I know I don't have enough time to post all the time like I used to, but I know most of you remember me... Anyway, I need some advice, and I always turn to my U.D. friends for advice! lol See, I really like my guy friend, but I am nervous about telling him because I am fearful he doesn't like me that way, and that possibly he won't want to be friends anymore! Should I tell him, or should I hide my feelings? And if I should tell him. I wouldn't know what to say because he is REALLY shy and I don't want to freak him out Will someone please help me figure out what I should do? I'd really appreciate it! This whole thing has really been depressing me...
3. Are you positive these feelings are real? Could there have been any outside circumstances that made you re-evaluate your life and "realize" that he's a guy you feel strongly about for a true and intimate relationship?
Escapay
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AwallaceUNC: Would you prefer Substi-Blu-tiary Locomotion?
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TheSequelOfDisney: Damn, did Lin-Manuel Miranda go and murder all your families?
Escapay wrote:1. Is he in a relationship with anyone?
2. How long have the two of you known each other?
3. Are you positive these feelings are real? Could there have been any outside circumstances that made you re-evaluate your life and "realize" that he's a guy you feel strongly about for a true and intimate relationship?
Escapay
1. No....actually he's never had a girlfriend
2. I've known him almost a year.
3. I'm pretty sure. I've liked him for a long time, and I just really enjoy spending time with him and being around him. See, he's my closest friend's brother (he's my age, she's two years older than me.) We all see eachother at the college most every day and also I go over their house all the time. I love hanging in his room with just him. We play video games, watch tv (he's really into anime so he shows me that), etc. Oh and yes, my friend knows I like him but she doesn't know what I should do either because he's so shy and he's never had a girlfriend...
I'm considering joining the forum and talking to him anonomously (but maybe that's too sneaky. The main reason I thought to do that though is that I just noticed he posted this http://www.anime-planet.com/forum/showt ... 74&page=11 and this really bothers me.... (I'm thinking of dropping anonomus hints "maybe someone likes you" ...I don't know what to do...
Escapay wrote:1. Is he in a relationship with anyone?
1. No....actually he's never had a girlfriend
Hmm. Okay. Well, at least this way he can possibly be interested in teh prospect of having a girlfriend now. But maybe right now he's looking to stay single.
Mermaid Kelly wrote:
Escapay wrote:
2. How long have the two of you known each other?
2. I've known him almost a year.
That's a decent amount of time to sort out feelings (then again, it took Harry and Sally like...12 years to figure out they loved each other...but I never bought it and hated that they paired them up...that's another story...)
Mermaid Kelly wrote:
Escapay wrote:
3. Are you positive these feelings are real? Could there have been any outside circumstances that made you re-evaluate your life and "realize" that he's a guy you feel strongly about for a true and intimate relationship?
3. I'm pretty sure. I've liked him for a long time, and I just really enjoy spending time with him and being around him. See, he's my closest friend's brother (he's my age, she's two years older than me.) We all see eachother at the college most every day and also I go over their house all the time. I love hanging in his room with just him. We play video games, watch tv (he's really into anime so he shows me that), etc. Oh and yes, my friend knows I like him but she doesn't know what I should do either because he's so shy and he's never had a girlfriend...
He sees you as a friend, and is comfortable around you. But like you said, he's never had a girlfriend and is pretty shy, so the fact that he's comfortable with you may signify that he sees you as a friend, in a sibling sort of way. I'd probably drop hints or fish around to see if *he* is interested in you, in that way. But nothing candid like "Hey, do you like me in that way?" Beat around the bush, ask stuff like "So...any girls you like?" You know, play around with him. Tease him about his relationships (or lack thereof). Get him comfortable enough to talk about what he wants in a relationship, and evaluate yourself to see if you and him could be together based on what you both want.
If you know how his feelings for girls are, try and figure out if he may be able to have those feelings for you. But don't approach him too quickly abou it, just feel around, make it seem like curiosity. Stuff like, "so, what do you want in a relationship?" Do it as a late-night talk on the phone. Late-night conversations are always the best time for people to open up to their good friends. They feel that it's more comfortable then, like all these things you want to say you finally can before you go to sleep, and you can trust that it remains between you and your friend.
Have fun with this, and hopefully he'll feel the same way.
Escapay
WIST #60:
AwallaceUNC: Would you prefer Substi-Blu-tiary Locomotion?
WIST #61:
TheSequelOfDisney: Damn, did Lin-Manuel Miranda go and murder all your families?
Sorry the chat's not working. So I took the liberty of taking my love advice from there and pasting it here, adding some stuff too.
If he's picky about just personality, and he already meshes well with you, go for it, but use the advice I gave. Don't make it too known that you're interested. play the objective third party and see if he wants a relationship right now. Then casually try and drop hints, like mention that you're looking for a relationship too.
Don't outright say "wanna date?". Make a group thing of it, but make sure that *you* are always by his side. Tease him, flirt in a friendly way (you know, pretend to mock-flirt to get him riled up a bit). Make it known that you're just fooling at the moment, then, perhaps, privately from the group, tell him you're serious about a relationship. Explain why without making it a lecture to him. Listen to him too. Let him think about it after the date. Let him call you. If after a few days, he doesn't call, stop over at the house and have a serious discussion about it then. Never over the phone. People say things over the phone they'd never think to say in person, and vice versa.
BUT let him know you think of him as a friend first. If things work out well, always make it known through the relationship that you guys are FRIENDS FIRST and COUPLE SECOND. It's not a good thing to substitute one for the other, especially if things don't go the way you hoped.
So always stress that even if you're in a relationship with him, you're always his friend. That way, if things don't work out, you won't lose anything except the exclusiveness of being together.
And honestly? I wouldn't go for the anonymous forum idea. If he finds out it's you, he'll feel like you were baiting him for a relationship and that you couldn't trust yourself or him to approach him about a relationship in person.
Escapay
WIST #60:
AwallaceUNC: Would you prefer Substi-Blu-tiary Locomotion?
WIST #61:
TheSequelOfDisney: Damn, did Lin-Manuel Miranda go and murder all your families?
Thank you so much Escapay! Your advice is really helpful. I'm going to try the whole being subtle thing and flirt some more....maybe that will get him thinking. And after that, I'll eventually try to tell him that I'm interested. I just hope I can figure out the right thing to say! I mean I can't just be like "I like you!" or like you said "wanna date?" ....I really don't know how to say it...perhaps say that we have a really good friendship and that I kinda like him as more that that?
Mermaid Kelly wrote:perhaps say that we have a really good friendship and that I kinda like him as more that that?
Say something along the lines of this:
"We have a good friendship, don't we?"
(let's assume he says "yeah")
"and we'll never do anything to ruin that friendship, right?"
("of course, baby doll")
"But what if you ever wanted more?"
("whatchootalkinboutwillis?")
"I'm just saying...have you ever thought of *us* as more than friends?"
(if he says "yeah...i guess", then you can slowly approach the fact that you want a more meaningful relationship. If he says "no", drop the subject for awhile, then bring it up again during the group thing)
Escapay
WIST #60:
AwallaceUNC: Would you prefer Substi-Blu-tiary Locomotion?
WIST #61:
TheSequelOfDisney: Damn, did Lin-Manuel Miranda go and murder all your families?
Wow, welcome back, Mermaid Kelly! I'm glad you've partly returned so you can join us in our celebration of the DVD premiere of TLM PE 2-Disc!!!
Dr. Phil aka Escapay...
Ask Escapay...
Dear Escapay....
Delilah aka Escapay...
Where did you get this stuff??????
My advice is please please please don't make it obvious because you really will scare him away. If he doesn't like you like that, I don't think he'll drop you as a friend. He may be a little freaked at first, but you seem like true friends and you most likely won't lose him as a friend.
Oh and IMO, the anime message board idea is a little stalkerish to me. I don't think it would be fair to him if he tells you stuff he wouldn't tell people he really really knows. He would probably be really offended if he found out it was you (like in Mrs. Doubtfire and a bunch of other movies). I understand you really want to know some things, but talking to him anonymously is the wrong way to do it.
Years of listening to my friends talk about their relationships and what they do about it since they like to confide in me with their love problems knowing I'd listen and know what to say, along with some common sense, and of course, the greatest teacher of relationships: soap operas. And yes, some of the advice do come from the talk shows and radio shows.
Escapay
WIST #60:
AwallaceUNC: Would you prefer Substi-Blu-tiary Locomotion?
WIST #61:
TheSequelOfDisney: Damn, did Lin-Manuel Miranda go and murder all your families?
If you like somebody, I mean to the point that you want a relationship with them (and as long as they're not married), you should tell them. Just flat out let them know, because it's likely that nothing will happen otherwise, especially when dealing with a shy guy (I'm a shy guy, so I know what I'm talking about as far as that is concerned). Yeah, you might get the brush off, but it's better to try it than to regret not saying anything for the rest of your life. I can think of at least one girl from High School that I regret not talking to pretty much every day that goes by. Of course, I didn't even know her name and still don't know how to spark a conversation with a complete stranger. Never had the kind of luck of being friends with one of my crushes. I guess I was too particular, so the odds were stacked against me on that.
Also, when you're dealing with a shy guy, don't rely on dropping hints and flirting. He might never get it, or even if he does, he might never do anything about it, even if he WANTS to. That's what being shy is. We practically need a written invitation when it comes to girls, and those almost NEVER come, because shyness is not generally considered attractive by women. Too bad, too. We shy guys are usually the nicest, most romantic guys in the world, when we're not serial killers, ha. It's kinda like Russian Roulette in that sense.
I see I got more responses! Thank you everyone! I see conflicting answers though...whick is confusing (be direct, don't be direct, etc.) I was with him yesterday, but unfortunately I didn't say anything yet...I will though...and of course I'll post when I do!
Oh and I won't do the anonomus thing....that was just something I came up with to send him a hint that someone likes him....but I guess I won't do that after all....
<< The aforementioned friend..
Ya... my bro is a genious, book-wise, etc... but thats about it.
He has no common sense, no social skills...
and I agree with Slave2moonlight...
He will not get anything subtle.
He doesn't even listen to a word anyone says to him unless they are loud and clear. You have to be loudly obviously talking to him... or he doesn't hear you.
Nevermind anything like subtle body language.
...wow, unintended reference.. Ursula would LOVE him..
Ok.. so you shouldn't get upset if he doesn't see you wave at him, If he doesn't hear you talk to him... he is oblivious.
I don't know why he is the way that he is... I can try and guess.. but I really just end up hurting my brain. I got the smarts in all the departments he is lacking them, and I am lacking the book-smarts he has abundance of.
I really have run out of things to say to try and comfort you when he is being an idiot. I am sounding like a broken record.
I'm just a little alley rat..
But I always had success with a little nonchalant physical contact flirting.
A brush-by here, a hug there.
The guys always got the message.
Hell, I pounced on my fiance to show that I liked him.. Lol.
Be careful.....not to sound like a downer here, but seriously take it from me, you could have the most non-threatining intentions ever and even if it seems fine, you could end up screwing up everything for good. Don't be like me.....
Well, to address something stated earlier, it's not so much about common sense, social skills (well, a little), or smarts. It has a lot to do with self esteem, past experiences (which, of course, relate to self esteem), and a lot with how big of a player (playa?) a guy is. Many guys, maybe most, are full of confidence because they're used to girls jumping their bones, so if a girl even glances at one of these guys, they read it as a come on. So, these guys might always know when you're flirting with them, but they're probably always thinking girls are flirting with them anyway, even when they aren't. Not saying all these guys are jerks and players, but they're not really smarter than other guys, they just get hit on by girls a lot for whatever reason (usually looks), so they're overloaded with confidence. Now, girls do tend to think these guys are the "norm." They think they're the way guys usually are and are supposed to be, and the shy, smart guys are the weird ones. I'm not going to say there are more shy guys out there than outgoing types, but I bet the numbers are pretty close to equal. The truth is, this idea that all guys are smooth operators and read signals well and all that stuff comes both from the media and the fact that girls tend to not bother with shy guys at all. They ignore them so much that they actually become invisible to them. You start hearing them say all guys are this way or that way, never really including the shy guys. All guys are NOT like the ones you meet at the beach on Spring Break or in clubs, and those guys aren't really as perfect as they may look to the vast majority of single girls out there. Girls don't flirt with the shy guys often, so the shy guys never build much confidence or ability to recognize flirting. If a girl brushes up against us, we might use it as fantasy material for years, but we rarely think of it as more than an accident. Of course, years later, we might look back at those moments and realize they were flirtations that we totally missed out on, and we might regret that greatly. Bottom line, it takes a lot of experience with flirting for a guy to build up confidence and a recognition of it, and shy guys just don't receive much of that. If you want a shy guy, you have to be agressive to a certain point, either with words or physically, but you also have to know that he might not be into you and know when to stop. Of course, don't confuse his nervousness with him not being into you...
Anyway, I need some advice, and I always turn to my U.D. friends for advice! lol 
See, I really like my guy friend, but I am nervous about telling him because I am fearful he doesn't like me that way, and that possibly he won't want to be friends anymore! Should I tell him, or should I hide my feelings? And if I should tell him. I wouldn't know what to say because he is REALLY shy and I don't want to freak him out 
Will someone please help me figure out what I should do? I'd really appreciate it! This whole thing has really been depressing me...
I'm going to try the whole being subtle thing and flirt some more....maybe that will get him thinking. And after that, I'll eventually try to tell him that I'm interested. I just hope I can figure out the right thing to say! 
I mean I can't just be like "I like you!" or like you said "wanna date?" ....I really don't know how to say it...perhaps say that we have a really good friendship and that I kinda like him as more that that?
(be direct, don't be direct, etc.) I was with him yesterday, but unfortunately I didn't say anything yet...I will though...and of course I'll post when I do! 
