I'm much too furious at someone. He isn't anyone here, so don't ask. No, he is some person I take one class with who has taken it upon himself to try to humiliate me as a sport. Apparently, I greatly amuse him. That's fascinating. I wish he would find something else comic to watch and listen to.
My friend Jeremy and I see him more than we would care to. I'll call this jerk Brandon. Brandon has found debating philosophy with Jeremy and myself to be the most hilarious thing in the known universe, because in Brandon's mind, he always wins. He twists everything he observes while questioning our intelligences and our characters. Now, I and a number of my friends "debate" these sort of things in good humor all the time, but Brandon genuinely believes all of his initial misconceptions about me. Yes, I care entirely too much about what people think. In fact, because Brandon realized this, he was admittedly able to hurt me more.
Some of the things Brandon thinks are,
1. I am not as deeply complex a person as Jeremy is, simply because I am not as jaded a person as Jeremy is.
2. I am not assertive "when one gets right down to [my] core."
3. I am a lesbian. He has nicknamed me Sappho, although there is no proof that the poet and instructor Sappho was a lesbian. (She taught an all girl's school on the Isle of Lesbos.)
4. I am a people pleaser, and thus I am more sensitive than I am willing to publicly admit.
He is right about 4, although it depends greatly on each individual person. He is dead wrong about 1. and 2., and only half right about 3. I swear, I don't understand why people assume I am a dyke. Because my hair isn't long? Because I'm tall? Because I am indeed assertive and, yes, proud? These aren't real reasons at all. Apparently, it's the "vibe" I give off. I give off a "vibe" of being either bisexual or a lesbian. Right.
As for 1. and 2., just because I am not a panicking jaded mess half the time does not mean I am not complicated. In fact, Brandon proved that I am complex in his gross misjudgments of me. He certainly has not been around me long enough to see my various character traits. And just because I can grow to respect the opinions of my friends does not mean that my assertiveness is a mask. It's very real. I have always been and will always be a questioning person.
If you think I'm rambling now, you're lucky you weren't around me last night. This is the extremely condensed version. Brandon made numerous other accusations, among them that Jeremy is a more shielded person than myself. Yes, well, that is called "Jeremy fakes pleasure at people's horribleness whereas I continually tell them that they are doing horrible things." Perhaps it is a bit like dropping ones' shield in a battle, but it somewhat contradicts a few of Brandon's other misconceptions.
The only thing Brandon said that I liked was something that everyone listening agreed with. He said I was proud, but not cocky. "There's an unsinkable pride in your voice, no matter what you say."


