DISNEY SONG PARODYS

[enyafreak]

If I Never Knew You"

ALAN MENKEN
"If I Never Knew You,"
That's the title of this song,
It's a hit that can't go wrong--
That's what I thought before.

But "If I Never Knew You"
Bored the kiddies all to tears,
So it came to our worst fears:
It's missing from the score!

"Beauty and the Beast" was grand,
"Whole New World" was fine,
Love that "hot crustac'an band,"
They're all mine--
Six Oscars mine.

So "Poca" got a love theme
And pop versions one and two:
Vanessa's "Colors" and
"If I Never Knew You."

STEPHEN SCHWARTZ
"If I Never Knew You,"
Lyrics safe but half as great,
Boring, bland, and second-rate,
There's nothing really new.

If it weren't a pop song,
Its Oscar chances would be few--
Lost forever,
"If I Never Knew You."

MENKEN
I thought this song would be so beautiful--

SCHWARTZ
But they wanted changes left and right.

BOTH
Look what they did to "Savages"--an awesome song!
Now its PC lyrics make it lose its might.
But Oscar nominations are in sight...

MEL GIBSON [in counterpoint with KUHN]
"If I Never Knew You"
Was in trouble from the start.
I'm the hero of "Braveheart"
But singing's new to me!

JUDY KUHN [in counterpoint with GIBSON]
Disney Records will regret
That they've snubbed Broadway's Cosette.
I'm not well known like the rest
But I'm the best!

[JON SECADA and SHANICE hit the high notes; everyone winces]

SECADA & SHANICE
I thought this song would be so beautiful, (So beautiful)
We'd have the biggest hit today.
I thought this song would be so beautiful,
But all the lyrics are cliche.
Well, no one understands us anyway.

KUHN
What'd they say?

ALL
Yes, "If I Never Knew You"
("If I Never Knew You")
Though the music's strong and true--

SECADA & SHANICE
The lyrics are so weak...

KUHN & GIBSON
And all they do is shriek...

ALL
Is it lost forever,
"If I Never Knew You"?

A spoon full of sugar (a room full of stripper)

"In every wedding that's a bore
Just think of the night before
You think of boobs and
Slap!
The bride's the same"

With every pint of beer you drank
You're mind will never blank
A bra! Panties! They're every clear to see

That a...
Roomful Of Strippers
Makes the bachelors aroused
The bachelors aroused
With every single mound
Just a Roomful Of Strippers
Makes the bachelors aroused
In sex insightful way

(Guys whistling)

Now Robin's tethering her breast
For the bondagely impressed
While Melanie's doing a pole kinda jig

Though Pam Anderson minute
Compared to Mary's grapefruit
She wears a thong
I swear there's nothing wrong

With a…
Roomful of Strippers
Makes the bachelors astound
The bachelors astound
Clad women they've found
Just a roomful of strippers
Makes the bachelors astound
In a most catfightful way

(Pole dancing, stripping Solo)
(Guys cheering)

The birds and bees is just spectator
From the hours in his home
Never tire of stripping all their clothes
Because they dance a little bit
On the top of where you sit
We rent (We rent)
Some time (Some time)
Their task is just to grind

Ah-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h ah!

Be our guest (see our breasts)

Be our guests,
See our breasts,
Ours are better than the rest,
Because every buxom beauty's got a bosom in her vest!

And each ass
is first class,
Watch'em wiggle when we we pass!
Each one firmer than the former,
Every fella's feeling warmer!

We've got lips, hair and eyes
sure to make your spirits rise,
Our wispy waists will cause you to obsess!
And heartfelt heaving sighs
help you to realize
that we're blessed to impress
See our breasts!



SEE IF YOU CAN WRITE YOUR OWN

[enyafreak]

SAURON (To the tune of Gaston)

I'm glad to be in the horde of Sauron,
even though I'm just an Orc.
I know I'll never get bored with Sauron:
He says that we taste like pork.
There's no one around that's reviled like him
he's everyone's favourite guy.
Ev'ryone's awed and inspired by him
and his gigantic fiery eye!

No one's bad like Sauron
really mad like Sauron
wants to get back the ring that he had like Sauron!
He's so evil and fearsome and angry.
Our one and only Dark Lord.
He never finds anything scary
Except for a guy with an old broken sword!

No one's mean like Sauron
makes you scream like Sauron
no-ones never exactly on screen like Sauron!
But we all can assume he's intimidating,
My what a guy, Sauron!

Give five "hurrahs!"
Give twelve "hip-hips!"
Unless you feel like
thirty lashes with whips!

No one faces Sauron
has ringwraiths like Sauron
no-one flings guys around with a mace like Sauron!
He's unseated a king and a wizard,
talks to them through crystal balls.
he keeps them defeated, embittered,
Then charges them double for long-distance calls!

No one's dark like Sauron
double-parks like Sauron
no-one scares baby ducks for a lark like Sauron!
but he needs some help with his accessorising,
One Ring for Sauron!

In the second age people came up to his legs
he was intimidatingly large.
But in the third age he has no arms and legs.
He relies on his whole entourage!

No-one plans like Sauron
makes demands like Sauron
No-one's conquering all of the lands like Sauron!
Now he's sending us all on our dark uprising
Say it again
Who rules the world of men?
Sauron!

[TashieGirl]

I won't say(I'm done)

Meg: If there's a prize for greatest Disney actress
I know I've already won that.
No other girl is worth camera time
Except me. I'm the one they want

Muses: Who'd ya think you're kidding
You're career is done for
Trying to deny it
Honey, anyone can see it
Girl, ya just awful
Even Britney and Madonna
Are better than you

Meg: No chance, no way
I won't say it! No no

Muses: You stupid Tramp
Just admit it, Oh-oh

Meg: You're just jealous
I'm won't say that I'm done
I thought Mr. Eisner learned his lesson
I felt so good after I talked to him
My friends are saying it's not gonna happen
Unless I'm willing to sleep with him one more time


Muses: You keep on lying
Can't you admit that
You're no actress
Baby, You just don't have any charm
Hon, you make that Spannish chick look good
Face it, You'll never be good
When are you gonna say
That you're just, just, just, plain bad

Meg: No chance. No way.
I won't say it, No no

Muses: Give up. Give in
Check the screen tests. Your'e bad

Meg: This scence won't play
I won't say I'm done

Muses: You're making us cringe. Re-read the
script

Meg: You guys are wrong
I won't say it
I'm better than King Kong
I won't say it

Muses: Why are you proud?
It's not okay that you're bad

Meg:Oh
At least out loud, I won't
say I'm done for

Meg(Speaking): Oh god! Their right! I am a bad actress(runs away sobbing)

I'll post my version of "Hi Diddle De De. An Actor's Life For Me" later. I just gotta finnish my homework first.

[Alan]

Enjafreak-I think your renditions of those songs are really inappropriate.

[chaychay102royal]

Enjafreak-I think your renditions of those songs are really inappropriate.

I completely agree.

[AwallaceUNC]

Turdbizzler and I once penned "The Male Necessities," a rather famous diddy around these parts, but I can't remember all the words now (and even if I could, I don't think I'd post them here ).

-Aaron