I Would Like to Know... (Who Here is Gay?)

[Isidour]

well, we can always learn one more thing

But I still think that asexuality is a respectable decision, but not one that I would take

[Prudence]

I agree with the above statement on asexuality. Think about this: as a child, many of us thought we would be asexual upon first hearing about sexual intercourse itself. In a respect, and I am not calling asexuals necessarily childish, some of us always keep that sort of mindset. I have a few asexual friends (all females) who are all quite affectionate, more so than many non-asexuals to a degree. They simply do not want sex, ever.

Prudence, does your sister honestly think your mother will keep her in the house and let her be happy doing what she wants? What will you do if the consequences turn out badly? I know you are young yourself and have your own, busy life, but I don't care if it's not my place to say, I think you should try to figure out a way to help your sister, even if it's just recommending a job, telling her how to land one, or thinking of someone who may take her in. My sincere apologies if you have already thought you would do something like that.

Of course I have thought of this. She's a mule. I spent a great deal of this week yelling at her and her girlfriend. They said I was overreacting, which is partially my own fault due to the ways I have overreacted in years past. I wish someone would talk to them that they would LISTEN to.

[David S.]

well, we can always learn one more thing

But I still think that asexuality is a respectable decision, but not one that I would take

Just to clarify, it is not a "decision" that people make, just like gays and straights don't "decide" to be gay or straight.

Gays and straights are the way they are because that is who they are. Same for bisexuals and asexuals.

If a gay male is not attracted to women, he can't "learn" to be attracted to women.

If a straight male is not attracted to men, he can't "learn" to be attracted to men.

Likewise, if an asexual is not sexually attracted to women AND not sexually attracted to men, this is not because of a decision that was made, nor is it a "problem" needing to be fixed, or a skill that needs to be "learned".

They are simply being who they are.

[Jasmine1022]

I'm not sure what to consider myself. I know that I am attracted to both men and women (i'd probably consider myself a 3) but my thoughts aren't usually sexual. I have had a long and loving relationship which was completely void of sex. I have had sex, once, but it wasn't a very good experience...not a story I want to tell. I don't know if I'd ever want sex from anyone. I think I don't want sex because I am uncomfortable with myself and therefore I don't want anybody else to be intimate with me because how can I be comfortable with someone else if I'm not comfortable with myself? I guess the only way for me to accurately label myself in any way would be to ask if asexual people ever do the big M.

[Prudence]

I'd consider you bi-curious, Jasmine.

[Disney Duster]

I like a lot of what is being said in this thread.

Prudence, sorry to hear that, but I am glad you tried to yell sense into them and stress the seriousness of it all. Mother's Day week is over so...has it happened yet? And to be honest, I would lend myself to talking to your sister, but I think she would quite object to that.

David, maybe my psychologist meant for the average sexual person, physicality is a must for love, it just ends up factoring in no matter what. I mean, people hardly even know about asexuals or have studied the science of their love, or if it is even the same love as most people think of.

I honestly wonder if we are all supposed to be sexual beings, and asexuals do have something that is supressing their sexuality. Of course, this is akin to saying something is supressing gay men from being straight, and they should be straight. However, the key difference between saying you shouldn't be asexual and saying you shouldn't be anything other than straight has to do with the fact that we all have sexual nerve endings and are meant to get sexual satisfaction. True, we're all designed to have babies, too, but getting sexual pleasure is more of a need, more of a big thing to miss, if you never get it. And we all know we really weren't all supposed to have children, anyway. Even religion admits this with nuns and priests. I guess if you don't feel like something's missing, if you don't feel you need to be sexual, if you don't feel you need it in your life, if it's absense is no detriment...it's fine.

I have to admit, I wonder if there is such a thing as being an asexual or if it's just what you think you are until later in life...like I wonder about bisexuality. Hey, I'm just saying I wonder, alright?

Disney's Divinity, maybe this goes against your mores, but if it doesn't, you can always have sexual pleasure without the relationships and their problems.

Jasmine1022, I too think you are bi-curious and are currently discovering who you are and what you like. I think you are a sexual being and not asexual, just not ready for sex until you find someone to be comfortable with, comfortable with them and with yourself around them.

[Isidour]

I'd consider you bi-curious, Jasmine.

Err...is that bad?

[Jasmine1022]

I'd consider you bi-curious, Jasmine.

Err...is that bad?

Well God I hope not!!

I know that I am bi-curious. There was quite a lovely girl who wants nothing more than to be with me, but she rubs me the wrong way. I dunno what it is...she's quite pushy and kind of annoying, but lovely just the same. I suppose if I was to date a girl, I'D have to be the girl and in that situation we'd both be the girl. So even though I'm attracted to both boys and girls, I still want my girls to be boy-ish simply because I like being treated like a girl, at least in some ways.

DisneyDuster, I think maybe your right. I think about sex but it's never something that I dwell on and I can get quite uncomfortable when someone talks to me over the phone insinuating that they want to have sex with me. I giggle nervously and instead of saying "DEFINITELY NOT GOING TO HAPPEN!!!!" I say, "hehe, let's see where the day takes us". Then I just try to avoid the topic like the plague.

[Disney Duster]

I'd consider you bi-curious, Jasmine.

Err...is that bad?

No. It is very very good to explore, especially if you are curious. It is very good to find out what you want, to find out who you are. That goes for everyone, including you. I'm hoping you're thinking about it.

[Isidour]

mmm...perhaps

As they use to say "Everything in this life are experiences"

[TheKey]

I also think that experiences are very important...

I've been with three guys before I got together with my girlfriend and now I really know what I always wanted my life to be like.
Actually I've always known that I'm gay but I was too afraid to tell my friends and I forced myself to believe that I can live with a man, too.
Of course that's not really fair to the guys (even if the first two relationships only lasted three months because the guys broke up with me) but at least now I'm always honest about myself. =)

[Isidour]

Girl, was fare enough if they broke up

[TheKey]

Yes, that's true.
But they broke up with me for other reasons, at that time I was really far away from really admitting that I'm gay.

I broke up with the boyfriend I had before I got together with my girlfriend and after a few awkward months we're now good friends again and he's happy for me.
I didn't think that this was possible but I'm really happy that it turned out this way.

[Isidour]

That's excellent!

[Prudence]

Prudence, sorry to hear that, but I am glad you tried to yell sense into them and stress the seriousness of it all. Mother's Day week is over so...has it happened yet? And to be honest, I would lend myself to talking to your sister, but I think she would quite object to that.

It happened. My parents are in denial, while her girlfriend's mother has decided to shun our entire family (which includes shunning me) and is now trying to stop her daughter from having a life. Add that to Pat's girlfriend moving, more-or-less because her mother is overprotective and insane, and it has turned into a great maddening mess.

You can try talking to my sister. I'll send you her contact information, if you like.

[PrincePhillipFan]

Wow, I can't believe how much I've missed in this thread since I've been away.

It happened. My parents are in denial, while her girlfriend's mother has decided to shun our entire family (which includes shunning me) and is now trying to stop her daughter from having a life. Add that to Pat's girlfriend moving, more-or-less because her mother is overprotective and insane, and it has turned into a great maddening mess.

I'm so sorry to hear all that, Prudence!

Judging by how your parents sound, I think that her waiting would have been a much wiser decision, but as you said, you really can't control what she does. I just really hope that evenutally she'll be able to talk it over more with your parents and they'll be able to patch it up.

Right now I'm going through a little bit of a rough patch myself now, especially with my girlfriend. Since I came out and admitted to hiding about being gay she's been very supportive about it, but at the same time, very concerned right now, which I don't blame her for. Now that she knows I'm mostly strictly physically attracted to other men, I think we're leaning more away from being a couple to just close friends. Which is more than fine with me, since from day one we promised each other even if we don't think we would work as a couple, we'd still be each other's best friends. I'm just happy she supports me for coming out and wants to let me be who I am, and that we still have a friendship.

[TheKey]

That sounds really great, PrincePhillipFan!
My ex-boyfriend and I are such good friends now and last year I never thought that it would be possible. =)
I wish you the best for your friendship and your future!

Today my girlfriend and I went to the Christopher Street Day for the first time.
We were really excited because we've never been there but it felt really great to be a part of that demonstration/parade.
I hardly ever see other gay couples around so today was just great... I felt so accepted and "normal".
And now I'm really looking forward to the next CSD I can go to.

[PrincePhillipFan]

Thanks, Key! I hope that her and I will be able to still remain close friends for a long time like you have been with your boyfriend. I'm just so thankful for all her support and her understanding with it. She's had many friends come out of the closet to her, so me coming out wasn't really a big surprise to her I guess. Even before I came out, she said that she already suspected I was gay just by judging how I acted.

I've heard of Christopher Street, but never been there myself. I'm happy to hear that you've had a great time there, and hope you can get to go there again.

[Flanger-Hanger]

Well yesterday I finally went to the "gay village" section of my city, and I gotta say, besides the cafe I went to, there is just nothing there that interested me. Not even any good looking guys (although I suspect Monday morning isn't exactly the best time to pick up someone close to my age).

[carolinakid]

This is an interesting thread.
I'm a gay male.

Have known I was gay (but didn't know there was a word for it) for as long as I can remember. Definitely since I was 6 or 7 years old I knew I felt "funny" around certain boys/men.

jon