The Universe has stomped on me thread. Rant or clear the air

[pinkrenata]

I've been thinking about you since I read the news on Facebook last night. Hang in there.

[slave2moonlight]

Had a miscarriage today.

So sad to hear about this. Very sorry, E.W. My sister went through that a couple times, and actually had to carry the baby the whole nine months, even after having the (late) miscarriage. There was a funeral and everything. She changed doctors after that one, because there was no good reason she should have lost the baby. We're of course concerned right now, as she is currently pregnant again. Anyway, I know it's not much consolation, but it happens a lot and could happen to anyone, and things could still go perfectly next time, so don't give up hope.

And, Goliath, really sorry to hear about you being laid off, and also about the drama with the girl at work. If I have experience with anything, ha, it's unrequited love. These girls don't really know what they're missing, but that's no consolation, I know. It's just more frustrating.

[Goliath]

Had a miscarriage today.

...

I cannot put into words how terribly sorry I am for you.

It's so unfair. You didn't deserve this. After all you've been through, you deserved something wonderful, something positive. Some people seem to have only bad things happen to them and they're always the people least deserving of it. I can't write "everything will be allright", because I don't know if that's true. I'm sorry, but I don't want to use all kinds of cliches. I know you're an optimistic person and you've gotten yourself through a whole deal of bad stuff and you'll probably manage to get through this as well, in time. Or so I hope.

Just know that you're in my thoughts and I wish you all the best in coping with this.

[Chernabog_Rocks]

I am so, so sorry to hear that Enigmawing.

[DisneyAnimation88]

I'm very, very sorry to hear of your loss enigmawing, my thoughts are with you and your husband.

[Rose Dome]

I must also add this, enigmawing.

I wish you and your Husband all the best. Hang in there

[Disney Duster]

Oh enigmawing I am so, so, so extremely sorry to hear that. I just...like so many here I can't even begin to think of how bad that is and that it's happened to you of all people. I am so deeply sorry. But like others have said, you are such a great, optimistic person, that I think you can get through this, however long it takes. You have what sounds like a great husband, and love, and thank goodness you have that. And I will be praying for you.

[Disney Duster]

Anyway, time travel will never be invented, because, had it really been invented in the future, somebody sure would've traveled to our time and told us about it and how we could invent it quicker. So yeah, it's nonsense, and if that notion "makes your blood boil", then yeah, maybe take the advice they gave you.

Just wanted to say that's a maybe. That is logically sound, but you don't know for sure if maybe time could be split into a kind of two or something and this is "the first time" where we need to invent the travel in the first place... Just sayin' ya don't know anything for certain.

[Elladorine]

Just wanted to let everyone know I appreciate the kind words. They had planned on giving me the D&C surgery today but put it off until tomorrow in hopes of me not needing it at all. I'm actually off in a whole other state right now since I'd been needing to see my grandma and aunt, and the miscarriage started while I was sleeping at their house. I'll most likely be staying with them for a week or so to rest rather than trying to make the five-hour drive home feeling like this.

I'm sure I'll have more to say later, right now it's difficult to type on the phone thanks to the I.V. in my arm. I just wanted to let you guys know that I'm getting better, and again to thank you for the kind words. Yesterday was the most difficult, painful day of my life and I'm amazed I got through it in one piece. And I know I have my friends and family to thank for that.

[ajmrowland]

words cannot express it.

[Rose Dome]

It's good to hear from you wing.

Your pain must defy description. I myself am still shaken by the knowledge of what happened to you

Why you? Had you not already been through more than enough? Are you not completely undeserving of such a horrible thing?

I can't work up very much optimism, but you have all my hope.

Stay strong and take care of yourself ::

[slave2moonlight]

Anyway, time travel will never be invented, because, had it really been invented in the future, somebody sure would've traveled to our time and told us about it and how we could invent it quicker. So yeah, it's nonsense, and if that notion "makes your blood boil", then yeah, maybe take the advice they gave you.

Just wanted to say that's a maybe. That is logically sound, but you don't know for sure if maybe time could be split into a kind of two or something and this is "the first time" where we need to invent the travel in the first place... Just sayin' ya don't know anything for certain.

The argument that if time travel existed, people from the future would have come back and told us about it and all isn't really a very good argument. Yes, we could be in the original timeline. But, even more likely, people from the future might be too smart to come back here and give primitive us advanced technology. And I'm saying this despite the fact that I don't believe Time Travel is possible. Wish it was, but I believe that we exist in the moment, and that there is no past and future to travel to. The growing belief in the possibility of Time Travel among scientists (even if it is still an unpopular one) does give me pause, but for now I believe the words "past" and "future" are just words we use to describe things that have already happened or haven't happened yet, and over time we've convinced ourselves that they are actually "places" we can travel to.

[Chernabog_Rocks]

I've been feeling rather horrible the last couple of days now. Today though it feels like I've hit a new low point. After going to bed with an upset stomach, I tried to lay propped up a bit to help with it and yet it feels like I have not slept so much as laid there with my eyes shut. I've tried rolling into new positions and yet nothing seemed to work and the more I rolled, the more my stomach started to get upset with me.

Finally I just got up, and from there it just felt worse. Normally our house is quite warm, even with it being winter, and yet before I could make it into the kitchen to make some tea I was shivering as if I were outside in the snow. From what I'm aware the temperature in the house should have stayed the same, and if it did drop then maybe enough to warrant the need for a sweater and yet...this felt more drastic. I'm unsure if it's just far colder than I realize at this hour, or if maybe I'm sick.

With the physical bit aside, I'm quite mad at myself for not being able to stay on track lately for any of my goals, as well for being so skittish about my health to the point where I jump to large conclusions that are completely wrong. Despite knowing how silly all of the above sounds, it doesn't change that health related problems do freak me out a bit. Hopefully things look up later in the day, but for now I'm going to bury myself under some blankets and a heating pad to try and get through it or at least get a bit of sleep.

[Rose Dome]

^ ^ ^

Don't feel silly for being concerned about your health. It can be worrying when you're feeling very ill

Maybe you should go to the Doctor if you're freaked out. It certainly won't do you any harm.

I wish you well

[Disney's Divinity]

Yeah, I hate cold flashes when I get sick. They make you want to curl up under a blanket and die. Hopefully, it'll go by quickly. Good luck with that.

[Atlantica]

enigmawing, I am so sorry to hear about what has happened. I dont know if I can express the right words to make you feel better, but you are in my thoughts.

You will get through this, and you have great strength, as you have shown.

[Disney Duster]

Glad you are getting through this, enigmawing, but more strength and prayers to you!

for now I believe the words "past" and "future" are just words we use to describe things that have already happened or haven't happened yet, and over time we've convinced ourselves that they are actually "places" we can travel to.

Then wouldn't time travel be to make the current moment be a moment we thought was a past/future moment?

By the way, I am sorry about your troubles. I knew you'd find a great girl who's really good for you someday, but maybe she wasn't so great if she is not sticking with you for the most superficial of reasons. I suppose it depends, would she ever leave security because she loves someone so much, or would she never ever do that for anyone? I know you've probably heard this before, but the one you really will love best is someone who loves you back, who kisses you and cares for you, regardless of how you can share interests together. Of course, I could be totally wrong about that, so that's really just a thought for you.

I'd like to know, do you think of her all the time, first thing when you wake up, and sometimes she's made it hard for you to eat or sleep? Or has that ever happened? I was just wondering because I've gone through that myself with someone I like and was trying to figure out if those symptoms meant much.

I'm also worried about you possibly being homeless. If I were you I would get a job you may not like but that you can do pretty well and pays A LOT, then look for the job you really want while you work their and live in your own place. My one friend is doing FANTASTICALLY being a card dealer at a Casino. She's getting her own freakin (small) house and she's just 23!

[slave2moonlight]

Then wouldn't time travel be to make the current moment be a moment we thought was a past/future moment?

Um..., I'm going to have to admit to being dumb on this one. I don't get what you mean, ha.

By the way, I am sorry about your troubles. I knew you'd find a great girl who's really good for you someday, but maybe she wasn't so great if she is not sticking with you for the most superficial of reasons. I suppose it depends, would she ever leave security because she loves someone so much, or would she never ever do that for anyone? I know you've probably heard this before, but the one you really will love best is someone who loves you back, who kisses you and cares for you, regardless of how you can share interests together. Of course, I could be totally wrong about that, so that's really just a thought for you.

She actually could still be the one. I still like to think she is. I have been out of town, so, we'll see what happens when I get back to Austin and also get settled in, as she says she wants to see me and we have plans to get together this Saturday, the day after I get back. I don't suppose many smart women would want to be with a guy who can provide zero security, no matter how she feels about him. It really depends on how she acts once I get settled into a job and apartment and all, if I'm able to pull that off.

I'd like to know, do you think of her all the time, first thing when you wake up, and sometimes she's made it hard for you to eat or sleep? Or has that ever happened? I was just wondering because I've gone through that myself with someone I like and was trying to figure out if those symptoms meant much.

Actually, yes, I seem to think about her every second. I honestly do. I believe that can be love, but it also can be other things. In this case though, I believe it is love. That doesn't say anything about how often she thinks about me. I have no idea on that, and some people take more time to fall in love. In fact, I believe some people, like myself, tend to only have a chance with someone who will take time to fall in love with them, and it is hard to find someone who will do that. Everyone wants that love at first sight thing (which translates to falling in love with someone you initially found extremely superficially attractive).

I'm also worried about you possibly being homeless. If I were you I would get a job you may not like but that you can do pretty well and pays A LOT, then look for the job you really want while you work their and live in your own place. My one friend is doing FANTASTICALLY being a card dealer at a Casino. She's getting her own freakin (small) house and she's just 23!

Thanks, and that's great about your friend. Trouble is, I haven't seen ANY jobs around here that pay well (without some extreme qualifications required). Drawing is really the only thing I have ever proven good at so far, ha, but, yeah, at this point, I'd take anything I can get, especially if it paid well, but I am still just trying to get some interviews... Can't even seem to get those for the crappy, minimum wage jobs...

[PeterPanfan]

Enigma, I'm so, so sorry for your loss. I'm sure this hurt is something only people in your situation can even begin to fathom, so I don't even know what else to say. My thoughts are with you and your family, and I hope this doesn't deter you from the idea of having children totally, if that's what you want.

[Elladorine]

Once again, thank you for the kind words everyone. I thought at the very least I could update here with what I wrote at dA this morning when I couldn't sleep:

I mentioned a few entries ago that I'd be staying with my aunt and grandma for the weekend. As usual, I enjoyed the drive to Cali on Saturday and had a great time seeing my family. We planned to stop and see some of Rey's family the next morning before heading back home, but I woke up in the early hours knowing that something was very wrong. My aunt gave us directions to the nearest ER, and Rey tore down the empty streets of the city at twice the allowed speed limit in order to get me there.

The pain was becoming unbearable by the time we hit the parking lot, and as I made my way inside I felt something happen to my body, something that made me realize there was no hope for the baby.

Checking into the ER was a nightmare. The front nurse and receptionist were far too concerned with proper procedure to actually listen to me, and I most likely fell into shock as I waited for my turn to get admitted. Not that they could have done much of anything aside from easing my pain, in cases like this nature has to run its course. I fought off fear and extreme nausea once I made it to a bed, waiting for a doctor to show up and give the ok for Rey to join me. I tried not to notice the alarming amount of blood I was losing as they warned me that I might need a transfusion, and my head rocked back and forth in anguish as they held back on giving me pain meds since it was possible I needed to be prepped for surgery.

I'd never been in so much pain. At some point the morphine they injected wasn't enough, so they switched to something much stronger. After several doses I was warned it was enough to potentially shut down my respiratory system, but luckily the pain started to subside soon after. They kept me in the hospital for a few days since there was still a chance I needed surgery, but my body seemed to be taking care of itself properly so they let me go with the information that none of this was my fault. It's common for the first pregnancy to end like this, and it's likely that my next one will be fine. I'm not sure how much that helps me emotionally right now, but at least I'm ok. I'm staying at my grandma's house for the remainder of the week. I'm being well taken care of here, right down to being given home made chicken noodle soup and cookies. I'm looking forward to going back home though where I can return to the comfort of my own bed and contact with the outside world (no internet here so I'm pains-takingly typing this through my phone).

Sigh . . . I've been told I didn't deserve to go through this, but really, no one does. It's just an unfortunate part of life. I'll always be left wondering what would have been if this little one could have made it . . . and I just cannot put it into words.

Anyway, I wanted to thank everyone for their kind words between this and losing Koji; while it's been an extremely difficult time, I do know I still have a lot to be thankful for.

* * *

So yeah, I'm hanging in there, enjoying some quiet time with family but a little anxious to go back home. Things are looking up and I'm feeling much better. Reading the replies here at UD and seeing how much you guys care really brightened my days, especially when I was still stuck in the hospital bed.