CR wrote:Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up every two hours?
Because it's the most peaceful two hours ever!
CR wrote:If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a Hearing?
Nah, it's called a Deafing...
CR wrote:Why do we press harder on the remote control when we know that the batteries are dead?
Because often, the batteries aren't dead, they're just really low on power, and by pressing harder, we're holding down the charge/circuit/whathaveyou, and thus, it's pulling and pulling for that remaining power to do its business.
CR wrote:Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
More importantly, how convenient was it that he also had perfect teeth and eyesight and didn't need glasses or braces?
CR wrote:Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but he ducks when you throw a revolver at him?
Because even though it wouldn't hurt, it'd probably sting a little and give him a headache...
CR wrote:Why do people believe you when you tell them there are four billion stars, but have to check when you say the paint is wet?
Which would you rather do: poke your finger on something and see if it's wet paint...or start counting to four billion?
CR wrote:Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?
Just in case the prisoner gets a sudden reprieve and they gotta halt the injection midway, administer the antidote, and pray that he makes it through?
CR wrote:Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
So when they go, they go out in style!
CR wrote:Whose idea was it to put the letter "S" in the word "lisp"?
Whoever it was, he must've also thought it'd be awfully fun to make "cough", "rough", and "bough" all be said differently...
CR wrote:Are there specially reserved parking spaces for 'normal' people at the Special Olympics?
Yep, the back rows.
CR wrote:Do married people live longer than single people, or does it only seem longer?
It seems longer, but that's because you forget anniversaries and may end up repeating a year.
CR wrote:Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze those pink, dangly things here and drink whatever comes out"?
The same one who thought to eat what came out of a chicken's bum.
CR wrote:Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken there..... I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes out of it's bum"?
THe same one who thought to squeeze a cow's udders and drink what came out of it.
CR wrote:If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?
Hell.
CR wrote:If corn oil is made from corn and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?
Placenta, Essence of Fetus, and a hint of rosemary.
CR wrote:Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
I don't think anyone gets the full effect of alphabet soup...
CR wrote:Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?
No, but isn't it fun pushing the elevator button???
CR wrote:Ever notice that when you blow in a dogs face he gets mad. Yet, when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?
That's because people have bad breath, but the open air is much more tolerable.
CR wrote:Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things that are on the ground?
Because it's worth being able to look down on people, and if inclined to do so, spit at them too.
CR wrote:If the temperature is 0 degrees outside today, and it is going to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold will it be?
Damned if I know, I'll be inside!
Pasta wrote:If someone owns a piece of land, do they own it all the way to the center of the earth?
God, I hope not. Who'd want a condo in the Earth's core?
Pasta wrote:If humans evolved from monkey's/apes, why are they still here?
Hey now, come on, some of them are slow learners!
Pasta wrote:Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
Magic! Whoo!
Pasta wrote:Why is the show called "Unsolved Mysteries?" If they were solved they wouldn't be mysteries.
Shhh! People who figure this out end up missing and become a segment of "Unsolved Mysteries"!
Pasta wrote:If you fart and burp at the same time, would it make a vacuum in your tummy?
That would explain the dust bunnies...
Pasta wrote:When the French swear, do they say "Pardon my English?"
No, they'd say "Pardonnez mon Anglais".
Pasta wrote:Can you slam a revolving door?
Yes, but it'd probably slam you back.
Pasta wrote:Is eating a mermaid considered cannibalism?
God, I hope not.
Escapay
Hope you enjoy them too
That one had me cracking up!!
