actually came to a head on the night that Pirates 2 was being released, of all times, when the mental abuse turned physical. Even then, it still took a few months to find the strength to break up with him. In the meantime I was drinking pretty heavily (as a lame escape, I know). When he left at the end of the year I had no job, no running car, and was so behind on the bills that I was on the verge of becoming homeless.
So I know from experience what it’s like to hit rock bottom. You can only go up from there!
But as I’ve mentioned over in the love topic thread (with ever so much detail, lol) I found myself falling in love with the one site member I had become good friends with. It was scary and exhilarating at the same time; I had no clue how he felt about me at first nor did I even know what he looked like! We ended up “dating” for several months (if you could call it that) and I found out first-hand how much long distance relationships suck.
After nearly a year I packed whatever I could fit in my car, leaving almost everything behind that I knew in order to make the 2000 mile trip and start my life over with him. And wouldn’t you know it, my car broke down at the halfway point; the engine froze up and there was no way I could afford to have it replaced or rebuilt. I ended up selling it for hundred bucks to the mechanic that had already overcharged me and had to resort to waiting for my boyfriend to come “rescue” me.
Anyway, I’ve lived in Vegas with him for about a year now and after a string of bad luck with my health I think I’m finally getting settled. Perhaps I’m looking for old familiar faces, perhaps I’m looking to make new connections as well. But for whatever reason, I’ve shed any reservations I’ve had; I’m remembering the good times at this community and want to be a part of it again.
I wasn’t around for what I take as the “big change” with the whole DVDizzy thing but have no issues with the site expanding outside the realm of Disney. But when I started reading an old thread that discusses it I became appalled at the way some of the forum members, my old friends, were speaking to each other. I haven’t looked back to see when certain people left, and maybe it’s not even fair of me to since that’s exactly what I did. I'm also not gonna make any judgment calls but wow, I’m just shocked and saddened by what I see.
Nothing against any of the members, past or present, but I really don’t know what to say except that I miss what this forum used to be. I’m not out to blame anyone, as I understand that all communities change over time. And there’s nothing wrong with much of this being new to me once again, I just miss some of the in-depth discussions we used to have, ones that seem too buried and weary to bump back to the front page. Either that or maybe we've run out of things to discuss? I also miss certain members that have lost interest in the place for whatever reason.
I dunno, maybe this all sounds pathetically rambling or out of place on my part? I should stress that I’m happy to be back and to see familiar faces as well as the new ones. Maybe I’m just lamenting change in general or have been missing how much simpler my life used to be when I first joined. For better or worse I've become relatively jaded in the past three years, but at the same time I feel I've finally found myself.
Anyway, I think I'm done ranting for now. Hope you guys don't mind too much.
