Do I have a right to be annoyed by this?

[Disney Lover]

Ok, for my college graduation I said I hoped that maybe I could get a new computer, a desk top as a graduation present. I hinted about it and everything. I even staright out said that that was what I wanted if my parents could afford it. Well whenever I would bring it up my dad would get all annoyed but never really said yes or no. But you could tell that he didn't want to spend the money. Eventually I was just like fine you don't have to get me that.

Now a few months later my brother is going back to school for his last year. My brother is taking an online class and his current computer keeps acting up so he was all like he needed a new laptop. My dad says sure go for. Not much hesitation or anything! Just sure go for it. This I was ok with cause he did need a new computer and I understood that. But here's the kicker. He also bought his girlfriend a new laptop as well cause its there 1 year anniversary. Now, my brother has no job or anything and hasn't for a while. My dad paid for both laptops!

My brother swears up and down that he'll get a job when he goes back to school to pay the bill off but he has said this everytime he has gone back to school and he has never gotten a job (claims that he can't find one but my mom and I know he isn't even looking) and if he has gotten a job its never lasted more than 3 months or so. So my parents are going to be stuck paying the bill.

After they all got home (I was at work) my mom talks to my dad mentioning that she wanted to see about getting me a new one too or at least this one that I have updated cause she knew it was unfair to me since my dad wouldn't get me one for graduation. My dad said that since I'm going to be getting that job at Verizon that I can just pay for it myself even though he knows that I want to save up money to get my own apartment soon.

Neither my mom or I can believe any of this. I know my mom is getting fed up with it cause its like no matter how much money it is my dad just gives it to my brother and allowing my brother to walk all over him practically. I can't wait till I can move out so that I don't have to put up with it anymore.

[Disney_fanatic]

I think you have a right to be annoyed. I just finally got my own computer a few months ago. For my high school graduation I could have bought one for myself. I received a lot of money as gifts for my graduation, but I didn't buy one. I have always kinda been everyones favorite and spoiled by everyone, especially my grandpa. I knew I could get a computer from him. So, I finally told him I wanted one and he gave me one of his credit cards. I got a nice notebook from Dell for about $2500.00, and I'm glad that I waited.

[littlefuzzy]

I see several things here...

First of all, who paid for your college? If it is your parents, then you should probably be buying THEM a gift, since you graduated... Did they give you anything while you were attending college, like computers, etc.?

Also, from the tone of your post, you sound like "YO, GIMME STUFF, and it better be expensive!" instead of not expecting anything, and being grateful for whatever is given. Okay, we all *know* that we are going to get presents for birthdays, Christmas, Graduations, Weddings, etc., but we should act like getting loot is the last thing on our minds.

How old is your current computer, and how old is your brother's old computer? Maybe your dad thought that your computer was new enough for what you needed at this point...

How old is your brother? Is he in college, or high school? He may still be at the stage where they are giving him things WHILE he is in college, like you may have recieved earlier... It may be that if he graduates college, he will also be cut off from expensive items, since he would concievably get a job, move out, etc.

It may be that your father wants you to start depending on yourself for things, since you are now a college graduate. Also, he may feel that at this stage, you don't *NEED* a new computer for schoolwork or a job. Your brother needed some sort of computer for his online class (whether the one he had was good enough, or not...)

Your father may feel that as a college graduate, with a job lined up at Verizon and plans to move out, you are set in the world... It sounds like your brother is still at home, with no job, and your father may think that buying him a computer will help him get motivated to finish school, get a job, and get out of the house.

It might even be possible that your dad is getting a nice computer for you, and he wants to keep it a surprise...

Of course, it could be that your dad is just a jerk, and he spoils your brother but doesn't give a fig for you...

=========

I will say that your brother's girlfriend getting a computer is wrong... Maybe your father said he could spend a certain amount for a computer, and your brother got two computers for that price...

[TheSequelOfDisney]

It sounds like your father likes your brother more than he likes you.

[dvdjunkie]

Just a quick thought.........why don't you quit whining, and go out and get a job. Then you can buy your own computer. I think you are being very materialistic about everything. If you are a college graduate, then it is time to cut the apron strings, get a job and get on with your life.

[Disney Lover]

I really don't think I'm being materialistic about this. I mean I understood fine about not getting the computer before because I know its a lot of money. And I understand completely that my brother needs a new computer. He's needed a new one for ages now. My main problem with this whole thing is that my dad bought my brother's girlfriend a new laptop as well. Especially considering we didn't have the money 3 months ago for one computer and nothing has changed since then money wise.

As for college my parents did help with college for a bit but then I took out loans. This computer I have now is 3 years old and is running slower and heating up super quick from constant use. Anyway, my dad did help me get it. Before this I used a borrowed laptop from my dad's work.

As for what littlefuzzy said....I certainly don't expect expensive stuff all the time. I know I got it good just on the fact that my parents are letting me stay at home till I get money saved up rent free. And I'm really grateful for that.

The thing with my brother and my dad is that its been happening on and off all the time for the last few years. My dad has this habit of giving my brother all this money for all these schemes of his that are supposedly going to get him rich and famous.

Most recently January of 2005 more brother decided that he was going to be a pro golfer and signed up for this golfing school (that teaches you how to be a pro golfer) thats in Florida (we live in PA). My dad paid for the school, for my brother's apartment rent, the furniture, my brother's food and everything. He never got a job down there like he swore he would. My brother was down there for like 3 or so months until he realized it was going to be much harder than he thought and quit and moved back. My dad was out all that money. My brother swore to pay my dad back but he hasn't yet cause he still hasn't gotten a job.

Anyway, as for this job at Verizon....he only came about this week and I'm still not sure when I start since I got this job through an employment agency since I was having trouble finding a better paying job on my own.

[Isidour]

well..life is sometimes crapy. But don´t worry and hang in there because when your dad can´t give all his money to your bro he will really have to find a job, while you´re completely independent by all you are living and you´ll live in a future.

just hang in there

[memnv]

While I agree with Junkie on alot of what he said, I don't think it is right that your dad bought your Brother's Girlfriend a computer. When I was in college I also worked and bought my own stuff, I moved out of my parents house by the time I was 19, and yes a few times I did borrow money (to fix a car) I always paid them back. I don't think you should be mad at your dad though, also do you really know if they had a little extra cash a few months back. As a parent I dont always tell my kids my financial situations

[Disney Lover]

Just a quick thought.........why don't you quit whining, and go out and get a job. Then you can buy your own computer. I think you are being very materialistic about everything. If you are a college graduate, then it is time to cut the apron strings, get a job and get on with your life.

After some time away I decided to reply directly to your post. If you would reread my original post you would see that I'm attempting to get a job with Verizon (where I would be a customer service rep and answering phones and what not). It's not a for sure thing just yet but I could be starting as early as Tuesday. But before this I have had a job with TJ Maxx for 2 years.

As for being materialistic, I really don't think I'm not. Just a bit irritated that my dad went and spent the money on a computer for my brother's girlfriend when he wouldn't get one for me. It was originally to be my graduation present according to my mom. But then my dad decided at some point not to get it for me. I understood at the time cause I knew they had a lot of bills to pay. So now I'm just irritated about the whole thing. I know things aren't better for them financially because my mom hasn't been working as much the past few weeks because of an injury at work.

Anyway, I had been planning on getting my own computer even before I thought it was to be my graduation present but I never knew when I was going to be able to afford it. But now that I'm possibly getting that job at Verizon I should hopefully be able to get it soon. I'm also going to be saving money like a mad woman so that I'll be able to afford my onw apartment. I'm hoping that within the year I'll be able to. Depending how long I can keep this 'temparary' job.

I hope I was able to clarify things a bit more.

[Josh]

I'd be pissed off aswell, but I'm sure if you talk to him and tell him everything you think about this situation he'll listen to you and understand.
You haven't done anything to upset him have you, or make him favour your brother?
It took me 1 year to save up for my computer ($1, 880)...then again I'm well under 18 and have never had a job in my life
You'd be amazed how far 5c pieces you find in the gutter can go

[Jules]

Well, I'm not sure how to reply to this. As I turned 17 last March, I am pretty naive, and still miles away from the adult world. It's just that less than 4 years ago, I was still a 13 year old kid, and up till now, I still feel the same; lighthearted and jolly with my schoolfriends...talking of jokes and stupid made-up stuff and visiting eachother...

But I'd like to share my views, all the same.

First of all, Disney Lover, I don't want to be harsh with you, or anything of the sort, as I don't want to make you feel uncomfortable. On the contrary, I feel for you, and would have been upset, had my father done the same thing. I think, that in your case, he is showing unashamed favouritism between you and your bro; something which I think should never occur in a family. Moreover, I think it's sad that he invested money in your brother's girlfriend. First of all, I think you need a new PC, more than your brother's fiancee, regardless of the fact of whether you can afford it or not, and if you're going to work. I think you have enough on your plate, what with moving house, financial difficulties and the like. Secondly, you're the immediate family for your father. I think it's offensive the way he makes it practically obvious that he seems more concerned about your bro and his girl than you. Thirdly, what about the girlfriend? I don't want to be offensive or anything, as I don't know her, but what kind of relationship does she have with your brother? It's only been a year, for goodness' sake! These things take time! What if your brother and girlfriend split up? (God forbid) Then, your brother's girlfriend will walk away with your father's money, when it could have been spent on helping you in your daily life.

I think you should speak with and seek help and love from your mother. From what you wrote, she seems a loving and caring, and can empathize with your situation.

I hope I have helped you and made you feel a bit better.

[MickeyMousePal]

It looks like to me that your dad likes your brother more maybe because he acts like a victim and your dad feels sorry for that.
If your dad got your brother a new computer and your brother's girlfriend why didn't he think about you Tabbi?
Is your brother your only younger sibling?
I think your brother is a jerk and a liar come on it's hard to find a job now days and go to school at the same time.
Your dad should step up and act likes an adult since he buys things for your brother's girlfriend.
You have a job right Tabbi if you don’t you already had one so why can’t your brother get a job first then your dad can buy him the computer not this way. I guess your brother said if you don’t give me a laptop dad then I’m not going to school or college anymore.

If you’re getting a laptop Tabbi you should get it on Black Friday. I wonder why your parents couldn't wait for Black Friday...anyways maybe it's really for you. Unless your brother already gave the laptop to his girlfriend. I think it's pretty low for your dad to buy something for someone who's not even family yet.

[memnv]

My biggest problem with the whole thing is your age, I am not trying to sound mean but you are 24 or 25, by that age most people have moved out of their parents house and have an apartment a decent job and possibly a family, maybe your dad is a little upset that he had to support you so long and this is how he shows it. when you go to college your normally done by the time your 22. It is just a thought. Maybe you should ask him if that is why he did not get you the computer you wanted.

[Disney Lover]

Well obviously you don't know my situation at all. First off I was held back from the first grade because my teacher in kindergarten didn't think I was ready so in reality I should have graduated at 23 which didn't happen because of a set back in my schooling because my advisor pretty much told me that I sucked as a teacher and should think of something else to do with my life when I only had one semester left of college before I graduated. At which time I took a year and a half off where fought a bit of depression and worked and to try and save money. After that I went back to school and finished my degree which is now where I'm at.

Trust me I feel very guilty for still staying with my parents and not paying rent but my dad refuses anything I try and give him. I have asked numerous times if he would rather me move out but he always answers that his home would always be open to me if and when I need it. And right now I need it till I can get on my feet. Which I am trying very hard to do. As I said previously I intend to be in my own apartment within the year.

So please try and get more information before you ridicule me for something you don't know everything about.

Luke, I'd appreciate it if you would lock this post so it can eventually go off the board. I didn't intend for this post to be this way. It was just a bout of frustration on my part.

[Zoltack]

I don't want to sound mean and believe me that's the last thing I would do but you need to grow up. Yeah so your parents wont get you a new computer big deal! Once you graduate college you can make a boat load of money at your job and get one. I had to buy my own computer and I had to buy my own car. However, I can understand how you can be annoyed I mean my friend's parents bought him a car, a computer and books for college. Talk about a spoiled brat and for a time I thought that was totally unfair because my parents didn't give me any of that. But seeing how I paid for all of those things all by myself, I can appreciate it more because it gives me a sense of satisfaction and independence. Sure my friend was handed all of those things but because I used my hard earn income to buy all those things myself I feel like I'm way ahead of him. BTW I have a way cooler car than he does.

[memnv]

I was not trying to be mean, I just said that was a possibilty, Don't forget I am a parent and I may tell my kids one thing only because I dont want to see them on the street. If he won't take money to help that is fine, other things you can do is help with grocery's, cook, clean, laundry, or other ways. You may already do this I don't know.

Anyways, It seems like every time you have had a problem you put it on here, If you don't want our imput then don't post it here. You have asked about Toys R us, Hotel job, Moving to San Fran, This one. I like you and don't want you to be upset just because I said what could be going through your dads head, which does not have to be correct

[Disney Lover]

I just wanted to point out that I never thought I talked about my problems that much on here. I mean the posts you mentioned I wouldn't say are problems...just me talking about what's happening in my life and asking for advice now and then on something I'm not sure off and would like an outsiders' opinion on. This post just started out with me venting my frustration. I wouldn't say that my posts on advice on moving to another city is similar to this one but thats just me. Shrugs.

Anyway, I realize now that my reactions really silly but I kind of got worked up talking about it with my mom and thats where this post came in. She was pretty upset about it to, one for me cause she knew I wanted that computer as well, two because she knows that they don't really have the money for a computer let alone two and she mentions this to me each time my dad does something like this for my brother. But thats neither here nor there.

As for the stuff you mentioned that I could do...I do most of those things already. Though like with the money thing there are things my dad won't let me help on. laundry being one of them....he's fanatical about being the only one to do it. Yet my clothes still get shrunk and yet he still won't let me do it. I've gotten to the point where I sneak in a load or two while I'm the only one home :lol

Anyway, I'm sorry for being snappy before but I posted that response after a tiring day at work and I should have waited till today before responsing.

Also, just as a side note....I found out that I start that job at Verizon tomorrow! Wish me luck. Hopefully I'll be able to save up some money quickly so I can get my own apartment. I'll even settle for getting one here in the city I work in (35 minutes from home).


Tabbi <3

[TM2-Megatron]

Just a quick thought.........why don't you quit whining, and go out and get a job. Then you can buy your own computer. I think you are being very materialistic about everything. If you are a college graduate, then it is time to cut the apron strings, get a job and get on with your life.

That's just a little bit harsh, and somewhat uncalled for... I'd think most people know what it feels like to be screwed over by parents at some point. It might be a little whiney, but it's understandable he's annoyed by the fact his father bought his brother's girlfriend (no guarantee they'll even be together after another few months) a computer for absolutely no reason.

I've got 1 more year of University left to go, and while I do live at my dads place (parents are divorced, so this time during school is the only time I've lived here full-time) I buy my own food here, and have paid entirely for school on my own through summer and part-time jobs. I have to admit, when next year comes, I probably wouldn't even bother hinting at a graduation gift the way Disney_Lover did, as my father is incredibly miserly where I'm concerned (never even got invited on "family" trips that he, my stop-mother and sister went on, or usually even informed of them 'til after); so I know exactly how that feels. My advice is to just suck it up, go out and get a decent job with your education, and give your dad more of the same crap back later on if you get the chance.

[Disney Lover]

Umm just for the record I'm a girl.

And thanks. But yeah I start my new job tomorrow so hopefully things work out there and I can get a new apartment.

[memnv]

Congrats on the new job