http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/co ... 02162.htmlSaturday, March 18, 2006; Page C01
Movie theater owners got together in Las Vegas this week to discuss blocking cellphone signals at the multiplex. Which got us thinking: Aside from nixing the ringadingdinging during the crucial plot points, what else would make going to the cinema more fun?
· A lifetime industry ban on Rob Schneider.
· Fandango paper bag people found incinerated!
· Halle Berry look-alike in every fourth seat.
· Trailer warning: "Funny scenes depicted in the following preview may constitute all of the funny scenes in film."
· Electrified seat backs: You kick it, you fry.
· The old Plaza Hotel-style treatment: valet parking, fresh flowers, tuxedoed waiters carrying martinis, "Oh, Tim Allen's in it? Just leave the whole pitcher, dahhling."
· Good movies.
May I also add the following:
- Popcorn dispenser so if you finish yours, you don't have to get up and get more
- Ditto a soda dispenser...
- Obligatory search and patdown of every patron before the enter the theater, to make sure their damn cell phone is turned off. Better yet, a cell phone check room, where you check in your cell phone and pick it up at the end of the movie (like coat rooms and hat check...)
- A separate Crying room for people who want to bring their babies (who shouldn't be in a theater anyway because of wonderful things called babysitters)
- Bigger seats, with individual arm rests instead of having to share or take turns.
Escapay