michelle wrote:
It's pretty simple:
[Insert seemingly normal question here which causes people to ponder over it for hours searching for an answer which would make them appear to be intelligent]
[Insert ridiculously insane answer here which causes people to think you are an absolute psycho and then hate you for making them think about it for so long]
Ok, I'll try:
Why the man stop eating cheese?
Because he was the victim of a bizarre satanic ritual.
<b>A general</b> in the army was very good and effective in training and working with his troops, but he was a little insensative at times.
One day he was informed that the sister of one of his men, Murphey, had died, and he had to deliver the news. So during roll call that night, after calling Murphey's name, he said in a rough voice, "Murphey! I'm supposed to tell you, your sister is dead!" Murphey fainted on the spot.
A couple weeks later, the general learns that another of his men, Jackson, had suffered the loss of a relative (his wife), and again he had to tell him. So, during roll call, when he called out Jackson's name, he said in the same rough tone, "Jackson! By the way, your wife died!" Jackson burst into tears.
This practice continued for a long while until word reached the captian about it. He summoned the general and said, "General, you're doing a fine job with the troops and you have my upmost respect for it. But you need to be less direct and less gruff when you inform one of your men about a personal tragedy they have suffered."
So, when he was told to inform Private Miller that he had lost a grandmother, the general remembered the instructions. After roll call was completed, he barked, "Listen up, people, we haven't got all day! Everyone whose grandmother is alive take a step forward! Not so fast, Miller!"
So, this pirate walks into a bar, and the bartender notices that he has a rather large steering wheel sticking out of his crotch. The pirate sits down, and the bartender says, "Excuse me, did you know you've got a steering wheel sticking out of your pants?" And the pirate says, "AAAAAAAARRRRR, it's drivin' me nuts!"
to all of you. In the vein of chicken jokes . . .
Why did the brontasaurus (or, more correctly, apatosaurus) cross the road?
Because the chicken wasn't invented yet.
"The names Cruuuuuuush. Emphasis on the U. But you can call me Crush."
From the August 2006 issue of Reader's Digest (page 169, submitted by Tom Zahn)
"I'm a Yankees fan," a first-grade teacher explains to her class. "Who likes the Yankees?"
Everyone raises a hand except one little girl.
"Janie," the teacher says, surprised. "Why didn't you raise your hand?"
"I'm not a Yankees fan."
"Well, if you are not a Yankees fan, then what team do you like?"
"The Red Sox," Janie answers.
"Why in the world are you a Red Sox fan?"
"Because my mom and dad are Red Sox fans."
"That's no reason to be a Red Sox fan," the teacher replies, annoyed. "You don't always have to be just like your parents. What if your mom and dad were morons? What would you be then?"
Tom: How did you find the weather when you were on vacation?
Bob: It was easy. I went outside and there it was.
Wife: I've got good news. We've saved enough money for us to go cross-country this summer.
Husband: That's wonderful! When are we leaving?
Wife: As soon as we've saved enough money to get back.
Mother: How did you get that black eye?
Kyle: I was hit with tomatoes.
Mother: Tomatoes gave you a black eye?
Kyle: They were in a can.
Whose Line, Boy Meets World, Adventures In Wonderland, Growing Pains, Walker Texas Ranger, 7th Heaven, Brotherly Love, Saved By The Bell, Full House, Muppets Tonight, The Nanny, Home Improvement, Silver Spoons, Family Matters, Reba, The Drew Carey Show,
Patient: Doctor, I think corn is growing out of my ears.
Doctor: Why so it is. How did this happen.
Patient: Beats me. I planted radishes.
Lucas: I can lift a shark with one hand.
Scott: I don't believe you.
Lucas: Get me a shark with one hand, and I'll show you.
Whose Line, Boy Meets World, Adventures In Wonderland, Growing Pains, Walker Texas Ranger, 7th Heaven, Brotherly Love, Saved By The Bell, Full House, Muppets Tonight, The Nanny, Home Improvement, Silver Spoons, Family Matters, Reba, The Drew Carey Show,
to all of you. In the vein of chicken jokes . . . 
