Here is one:
"I haven't felt this awful since I saw that Ronald Reagan film."
This is not a political statement. The line has always cracked me up and I find myself quoting this line when I am feeling well. (If you have seen some of his movies, you would know how true the statement was.)
Hint: It is coming out on a new edition later this year.
By the way, Geogre Carlin was the first host on Saturday Night Live. He did not participate in any skits but did several monologues including the routine on the difference between football & baseball. Classic stuff.