akhenaten's short film PLUS AN ALL-NEW ONE :P

[akhenaten]

hi guys! i've just finished my short film for this semester.
its called nene breshke. that is 'mother turtle' in albanian.

u can watch it here!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l_gfMFoIE4k


gimme your feedback!

thanks!

[Sotiris]

It's really good for a college project! But it would have been so much better if it was in 2d instead

[jeremy88]

Wow Adem thats so good! I remember when you showed me the unfinished version a while ago, it looks so awesome now!
I like the music a lot. I give it a 5 outa 5

[akhenaten]

well im streaming in motion graphic and the university's requirement that there had to be 3d in the work. *groan*

thanks for ur comments!

[Wonderlicious]

That short was really cute. I loved it!

[RachelSmachel]

Very lovely. I really liked the colours chosen, it gives the whole thing a nice, hazy gentle feel.

[Jasmine1022]

That was really sweet and cute. Even though it was only, like, 3 minutes, I could just tell that there was a lot going on. well done!

100 out of 10

[Disney Duster]

All you guys can say is it was cute?

That was a beautiful short! Such breathtaking visuals! The opening of the sky! The stars! The colorful sea! And while this certainly was cute, I liked the quirky, imaginative way the sun burst open, spilling its beams into the ocean, suddenly turning it into a happy day as suddenly as the music starts. The opening palm trees were very creative and so beautiful. How imaginitive, the way they formed!

I must admit, though, I was bugged by the stilted way some of the turtles turned and moved, especially when they jumped out of the water, and that one turtle that was jumping, I couldn't tell if it fell or hit its head on a cloud or what before the mother helped it up. I know you're young and maybe you work with 2D over 3D or you're just getting started in animation, but it still bugged me.

But anyway, the lightning really scared me before the shark came. It was creepy because the music was still happy but you knew something bad would happen, and like anything with happy music when something bad could happen, you feel bad, like "even if the turtle dies, the music will still play on, happy and unaffected."

Why was the shark orange? After it was very blue with the lightning flashing, it was orange?! Why did you use your color of happiness for the shark that would eat the turtle and make the turtle unhappy?! But even with the orangeness, it was kind of scary as it zoomed toward the screen. Had the shark been a cooler, darker, less happy color, or perhaps the colors of a true shark, it would have been rather frightful.

Then the turtle is lost and sees his mother in the sky. How sad! That's not cute, that's depressing! Unless we know the turtle will be alright on his own...will he/she?

And I must note on the music: I really preferred the female version during the credits. I know that it was slower than the male version you used, so maybe it wouldn't have worked with the faster visuals you wanted, but I liked that one so much better.

Also, did you splice the happy jazzy music with classical music? Or are the songs unedited?

And a strange note: Is this representing the fall from grace? Adam and Eve, the Garden of Eden? Because the turtle FALLS from the sky, and then after enjoying "Heaven", loses his orange paradise! Getting kicked out of Eden. Then the turtle looks up at the sky to its mother, its creator, who could be representing God, who we always think of as dwelling in the sky.

Or is it just a tale of having to lose your happiness when you grow up and live on your own, without your parents or childhood anymore?

[Sotiris]

Disney Duster you either get excited too easily or really trying to be nice...

Talk about exaggeration...

[Wonderlicious]

All you guys can say is it was cute?

That was a beautiful short! Such breathtaking visuals! The opening of the sky! The stars! The colorful sea! And while this certainly was cute...

Wow. I did find it a beautiful short as much as it was cute. I too loved the shapes and colours. So don't worry.

[Jasmine1022]

Duster, Duster, Duster. I know that you mean well, but seriously. It was three minutes long. I admit that it was beautiful for what it was, but save all those adjectives for something a little less...CUTE! That's what it was. The turtles were CUTE. If I see a baby turtle I say "awww", not "wow, your stunningly beautifully gorgeous. Now, if only you were a different color, and maybe in 2D." I mean, spare me!

[akhenaten]

wow, erm duster that was one thorough review. thanks! somehow u got it right.hehehe

but lemme justify some of my choices there, hehe. the music was from a selection of music given by the lecturers, the version given was the old fred astaire one. i realized i had the doris day version on cd as well so i used it for the credits to complement the whole feature and sort of become the end credits version. the astaire version was taken directly from within the movie Top Hat and i edited it abit.

as for the shark, it is made of fire because it represents not a real shark, but the embodiment of death and evil. it assumes the shape of a shark because that's one of the usual underwater predator for turtles.because the story is not chronological if u get it. it is open for ur interpretation. so yeah duster u got it right and u also offered an interesting theory of adam and eve fall from grace. thats good to hear!

thanks guys~!

[Escapay]

All you guys can say is it was cute?

Well, I'll see if I can help start a "let's write long feedback!" bandwagon and follow up with my own.

I really enjoyed the short, ahkenaten. It's a charming and rather symbolic one that I think benefits greatly from its 3D elements (sorry 2D purists...), and translates well to the screen.

I had seen the short when you first posted it last Friday, but at the time I was in a sour mood (long story) and chose not to leave feedback. But after reading the Duster's comments and yours, I rewatched it again to pick up on things I might have missed.

Anyway, keeping both theories in mind (fall from grace or losing happiness/separation from parent), I felt it was more towards the latter. I mean, the turtlet (turtling? young turtle?) is eager to join everyone else and swims up to them, but the shark suddenly appears and takes the mother. Yeah, it's pretty much a literal translation, but it works. Also, I liked the end, when the turtlet/turtling/young turtle looks so forlorn and sad, then looks up and sees the mother appear in the stars. I kind of groaned first because it reminded me of The Lion King, but it worked well so I can't fault it for that!

All in all, it was a great short, and the selection of music was spot on.

Escapay

[akhenaten]

arghhh i cant find the lion king connection..maybe cause when i think of sky and lion king i think of the cloudmufasa. but then i remember the "look at the stars" and yeah..well..coincidence i guess, i just assumed that all aneimism and spiritual beliefs always refer to the sky as the ancestral dwellings.

[Jasmine1022]

All you guys can say is it was cute?

Well, I'll see if I can help start a "let's write long feedback!" bandwagon and follow up with my own.

I really enjoyed the short, ahkenaten. It's a charming and rather symbolic one that I think benefits greatly from its 3D elements (sorry 2D purists...), and translates well to the screen.

I had seen the short when you first posted it last Friday, but at the time I was in a sour mood (long story) and chose not to leave feedback. But after reading the Duster's comments and yours, I rewatched it again to pick up on things I might have missed.

Anyway, keeping both theories in mind (fall from grace or losing happiness/separation from parent), I felt it was more towards the latter. I mean, the turtlet (turtling? young turtle?) is eager to join everyone else and swims up to them, but the shark suddenly appears and takes the mother. Yeah, it's pretty much a literal translation, but it works. Also, I liked the end, when the turtlet/turtling/young turtle looks so forlorn and sad, then looks up and sees the mother appear in the stars. I kind of groaned first because it reminded me of The Lion King, but it worked well so I can't fault it for that!

All in all, it was a great short, and the selection of music was spot on.

Escapay

See, Disney Duster? THAT'S good feedback. "it was beautiful and stunning", that's what you say to everything! or "breathtaking". it might be nice if you actually had some truth to your praises

[Disney Duster]

Sorry to bump, but it gives this another chance on the first page where the action is.

Maybe I should have been less exuberant in my review, because it's true that if you say everything is fantastic it won't matter as much when someone does something even better, and Akhenaten is on his way to doing greater things. But I think anyone can tell this is a short student made film, and within those confines this work stands out, in my opinion.

Thanks, Akhenaten for answering my questions, but I still have qualms with that shark. Why? Because it was blue and dark before, but then it got bright, like it was happy again. It just didn't work for me because it turned blue and cold, and then something bright came along. My previous thoughts were bright = happy, blue = sad/bad, but then the bright shark didn't fit in. I'm saying maybe you should have foresaken the fire and gone for something like piercing jagged ice for the shark, something that fit in with the blue atmosphere right before he appeared. Because the blue was scary, especially with the lightning. The mere fact that it was a happy aquamarine that turned to colder, darker blue was enough to convey something bad.

I mean, the turtlet (turtling? young turtle?) is eager to join everyone else and swims up to them, but the shark suddenly appears and takes the mother.

Thanks for pointing out the mom got eaten. I assumed that the shark just chased the young turtle away and it got lost, but now I see it was the mother who got chased. That means I previously thought the vision in the sky was a memory of the turtlet projected into the sky to make the his mother appear. It could still be a memory or the turtlet's wish to have his mother back and thus he creates the image of his mother, but the actual ghost of his mother does seem more fitting, I suppose.

arghhh i cant find the lion king connection..maybe cause when i think of sky and lion king i think of the cloudmufasa. but then i remember the "look at the stars" and yeah..well..coincidence i guess, i just assumed that all aneimism and spiritual beliefs always refer to the sky as the ancestral dwellings.

That's exactly why I thought the turtle in the sky could have represented God. But it also fits in with his mother now being dead and up in heaven.

It might be nice if you actually had some truth to your praises

I would hope everyone on here knows I try to be sincere in my comments. I was deifinatley being truthful here, as long as I can say something is breathtaking without me actually losing my breath, because I didn't, but it was still impressive and a feast for my eyes.

[akhenaten]

duster, i never doubted ur intentions for a second. i know u were being honest and i thank you for that. anyway, motion picture is nothing but a moving painting as i see it. a painting that tells a story, and whatever the interpretation might be is different from one to another unless guided by a specific storyline.

hihihi

well all these experiments im making (aside from some others that are not uploaded) is to prepare me for my big project, hailibu and the dragon princess. until i master the right technique it wont be done.

[akhenaten]

hi guys! im back with my new project! here's an animatic speak peek. gimme ur comments!

thanks!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OFxQ1R8hShw

[blackcauldron85]

I just watched both of your films. I really am interested in seeing the completed "Hailibu and the Dragon Princess"- it seems like a nice story. The turtle story was really cute...until it turned sad. The ending totally reminded me of "The Lion King".

I'm very impressed!

[akhenaten]

hoowee a reply. thanks blackcauldron. im planning to submit it to the 2dornot2d festival this year..or possibly sell it on cartoonbrew.