Real Adulthood

[pap64]

Hold on, guys. I am feeling a little bit philosophical...

Last summer I turned 26. While still young I am slowly, but surely, approaching middle ages adulthood. Its during this time that I finally learn to be a true adult and lead a normal adult life. At least, that's what society tends to believe...

Here's what I am talking about. One pet peeve I have with people my age is that sometimes they act like they NEED to be adults because that's what their age dictates them. They can't act silly, they can't enjoy childish things, they can't be genuinely happy or excited for something, they have to be very analytical and critical and most importantly NO FUN.

To an extend, I understand that with adulthood comes responsibility and thus a change in morals and values are needed. Life isn't all fun and games and you NEED to act like an adult, especially in the things that matter (like getting a job, supporting a family etc.).

But just because you are an adult it doesn't mean that you can't be true to yourself. If you are really a kid at heart then you shouldn't let your adulthood ruin it for you. As amazing as it sounds, you can be a professional and still enjoy anime.

In fact, when people try hard to act like an adults its them really acting childish. Why?

You know when you are a kid, you realize that you are an adult and then say you don't like "kid's" stuff anymore and you try hard to convince your family and friends that you are really cool, mature and awesome? But then when you grow up you realize that you were being silly all along and just laugh.

This is what happens to some young adult. Real life intimidates them so much that they resort to being that little kid with visions of great adulthood when it reality its only sending them back.

Besides, some of the things we do as adults can be considered childish.

For example, there are people who LOVE to drink themselves into alcohol poisoning. Even though they feel like crap the next day they can't wait to do it again. To me, this is being childish because we believe that since we are adults we have better judgment and thus can do whatever we want. There's a reason why our parents told us to only have one plate of ice cream instead of the whole tub.

Same deal with constant shopping. The minute they get a paycheck and/or a credit card they go all out, buying stuff they only dreamed of. Again, this is reliving the childhood fantasy of buying everything your heart desired. They regret it when they spend half of their lifetime paying the bills.

So in case I am confusing you, what I am saying is that sometimes we are so caught up in our new found freedom of adulthood we tend to act more childish than what we really are, thus not truly embracing adulthood.

To me, being an adult is the realization that you now have both the freedom and responsibility of shaping your life according to what YOUR heart desires. Note I said HEART, not society. Marrying someone, having kids and working till you die is not for everyone. This is the time in which you look back at your teachings, understand them better and see how it applies to your life.

But this doesn't mean that you can't enjoy the things you liked as a kid. Nothing will take away your adulthood. You can watch Bambi and cry while sleeping with the hottest women around (:p). Don't indulge in anything you might not like or regret simply because its the "adult" thing to do.

Adulthood is not a social status. It doesn't give you "rep". Its a common, normal state of life in which many things are sharpened and realized. Don't be intimidated by it. Learn from it, change the things that could harm you but still be true to yourself.

NOTE: For those thinking "but what if I LOVE to drink and smoke? That's my personality and the way I am!" note that I am condoning the act if its used to give you a rep or gain an adulthood status. In other words, you think "going barhopping" makes you a real man or woman. Its the exact opposite, my friend.

[TheKey]

Thanks for bringing this up!
That's exactly what I have been thinking about a lot these last few days.

I'm only 21, but I "already" got married, so I thought that now I have to be far more responsible and grown up than before.

I mean, of course I have more responsibility but I don't have to act like the perfect adult (the one that society loves so much ;D).

Sometimes I wish I could be 16 again but when I think about how I felt back then... I'm really better off now.

I love Disney movies, videogames and all that "childish" stuff.
Also I hate alcohol and cigarettes.

My wife is just like me, so our relationship works great - we can talk about all the serious stuff and help each other, but we also enjoy playing board games or watching children's movies together.

You're so right about the "Act your age"-thing... I totally agree with you. =)

[Jack Skellington]

My wife is just like me, so our relationship works great - we can talk about all the serious stuff and help each other, but we also enjoy playing board games or watching children's movies together.

I know it's none of my business but The Key are you in a same-sex marriage ?

[TheKey]

Yep, I am. =)

I posted that in the Gay-Thread two weeks ago, but I guess outside that thread it sounds a little confusing (especially since I haven't been very active on this board until now).
It's even a little confusing for myself to call her my wife, it wasn't like that when she was my girlfriend.

[Elladorine]

I don't let myself worry about being an "adult" too much these days. Life's too short and I want to enjoy what I can.

As long as people aren't cruel/hurtful to others or overly selfish I don't think it really matters how "childish" you are. Being responsible doesn't necessarily equate being a stick-in-the-mud.

I can be a total goof and run off with my quirky sense of humor, I can be serious and help out a friend in need, I can spend quite times with my family or take some time alone to reflect. Maybe I'm overly sensitive but hey, I'm only human.

* * *
Since the subjects were mentioned in this thread, maybe I should point out that I'm a former smoker and drinker. I don't talk about it much but in fact I'd say I was at least a borderline alcoholic, if not a full-blown one a couple years ago. I'm not sure if I'd call those actions childish, but maybe it was more of a poorly-chosen coping mechanism? But as I've implied, I'm clean now and have no desire to go back to my old ways.

[pap64]

enigmawind: Well, alcohol, cigarette and substance abuse is a different problem that can happen to ANYONE at any point in their life. The reason I include it in my argument, though, is because I've seen plenty of young men and women thinking that drinking alcohol gives them a status. What's the first thing they do when they turn 21? Head to a bar and drink themselves silly. Why? Because they are in the age that society accepts, and thus, adulthood is reached. Not to mention they learn that alcohol is a GOOD way to handle the challenges of the phase, so this is where potential alcohol abuse begins.

I know many friends who went from being "casual" drinkers to borderline alcoholics in a matter of weeks simply because they realized that independent life was hard and this was the easiest way to "blow off steam".

I too fell trap to this. But my problem was that I was drinking to be accepted in a social group. Even my best friend, a casual drinker, was drinking more than usual. It got bad to the point where we were planning expensive out of town trips just to drink ourselves into a stupor.

It was then that I realized the fallacy of this train of thought and quit drinking altogether. I was putting my health at risk for the sake of social acceptance and adulthood status.

[Elladorine]

Pap64: Oh ok, I can totally see your point there.

When I was younger I lost a brother to a drinking and driving accident and swore to myself I'd never touch the stuff. When I turned 21 I held on to that promise.

But a couple of years later I caved in to peer pressure and started drinking after all; I wanted friends, I wanted to feel accepted, and the peeps at work had a weekly house party. Although it was short-lived and never got out of hand, it probably wasn't the smartest thing I ever did. After that I was the occasional social drinker.

Then a few years later? I was at a really low point and somehow let drinking become an escape. It did admittedly get out of hand that time, I was getting drunk at home almost every night. It wasn't an easy thing to pull myself out of but I somehow managed to do it. I quit smoking shortly thereafter as well (I stared when I got stressed over getting laid off from a job).

[Jack Skellington]

Yep, I am. =)

I posted that in the Gay-Thread two weeks ago, but I guess outside that thread it sounds a little confusing (especially since I haven't been very active on this board until now).
It's even a little confusing for myself to call her my wife, it wasn't like that when she was my girlfriend.

Oh I didn't notice that, but I knew you were a girl when I saw your picture at the forum so that's how I found out.