Report: Illegal Elephant Crisis Threatens Ultimate Disney

AwallaceUNC · Post by **AwallaceUNC** » Fri May 12, 2006 3:45 pm

Illegal Elephant Crisis Threatens Ultimate Disney Community

(Burbank - AP) The Ultimate Disney community erupted in hostility today over the current illegal elephant crisis. A group calling themselves the "British Brigade," led by Sir James Reader and Gen. Joseph Jarvis, attacked a band of protesting elephants just outside the International DVD forum, igniting a number of riots spanning from General Discussion to Feedback. Tensions have been mounting in the region since roughly 5,000 pink elephants went on parade last week, demanding equal rights, citizenship, and fair pay. The community remains divided.

"These elephants are here illegally and undermine the values upon which Ultimate Disney was founded," said Reader. "Their constant nightmare-ish parading is so bloody disruptive that we can't even concentrate on teh Lohan gossip."

Supporters of the elephants, however, insist that the elephants be granted membership status. Lou Miss, director of the Center for the Humane Emancipation of Electronic Slave Elephants (CHEESE), held a press conference in response to the attacks, saying, "These elephants are the backbone of Ultimate Disney. Without their toil, the community would surely fall into the hands of Tangela or perhaps even Ernest Rister. They must be granted immediate membership at the "Special Edition" level if we are to fully acknowledge their contributions."

Miss, a native Australian who also heads the National Organization for Pachyderm Advocates Near The South (NOPANTS), went on to address a proposal by Walt Disney Treasure Justin Smith that a wall be built between the Emoticon Gallery and the Ultimate Disney forum. "These hard-working elephants have every right to be a part of this community," he said, "and such a wall sends a dangerous message about what Ultimate Disney stands for."

At the center of the controversy is the treatment of the elephants by their captor, the maniacal Dr. Albert S. Capay. Capay is accused of smuggling untold thousands of elephants from the Disney vault over a period of three years, forcing them to work in hazardous conditions, dancing relentlessly for his own political gain. The elephants, who do not qualify for Ultimate Disney membership under the current guidelines, have grown increasingly unruly under their master's tyranny. Capay was unavailable for comment, but a spokesman from his office who would identify himself only as "Musicradio77" had this to say in a written statement: "I got this audio of Doctor Capay's response on YouTube and I found it great. It was not very good. Because since none of you have it, it is very rare. Please share your comments."

Many Ultimate Disney members cite <i>Dumbo</i> as proof that Capay's practices are in keeping of the Disney way. Alex Pantajoa, a Pal of Mickey Mouse, said, "Walt made elephants dance so we can to man ok!!! Besides who ever heard of a elephant that just sits? Dancing Elephants rock ok!!! It's not very nice though."

Civil rights groups point out that Dumbo himself was never forced to dance, perhaps implying that the pink color of the illegal elephants' skin makes them an easier target for the British Brigade and related groups.

It is likely that Luke, the community's Commander-in-Chief, will take action in the near future to quell the violence, though opponents of elephant rights claim that Vice Chancellor Renata's own pinkness biases the entire administration in favor of the illegal pachyderms.

Isidour · Post by **Isidour** » Fri May 12, 2006 4:04 pm

Ok....let`do as canadians and give a "solution" to this problem

I`ll get my stick and one gun

Timon/Pumbaa fan · Post by **Timon/Pumbaa fan** » Fri May 12, 2006 4:13 pm

Pure brilliance! Filled with member gags and unexpected stereotypes!

Aaron Wallace is like a SNL writer for UD!

Disney-Fan · Post by **Disney-Fan** » Fri May 12, 2006 4:28 pm

Great stuff Aaron!

Pasta67 · Post by **Pasta67** » Fri May 12, 2006 4:48 pm

Very hilarious report, Aaron!

I love the threads that are created from inside jokes; they're the funniest part of the forums. My favorite parts were the jokes aimed at Musicradio & Pals.

And who wants to bet Escapay is going to want to be referred to as "Dr. S. Capay" from now on?

Loomis · Post by **Loomis** » Fri May 12, 2006 9:41 pm

My hat - and my pants - are off to you good sir!

That is pure brilliance. On a scale of 1 - 10, that would be an 11 (with 10 being the highest possible brilliantly possible thing).

That Lou Miss sounds like a great guy. We should hang out and swap cheese. [Kids: Don't share cheese. That's how diseases are transmitted].

Viva la elephant!

Lars Vermundsberget · Sat May 13, 2006 12:42 pm

Pink elephants on parade - that's just what we needed now!

TheSequelOfDisney · Post by **TheSequelOfDisney** » Sat May 13, 2006 12:58 pm

THERE AFTER ME! THERE AFTER YOU?

Escapay · Post by **Escapay** » Sat May 13, 2006 9:12 pm

My lawyers send the following to members of the press: "Dr. Albert S. Capay's elephants all are given wonderful benefits, including free volunteer work at the Dumbo attractions in Disney resorts around the world, housing in luxury high-rise apartments, and nifty bracelets that we like to call "Chains of Love", that bind all our elephants together. Where one goes, all follow. Even to the loo. We don't see what's wrong with or treatment of the elephants. I mean, they were created solely to dance, and dance they do! They'll dance until we tell them not to, and even when we do, they keep on dancing! It's like an eternal muscle spasm in their legs."

Dr. S. Capay (though it doesn't quite have the same kick as "Albert The Magnificent Man in His Flying Machine")

AwallaceUNC · Post by **AwallaceUNC** » Sun May 14, 2006 11:13 am

Glad you guys enjoyed it. It's just the product of wasted time.

-Aaron

Hogi Bear · Post by **Hogi Bear** » Sun May 14, 2006 8:14 pm

That's funny, well written.

AwallaceUNC wrote:It's just the product of wasted time.

Many great things are a product of wasted time.

Escapay · Post by **Escapay** » Sat Jan 03, 2009 2:03 pm

Bumo, for no other reason than the fact that pink elephants are cool.

Plus, I'd love for Aaron to write a follow-up article so we know officially what's happened to the pink elephants.

albert

xxhplinkxx · Post by **xxhplinkxx** » Sat Jan 03, 2009 2:23 pm

You and I both know what's going on with them, Al.

Jack Skellington · Post by **Jack Skellington** » Sat Jan 03, 2009 2:50 pm

ROTL ! There are a hell of a lot of Pink Elephants in this forum, no wonder their complaining !

Flanger-Hanger · Post by **Flanger-Hanger** » Sat Jan 03, 2009 5:10 pm

You are all...weirdos!

AwallaceUNC · Post by **AwallaceUNC** » Sat Jan 03, 2009 5:42 pm

Wow, I'd forgotten all about this...

To put it into context, at the time, Escapay often included an endless parade of dancing elephants in his posts and commanded them to do his bidding. It is an unfortunate chapter in our history and I think we can all agree that elephant-forum member relations have improved dramatically in the years since.

-Aaron

Escapay · Post by **Escapay** » Sat Jan 03, 2009 8:50 pm

Aaron wrote:To put it into context, at the time, Escapay often included an endless parade of dancing elephants in his posts and commanded them to do his bidding.

At the time? They're still doing my bidding!

(Except when plinky steals them!)

Aaron wrote:It is an unfortunate chapter in our history and I think we can all agree that elephant-forum member relations have improved dramatically in the years since.

albert

Flanger-Hanger · Post by **Flanger-Hanger** » Sat Jan 03, 2009 9:12 pm

You morons it's not the elephants you should be worrying about it's the Pandas! Why do you think the damn things are nearly extinct? The war against them is almost done and surely must be finished before we get on to this pink elephant (I believe the PC term is "Tint-of-Red Elephants") conundrum.

JiminyCrick91 · Post by **JiminyCrick91** » Sat Jan 03, 2009 9:35 pm

Escapay wrote:Bumo....

ONE TIME ALBERT! I did that ONE time!

OK, I'm not mad but I am pretty darn amused your still using that.

-Sky

Escapay · Post by **Escapay** » Sat Jan 03, 2009 10:08 pm

CricketyJim19 wrote:
Escapay wrote:Bumo....
ONE TIME ALBERT! I did that ONE time!

Sometimes once is enough to get it forever embedded in the collective UD memory.

At least I don't use "Sky-Sky" all the time.

albert

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Report: Illegal Elephant Crisis Threatens Ultimate Disney

Report: Illegal Elephant Crisis Threatens Ultimate Disney