Halloween Viewing Log 2009

[slave2moonlight]

Watched "Happy Birthday To Me" today, then I watched "Vault of Horror" with the ol' man. I'm watching another anthology, "House of the Dead", on YouTube right now. I was shocked to recognize the end of the first story as something I saw in my childhood. Didn't think it was one I had ever seen before. Wish they had "Blood Bath" up. I know it's supposed to be lame, but certain images from it I remember since I was a child and would love to see again.

[Barbossa]

So far I've only watched:
Return to Oz
And I also watched Garfield's Thanksgiving special since we just had Thanskgiving here in Canada.

I'm getting a little behind. next on my watch list are the two Blair Witch movies.

[Lazario]

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Season 5, Episode #6: "Two for the Show"

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More of a suspense "will or won't" the killer "be caught" piece than anything horrific, this "cop hunting" episode ranks high on the genius scale with excellent performances from the two leads. At first, you have your evil killer and your hero who is supposed to take-down the killer. You know who both are right away. But the second you know the hero is onto the killer, the roles immediately switch and the hero becomes frighteningly intense and the killer becomes so vulnerable and desperate- you can't help but identify with him. I hated him at first, but then... I quickly grew to feel less bothered by what he'd done up to the point he got on the train. It's impossible to not be made uncomfortable by how close the cop gets. He invades your space too, and Vincent Spano (one of the most beautiful, sexy men on the face of the Earth!) is so stabbingly intimate. His eyes, his accusations, and his physical presence burn right through the screen and into you. You feel like he's violating you. Which makes the twist all the more effective. One you'll never be able to guess in a million years! This episode is a cut above the rest in this season and ranks among the show's very best.



Season 5, Episode #7: "House of Horrors"

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An amusing mix of the film Hell Night with Season 2's "Television Terror" and Season 3's "Mournin' Mess," but also a long series of juvenile jokes (kissing shoes with dog poop on them and various college pranks that feel like they were hatched by The Goonies), this episode is light on honest scares and heavy on sympathetic characters (especially the adorable Wil Wheaton and the seldom-seen Meredith Salenger) and fairly old-fashioned kid-friendly Halloween novelty antics ("creepy" sound effects, body parts that are probably fake, costumes with masks, fake blood, and dares to go into the haunted-house). That's about all there is to it. It's a "take it or leave it" 30-minutes that'll appeal a little more to the Goosebumps or Are You Afraid of the Dark? crowd than people looking for another "Television Terror" episode. And with Brian Krause (Charmed, Sleepwalkers) steaming up the place and Wil Wheaton crawling around in nothing but briefs... I'll take it.



Season 5, Episode #8: "Well Cooked Hams"

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Obviously the "ham" in that title refers to actor Billy Zane, who's almost always stunningly sexy and charming but plays some of the biggest jerks to ever be seen on the big or small screens. Here, he's truly a scumbag. Which gets me on the side of anyone who's against him. In this case, it's a former assistant and his former mentor (Martin Sheen, in heavy makeup). Although revenge in this episode is particularly sweet, I'm afraid it's a painfully dull half-hour. Another period piece, which usually means: snoozefest. Why people still put more energy into making the period look believable than making the actual writing and acting interesting is beyond me. It lacks creepiness and the villain in this case is just boring. Skip it.



Season 5, Episode #9: "Creep Course"

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Here's another episode that strikes me as particularly Goosebumps-esque. Shy, withdrawn but pretty bookworm girl with glasses kind of digs cute college football player guy who wants something from her that involves her doing something bad and a risky situation. Will they be caught? Another episode ruled by a sympathetic main character. I liked the girl, the twists are especially flattering to her, and those who do wrong get what's coming to them. It lacks finese, but it's never short on ideas. I especially enjoyed that all the characters' ends come by way of not paying attenton to other people, which is a constant theme of the episode.



Season 5, Episode #10: "Came the Dawn"

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Classic premise and elements. Mysterious and beautiful angry woman (Brooke Shields) picked up by suspicious guy with questionable motives, news of a killer circulating, they go to cabin in woods, there's greed involved, a seduction takes place, a love-triangle develops with an unseen 3rd party. Who's the killer? Where / when will they strike next? And which one of our two scummy characters will be the next victim? This one is quite fun... until the absurd and lousy twist sinks it.

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Season 2, Episode #1: "Dead Right"

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Demi Moore is one of the most ridiculously gorgeous, sensual women on the face of the planet. So, it's not exactly flattering for her to play a pointy-headed, prickly wench type. But that seems to be the objective of this incredibly cinematic starter to...well, an incredibly cinematic season of Tales. And this isn't exactly the time/place to go into it, but hot damn is this DVD set from Warner Bros. a sight to behold!! Something about fullscreen can be really sharp sometimes, compared to widescreen. The picture quality is just jaw-dropping. And it adds completely to the tension. Of which, this way darkly comedic and deeply nasty little piece has a lot. Demi Moore is truly hateful here and her repulsion is all the more disturbing when we are forced to share it. This guy she winds up getting hitched to has no personality quirks to make up for his overly make-upped appearence: bloated fat suit pieces that look pretty damn real and sickening face appliances that seriously inspire disgust. If this episode has no other virtue- it's disturbing, gross, and morally shocking. But thankfully, not all the humor is too-dark. One example - although the usually kindly and lovable Jeffrey Tambor is a genuine creep here, Natalia Nogulich (So NoTorious) as the "mysterious" fortune-teller is a total ray of sunshine. Well, not for Demi Moore, but for us- she's a pleasure in this symphony of nastiness.



Season 2, Episode #2: "The Switch"

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I wish I had more pleasent things to say about Ahhnold "I'm a cop, you idiot!!" The-Terminator's episode. Because when you scrape off his embarrassing political escapades, I really like The-Ahhnold and his movies from this era in American filmmaking. And I was definitely surprised by his range of very effective tones in this piece and the sophisticated attitude overall. Kelly Preston from Twins (yeah, I saw that movie 6 times) puts in an appearence, and William Hickey is so damn sweet without pouring on the sugar-grandpa routine. You really do feel for him and his situation, just short of seeing yourself as him- wanting the girl so badly you'd do anything for her. Which is what you need to be able to enjoy the twist at the end. Unfortunately, the twist is so obvious you'll guess it before it's half-over. One thing you won't see coming, however, and I'm blowing the whistle on this: Hickey's best friend and confidant - who you completely believe cares about him - betraying him for money. That's just one step over the line for me. They only threw that one in to be cruel. And if this guy does anything wrong, he gets what he deserves long before this instance. But, I honestly thought he should have been able to enjoy some vitality in his old age. Nothing in a fantasy universe should be as impossibly out-of-reach as youth is to this one man. By the end, it turns out to be more than cruelty- it's just a poorly assembled twist altogether. Preston's character is too cliched and, as a performer, she doesn't deliver any deliciously dark bite for her proposed materialistic rudeness. She's nothing more than a tart who you think has a heart. That wears thin before the trademark moment where she dumps Hickey in Rick Rossovich's drop-dead-hunky bod just because his legs are skinny. Rick does need to work on lifting that butt though. It's shaped more like a pair of grapes when it should be a lot more bubblicious.



Season 2, Episode #3: "Cutting Cards"

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Here's Lance Henriksen again- munching the scenery like a cow chews grass. Only with more ferocity, of course. Take a minute's break now to fully allow that image to soak in. Lance is supposed to be like John Wayne or Clint Eastwood or some kind of rogue cowboy here, returning to Vegas after a long stay-away to prove to everyone he owns all hands who gamble on the tables of this city of hot electric neon and stuffed imposters in cheesy suits. Upon his return, the guy from Patrick (may he rest peacefully in Movie-Stud-Heaven) Swayze's similar-themed 1989 tacky action romp Roadhouse, Kevin Tighe, is not happy to see him. They have some words and realize all the casinos in the state of Nevada combined "ain't big enough for the two of" them, and there needs to be a final game of something involving a lot of blood to decide who packs up their poker duds and crawls away with their tail between their legs. I'll give you another minute to let that soak in... If the name of this game is stubborn competition, this episode earns big points for finding a way to make it compelling in spite of its' childishness. It sure as hell isn't scary. And a rousing "Russian Roulette" scene is surprisingly void of tension. But, with this bizarre relationship, there is bound to be some entertaining friction. So let's just say, whether it's fun or not- the time flies. A bit of gore is a welcomed addition here. But, the most intriguing thing about the entire episode is an interruption to their gun fight that actually suggests they more than respect each other, despite their bickering. Though I just can't help but say I'd more enjoy watching Lance as a stripping cowboy (Pumpkinhead proved he certainly has the muscle for exhibition) or romantic leading man than as a rough-edged cardplayer. He'd already done the toughguy routine more effectively in the vampire-western Near Dark, playing a more world-weary character with a greater air of authority and command.



Season 2, Episode #4: "Til Death"

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If an episode of this show starts as flat as this one does...it usually means you can just toss it in the bin. But this voodoo flip on the traditional gold-digger story is worth sticking around for. We start out in Africa, at a posh private whites-only drinks-party where the slinky host, Logan (prettyboy D.W. Moffett), is a well-to-do landowner about to expand his development deal over to a dangerous area of swampland which is uninhabitable thanks to quicksand puddles. After learning this tidbit, he thinks his party is ruined. And this is where the tension starts mounting fast and furiously. Because his life is complicated enough already, since he's having an affair with a luscious dark-skinned goddess (Fresh Prince of Bel Air's Janet Hubert) who's mad as hell at him and knows a few tricks that will throw yet another monkeywrench in his plans. Also, he's just not well-to-do enough to make his development deal work, so he woos the bratty cash-cow Margaret into the marriage bed with a sort-of love potion. Only, he put too many drops in her glass and she dies... but returns from the grave to continue pleasing her husband because that potion won't allow love to end over a silly little thing like death.

You think you know where this episode's going to go, but you have absolutely no idea! It keeps changing, again and again. No matter what your expectations are, they will be re-written. The tone is dark, tight, and tense...at first. Then it gets mysterious, which brings out an incredible style. That "call me Maggie" love-making scene is so gorgeously stylish- it took my breath away. And then, of course- Margaret the zombie. When you get to meet that character for the first time, you get an impression that she's going to be an icicle until the last frame we see her in. Well, death brings out her playful side- and how. This actress Pamela Gien is an absolute riot as the almost Stepford-like wife in her perfect posh dresses cooking her man the perfect dinner. And this uptight frigid brat goes wild with one-liners. That's when things get fun! Sporting a huge cleaver (which she intends to use on someone)- she whines about a bullet hole in her expensive dress, comes back from blow after blow like The Terminator, and - in the funniest TftC moment ever - makes a pun after being set on fire that made me laugh so hard, I'm sure the neighbors heard me!



Season 2, Episode #5: "Three's a Crowd"

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The comedic tone of the first 4 episodes goes right out the window for this ultra-serious little gem about an ashamed husband in a bad financial situation going away with his wife for their anniversary to a little water-front cabin retreat on the dime of an old friend who would seem to have the hots for his wife. He becomes wildly paranoid that she's cheating on him and she's doing a lot to prove his suspicions are founded. She completely ignores the husband, in favor of spending all her time laughing and chatting up the friend, and secretly talks behind his back about her new life plans. It sounds like she's going to leave him. This drives him to get up to a lot of drinking and then... he snaps. This little internal horror piece is tastefully acted, stylishly directed, and beautifully calculated to the last mili-second to do The Shining, sans supernatural elements, the way it should have been done. The parallels between the two are quite remarkable. Though that one went heavier into atmosphere and is more rewarding on that level, this piece handles the internal struggle to kill your loved ones with the utmost integrity and no sense of over-the-top pandering. The quiet intensity very suddenly is cranked up to full-blast and in an eyeblink, we are thrust into the darkest reaches of human evil. This all-class outing of fear and terror will not disappoint!



Season 2, Episode #11: "Judy, You're Not Yourself Today"

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Completely lacking any fear and tension, this slightly-dark but KNEE-SLAPPING, GUT-BUSTING, SIDE-SPLITTING weird-comedy is one of the most entertaining episodes of any television show I've witnessed in my life. And "witnessed" is the right word for it. It's strange but it's rapid-fire the whole way through. Carol Kane and Brian Kerwin deliver pure perfection in their portrayal of a stressed-out suburban couple whose life of unease hits the roof when a rude door-to-door cosmetics saleswoman with body-switching capabilities steals Judy's body and hits the bars, then splits for the airport. And just when you think the focus is on the freakiness of being in someone else's body, you realize it's just a front for what the story's really about. Gun control. Which itself is also a front, for the attitudes of the people who own them. Only here, it's cranked up to the point where the guy actually gets a rush by killing people with his gun. And it's not heavy-handed either. More like a farce, with a hilariously bittercutesy ending. And the CryptKeeper's all-time best outro. Most people think he's a very lame character. But it's moments like this that prove his insane quality can sometimes be really entertaining. Usually when he's breathless and...insane. Which his puppet does here, not through his eyes, but through his voice and laughter. This time, it really feels like he's gone off the deep end.

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Season 6, Episode #14: "99 & 44/100% Pure Horror"

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Back to Shallow-land, for a very inventive take on the gold-digger formula. This wife doesn't want her husband's money all that much, she wants his position and power to give her a career. To use his business to force her art into the public's face. But when the public stops liking the stuff you're selling them, she realizes some truths even more bitter than she is. Nobody likes her Laura Mars-ian graphic art or her snotty attitude, and all she's left with are her looks and a strangely devoted husband who's actually willing to forgive her cheating on him if she'll just give him a little of her fire every now and then. The concept is handled with an initial plainness and a couple embarrassing scenes of social commentary. But the thrill of watching her try to get away with a murder and an ending that can only be described as "see it to believe it!!!" result in a truly unforgettable episode that delivers on its' incredible novelty. Cristi Conaway is fabulous here- it's a shame her only mainstream exposure prior to this was as the equally ill-fated Ice Princess in Tim Burton's Batman Returns. Rodman Flender (Leprechaun 2, Idle Hands) directs this and the guy knows a few things about gore and certainly knows how to deliver unforgettable moments in the genre.

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Season 4, Episode #1: "None but the Lonely Heart"

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This just in: Tom Hanks kills himself! In this episode of Tales from the Crypt, that is. And I should probably endeavor to mention, he has himself killed but by someone else's hand(s). Since he's the director, it was his decision to knock himself off. Handsome ladykiller Treat Williams (equally irresistable in Smooth Talk) and the often horned-up Frances Sternhagen (Misery) tie the knot but he's just after her money. He has a habit of marrying old ladies and bumping them off. But someone close to him knows about his plans which leaves him desperate to wipe out anyone he thinks might be the one sending him ominous notes. This one is, naturally since it's got Tom Hanks' name on it, acted and written well. But the set-up for the twist gets us all excited and when the twist finally comes... I won't say it's a complete letdown. But- I expected more. It's a bad twist (at least for the starter episode 4 seasons into this show) with one saving grace: great camera angles. I'm honestly surprised Tom Hanks' one episode was so gory but overall, it's entertaining enough to be a highpoint for one of the show's lesser seasons.



Season 4, Episode #4: "Seance"

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It's not good to know the twist to an episode before you watch it. Unfortunately though, I was recording The Goonies on The Disney Channel one night back in... what- 1994, maybe '95, and HBO used to be channel #14 and Disney was #18. So, during the commercial breaks I would zip over to HBO and caught all the gore scenes to this episode. For some reason, I never forgot them. This episode, like "Lonely Heart," before it is very sophisticated in terms of writing and acting, but that only takes an episode so far. It also needs good scares, good tension, a really compelling story, or to be a lot of fun. This being a period piece means it moves slow- which is fine if that's what you like. But Cathy Moriarty's acting style usually works better with frantic pacing (see: Casper). Though she's absolutely elegant and impeccably well-dressed, this episode lacks any real fun, tension, or darkness. It's graphic. But that and the final pun (which is displayed right on the back of the DVD boxset) are the real excuse for this episode's existence. That's not exactly enough. John (Killer Klowns from Outer Space) Vernon's the best thing here.



Season 4, Episode #5: "Beauty Rest"

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And we arrive at my weakness: I'm always excited to see anything in the horror genre that has to do with women social climbing, back-stabbing, or any plot involving beauty, vanity, modeling, eating disorders, etc. And unfortunately, the reason they don't make many horror movies about these subjects is because the filmmakers / writers don't seem to take them very seriously. Or they don't see there's a lot of room to work with them. This episode is visually dark (hard to see at times) and sometimes very cool and stylish. But...this one has probably the worst twist in the entire show's run. I hope I didn't say that previously in any of my other mini-reviews. Because this time: I mean it. I literally pointed at the screen and "WtF?"ed at least once. It makes absolutely no logical sense whatsoever. What beauty pageant in the world would ever do this? Why would crowds of people think this is rational or sensible?? You've got to be kidding me! Even if she were dead before she entered the pageant - and it makes no sense why the people organizing this would kill someone just for a 2-minute stage performance - why would a beauty pageant show this to an audience and why would they not freak out at the sight of this? This leaves about a half dozen more unanswered questions. And really, the important thing to note is that it's just a copy of the 3rd season's amazing "Top Billing" with women instead of men. I don't want to sound heavy when I still kind of enjoyed the episode up 'til the last 5 minutes, but it's kind of insulting that this is the best story they could come up with involving a beauty pageant and backstage bitch antics.



Season 4, Episode #6: "What's Cookin'?"

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This episode is regarded by the general public, mainstream entertainment sources, and many fans as the show's best and most remembered episode. It's not the best, but it's definitely up there. If this season has one recurring theme, it's: confusing the hell out of me! Too much happens and leaves vital pieces of information behind (especially "Curiosity Killed" and "Beauty Rest"). Here, I think it's important to know whether Christopher Reeve's vision is to cook squid for his customers because it's unique or because he really knows how to cook squid. Trust me, it makes a difference. Without squid, there would be no progression into cannibalism in the first place. And- why would they open a restaurant if the husband and wife don't know how to cook? Anyway, this episode is about Superman (Reeve) as a depressed husband who's starting to lose his self-control, which leads his not-so-reformed street-criminal clean-up guy to finish murdering a guy Superman stabbed, which leaves a question of what to do with the body. It's no secret: they end up cooking his insides and feeding them to a sea of customers who can smell it on the streets. So, you're sitting there and watching this episode. What do you see? People eating steaks. Lots of shots of people eating steaks. That's the horror of this episode. That the tone of darkness and oppression lifts and the episode eventually celebrates the restaurant's success, while it's your job as the viewer to remember that the clientel are eating people! Eating themselves. Eating: YOU! It's a very good episode with several clever turns along the way to an obvious but very satisfying final twist. But personally- cannibalism isn't that scary. Meat is meat, no matter where it comes from. Hell: I wouldn't even have a problem eating cooked meat from a human being. So long as it tasted good. Is that scary to anyone?



Season 4, Episode #7: "The New Arrival"

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On some level, this episode is a copy of the 2nd season's "Television Terror," only it involves radio and a phone-in child psychologist instead of a TV talk show host. David Warner (The Omen, Scream 2) plays a pompous jerk who's starting to lose it because his show is being canceled and not even this little publicity stunt will save it: he goes to the home of a frequent caller with the problem child to end all pc's, with angry producer, good-hearted assistant (Roz to his Frasier), recording devices, and a copy of his latest book in-tow. None of the twists (there are several) here are satisfying but this manages to be one of the creepiest and most tense episodes of the season- thanks no doubt to director Peter Medak (The Changeling). But there's just something about a group of outsiders in a mysterious place with secrets and imminent violent death that is an instant recipe for unsettling scenes and a freaky 'anything can happen' atmosphere. This one has more directness than its' cinematic inspiration (undoubtedly: 1976's Alice, Sweet Alice) and one highly memorable death scene. Oh, and Zelda Rubinstein (the Poltergeist series), Twiggy (Absolutely Fabulous), and Robert Patrick (The X-Files) in effective supporting roles.



Season 4, Episode #9: "King of the Road"

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I won't forget this episode very soon after seeing it. But that's not because it's memorably good or bad. It's well-paced and the acting's not bad. But on this show, that doesn't amount to much by itself. After it's half-over, boredom has set in and your mind starts working on what the twist will be. Is Brad Pitt a ghost looking for revenge? Are both racers going to die in a tragic accident? Will one of them accidentally kill the daughter? Will the daughter accidentally kill the father? Will the cops accidentally kill all 3 of them? Will something go wrong with the cars? Will Brad Pitt win the race and be set free by the father? Will the daughter shoot someone with the gun? Sorry to spoil the surprise, but - there is no twist here. None whatsoever. Just the promise of a dramatic showdown race between Brad Pitt and the father, a very undramatic race between them, and a very abrupt end to the race with a surprisingly obvious outcome. Think real simple. This is a bad episode. Not because there is no twist. But, because the ideas suck, it lacks any and all sense of horror or danger, and the characters are completely hollow and boring.



Season 4, Episode #13: "Werewolf Concerto"

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Finally: some more fun injected into the show. This one benefits mostly from another great cast. Which includes Timothy Dalton (License to Kill), Beverly D'Angelo (National Lampoon's Vacation), Dennis Farina (Get Shorty), Charles Fleischer (A Nightmare on Elm Street, Who Framed Roger Rabbit?), Reginald VelJohnson (Family Matters), and Wolfgang Puck. But also- the pace is professional, the dialogue is well-written, the mystery is fun to guess and keeps you guessing even as it's happening right in front of your face, and the setting is just ripe with intrigue and BOO!-jump possibilities. Some viewers may have expected a bit more or found the double-twist a bit lame, but I enjoyed it a lot. Save for one very stupid murder of an unimportant character that is there just to up the body count and borders on completely tasteless/tactless. May not stand up to repeat viewings, but since this is my first- I liked it.



Season 4, Episode #14: "Curiosity Killed"

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The first thing that comes to mind while watching this is a similar-themed segment exists in the 1983 movie, The Twilight Zone. Old people being very excited to find themselves young again but suddenly realizing youth is not all it's cracked up to be. This episode is not nearly as graceful or even-handed as Steven Spielberg's piece. But it does rely on not one-but two elderly black people talking all sweet and vaguely about the wonders of their magic capabilities. In Spielberg's piece, the tone is all sweet. Here, it's... well, cranky. At worst. Margot Kidder (Black Christmas, The Amityville Horror, Sisters, Superman) is driving poor Kevin McCarthy (The Howling, UHF) nuts with her constant complaining about everything and threats to sick her lawyers on him. Is he justified then in destroying her only chance to be young again? Or, did he go too far? Either way, this is a very messy lead-up to probably my favorite twist of the entire show. There's another double twist here, but the first part of it had me clapping. This show sometimes produces very dynamic villains, and Margot Kidder always puts everything into her performances. So, just try not to watch her. Just try to feel sorry for her victims. The second part of the twist made me frown. It's too easy to end it that way. I really felt "had."

[Lazario]

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Season 3, Episode #2: "Loved to Death"

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Another of the more eccentric episodes. There's a slight attempt to be creepy with the scenes in David Hemmings' (Deep Red, Barbarella) Wizard of Oz-esque control room, but after that- this really is more of a clever dread episode. Mariel Hemingway (Delirious, Deconstructing Harry) is kind of shrill and unsatisfying in her role as a tough, angry actress and much more interesting as the ultimate Stepford Wife. Vacant and lifeless is her thing. So, in case you haven't figured it out by now: the title of this episode kind of refers to death by sex. Which you're kind of expecting, and of course- would have been more amusing than the twist we do get. Kathleen Freeman (Gremlins 2: The New Batch, The Naked Gun 33 1/3rd) is a lot of fun in her minute-long role. But Andrew McCarthy (Pretty in Pink, Mannequin) is the same as ever. You see him in one thing, you've seen everything he's got. Which isn't a lot. I kind of gave up on this episode when the silly seduction music cue keeps repeating over and over and over again in all the sex scenes - which are frequent - but, when it finally starts to sound like hard rock music (it began with cheesy piano) and you actually feel the banging that must be causing him some second-thoughts, that represents the best idea we get here. I really didn't care for it. But it's quite well acted. And the general consensus is that this is one of the better-liked episodes. I myself have seen better.



Season 3, Episode #3: "Carrion Death"

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Murderer and thief tries to cross the desert to get over the Mexican border...with 2 bagsful of money, a dead police officer hand-cuffed to him, and a vulture chasing him. What do you think happens next? This episode is truly tedius and completely predictable. And the fact that it takes 30 minutes for so little to happen is also telling. Although, I think most people will be interested to know that this is probably the goriest episode of the entire show and personally, I found the climax to be so violent and gruesome- I couldn't sit still. This is a definite squirmer! But even that doesn't come into play until the last 90 seconds. In the meantime- Kyle MacLachlan (Twin Peaks, Desperate Housewives) talks to himself every step of the 6-mile slog, and... even the cop has to talk to himself when he's alone. I don't mind people talking to themselves, but can't they do it with a little more vigor? Both actors completely sleepwalk through their performances. And that's not saying they breeze by it, that's saying they just don't try. For me- the best feature here is that Kyle can't help playing with the cop after he's shot. He dances with him not just one- but twice. Yes, folks, that's the highpoint of this ep.



Season 3, Episode #4: "Abra Cadaver"

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This is one of the most remembered episodes, and I dare you to try forgetting it after you've seen it. You'd think this would be one of the most boring episodes; it certainly rips of Re-Animator a few times. Guy dies but his brain is still alive, so he's experiencing what's happening to his body. He can still hear and see everything... he can also feel some of it. But this episode really does have an incredibly high tension level. At first, it barely gets by on tilted camera angles. But soon, Tony Goldwin's (Ghost, Friday the 13th Part VI: Jason Lives) vocal performance really starts to make you feel uncomfortable. I couldn't stop thinking about being dead. Can the brain really survive? Do you really still hear and see people touching and prodding your dead body? How long does it last? The heights of fear and horror which Goldwin reaches with his voice are incredibly effective. It takes awhile, but when you mix that with the camera angles- it becomes an experience you actually share with the character. And of course, the capper on that twist is the stuff of pure nightmares.

[slave2moonlight]

On Thursday, I just watched Supernatural. Friday, "Drag Me to Hell" (and Land of the Lost, if that counts in any way), and yesterday, I finally watched the new Snow White and rewatched Tales From the Crypt/Vault of Horor for the 3rd or 4th time since I got it (because other people in the house wanted to watch it each time...).

[Lazario]

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Season 2, Episode #13: "Korman's Kalamity"

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Knowing the twist before watching an episode is one thing that can lower your opinion of it when you get around to seeing it again. The other thing is: high expectations. This episode is a definite victim of high expectations on my part. It's a good episode, and another one that benefits tremendously by just how much this season's episodes feel like real movies. This one is every bit as cinematic as something like Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, which is a strange movie to flashback on while watching this episode. Must have been the red & white checkered floors in the laudromat scene (reminds of pizza-places in New York, of which you see several throughout the legacy of TMNT). The one movie I couldn't get out of my head while watching this was C.H.U.D. Random attack spots, monsters loose in a city, no clue given as to where they'll strike next. The reason my expectations were so high is because I remember how freaky it was watching this alone as a kid. You remember things that didn't necessarily take place. For me- it was the Mildred Monster sitting in a laundromat in one of the orange chairs next to someone reading a newspaper. The person realizes there's a monster sitting next to them and fear ensues. That doesn't happen here. Basically, having Harry Anderson and Colleen Camp in this episode tells you how scary it's going to be before you see it - zilch. A scene involving a rapist is played for one-liners, a scene involving kids playing has the terror equivalent of the apple-eater from Dennis the Menace (1993), and the eventual showdown between Colleen Camp and the Mildred Monster is disappointing. Mainly because, between Valley Girl and Election...directors only used her to be the irritating, shrill housewife (this, Wicked Stepmother, Police Academy - part whatever). She's irritating and shrill, alright. But not funny. To its' credit, though: the episode is creative, the dialogue is well-written, and Harry Anderson is very sympathetic and never mean-spirited.



Season 2, Episode #16: "Television Terror"

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Here's the other victim of high-expectations. This has now become regarded as the single best episode of the show. With good reason - you can cut the tension with a knife! Althroughout. And, you definitely want to see some bloodshed- every character in this episode is a jerk. Which makes the 2-person bodycount very disappointing. But, for a haunted-house themed episode, this one gets that ghosts are usually not scary. So, they throw in some chainsaw action for good measure. And, unlike The Haunting, when doors slam and shake in this movie- they bleed. The episode's greatest quality is that the tension never dwindles or wanes. But, it could certainly have produced a scarier killer, done away with the very The Sentinel-esque proliferation of old dead people, and recast the part of the cameraman, Trip. Or...just upped the bodycount. I also would have liked Sam to look a little more shocked at the sight of a dead body hanging out of a window. I was surprised at how good Morton Downey Jr. was in an acting role. I quite enjoyed his little "Elvis in France" impression. Apparently, this episode was directed by a stuntman and several people he's related to end up doing stuntwork here.

[Siren]

So far...Hocus Pocus and The Gate. Just bought The Gate on DVD, they finally gave it a worthy release...That movie scared the crap out of me as a little kid, and yet I watched it over and over again lol. My daughter was scared by it too. Even to this day, claymation still makes for creepy monsters hehehe Though it was the eye in the hand and the stabbing of it that most creeped me out as a kid

[DisneyFreak5282]

Saw II, the theatrical version. I went to a friend's house and we were originally going to start with the original Saw, but everyone thought it was too boring, although I wanted to start from the beginning. I have the 6-Disc Trilogy box set, plus Saw IV and Saw V, so I think I'm going to start the series from the beginning tomorrow with the first two, and then Saw III on Tuesday, Saw IV on Wednesday, Saw V on Thursday, and then Saw VI on Thursday night (well...literally Friday morning, but whatever). I want to get the alternate cuts of these films - the theatrical versions of the first two, the unrated AND the theatrical versions of number III. The box set contains the "Director's Cut" of that one, which was released around the time of Saw IV's theatrical release. Both unrated and theatrical versions of the film were released as well, which have alternate shots and takes of some scenes, plus their running times differ so if I'm not in the mood to watch the 2-hour-long Director's Cut I can pop in one of the other two cuts. I also need the theatrical version of Saw IV, and I have both Unrated and Theatrical versions of Saw V.

[slave2moonlight]

Man, I gotta get the Gate as well! As for me, I've been busy watching the bonus features on my Snow White blu-ray. Very sad that one of them has a skipping problem during one segment (Fess Parker in the '50's Disney segment). I got mine free so can't exchange it... Anywho, so I haven't had time for much else, though I may watch the commentary on Trick R Treat tonight, and here's something really cool:

Tonight on Cartoon Network they showed the old Bugs Bunny Halloween special! I hadn't seen that in forever! Do bad some of the dubbed moments are so bad, ha, but it was still really great to see! Man, I really need to get those Looney Tunes Golden Collections. Hope those shorts are on them. Anyway, It seemed like I may have missed part of the special (tuned in right after Heroes), but I still saw quite a bit. A real treat to see a classic Halloween special without having to put it on myself!

[Barbossa]

So far I've only watched:
Return to Oz
And I also watched Garfield's Thanksgiving special since we just had Thanskgiving here in Canada.

I'm getting a little behind. next on my watch list are the two Blair Witch movies.

Watched:
The Blair Witch Project
Blair Witch 2: Book of Shadows

Supposedly the creators of the original Blair Witch (not the sequel) are planning a third movie.

[PeterPanfan]

So far I've only watched:
Return to Oz
And I also watched Garfield's Thanksgiving special since we just had Thanskgiving here in Canada.

I'm getting a little behind. next on my watch list are the two Blair Witch movies.

Watched:
The Blair Witch Project
Blair Witch 2: Book of Shadows

Supposedly the creators of the original Blair Witch (not the sequel) are planning a third movie.

Is the sequel good at all?

[DisneyFreak5282]

Is the sequel good at all?

It was hated by a great majority of the people who saw it, but I saw it and thought it was...interesting. I didn't mind it, I actually sorta liked it, but then again I have a soft spot for cheesy horror movies. If you've seen the first one (which was great), I'd give this a go if I were you, there's no harm in it! I bought the box set with the first two movies in it and lent it to a neighbor, but they lost the second film (but of course not the box), so unfortunately I can't watch this this Halloween.

[slave2moonlight]

I actually liked Blair Witch 2 quite a lot.

[Lazario]

I actually liked Blair Witch 2 quite a lot.

It was certainly better than the original film. Something actually happened.





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Season 2, Episode #7: "The Sacrifice"

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Michael Ironside (Scanners, Hello Mary Lou: Prom Night II), Kim Delaney (NYPD Blue, Army Wives), and the hunk-alicious Kevin Kilner (Disney's Smart House) are wasted in this entirely pointless, boring, and predictable snoozer as horned-up LA-ers caught in a "love triangle" business deal, which involves murdering a rich guy for his money and blackmailing her into having sex with the bad guy out of those two (Ironside is always the bad-guy). And...that's all, folks. This one lacks everything: tension, scares, gore, good writing, any details about anything at all...even, for all the sex that is mentioned in dialogue - nudity. That usually wouldn't bother me, but there's a scene where Kilner gets out of bed without his shirt on. But the director is so terrified of nudity, he cuts away before you even see his nipples. You do get the distinct impression that this guy, Richard Greenberg, is trying to make a classy episode. Out of some of the trashiest subject matter of the entire show. I just don't get the point of sex scenes and undressing scenes with jarring cutaways to make sure men's nipples aren't viewed (shots of him on-top during the actual sex are filmed / edited the same way).

Perhaps this was originally a feature-long script that was chopped into 30 minutes. But, I'm not kidding when I say it lacks details about anything. Kilner meets Delaney in an elevator and 3 minutes later, she's visiting his boat-house and after 25 seconds of conversation, they're in bed. After 25 seconds of sex, they're scheming to kill the rich guy. After 25 seconds of that, he says he's in love with her. After 7 seconds of that...next scene. So right there, just based on that, you know she doesn't love him back. Which means, you know how it's going to end. Based on that, and the fact that he is the biggest dope on the planet. This is an obvious "double crossing" episode and everything is given away to us by each character's morality. She double-crosses her husband, so you know she will double-cross anyone because that's the kind of person she is. There's no attempt to shy away from obviousness in this episode's twist. I guessed it less than 4 minutes after Ironside showed up. Completely pedestrian and lame, in every regard. Oh... except for the opening credits sequence, the rather romantic laidback drive through the apartment buildings of L.A.



Season 2, Episode #8: "For Cryin' Out Loud"

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After seeing season 4's torturously awful "On a Deadman's Chest," I was really soured on the idea of sitting through another episode with a rock band theme. Damn, am I glad I had second thoughts! This one's one of the most fun episodes of the whole show! Lee Arenberg delivers a pitch-perfect performance (you may remember him from the 3rd season opener to Scrubs as Dr. Moyer...the "MY MACHINES!" guy) as a rock concert organizer with a real shady side. Amusingly enough, this comes from him being tired of years of dealing with the insane "Green M&M" type demands of the bands he books. Oh, and the fact that he never gets laid. His inner monologue plays aloud throughout the episode, in the form of what he's told is his "conscience" (stand-up comic legend Sam Kinison, who thankfully is reduced to just a voice in the audio mix, playing a devious variation on Disney's Jiminy Cricket), which has convinced him that no woman would ever find him attractive (I have a hard time believing that). He's just scored a million bucks from a charity benefit gig, and plans on taking off with it...but a few obstacles stand in his way of just making it out the back door to his limosine: a greedy banker who knows about his plan (Married with Children's Katey Sagal, who's wonderfully Peg-like here as well), a nosy cop who shows up to give him grief about noise complaints but just won't go away, and of course- the voice in his head that is getting louder and louder and louder...Can other people hear the voice too? This worries him, because the louder the voice screams, the more people in the club look at him funny. This episode is perfectly cast, everyone turns in a funny and dynamic performance, down to the smallest part (including Mark Lowenthal as a quirky ear doctor, and Iggy Pop, who unlike Yul Vazquez from "On a Deadman's Chest" can actually pull off the foul-mouthed rockstar routine). And, though this won't scare anyone, there's just enough blood in it to make it entertaining on that level. See this one!



Season 2, Episode #9: "Four-Sided Triangle"

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Another obvious twist (you'll see it coming from a mile away!), but unlike "The Sacrifice," this episode actually delivers on its' incredibly bizarre premise - which the CryptKeeper sets up beautifully by telling you it's all about "heavy breathing" (thankfully, he wasn't this lurid when warming up season 3's "Split Second"). You could strain your brain trying to figure out how it's going to get to the ending (yes, it's that strange), but the acting is so good, it gets us there in record time. Pet Sematary's Susan Blommaert turns in the best crotchety old-lady performance this side of Anne Ramsey (with a far more quiet menace, too), Chelcie Ross (who mostly ends up doing political thrillers) is appropriately pervert-like as the old man, and Patricia Arquette stunningly dives right into this flaky character. She's good at getting lost in a part and seems to take even her least significant role seriously (horror fans will no doubt remember her from Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors, but her real tour-de-force performance was in David Lynch's Lost Highway). The atmosphere is taut and freaky, there's enough strange sex to keep us distracted from the redneck cliches, and the look of the episode is fantastic. One complaint: it would have been scarier if my original prediction for the ending had come true (that the scarecrow itself was alive).



Season 2, Episode #10: "The Ventriloquist's Dummy"

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How can you screw up an episode that features Don Rickles as a master ventriloquist and the underrated Bobcat Goldthwait as his wannabe-protege? Simple: pour on the sap like you're making pancakes the size of the Empire State Building, build up your usually acerbic and raunchily sarcastic comedians as washed-up, pitiable tragic figures, lead-in to your big climax with an embarrassingly hammy murder-mystery subplot, and then, turn your big climax into a pathetic freakshow channelling Peter Jackson (at his Meet the Feebles worst), and gross everyone out with really nauseating mutation fx. Can't say I was surprised though, after finding out this was directed by Richard Donner (1976's boring The Omen). When his name flashed on the screen, I immediately lowered my standards. Turns out it doesn't matter how low you set your standards- this really, really sucks.



Season 2, Episode #12: "Fitting Punishment"

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What a villain! I've never really watched Everybody Hates Chris, but I vividly remember a commercial in which the father yelled at Chris to shut off the light because it costs too much money. That penny-pinching, which is something of a stereotype (I've noticed) with black characters in movies / tv, is turned into a 30-minute episode of this show, and it's beautifully executed. Moses Gunn (George's old blackmailing friend on The Jeffersons) turns in another of his patented "worst human being on the planet" performances as a heartless, insensitive mortician who takes in his nephew as an assitant and after smacking him around so much, is honestly surprised that beating him with a crowbar has resulted in crippling him for life. What do you think happens next? Needless to say, it should come as no shock what his motivation is for inevitably killing the young man. This is another episode that scores real high on the tension meter. At first, it's heavily diluted by the humor. Then, you realize the humor is being used to pad the shocks before they happen. And well... I was shocked. Only flaw: the punishment actually isn't fitting. Given how much of a bastard this guy is. It's laughable and bizarre. So much so, that you can't help but keep your eyes on how they're achieving a special effect, rather than paying attention to any sense of irony or retribution.



Season 2, Episode #14: "Lower Berth"

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Perhaps dreading the other mutation episodes of the season, "The Ventrioquist's Dummy" and "My Brother's Keeper," I decided to watch this one first. I guess the inspiration for it would be either Tod Browning's Freaks or any Universal monster movie from that heyday of classic horror, where some or most of the monsters were sympathetic. At first, Enoch (also the name given to the cursed-book in Lucio Fulci's 1980 gorefest, City of the Living Dead) is sympathetic. Of course, it's a pretty obvious and lame ploy to always expect your Elephant Man main character will be sympathetic and trodden-on just because he's deformed (almost always a "he" in these types of stories, you'll notice). But that changes toward the end, in a remarkably odd finale. Kevin Yagher is a master of special effects and animatronics puppetry (he created the actual bodies you see of Chucky from Child's Play and the CryptKeeper himself- notice they have the exact same eyeballs), but as a director, he bites the big one. This is his best Crypt offering. It has its' moments (the best of which are undoubtedly the Keeper's intro and outro), and is shockingly watchable. But overall, it falls short of its' ambitions... unless its' ambitions were to just show us unappealing fx-creations. Though this one tries for heart, it ends up being too yucky.



Season 2, Episode #15: "Mute Witness to Murder"

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Incredibly laidback and relentlessly smokey-blue, this wannabe-Hitchcock "psychological" thriller is well-paced and has good ideas. Unfortunately, they at times come off as unintentionally silly and incongruous. Which you only notice if the episode starts to bore you (and to be fair, after "The Sacrifice"- this is as compelling as it gets). But, Reed Birney as the husband is especially insufferable. And, the casting of Johnboy Walton (Richard Thomas) as a killer. There's a reason you'll have trouble separating his wholesome image from this kind of role. Even as a killer, he's impossibly polite and has a voice so sensitive, you'll always think he's just kidding around when he says he's about to do something bad. Patricia Clarkson, though, is a dream. And since the episode is really about her, she wins you over even when the absurdness of the story progression (I'm sorry- but what husband on Earth would excuse a doctor's decision to strait-jacket their wife just because she stops speaking?) gets out of hand. It's a quiet and short little no-thrills thriller and I was glad when the husband was dead. There's no real twist here, but the turns it takes toward the end are at least interesting.



Season 2, Episode #17: "My Brother's Keeper"

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Finally...!(No, I actually can't stress that enough) A mutation freakshow that has more than just special fx novelty to get you past that truly disgusting deformity which takes center-stage in all these episodes. Here, it's a really gross piece of gummy flesh that connects the butts of 2 very different brothers together. What's special about this episode (other than Suspiria's Jessica Harper, and an excellent cleaver murder) are the gifted actors playing the two brothers, their very defined and amusing characters, and the damn smart writing that leads to inventive, fun turns, and another of the greatest twists in the show's 7-year run. Timothy Stack (stupid cult-tv hit Son of the Beach) and Jonathan Stark (Chris Sarandon's male "companion" in 1985's immortal Fright Night). The episode starts with some predictable gags but the pacing keeps 'em coming without stop, and the engaging performances keep you watching. One brother is naturally a sports-loving, sex-crazy pig who propositions every woman he comes across, while the other is a sensitive, symphony-loving cultured nice-guy who loves to cook. And just when you think you know where this is going, it twists in ways you can't expect. In ways you'd never think would have any comedic or horrific punch to them. Another episode that lacks proper tension and any scares, it succeeds on brains and ends up being a lot more fun than this kind of plot has any right to be.



Season 2, Episode #18: "The Secret"

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A genuinely creepy and stylistically indulgent fairy tale. An orphan boy is adopted by rich, so-sophisticated-they walk like stick figures, secretive weirdo parents, who whisk him away to their huge mansion in the middle of the woods and keep him locked in his bedroom at all times, making sure he's only fed dessert for every meal. He befriends the kindly butler (Larry Drake of Dr. Giggles, and season 1's "And All Through the House") as the parents begin hinting at a big surprise they have planned for him. And, that's when things really get weird. There's a definite and intentional Escape to Witch Mountain-vibe all throughout this episode. Especially when you see his bedroom. But in terms of fairy tales, the gluttonous eating of nothing but pastry-sweets is obviously Hansel & Gretel. As for the fear quotient, this also benefits from a distinct Misery feel to the tension that amounts once he finds himself trapped with what seem like the quintessential hospitable guardians being way too generous. In terms of style, there's blue light everywhere. Is that supposed to be an unusual color for light to be found in natural surroundings? It's a gorgeous and lavish episode, from the mansion to the outdoors to the car to the bedroom. And all the scenes involving food and the guilt of eating are sure to touch a nerve with someone. The twist is very good. Though it's also the exact same twist as another episode, one I already praised, not knowing this episode would have the same one. Oooops.

[Ala ad-Din]

Thanks to the magic of Shaw's newest HD PVR with 1 TB HDD (I miss most of these cause of work) so far I have watched (in no paticular order):

Movies
Halloween (2007)
Joy Ride 2: Dead Ahead
Cloverfield
Quarantine
Boogeyman 3

... and I have it set to record many more movies running up to Halloween.

TV Shows
Treehouse of Horror I - VI, XX
Smallville S9 Episode "Rabid"

I'm saving the grand finale for Halloween night... Trick r' Treat (Blu Ray)

[Lazario]

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Season 4, Episode #2: "This'll Kill Ya"

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Drop dead gorgeous Dylan McDermott has complicated relationship and wild sex with exotic beauty Sonia Braga, and shouting matches with Cleavon Little (who actually died less than 4 months after this episode aired), both of whom work with him- they're scientists working on a highly experimental chemical, one apparently designed to kill people by filling them with tumors that stop them dead in a matter of hours. All of this results in the two angry co-workers deciding to hatch revenge on him after he makes a false statement to the press about them having an antidote to this death-chemical. Why the first bad chemical was even created in the first place is anyone's guess. This bad combination of season 3's "Easel Kill Ya" and "Abra Cadaver" is some good style and absolutely zero substance. Unless you count the really long sex scene between McDermott and Braga. Which, unfortunately, is the highpoint of this ep.



Season 4, Episode #3: "On a Deadman's Chest"

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Remember Wayne's World? What do you think a movie / tv show would be like had it focused on Crucial Taunt rather than Wayne & Garth, and made Cassandra a groupie rather than the gutsy and powerful lead singer? Well, I don't know if it would be like this, but I sure as hell hope it wouldn't be. This thing is nothing but one long, nasty, stupid cliche. There's the *ssh*le lead singer (Axl Rose inspired?) who hates women (unless he's having sex with them) and swears like an idiot, and his bandmates are devoted dopes who put up with his endless tantrums. And of course, a blonde groupie shows up in his dressing room and opens her corset, letting her boobs fall out... because, that's apparently what the director / writer think all horror fans want to see. Or, is it the long-kept secrets of the real lives of rock's hard and fast-living stars finally revealed to a shocked public? Either way, disregarding the fact that these are the most tired "rock band" cliches in the book, the episode also has an irritating pretentious streak a mile long- thinking this is a gritty, realistic way to view the behind the scenes antics of a believable hard rocking band. The antics are believable enough... but just because they're unpleasent (and, if you think about it, depressing) doesn't make them compelling or horrific. A fairly sexist murder and some voodoo are thrown in for "good measure." A total waste of Tia Carrere, and Heavy D- who literally is the only even slightly redeeming quality to this episode. William Friedkin of The Exorcist directed; oh how the mighty do fall. SKIP!



Season 4, Episode #8: "Showdown"

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Richard Donner, of Season 2's miserable "The Ventriloquist's Dummy" returns to the Crypt for a much improved little western yarn about a rebel outlaw gunshooter who goes to a bar in a little town to drink and realizes...something's strangely familiar about everyone who's face he takes the time to look at. That's pretty much it, in terms of story. There's a twist, it's incredibly obvious. But at first, the twist brings out the toughguy's vulnerable side, making the typical action-themed piece a lot more existential and him... well, it's only some people's cup of tea, but: he admits his weaknesses. I appreciate that. Then, of course, it just plain gets silly. The shootout finale takes forever and seems to be shot in super-slow motion, the "back to the future" twist keeps going long after it's clearly used up its' novelty value, and then there's an absurd "buddies" coda that just begs for the palm-to-forehead slap. In the eyes of most viewers, I expect this episode will bore them. Until the end, I was pretty plugged-in though.



Season 4, Episode #11: "Split Personality"

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Joe Pesci. Is there anything else that need be said? Hot off doing the hilarious My Cousin Vinny, he nails this portrayal of a gambling slimeball who cons his way into the fortune of two beautiful but psychotic identical-twins. He can't seem to decide what he wants more- the money or the sex, so he decides to try having his cake and eating it too. One problem: the twins are crazier than they lead on to being. It doesn't bother them that he's a liar, it bothers them that there's only one of him to go around. And these girls don't like to share. Except for the fact that Pesci's character is such a despicable, mean-spirited sexist pig at the start, this is a free-wheeling and darkly fun little piece with good "smart scumbag" dialogue (so that we believe he's a professional conman), and a pretty gross final gag. "Split"...indeed.



Season 4, Episode #12: "Strung Along"

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Kevin Yagher strikes again! Famous, Eddie Bracken-esque children's entertainer / puppeteer who once had olden-days glory with a Howdy Doody-ish clown marionette show has young "sexy" wife who is probably cheating on him, but he doesn't have time to notice because he's a recluse (for some unknown or unmentioned or undiscovered reason/s) and working on a comeback with a new animatronics guy- showing him the ropes for a tribute show being thrown in his honor. Oh, and he talks to himself too. In the voice of the clown. As home life becomes increasingly hellish, the clown's voice suggests he kill the wife. A bit of a mix of 1978's Magic, 1988's Child's Play, and season 2's "Three's a Crowd" with "The Ventriloquist's Dummy"...and a little of season 3's "Spoiled." The kindly old puppeteer (Donald O'Connor) is... kindly and old-fashioned. And his sweet old man routine does not mix well with the unbelievably shrill and callow soap-opera theatrics of Patricia Charbonneau, nor the intensely seductive bedroom-voiced Zach Galligan (Gremlins, Waxwork). At one point he mentions Galligan's butt kissing... that's exactly what it feels like he's doing. He could be talking to anyone this way and it would come off like he was trying to seduce them. The twist comes too little, too late, and so does the blood-letting. And in the meantime, all this episode has amounted to was a really, really bad soap-opera ... about a puppeteer... and a creepy clown marionette... If there's a point here, at all, it misses the target big-time.

[Barbossa]

So far I've watched:

Return to OZ
The Blair Witch Project
Blair Witch 2: Book of Shadows
and last night watched:
Corpse Bride

Tonight I'm going to watch a movie with song that goes like "Who you gonna call..."

[Cordy_Biddle]

Oooooh.... I really must start digging out some more horror movies. My double feature DVD of "House on Skull Mountain" & "The Mephisto Waltz" has arrived but I haven't played them yet.

[Lazario]

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Season 5, Episode #1: "Death of Some Salesmen"

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I probably made a mistake by watching the virtual comic of this story before the episode. Well, actually- I saw it when I was much younger, but didn't remember anything about it. Then, I saw the DVD virtual comic...and it really unsettled me. So, imagine my disappointment when the episode turns out to be a really gross hillbilly freakshow about a deformed family who want to marry off their ugly daughter (ala- the much brought-up and hyped-up, all/ways by me, Nothing but Trouble). The comic, in all its' hick dialogue cliches, managed to be deeply scary (and excessive, to the point of almost killing the mood). This televised episode has none of that. In fact, they really play up this guy (the sexy Ed Begley Jr., who probably has been doing this role further back than She-Devil, though that's where I remember him from) as another ultra-insensitive, woman-abusing super-scumbag, and then place him in what must be an ironic turn of circumstances. He's greedy and he's apparently a great liar. Both of which are his ultimate weaknesses and lead to his downfall. I wasn't too keen on sitting through a long series of gross-out moments (though most of them are implied rather than shown), but I have to be honest- this is a memorable episode that's well acted and makes you think. Just enough to make you remember it after it's over. It works. Though I wish it didn't. It's easier to dismiss this kind of thing than accept it. I'm telling you: it's really ugly.



Season 5, Episode #2: "As Ye Sow"

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Every season's got to have its' token drama-thriller hybrid. An episode that has such a good cast (better than most of the others) that for any director to get them, you assume it's because they're taking this seriously. Well, forget that. This is way too funny to be serious. And I'm pretty sure the director meant for people to find it amusing. I couldn't stop giggling long enough to get into this guy's character. He's utterly ridiculous. I don't know if he's a caricature or what, I don't have the proper technical lingo for it. He's a joke, let me put it to you that way (the part where he's questioned about his wife's clothing is a standout moment). The plot is a bore on paper but, you really end getting into it. It's just so damn quirky. Unfortunately, the twist comes and... Well, it's not that it's obvious or anything. It's not. It's just that- you can't help but groan. All that trouble, just for "this." It is a lot of trouble and a long routine. And it adds up to very little. But, when they set up a thing about how she keeps going to confession every day... you begin to feel like you have to know what she's confessing. She's got to be doing something wrong, right? This is definitely another "Three's a Crowd," but this episode actually managed to make me question her. And that's what keeps you tuned-in. It really makes you think. And that's at least greatly preferred to some lesser episodes that just make you want to turn off the tv. The casting is just that good.



Season 5, Episode #3: "Forever Ambergris"

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Another pretty bad idea with an incredible amount of energy jolted into it. The actors put their all in a pack of really stupid characters... or, you think they're stupid but then they surprise you. Except for Steve Buscemi's character, Ike. He's the pawn for the whole game that takes place. Without his naivety, there is no horror. Anyway, there are these two photographers who fly out to a warzone to take pictures of some terrorist devastation, one of them not knowing that the bodies they're meant to shoot are the victims of germ-warfare. Which means that, you might be infected with the deadly disease that killed all the bodies...and not know it until it's too late. The joke there is that, the other one does know and is smart enough to not risk going out there. So, one is killed and the other takes his photographs and flies back home to comfort the grieving widow. It really is a boring concept, dealing with a "washed-up" photographer who doesn't have "the edge" he used to have and is professionally jealous of a younger, better photographer. For a while, it's all Buscemi (who's great in everything he does). Until we meet Lysette Anthony, who elevates the acting to a whole other plateau. And they really gave her all the meat in what then becomes shockingly powerful and fascinating dialogue. Which is surprising, since she usually gets little roles as the Euro-trash Bitch Who Thinks She's Better Than She Really Is (Look Who's Talking Now). In fact, I'll bet it said that on her resume for years. She practically patented it. But she was all eyes and a voice. Here, she completely becomes this character- and it's a treat to watch. Without her, this episode couldn't even pretend it had a point to it - she goes on a long speech about peace and love hippie-ish stuff and her relationship with the skinny, rat-faced Buscemi. The real point would seem to be 2 very showy body-melting scenes (though, they still have nothing on 1986's Street Trash).



Season 5, Episode #4: "Food for Thought"

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It doesn't bother me that this episode takes place at a carnival freakshow (but... another one?). Or that it's about yet another jealous husband / jilted lover / abusive man treating his woman like crap. Or that you know the twist from the very second you see that big ape in its' cage. What bothered me is that Joan Chen's Connie at one point walks out so easily on her bastard husband after making it look impossible the entire episode. The straw that broke her camelsback was him killing her amazing (and clueless) (and studly) (perfect combination) would-be lover Johnny (John Laughlin). And of course, she doesn't get too broken up about the whole thing. He basically represented a train she would take to get away from the freakshow and her mean husband. That's it. I would have appreciated a little more emotion, a little more heartache. I was more upset at the loss of this guy than she was (and I was real torn up about it too , to quote Patrick Labyorteaux from Heathers- "why'd you have to kill such hot snatch?"). After that, any other detail here is inconsequential and minor. It could have had some good gore, but it didn't. I suppose it could have been scary, but it wasn't. It definitely could have been fun. Or funny. It wasn't. Ernie Hudson gives it his all and that's a shame. No one else does. Except for the gorilla, who may or may not be real. Phil Fondacaro (Troll) makes an appearence but is covered with makeup. Which leaves the highpoint of the episode being a very short almost-sex scene (where everything on him gets real tight). It's of course only al-most because at every turn, they rob the woman of any pleasure she might have had.



Season 5, Episode #5: "People Who Live in Brass Hearses"

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I was all-set to write this one off; I really don't like Bill Paxton. And let's face it- after One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest, Brad Dourif does all his best work offscreen. Yet, somehow, despite the two of them (or maybe, to their credit)- this episode is chock full of surprises. At first, it just goes on and on about insignificant details and you get bored. You imagine there's probably a twist coming at the end (there usually is, this is Tales from the Crypt after all), but you could care less about what it is because this episode is so damn boring. Then it comes... and you realize all those things you barely paid attention to really were important after all. I had to watch this twice. On second viewing- it finally hit me. This is genius. The twist at first feels like it's cheap and comes out of nowhere (not to mention, it's just damn gross!). That's because this is not the first episode to deal with this subject matter (I'm not giving it away- trust me, you have to see this for yourself). But it's brilliantly set-up and actually has terrific resonance when you watch it over again. This is what "The Ventriloquist's Dummy" wanted to be. The entire success of this episode is owed to Michael Lerner (Elf, the Clueless tv series) whose comedic talents have never been better served (not that I've seen). My favorite moment upon reflection: when Bill Paxton is waiting for him to get out of the truck and he drives away!! Watch it twice and I think you'll get a kick out of it too.

[Flanger-Hanger]

I actually watched Child of Glass finally and after all the talk about it I'm now in the group that sees why it's so good. It's what Disney TV movies used to be all about and fail to be so nowadays. The plot is simple, the actors behave like real people would in the situation and there are some kind of actually production values to it. It's more charming than campy and can actually get exciting at times and is very much worth seeing.

23 years of not be available on any home video format is inexcusable, just put the thing to DVD already!

I also watched Sleepy Hollow today, which is of course an awesome movie.