When bad things happen, what do you do?

[Sunset Girl]

Sorry guys, I don't know what my point here is, exactly. I love this forum because of the cool people here and I love posting when I can. But sometimes I feel like I do nothing but complain and whine a lot because I hate my life. I feel like a Debbie Downer no matter where I go.

And then something like Hurricane Katrina happens.

I'm one of the lucky ones that does not have any personal involvment with the tragedy. I feel for all the people that have such an uncertain future, and I'm making sure I'm going to give some kind of donation to help the victims.

It just makes me wonder yet again why bad things happen to good people. Why some people are willing to take advantage of a bad situation, what with the looting and all, and why people have to get into bad situations in the first place.

I really should consider myself lucky, but I find myself worrying about things and constantly getting depressed. Or maybe it's because I still live in the past?

I wasn't very social when I was younger, but I can deal with that okay now. I've gotten a lot better.

I was 13 when my brother Phil was killed in a car accident. I don't think my mom was ever the same after that. She ended up passing away five years later after a long battle with cancer. Now my dad's gone too, also of cancer. I have one remaining brother, and he's too religious and self-righteous to even associate with me. I haven't heard from him in well over a year, and his kids are growing up without me in their lives.

I'm thankful I have a really good friend now, since they've been so hard to come by. I also have a boyfriend that I've been very much in love with, but we've been having so many problems lately. Everything feels so far away and I feel I don't have many people to turn to these days.

I feel like the hurricane should have put my life in perspective, but instead it just makes me feel worse about everything. I'm 29 now, and what have I done with my life? Sigh. And there have been a lot of hurtful people in my life, but I know that goes for just about everyone. I was molested as a child. I was belittled in school. I still question the relationship I had with my dad and feel extremely guilty for doing so. I"m constantly swimming through guilt because I feel I should never feel the way I do, that maybe I'm a bad person deep down.

I sitll have faith in people. though. I try my best to be a good person and do the right thing. I help other people when I can. But sometimes I feel so horrible about everything that I can barely get out of bed to face the day.

I apologize over this little rant. Maybe some of you can relate? Like I said, I don't mean to whine or anything. I guess I'm looking for a few friendly faces because I really need to be cheered up.

Thank god I've always had Disney in my life. And thank god I've always had a creative outlet with drawing; otherwise I don't know how I would have survived.

So anyway, how do you cope when bad things happen in your life?

[Taleeya]

WoW Sunset Girl.... that was pretty intense! I can relate to ALOT of what you just said... frightfully so....

Maybe you can try doing some volunteer work? Working with kids, animals, old people, sick people..... or even just with numbers and no people at all. For example, if you work with sick kids, they can be so inspiring because they are really quite brave, and they are so greatful to just spend time with someone (<---- this is also especially true with old people).

Do you have a pet? I like to spend time with my Dog. I also like going for a walk outside (especially when its raining) and connect with nature.

Hope you feel better! *Big Hug*

[Alan]

yeah, I'm not really social. I don't have a lot of friends at school, and I am a loner. I'm very shy in real life. I've never had any "truly" good friend throughout my life. Its my family that are my friends. Posting on forums like this helps make me a lot happier though. As long as I have people to talk to, whether live or internet, I'm happy.

[Isidour]

when I can, I help but I really feel glad of not having this oportunity....and that´s because nothing bad has happened lately, or at least as Katrina or like it

[orestes.]

I can relate Sunset Girl. I have not been dealt as much crap as you but growing up things weren't the best. I had a great family but I was and still am a very unhappy person.

I never had to deal with loss of any close family members until I was 13. Before I was 13 I lost a grandfather and some fmaily members but I was really young and while I understood death I never really thought much of it.

Between 1995 and 2004 though I lost about six close family members. Everyone loses family but I looka round me and what friends I do have are so lucky since they have barely dealt with death.

In 1991 my life started to change. I went through some very horrible experiences and my parents seperated that year. Until last week I blamed myself for this. I started to feel disconnected and I think that's what led to my problem which I shall not name.
I stopped paying attention in school and the only things that would make me happy were reading fiction, watching movies or TV and writing stories or drawing. I had no friends at most times and if I did they would treat me horrible but I took it because having horrible friends was better than nothing for me.
In 1995 I lost my dad and things got worse. I went through high school barely getting by. I never paid attention and I would just spend my time daydreaming and constructing a massive fantasy world which I would escape into. I would write and draw all the time and that helped me even if I was so anti-social and had 0 friends from grade seven through high school and the first year of college so basically 1994-2002.

Even though I have been improving since 2002 I have really had some horrible experiences. I would have thought that 9/11, The tsunami last year and Hurricane Katrina would also put my life into perspective but nope it hasn't.
In the last week since my birthday I have improved but I still have so far to go.

In the last year I have slowly made progress. I made a friend out of someone I have known since 2001 but we only started getting closer since 2003 and even closer when we became roommates. I made my first serious resume ever two months ago and I have actually applied for jobs and yesterday I had my first job interview ever. By the sounds of it I think I have the job... my first real job ever! I'm 24... kinda pathetic eh? Most people think I am so pathetic and they don't understand me at all. I'm so different and while some people will never understand me some others think I'm the nicest person they have ever met.

I sort of babbled on and jumped here and there but I'm hoping some of this can help. There are others out there who don't have the best time with life although they still like it.

What really has helped me was a terrible incident that happened to me about two months ago. I was out with my best friend and a few others at a club and I went to get a drink. I was only gone (only a metre away) for less than a minute and I turned around and they were all gone without warning.... all 8 or 9 of them. I sort of went into a panic and I searched for them for half an hour but I basically broke down and things got worse when I finally found two of them and we went home. I spent the night in the hospital, I talked to two two professional people a week later and got medication.
All that slowly changed my life a little. While I am so embarrassed of what happened and I feel like a disgrace to my family (I always do but moreso now) I think it helped. I don't think the medication did anything but the support of a friend or two helped.

Geez I don't think I am helping.

I am such a whiner and people constantly tell me that this or that is so easy. I swear no one understands what shyness, social anxiety and depression really is unless they have it.

Oh and I'm glad you can get out of bed and face the day even if it is barely. I have days where I stay in bed all day. I have one period of a full year where that is all I did. I wasted a whole year barely going out of the house and it wasn't just because I was afraid but because I felt like I was so worthless, no one cared about my existance and I had some pretty bad depression. I truly hope you'll never experience that but hey it sounds like things are getting a little better.

You have a good friend and a boyfriend (even though things aren't going so smoothly it sounds like). I can't help with relationship stuff since I'm a guy that females ignore. It could be my apperance but I think it's my depressive mood... I usually don't smile that often and I'm soooo shy. (I bet I went through high school saying less than 100 words... okay that's an exaggeration but it's probably not too far off)

[Disney Guru]

Yes, I have had so many problems in my life to.

When I was 5 I lost my father, my mother flipped her lid. And is now residing in an institution. My grandparents on my mothers side adopted me out of the goodness of their hearts.

My sister who was 2 years my junior, was put out into foster care at the time. I havn't seen her since I was 5 years old.

I never knew what it was like to be accepted by siblings. My adoptive siblings,have never accepted me as a sibling, so I have never really known what a real family life is or, how it works.

Even though I am gay, I was always ashamed of my homosexuality, because of the constant ridicule and harassment that I recieved from my parents, siblings, aunts, uncles ........ So I always tried to be straight, trying my hardest to change my lifestyle. That's also one of the reasons why I am known as the Utah Playa, I always tried to be one. I went on a lot of dates with girls, trying to change myself, recieve acceptance from my family, which I have always wanted and needed but have not recieved.

As a child, I never had any friends. I was the one who would sit in the back of class, quietly working, sure I have always been a Straight A Student, due to my hard work and perseverance, but I never knew what a Social Life was.

In Junior High, things changed a bit. I started to make friends, but I fealt so a lone in life still. Still seeking something that was missing in my life. Only reason why I dated girls, was because I was so ashamed of my homosexuality. Because of the ridicule, dispute, and anger that I had recieved from my entire family about the way I was.

In High School, my life became better. I got into sports played on the football team. But I was still looking for a real love in life. Trying so hard to make myself better. Most people could not tell that I was depressed, and sad and lonely, inside. Because I have always put up a face. Of someone who was entirely happy, not a problem or care in the world. But as time went on, I just becamse sadder and sadder. I was a psychological mess, crying all the time, I attempted suicide quite a few times often.

Finally this year, I met a guy who I have fallen in love with. And he feels the same way about me that I feel about him. We are avery happy with each other. My life is far from perfect. But if Marc hadn't walked into my life. I don't know where I'd be right now.

I hope that through practice and endurance, I can become as happy as I should be. But I am glad that I am improving.

I am sorry if I iddn't help you with your probs Sunset Girl, but I just wanted to let mein out, and to let you know that we all have our probs in life. And through the Lord's help. He will help us go through.

As I said before I am not completely over my probs, but if it wernt' for Marc, and the Lord. I'd be a lot worse than I am now. I probablly wouldn't even be here right now.

[TashieGirl]

Wow I never knew you guys had such hard lives.

I never knew my father. All I know about him is that: His name is Kevin, He was way older than my mom, and that he was an alcholic. As a little kid I would always make up stories that he and my mom were happily married and that I had a brother and a sister (I was an only child, so I always wanted sibilings. I still do to this day) and that everything was happy. My aunt lived with us, and I would always annouce out lould that I wanted a dad and sibilings and that I didn't want us to live with my mom and I anymore. I also said the same thing to my grandma. Looking back now, I feel awful about what I'd said but somehow, I think they both forgived me.

School wasn't that great either. I was picked on all the time( This may had to do with the fact that I was white and that the marjority was black but I'm not etirely sure.) I had a few friends but I never really felt close to them. By the third grade, most of the people who teased me back in kindergarten were actually pretty nice to me but I had to go to another school. My new school was different from my old one because most of the kids were white but still felt like I didn't fit in because these kids were raised differently than I was. Their moms were housewives and their dads worked from 9 to 5 and they expected dinner on the table by the time they got home. My mom and aunt worked all the time. At that school I was labeled "the werido" and the popular kids would always harass me about this boy I had a crush on (he was popular too). I had only one close friend at that school and the last time I'd talked to her was more than a year ago. I just hope she's okay, where ever she is.

Thank god I wasn't going their middle school. I changed schools yet again. This time I was going to a school in Berekely. Altough I did get harassed at my current school, My life is better than it was three years ago. My grades are better. I have more friends. And most people like me as a person. I can't say my is perfect because I have an eating problem which means therapy that doesn't even help me with my problem.

Recently, I learned not let my past bother me. Never having a father is tragic. So is getting picked on at school but lots of bad things will happen in my life so I can't spend the rest of my days whinning about them. Right now I focus on the present and the future. Not the past.

[Escapay]

I really can't give a story of my life, because frankly, the first 17 years were great, the 18th and first half of the 19th were not so great, and my second half of 19 and my 20th year are currently really great.

But I can give you guys some advice:

-Even if you are a loner, at least make ONE friend who will be there for you always. Someone who you can trust and count on to be there when you call at 3am with a problem. Someone who you'd jump out of a plane with (to go skydiving). When I first got to Florida for the Program, I knew NOBODY, but I knew I had to make friends otherwise I'd go crazy, and thankfully, I made four really close friends and we all still keep in touch even though the program is over. Friends are really important, never lose contact with them, never divorce them, and even though you guys change over the years and may drift, make sure you'll have someone that you can always count on to be there for everything. Someone to bail you out of jail, someone to drive you to the airport, someone to help you hide bodies. Friends are a privilege, not a right. Always keep that privilege.

-Don't EVER EVER EVER contemplate suicide. There was one time, and one time only when I did, and thankfully, someone helped me out of it. It's a horrible feeling that eats you up inside, and you live with the guilt afterwards that you might have ended your life over something small. Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Never ever think of it.

-Internet messageboards are close-knit groups, and you come to think of the forum members as friends and family. While I wholeheartedly agree that UD is definitely an internet family for me, I also know that in real life, you guys are essentially complete strangers. Never ever substitute your internet family and friends for your real ones. Even if you hate them, even if they haven't been the best family or best friends, even if they could be more for you, always keep them. They are a part of you, a permanent lock that binds you to them always. Severing the lock can be devastating.

-Lose your inhibitions. Why worry what others think? Why worry what complete strangers think? Sing with the radio. Sing in the elevator. Sing in the rain. I did that all the time in Florida. Whenever I had an off day and I was in the park, I'd strike up a conversation with a stranger. I'd sing with the rides at times. I didn't let anything bother me because I was just one of 50,000 people in the park and I'd never see them again for as long as I lived, so why should I have to care if they laugh at me when I'm singing in the rain? Some of them joined in! Never let others dictate what you want to do. If you want to suddenly start doing the macarena on the escalator at the mall, do it. You'll never see the people around you again, they'll forget about you in five seconds. Have fun in your life without worrying what others think.

-Don't drink. Yeah, it's fun and gives you a rush and makes you lose your inhibitions faster, and yeah, it does taste good at times. But just don't do it. You can have more fun with a clear head. And if you're not self-conscious at all, you can do all the things sober that you'd do drunk, like sing badly at a karaoke bar or say the alphabet backwards.

-Smoking is longterm suicide that you pay for.

Escapay

[orestes.]

I like your advice Escapay. Just to reply...

1. I think I have met that great friend. I used to have crappy friends that would only be around for a very short time like a year or two but she seems to be the longlasting type. Unfortunately I can see us getting further apart around 2007 since I am at a stage in my life wher eI am just beginning to do things and even though she's only two years older she has experienced so much and is ready to act more adult-like.

2. Meh I won't go there I guess but I've been in bad situations.

3. I like forums such as this one but during 2004 I got sick of most things online and by April 2005 UD.com became one of the only sites I go to socialise and I try not to get too attached to anyone. I have been there and it was not fun after a while. (everything gets too dramatic)

4. Since I have social anxiety I have problems doing anything there.

5. I drink and although I'm sure some out there think that's not a good idea I don't see much wrong with it in my case. I think for me I need to know a limit. I have realized my limit just recently when I knew I could not drink anymore but I was offered one more... meh from now on I'll stick to the one type I like even if I am getting sick of it. Drinking does make me have more fun but that's when I don't go too far which I will never do from now on.

5. Yay the only piece of advice I can say I am 100% good on. Never have, never will.

[Wonderlicious]

My life has generally been okay compared to everyone else in the thread, although admitedly I have had a few problems in life mainly due to high school and adolescence problems (and that's mainly social problems, I still don't wet the bed or am a drop out ), but I always try to look on the bright side if I can, and that has helped me as a good number of people like me. I think that Escapay's points are fine points and are good ways of coping with stress, especially the suicide and internet family ones.

Oh, and Sunset Girl, Disney films, cliched as this sounds, really can improve your life. They're generally jolly anti-depressants due to their cartoony nature and the morals in many can help you in life. When looking at the plots of Mary Poppins, Cinderella and Dumbo, they have all helped me cope in certain situations.

[dvdjunkie]

The events of the past weeks have brought a lot of things to light. One of which sticks out is how ill-prepared we all are for a major tragedy. With September 11 just around the corner, and the 'bad guys' out there saying that they have something "really big" planned for us, I think we all need to look at how we are prepared for something major to happen. If it is chemical, biological, or atomic, are you prepared. Do you have supplies to last for a few days stored in an easily accessible place. Are you packed with an emergency kit of medicines, and changes of clothes for each member of your family.

Hurrican Katrina just showed how backward we are in situations of emergency. We all seem to think that we are lucky because we don't live in the Gulf area of the United States, or we don't live on the West Coast where they have Earthquakes, or here in the midwest where we have the threat of tornadoes upon us year-round.

None of us are safe from national tragedy and we need to be aware of that. How we handle personal tragedy is a total different story.

My two-year-old son choked to death on a thumb tack, and thus we don't allow thumbtacks in our household. But when we did have them, did we think they were a danger? Probably not, but now we don't allow them in the house.

Tragedies like Hurricane Katrina should open our eyes to things that could happen around us that would cause us harm. We need to always be prepared for the worst, and then go about living our lives to the best we know how.

These are different times now, and our world is a different place. Just remember, no one is safe anymore. We all need to look out for each other and be prepared for a world-shattering experience at least once in our lives. Being prepared is something we all need to do. Even if you are just a child or a youngster living with your parents, your concerns should be brought to their attention, and you should lead them to learn about how to prepare for "that day" that could be just around the corner.

Don't look at this as a "bummer" posting, but as an eye-opening posting to make sure that we are all here tomorrow - and the next day, and the day after that.

[Sunset Girl]

Escapay, thanks for the well thought-out advice.

And a special thanks to everyone else for sharing their stories.


I actually found a way to cheer myself up last night; I went through all the music saved on my computer and burned a CD of songs I loved back from 1995-96, then I went for a drive with my boyfriend. As we listened to the CD, I explained what the songs meant to me one by one and we both agreed it felt like back when we were first dating in 2000 (when we'd drive around and listen to my mix CD's of music from the same era).

Wow. Music really does take me back.

I was a totally different person back in 1995. I had just flunked my one and only year of art school that had basically been handed to me on a silver platter. Why? There were too many days I couldn't make myself get out of bed and go to school, and so my attendence proved to be too low. Dad didn't understand what depression was, but to be fair, none of us did. Anyway, I was back at my small home town for the summer, away from the culture shock of living in downtown Chicago. My first niece was born that year, and I spent a lot of time with my brother's family. Mom had cancer at the time, but she was still doing well. My best and basically only friend from high school was too busy for me at the time, so I buried myself in music. I still cling to that music from the era because it meant so much to me, and I know it always will. I needed that escape.

So I guess that was a year in limbo. Felt as if I'd gone through everything but still waiting for something to happen. Thought I was over the days of contemplating suicide, and I had finally licked my childhood kleptomania problem (which I later found to be one of my subconcious ways to deal with having been abused), still had never been on a date, and still not knowing what I wanted to do with my life. Oh, and I worked very hard to lose weight and battled with my food addiction. I was so excited the day I ran into someone I knew from high school that didn't recognize me!

Then Mom got really sick and we moved in with my grandma. My life completely stopped, but I didn't have any right to complain; we were fighting for Mom's life. There was supposed to be a wonderful doctor out there that hadn't lost any patients to cancer. Well, we figured out why he'd never lost any patients; he'd sign them over to another doctor when all hope was lost.

Man, I don't know how nurses can do their job, I've gotta give them all the props in the world. I ended up being the one that took care of her, and it was so hard. She lost the ability to walk and couldn't even get up on her own anymore. She was in so much pain that she wasn't herself, something I had to keep in mind when anyone lost their temper.

Odds are that I'll end up with cancer myself someday, and I swear to god I will never undergo chemotherapy. I mean, I totally understand why Dad didn't go through with it; we saw what it did to her.

I really am thankful for what I have and who I am now. I used to be so shy and nervous that I couldn't even talk to people, but one of my jobs actually helped me through that and made me feel more "normal." And like I said before, I am so in love with my boyfriend and feel so lucky that I don't have to be alone. He was the first person I ever even dated, and by that time I was 25 years old! Anyway, it's just that I've had a lot of bad days lately, something that happens to all of us.

So I should focus on what I *am* thankful for. I underwent therapy a few years ago that helped me immensely, and I don't get suicidal anymore. I have a roof over my head, plenty to eat, and my realtively decent health. And I think I finally quit smoking for good a while back. Oh, and I"m thankful for having lots and lots of Disney DVD's! You gotta have good entertainment, right? I've been attached to Disney and other animation since day one, and it feels good to know I can always have that escape. I love the memories I have attached to the older ones, and making memories of the new. And I've got my characters in their own little world that I still tinker with. Maybe I can work on that comic of mine and get something accomplished?

Anyway, thanks again for the responses, guys; they really mean a lot.