I Would Like to Know... (Who Here is Gay?)

[Ting Ting]

Thanks everybody! I greatly appreciate it.

And I know I already said this, but good luck with your parents Flanger-Hanger. I truly hope that it goes as well for you as it did for me.

[Prudence]

Good for your parents. I don't doubt that my parents would still love me, but there is a fine line between love and respect, and what I worry about most is saddening them.

[Chernabog_Rocks]

Good for your parents. I don't doubt that my parents would still love me, but there is a fine line between love and respect, and what I worry about most is saddening them.

Why should you worry about saddening them Prudence? If they're sad that's how they choose to react, your not forcing them to be sad or anything. Besides it's who you are and if they're sad you didn't live up to their expectations of what you should be that's their problem IMO. With my Mom I wasn't worried about making her sad that I took away her image of what I should be, I knew she'd have to adjust and that was fine with me. Besides, sad for a few days/weeks is better than a lifetime of angry

Hopefully half of that makes sense since I'm tired and it's just one of those days

[JiminyCrick91]

Prince Ali, you inspired me to attempt telling my parents about it (even though they are the almost the only ones I have yet to tell). Sadly the words just wouldn't come out. We ended up talking about Dinner and Deal Or No Deal. I feel i've been stalling with them and way too much. Help?

[Simba3]

So I told my parents last night, and they're completely cool with it. They told me that I'm their son, that they love me just the same, and that it doesn't change a thing. And afterward, no lie, we talked about <i>Big Brother</i>. They literally took it like it was nothing, which means a lot to me.

I love my parents!

Good for you Prince Ali! I'm glad to hear that everything turned out well for you. I know when I told my parents, it wasn't such a smooth ride, but they have come a LONG way since the day I came out (4 years ago) and we are TOTALLY fine now. I love my parents too! I"m really happy for you!

[Ting Ting]

Prince Ali, you inspired me to attempt telling my parents about it (even though they are the almost the only ones I have yet to tell). Sadly the words just wouldn't come out. We ended up talking about Dinner and Deal Or No Deal. I feel i've been stalling with them and way too much. Help?

Believe me, I've been there. The other night wasn't the first time I tried telling my parents. In fact, it was more like the fourth or fifth time. The words were on the tip of my tongue all the other times, but I just couldn't get myself to say it.

It may be easier said than done, but try not to think too much about it while you're doing it. That's how it finally worked for me. As I was saying it, I just thought about how good it would feel once it was finally off my chest. It's like, I knew I was saying it...but I just wasn't really thinking about it, if that even makes any sense. And take it from me, it feels like a HUGE weight is lifted from your shoulders once you don't have to worry about it anymore.

I wish you the best of luck, JiminyCrick!

Good for you Prince Ali! I'm glad to hear that everything turned out well for you. I know when I told my parents, it wasn't such a smooth ride, but they have come a LONG way since the day I came out (4 years ago) and we are TOTALLY fine now. I love my parents too! I"m really happy for you!

Thanks, Simba3!

I'm sorry you had to go through all of that, but I'm glad everything's cool now. I'm extremely blessed to have parents that took it so well. If mine had initially reacted the way yours did, I don't think I would have been able to handle it. So I admire you for that!

[blackcauldron85]

I'm unbelievably proud of you, Cameron!!! And I'm so happy that they took it well!

[PrincePhillipFan]

I know I'm really late on saying this, but I just want to say congrats, Ali! I'm so glad to hear that your parents had taken it so well. And I hope you're able to tell them, JiminyCrick. I really hope they'll be understanding when you tell them.

I went to the guidance center earlier this week at my school, and asked an advice from a counselor of maybe what I should do. They recommended I try to tell my parents whenever I feel comfortable about it, yet I feel like it's eating me up so much inside about keeping quiet that I need to tell them right away. I came close to try to trying to tell them tonight, but as Prince Ali said, I felt like I couldn't get them out and had a panic attack of what might happen in the worst case scenario. I know it's a big thing to tell them, but at the same time I feel like such a coward for not being able to do it. I might try again tomorrow when they get home from work, and hopefully I'll have the courage to try again.

[Disney's Divinity]

It seems like everyone's grappling with the same issue all at the same time. As for me, I'm not "out" in the sense that I've told everyone. I'm certain my parents have suspicions (mostly because, like others have mentioned in this thread, my internet record; I know ways to keep my "history" hidden now, but it's an extremely bad habit I've attempted to quit this past year anyway) and I've promised myself that if anyone ever asked me the question, "Are you gay?" that I'd say yes without regret. Still, I'd rather wait until I'm independent of my parents before I officially let them know. Sure, they'll love me, it's just the way that they look at you that depresses me. There's also the failure of carrying on the family name (with blood, instead of an adoption).

As for my sister, I know she won't like it, but I've never been close to her anyway. In fact, if she avoids me, it'll be a plus.

[Widdi]

I'd just like to take a moment to congratulate everybody who's come out to the parents recently (or ever); it is certainly one of the hardest things you'll ever have to do. You all deserve pink elephants!



I'm closing in on the two year anniversary of my own coming out (to my mom, last month was the fifth anniversary of telling my friends) and things are finally starting to reach a level or normalcy I'm comfortable with. I still think my mom is heartbroken, and probably always will be, but I also believe she is starting to realize that being gay isn't the end of the world for me. She still cries every time she watches "A Baby Story" because "I will never experience what it's like to watch my own baby be born," but I don't think she still holds the idea that I can't have a happy life as a gay man. That was one thing she had told me when we had the "coming out" conversation. The best thing is the awkward feelings between us are dissipating.

I think we sometimes expect too much from our parents when it comes to accepting us. We don't always realize that just as coming to terms with our sexuality was a process for us, it is a process for them too. With three little worlds everything our parents have hoped and dreamed for us changes. Which isn't really necessarily the case, but for them, at that moment in time, it feels like it. When they start to see that we can have happy successful lives they begin to realize that while their original dreams for us won't come true in the way they had imagined for years, they can still come to fruition in slightly altered ways. Ways that not only make them proud, but make us happy. And ultimately a child's happiness is the most important (or should be) thing to a parent.

Sadly, many parents do have a negative reaction, and sometimes they never accept us for what we are. It's unfortunate, but it is a possibility. I think it is our job to help our parents realize that we are still the same people, and that even if they go to their graves disapproving of what we are, that they can still love us for who we are.

Coming out is something you have to do when you are comfortable (unless of course you are outed, as I was) and if you don't feel comfortable telling them while you are still a dependent I implore you not to tell them at this time. I think you owe it to yourself to tell them eventually, but timing is always of the essence.

And always remember that your parents approval and acceptance are not the most important thing. The most important thing is your approval and acceptance of yourself. Live your truth, and if people can't handle it that's too bad for them.

Good luck to everybody out there who has yet to step out of that small, lonely closet. I hope when you do, the world you step into is a wonderful place for you to be, and not the hellish location experienced by others.

[PrincePhillipFan]

I think that was a great piece of advice, Widdi. I kept considering the option of waiting myself for a little bit to tell them, but I got outed earlier today by my parents, so I didn't really have a choice, and I had to tell them today.

My mom found one of the papers I got from the school in my desk at home while she was cleaning, and called me up to ask me about it. Dad seems to be fine, and says he's very accepting about it and understands. My mom on the other hand just seems really worried. She said that she understands, but it still sounded like to me she's really disappointed and hurt by it. She said "This is every parent's worst nightmare" which made me feel extremely horrible. I know they'll eventually get used to it soon probably, but for now I just feel extremely guilty and like a terrible person after they found out themselves.

[Isidour]

Have a hug PPF (hugs really really a lot)

Now, you ain't no criminal, disgusting or even guilty of anything(well...I expect you don't disappoint me like OJ did )
I don't remember if you mention it but it seems your mommy is the kind of the Bree-like church-people (hope I'm wrong) Please, nobody said that take the first step of your decision would be a "pleasure one"

Reading you guys make me wonder what would be my mom´s reaction if I were gay(but...considering some of my sister's friends, that my room is fulled of Bambis maybe it would be like "oh...ok...pass me the meatloaf please")
Anyway, PrincePhillip you MUST NOT feel like that, you have been brave telling the truth(even when they have found those papers you could lied but didn't) not always the warrior goes to battle but the battle is to be affronted on an unexpected time.
Rise a knight, Phillip; cause you have decided to fight instead of running. Grab your shield of courage, your sword of truth and your new armor of self-conviction and remember it is not the sword nor the shield which will make you win the battle but the force of your armor and the strength of your heart

Be proud PPF Knight because we all are proud of you

[Widdi]

She'll come around PPF, don't worry. May not be today, may not be tomorrow, but it will happen. She's just in a state of shock at the moment.

I'm sorry to hear you got forced out. I know how that feels and it certainly isn't fun.

Hope everything gets better soon.

[blackcauldron85]

Oh, PPF, that stinks that they had to find out that way. I'm glad that your dad is accepting, though- that must make the whole thing a little easier.

[Escapay]

My mom on the other hand just seems really worried. She said that she understands, but it still sounded like to me she's really disappointed and hurt by it. She said "This is every parent's worst nightmare" which made me feel extremely horrible.

Your mom has a screw loose, Howard. Every parent's worst nightmare is that life-altering midnight call from the police asking them to identify a body in the morgue.

Still, glad your dad's okay with it.

Albert

sorry, I'm in a sour mood today so if I insulted you or your mom a bit with the screw loose comment, just disregard it.

[Prudence]

Psshaw, I completely agree with Albert.
But I know my parents already have a zillion screws loose, so twould be best not to make things worse.

[Jules]

I can just imagine PrincePhillipFan first widening his eyes in shock on reading Escapay's statement, then collapsing in a helpless shrieking heap despite himself.

On a more serious note, I think you should give your mum more time, PPF. Unlike your father, she may be of a different ideology - but she should be fine with time. What sounds interesting is the fact that (judging from your description) she does not show dislike towards you, but rather a natural mother's worry for her son - even if it is mistaken in its priorities (refer to the 'nightmare' thingy). Of course, she doesn't really have anything to worry about - there's nothing offensive with being bi.

[PrincePhillipFan]

Thank you so much for the advice and support everyone. After reading everyone's comments I feel so much better about myself. Even though I still feel a little guilty, I feel so relieved that they at least now know.

Thank you so much for the hugs, Isidour. I feel like right now I really do need one after going through this.

Widdi wrote:

She'll come around PPF, don't worry. May not be today, may not be tomorrow, but it will happen. She's just in a state of shock at the moment. I'm sorry to hear you got forced out. I know how that feels and it certainly isn't fun.

I know she eventually probably will, and needs a lot to get used to it. I know it's not an easy and quick thing to understand, but hopefully she might be soon or in a while. And I'm so sorry to hear that you went through that yourself, and your mom still talks in that way sometimes. At least though that for the most part she seems to be accepting. I just hope she'll gradually become even more accepting as time goes on.

Albert wrote:

Your mom has a screw loose, Howard. Every parent's worst nightmare is that life-altering midnight call from the police asking them to identify a body in the morgue. Still, glad your dad's okay with it.

No offense taken to that at all, Scaps. I know my mom can often sometimes be a real drama queen, especially with surprising news. She always seems to freak about anything.

Julian wrote:

On a more serious note, I think you should give your mum more time, PPF. Unlike your father, she may be of a different ideology - but she should be fine with time. What sounds interesting is the fact that (judging from your description) she does not show dislike towards you, but rather a natural mother's worry for her son - even if it is mistaken in its priorities (refer to the 'nightmare' thingy). Of course, she doesn't really have anything to worry about - there's nothing offensive with being bi.

I know it will probably take a lot more time. Like I said, I feared a lot for the worst, but how they reacted was a lot less worse than I expected them to. I know she said she's just mostly worried rather than anything about disliking it. I guess she's worried that I might just face more problems later in life after coming out about it, especially after I mentioned I was predominantly gay. After going to the GLBT Center at my school I feel like I'm able to identify myself more, and after talking to the other kids, I would say I fall more into the gay zone. After finding out that a lot of the other kids who say they're gay say they can find some women attractive, makes me think I fall more into that area. I love my girlfriend, but as I said she really is the only girl I have ever been attracted to, with the rest of my feelings before I met her being for other guys.

Now I just feel like I'm babbling on and on. Right now, it just feels like such a confusing and awkward time for me with coming out and finding myself. I just hope after some time, my mom will come to accept it and be comfortable with it.

[Isidour]

Don't worry PPF, in the time she'll discover that being gay isn't bad, either mom and dad worst nightmare(that's asking to identify a body as it was previously stated) and it doesn´t matter what you say, think, do or be you will always be her son

[Simba3]

I was in your same boat about 3 years ago PrincePhilipFan, and TRUST ME, it will get easier with time, for both you and your family. I am glad to hear that your Dad was very accepting, and hopefully your Mom will grow more comfortable with it soon. Just give her some time.