I Would Like to Know... (Who Here is Gay?)

[Disney Duster]

How very helpful, Spring HeelJack! But some of my confusion has not been explained away and some new confusion has possibly aroused:

the queercores who just queer.

HUH? What are queercores? How do you...'"just queer"? How do you "queer" at all? That's why the Q bothered me in the first place, I thought all who weren't straight were queer.

[SpringHeelJack]

Sorry, that should read "who ARE just queer", in that "queer" is the preferred term there. A "queercore" is an informal name for a radical quasi-punk (usually young) homosexual who uses the term "queer" as the preferred adjective regardless of sexual identity. and yes, anyone not straight is queer.

[Widdi]

Widdi, that's so funny! I'd rather my family be in denial than know I'm gay and dislike me or disown me for it.

I'd probably be the same way if I thought there was a chance of that happening.

My mom accepts that I believe I am gay, she just doesn't believe I am. Says I'm too masculine to be gay, which I don't buy. How many masculine guys do you know whose bedroom is decorated in Disney memorabilia and vintage care bears? She also thinks that I should show some stereotypes. Like tonight we where wrapping Christmas presents, and she got mad because I wasn't co-ordinating wrapping paper and tag colors. She was like "You're gay! You're supposed to know how to do stuff like this!" I just role my eyes at her and keep going...

[The Tickler]

Wow, Widdi, I nearly fainted when I noticed that you live 20 minutes from my hometown (Sturgeon Falls)! What are the odds?

As for the topic at hand...

I'm not sure if any of you were raised in a small town, but those who were probably know how tough it is to 'come out' in a place where the entire population knows your name. There was only ever one guy close to my age who made his homosexuality public, and while it must've been liberating for him, I'm sure he soon regretted making that decision. Suddenly, people would stop sitting next to him at lunchtime, or inviting him to play ball outside (even though he was among the best soccer players at school). I wasn't ready to lose the majority of my friends over something like this, so I kept my sexual orientation hidden, strictly dating girls all through high school and forcing myself to act in a manner that wouldn't raise any suspicion. I felt like Lance Bass, basically.

Things are a little better now that I'm in Ottawa (five hours away from my hometown), studying at university. I still haven't revealed my bisexuality to my family or hometown friends (although I'm really hoping to achieve that goal soon), but I'm less secretive about it over here now that I'm living on my own. People are so much more accepting in big cities, and the infinitely larger amount of openly gay/bisexual men doesn't hurt, either, haha.

Anyway, here's a photo of myself:

[Disney Duster]

Thank you, SpringHeelJack! SpringHeel, for Hitler...

Widdi, that's actually funny, too, because my girl friend (notice the space in between) keeps wanting me to know how to pick the right clothes for her and style her hair, just because I'm gay! And I don't know what looks best for other people (or how to do hair), I just like what I like for me, and, well, for whatever guys I hope to date, of course I know what I think looks good for them, because they're for me!

The Tickler, that's so sad! But at least no one beat him up... And I must say it's guys like you who give me hope for those "straight" boys I had/have crushes on! Hey, your photo didn't show up...

[The Tickler]

That's odd, I used ImageShack to upload it. Oh well, I've rehosted it on another site, so I hope it works now:

And I must say it's guys like you who give me hope for those "straight" boys I had/have crushes on!

I'll take that as a compliment!

[SpringHeelJack]

Tickler, you have very nice eyes / eyebrows. That's like the first thing I notice in a guy.

[Widdi]

Damn double post.

[Widdi]

Wow, Widdi, I nearly fainted when I noticed that you live 20 minutes from my hometown (Sturgeon Falls)! What are the odds?

Sturgeon Falls eh? I lived there for six months when I was in grade ten. I bet you went to Northern? Depending on how old you are we may have been there at the same time. Though to be honest I was there a whole 2 weeks before my mom decided to send me back to widdifield in North Bay.

As for the topic at hand...

I'm not sure if any of you were raised in a small town, but those who were probably know how tough it is to 'come out' in a place where the entire population knows your name. There was only ever one guy close to my age who made his homosexuality public, and while it must've been liberating for him, I'm sure he soon regretted making that decision. Suddenly, people would stop sitting next to him at lunchtime, or inviting him to play ball outside (even though he was among the best soccer players at school). I wasn't ready to lose the majority of my friends over something like this, so I kept my sexual orientation hidden, strictly dating girls all through high school and forcing myself to act in a manner that wouldn't raise any suspicion. I felt like Lance Bass, basically.

That must suck. I was out when I was in SF, but not really to anybody there. I knew I was only gonna be there for a few months so I didn't really bother to meet new people. All my friends in the bay knew though.

When I started telling people over march break in grade nine I was worried that I would get the reaction the guy you talked about did. It was awkward with a few people at first, but luckily most of my friends were ok with it, and most others seemed indifferent. I got picked on by a few members of the football team but they shut up when I started fighting back.

It wasn't really till the end of grade 10 when things went bad. I had fallen madly in love with my straight best friend and after a lot of thought I decided to tell him just to see what his reaction would be (my fantasy was he'd confess he was in love me too and we'd live happily ever after). Well some of his friends who didn't like me started assassinating my character and spreading a lot of nasty rumors about me, he believed them and after a public humiliation caused by him I pretty much lost all my friends (who sided with him) and I spent the summer holidays locked in my room, completely alone. The next fall I met my "fag hag" Tara and integrated with her friends and while I was still shunned by the majority of the school I was happy again. Later that year I would reconcile with some of my other friends too.

Things are a little better now that I'm in Ottawa (five hours away from my hometown), studying at university. I still haven't revealed my bisexuality to my family or hometown friends (although I'm really hoping to achieve that goal soon), but I'm less secretive about it over here now that I'm living on my own. People are so much more accepting in big cities, and the infinitely larger amount of openly gay/bisexual men doesn't hurt, either, haha.

I hope things go well for you when you do. I'm actually considering moving to Ottawa for college next September (it's one of 5 cities on the possibility list). I want to head to a big city that actually has a gay scene, because North Bay has nothing.

Anyway, here's a photo of myself:

You're a good looking dude.

[The Tickler]

Sturgeon Falls eh? I lived there for six months when I was in grade ten. I bet you went to Northern? Depending on how old you are we may have been there at the same time.

Haha, nope. I was one of the "frogs" from Franco-Cité, sorry to say. You know, those guys who always outperformed Widdifield at the East-West competitions. It's cool that you went to Northern for a while, though. That means we probably have a few mutual friends!

But yeah, Ottawa is an excellent choice if you're searching for a gay scene. Plus, this place is 100 times more beautiful than the other big Ontarian cities like Toronto, Hamilton and especially Sudbury.

You're a good looking dude.

Tickler, you have very nice eyes / eyebrows. That's like the first thing I notice in a guy.

Wow, you guys sure know how to make a guy blush. My eyebrows are usually the first thing people take a stab at, not compliment.

I guess this would be a good time to say I adore those lips of yours, SHJ.

[Beast_enchantment]

Wow, you guys sure know how to make a guy blush. My eyebrows are usually the first thing people take a stab at, not compliment.

you have gorgeous eyebrows and beautiful dark eyes anyone who stabs them obviously has no taste. and that story is very sad, some people just can't accept poeple who are different. i know what you've been through

just remember that song, "Life's not worth a damn, till you can say I AM WHAT I AM!"

and in response to the original post - LOUD AND PROUD!!!

[mlvc6969]

Wow this was an interesting thread to read, just wanted to add that I am gay also. I usually tend to stay out of gay topics because someone always manages to offend me and I hate that. The amount of homophobia that we still have to deal with astounds me.

[Beast_enchantment]

The amount of homophobia that we still have to deal with astounds me.

I know! people can still be so ignorant! there is one person at my college who at every time he sees me in the corridor he just yells nasty things at me and laughs at me and people think its funny but it isnt - its out of order and completely malicious! some people are just assholes!

[Prudence]

The amount of homophobia that we still have to deal with astounds me.

I know! people can still be so ignorant! there is one person at my college who at every time he sees me in the corridor he just yells nasty things at me and laughs at me and people think its funny but it isnt - its out of order and completely malicious! some people are just assholes!

There's someone at my college who is always yelling, "YOU LOOK LIKE A HOMO!" and "YOU DYKE!" to me. He doesn't even know my sexual orientation, he just thinks I "look" like a dyke.

[Beast_enchantment]

he's obviously a repugnant, abusive, malevolent prick who, no matter what he says will never be better than you!

[mlvc6969]

I know! people can still be so ignorant! there is one person at my college who at every time he sees me in the corridor he just yells nasty things at me and laughs at me and people think its funny but it isnt - its out of order and completely malicious! some people are just assholes!

There's someone at my college who is always yelling, "YOU LOOK LIKE A HOMO!" and "YOU DYKE!" to me. He doesn't even know my sexual orientation, he just thinks I "look" like a dyke.

Wow what mature people you have at your college. 9 times out of 10 the person yelling these things are gay themselves and they are so afraid of someone finding out that they do this to make sure people don't think they are gay. Thankfully I have always been openly gay since I was a teen and even at my jobs I have never had a problem with anyone harassing me. I don't take crap from no one and I have no problem confronting someone who runs their mouth to me.

I just don't get why straight people are so against gay marriage, when it doesn't even affect them. Like the sanctity of marriage will be ruined if gays start marrying. But like all these 36 hour marriages, divorces and cheating spouses, they are the idiots who are ruining the sanctity of marriage. Whether or not a gay couple marry's, that will have NO EFFECT on straight people whatsoever.

[Lazario]

My mom accepts that I believe I am gay, she just doesn't believe I am. Says I'm too masculine to be gay, which I don't buy. How many masculine guys do you know whose bedroom is decorated in Disney memorabilia and vintage care bears? She also thinks that I should show some stereotypes. Like tonight we where wrapping Christmas presents, and she got mad because I wasn't co-ordinating wrapping paper and tag colors. She was like "You're gay! You're supposed to know how to do stuff like this!" I just role my eyes at her and keep going...

Oh, my Mom is the exact same way. Not about me being gay, though. Just, if you want to call it 'general', general intolerance. Years ago, we were watching Sleepwalkers (1992) together and the scene comes up where it looks like the teacher is about to start molesting his student and my Mother screams, "he's a Fag!" I was like, "HELLO?!"

I'm telling you, it's because of that brand of obnoxious ignorance that we have militant, radical Political Correctness in the first place! There are certain things you just don't say in front of people. Whether they be vicious or merely outright stupid. People do not like hearing things like that. Ever.

[Disney Duster]

Aw, sorry about those jerks, and your mom, mlvc6969, Prudence, and Lazario. Geeze, your mom...I guess her past days have just taught her to react that way, like one teacher I know told me about an old woman she knew who accepted that black people were equal to white but she had all these racial tendencies from how she grew up. She just couldn't get over it.

Am I the only one who kind of...likes that gays are so hated by the majority, and are a minority? I know, I know, WTF, but, it kind of makes us special, and it gives us attention (as well as pity) and we sort of have a cause to fight against. It's like in a movie, you want conflict to keep things interesting. I like the idea of fighting for something: intolerance.

I also like telling people I'm gay and having them treat me like it's something so different and interesting. I think sometimes, because of heterosexism, you can even garner sympathy, care, and special treatment from people.

So am I the only one?

[Lazario]

I just don't get why straight people are so against gay marriage, when it doesn't even affect them.

Ignorance, blatant intolerance, and of course my favorite, the ingrown concept of superiority. The people with the most rights, freedoms, privilages are almost always the people who feel the most threatened by something different. That's something we as a people and the representatives / volunteers who advocate for our equal rights have been fighting to turn around for a long time. But we keep running into 2 things - opposition from religious conservatives, and, the apathetic assumed-superior groups. In layman's terms- the Majority. People who don't have it as hard as us and say to themselves, "why should we care?" Of course we should always care about intolerance and injustice no matter who we are or what position we're in in life. But the world doesn't work that way.

If we could get the appropriate amount of church out of our state, and have this country finally be represented by strong leaders who give a damn about freedom for all (scary concept, huh?), we would be fairly equipt to handle day-to-day hatred. But it's that day-to-day hatred that determines our culture and influences our society, keeps a lot of people voting for the wrong politicians, which in turn makes it easier for the powers that be to decide things however way they want them. Hence, the world we live in now.

It's a vicious cycle with very little hope of breaking anytime soon, thanks to things like electronic voting. And in the meantime, all we have to combat this sorry state of affairs are social statements- art, music, movies. And on some days, those really aren't worth shit.

This may disappoint some very good-hearted heterosexuals to hear, but the majority of straights do not see gays as equals. I'm also quickly starting to believe the majority of straights don't even know that being gay is not a choice.

And it's not a sin. I had a nice conversation with someone here who stuck to their guns about that, but you are wrong. It is the very same thing as heterosexuality- it's an orientation. You are born with it, it is inside you all the time, and you can't change it. The only thing different between the two is what society programs us to believe.

Like the sanctity of marriage will be ruined if gays start marrying.

Oh I know, that's a bunch of crap. If marriage had any "sanctity" or meaning left at all, there wouldn't be 24-hour, drive-through chapels in Vegas. Not to mention those ever popular Quickie Celebrity marriages. It is a ballfaced insult that people like Britney Spears or Paris Hilton should be allowed to get married, then divorced 12 hours later. But forever indicative of the kind of brainiacs we give the power to decide who should be allowed to marry, and who should not.

like one teacher I know told me about an old woman she knew who accepted that black people were equal to white but she had all these racial tendencies from how she grew up. She just couldn't get over it.

Difference between them and the homophobes, though? The bigots from the old days will die, and should by some miracle this planet survive about 1 or 2 more decades, we will see the entire idea of racism vanish. That will happen, if time / natural selection allows life here to continue. It is socially unacceptable in every major area in the U.S. to be a racist. However, this situation is not even close to being the same for gays in the U.S. We are basically in what I like to think were the black-60's or 70's. The progress we're starting to make is not nearly as fast as that with the black power movement. And look at how much time we've been fighting. The gay liberation movement, if I'm not mistaken, started in the 70's. We've been fighting bigotry and hatred for over 3 decades and we still aren't allowed by law and government to fight in the military without hiding or marry without pissing on the dignity and worth of our relationships just because of the petty b.s. from the ruling class and powers that be.

[Flanger-Hanger]

Disney Duster You're just one of those poeple who just likes attention, and being noticed, whether it's positive or negative.

Laz you sum up exactly the way I feel about society towards Gays, and your previous post was probably the smartest thing I read all day. Unfortunately, I still don't feel comfortable with my sexuality or many other things in my life. I need help.