Life Goes On
Posted: Tue Sep 13, 2011 3:46 pm
You guys may have read my last few posts in The Official Leaving/Returning Thread. This is somewhat of an update on all that.
We drove for 26 hours straight to make it back to my hometown in the Midwest. For the record, things went well with my brother. We brought home one of his dog's puppies and named her Cinder.
The drive home was crazy, lol. It took a few extra hours due to the needs of our extra little passenger but like on the way there, we drove straight through and I've felt like a zombie ever since.
Knowing that my cousin Lorene had terminal cancer and having experienced that with other family members, I was afraid of what I might see when we got to her room in the nursing home. She looked so frail and worn, but lit up when she saw me. No one had told her I was coming and she was so surprised! She told me over and over how happy she was to see me. She remarked immediately that she recognized my husband from the drawing I did for the wedding invitations last year and was glad to finally meet him; she was the very last person I visited with before I moved to Vegas and she seemed more worried than anyone else about me taking off like I did.
While she was bedridden at this point, she thankfully wasn't in any pain as long as she was laying down. She also seemed to be in good spirits with a clear mind. I had printed out a bunch of old family photos to give her shortly before we left and she really seemed to enjoy those. She told me about how she and her best friend Susie met when they were in the third grade and had remained best friends throughout their lives. When Lorene was still living at home with her parents, her uncle often stayed on their farm to help out with the chores and Susie had a crush on him (although he was Lorene's uncle he was only 5 years older than them). Once when Susie was about 12, Lorene's uncle pulled a ring off a soda can and put it on her finger, asking her to marry him as a joke. He forgot about it since she was still just a kid to him, but Susie must have gotten all starry-eyed over it. He went off to serve in the military soon after that, and by the time he came back from Germany Susie was old enough to ask him out (which is rather bold since we're speaking of the 1950's, lol). And when they eventually got married, it meant that Susie became her best friend's aunt! And if you hadn't guessed by now, Susie ended up being my mom, and Lorene's uncle was my dad. And as my brother recently pointed out, if it hadn't been for Lorene, neither of us would be here now.
Many years later, Lorene moved to my hometown with her two sons, just down the street from her parents and one block away from my family. We often visited each others' houses to play games and swap movies and such. I had no clue at the time how she'd just gotten out of a horrible, abusive marriage when she'd moved out of state; the reason she moved close to us was so that her parents could help her get back on her feet after her divorce and provide a safe place for her sons.
The youngest of her sons was about my middle brother's age and they often hung out. They rode to a party on Thanksgiving weekend of 1989, but got in an accident on their way home. They were only 19 and 20; both were killed instantly. Such a bad time to recall now but it shows how close our families were and what we had to go through together. This may be an odd little point to make, but the weekend before they died stands out as the last truly innocent and care-free time in my childhood; I was 13 at the time and it's when my parents took me to see The Little Mermaid in the theater. In fact, I was actually in the middle of drawing a picture of Ariel when I saw my uncle (Lorene's father) and a stranger walking up our driveway that next weekend. I told Mom we had visitors, and when she looked out the window she immediately started crying as she'd recognized the stranger as the town coroner and had already been worried all morning that my brother hadn't made it home the night before.
Somehow we all got through that. Time passed. Both of Lorene's parents died in the following decade. We also lost my mom to cancer in the mid-90's. Dad often said that Lorene was his favorite niece and took her out to eat at least once a week until he passed away 7 years ago, also of cancer. And that same year we lost Dad, Lorene's remaining son died of a heart attack at the young age of 40.
And throughout all this, Lorene remained sweet and optimistic. Even though I'd moved out of state by then, I kept in touch with her. And as I mentioned earlier in this post she was the last person I visited with on my way to Vegas. I was heartbroken a few weeks back when I found out that she too had been diagnosed with cancer. Even worse was when I was hit with the news she only had 2 to 6 weeks left to live; 2 without chemo, 6 with. She didn't want the chemo, and after seeing what the stuff did to my mom I certainly didn't blame her. I'd already been stumbling with plans to visit home when we were hit with the news, so we rushed things along so to ensure that I could see her again. (Thanks again to those who ordered prints, that money was a big part of making the trip possible, especially on such short notice.)
We visted her every day of our stay. I held her hand, told her how much I loved her, and she told me with a wink to "be a good girl." She knew she was dying, but I think she stayed away from the subject in order to keep me from getting upset. Get that . . . she was the one dying and there she was trying to spare my feelings.
Carol, one of our other cousins, was helping her take care of her will and other legal matters, and she pulled me aside my last afternoon there and made me promise to keep something a secret. Lorene wanted me to have something of hers, but didn't want her to give it to me until after she and I had said our final goodbyes. It was her wedding ring. That meant so much to me of course, and the reason Lorene didn't give it to me herself was because she knew it would make me cry. We said our final goodbyes that evening, which was probably the hardest thing I've ever done. I mean, I've lost relatives before, but I never had to consciously say a final goodbye like that, knowing that I'd never get to see them again. It was hard not to thank her for the ring, but I wanted us both to be smiling when I walked out of the room. I somehow managed to hold back the tears until I got out to the hallway. We started the drive back home with heavy hearts.
When I checked my phone yesterday morning and saw I'd missed a call, I immediately knew what it was about. Carol wasn't home when I returned the call, but her husband filled me in. Lorene had died peacefully the night before, and they were in the middle of finalizing the funeral arrangements (sadly enough, most of them had already been made while she was still alive). Carol had already told me not to feel bad about missing the funeral, as it had been much more important of course that I got to see her while she was still alive. I'm not sure what I'm feeling now; with all this comes the realization that another important part of my family is gone, that someone with such a hard life still managed to be sweet and caring until the very end, choosing to die with dignity and a sense of optimism rather than the fear and bitterness that many of us might expect. And I think that's a positive message for many, that we should be thankful for the lives we've been given and that life is what we make it.
* * *
I've mentioned before that a lot of the overall negativity has been affecting my enjoyment of this forum, and perhaps the story in this thread helps explain the priorities shifting around in my life and why I get irritated with a lot of the petty bickering. Passion for hobbies like Disney can be very satisfying of course, but some of the recent conversations and negativity I've seen just make me frustrated and tired. And at the same time, I hate to see this forum die. I just . . . I don't know . . . I just hope I've contributed something positive here since first joining 8 years ago. I may not have always been the most ideal member but I've made friends and know that I've had a lot of fun. And regardless of how this may sound, this isn't a goodbye post; even if my visits have been less frequent I'm still around. And even if UD dies next month I'm sure I'll be floating around in cyberspace under this username for some time to come, wanting to discuss Disney and what-not wherever the fans may gather.
So I guess to sum it all up, regardless of losing our favorite hangouts (whether they be RL or online), regardless of losing our jobs or our homes or even our loved ones, life goes on; even if it feels like we haven't been given a fair shake. And it's up to us to make the most of what we've been given.
* * *
P.S. If you're one of the members that has PM'd me in the past few weeks, I'm sorry I haven't had much time, let alone the mental energy to reply. I'll get back to you when I can.
We drove for 26 hours straight to make it back to my hometown in the Midwest. For the record, things went well with my brother. We brought home one of his dog's puppies and named her Cinder.
The drive home was crazy, lol. It took a few extra hours due to the needs of our extra little passenger but like on the way there, we drove straight through and I've felt like a zombie ever since.Knowing that my cousin Lorene had terminal cancer and having experienced that with other family members, I was afraid of what I might see when we got to her room in the nursing home. She looked so frail and worn, but lit up when she saw me. No one had told her I was coming and she was so surprised! She told me over and over how happy she was to see me. She remarked immediately that she recognized my husband from the drawing I did for the wedding invitations last year and was glad to finally meet him; she was the very last person I visited with before I moved to Vegas and she seemed more worried than anyone else about me taking off like I did.
While she was bedridden at this point, she thankfully wasn't in any pain as long as she was laying down. She also seemed to be in good spirits with a clear mind. I had printed out a bunch of old family photos to give her shortly before we left and she really seemed to enjoy those. She told me about how she and her best friend Susie met when they were in the third grade and had remained best friends throughout their lives. When Lorene was still living at home with her parents, her uncle often stayed on their farm to help out with the chores and Susie had a crush on him (although he was Lorene's uncle he was only 5 years older than them). Once when Susie was about 12, Lorene's uncle pulled a ring off a soda can and put it on her finger, asking her to marry him as a joke. He forgot about it since she was still just a kid to him, but Susie must have gotten all starry-eyed over it. He went off to serve in the military soon after that, and by the time he came back from Germany Susie was old enough to ask him out (which is rather bold since we're speaking of the 1950's, lol). And when they eventually got married, it meant that Susie became her best friend's aunt! And if you hadn't guessed by now, Susie ended up being my mom, and Lorene's uncle was my dad. And as my brother recently pointed out, if it hadn't been for Lorene, neither of us would be here now.
Many years later, Lorene moved to my hometown with her two sons, just down the street from her parents and one block away from my family. We often visited each others' houses to play games and swap movies and such. I had no clue at the time how she'd just gotten out of a horrible, abusive marriage when she'd moved out of state; the reason she moved close to us was so that her parents could help her get back on her feet after her divorce and provide a safe place for her sons.
The youngest of her sons was about my middle brother's age and they often hung out. They rode to a party on Thanksgiving weekend of 1989, but got in an accident on their way home. They were only 19 and 20; both were killed instantly. Such a bad time to recall now but it shows how close our families were and what we had to go through together. This may be an odd little point to make, but the weekend before they died stands out as the last truly innocent and care-free time in my childhood; I was 13 at the time and it's when my parents took me to see The Little Mermaid in the theater. In fact, I was actually in the middle of drawing a picture of Ariel when I saw my uncle (Lorene's father) and a stranger walking up our driveway that next weekend. I told Mom we had visitors, and when she looked out the window she immediately started crying as she'd recognized the stranger as the town coroner and had already been worried all morning that my brother hadn't made it home the night before.
Somehow we all got through that. Time passed. Both of Lorene's parents died in the following decade. We also lost my mom to cancer in the mid-90's. Dad often said that Lorene was his favorite niece and took her out to eat at least once a week until he passed away 7 years ago, also of cancer. And that same year we lost Dad, Lorene's remaining son died of a heart attack at the young age of 40.
And throughout all this, Lorene remained sweet and optimistic. Even though I'd moved out of state by then, I kept in touch with her. And as I mentioned earlier in this post she was the last person I visited with on my way to Vegas. I was heartbroken a few weeks back when I found out that she too had been diagnosed with cancer. Even worse was when I was hit with the news she only had 2 to 6 weeks left to live; 2 without chemo, 6 with. She didn't want the chemo, and after seeing what the stuff did to my mom I certainly didn't blame her. I'd already been stumbling with plans to visit home when we were hit with the news, so we rushed things along so to ensure that I could see her again. (Thanks again to those who ordered prints, that money was a big part of making the trip possible, especially on such short notice.)
We visted her every day of our stay. I held her hand, told her how much I loved her, and she told me with a wink to "be a good girl." She knew she was dying, but I think she stayed away from the subject in order to keep me from getting upset. Get that . . . she was the one dying and there she was trying to spare my feelings.
Carol, one of our other cousins, was helping her take care of her will and other legal matters, and she pulled me aside my last afternoon there and made me promise to keep something a secret. Lorene wanted me to have something of hers, but didn't want her to give it to me until after she and I had said our final goodbyes. It was her wedding ring. That meant so much to me of course, and the reason Lorene didn't give it to me herself was because she knew it would make me cry. We said our final goodbyes that evening, which was probably the hardest thing I've ever done. I mean, I've lost relatives before, but I never had to consciously say a final goodbye like that, knowing that I'd never get to see them again. It was hard not to thank her for the ring, but I wanted us both to be smiling when I walked out of the room. I somehow managed to hold back the tears until I got out to the hallway. We started the drive back home with heavy hearts.When I checked my phone yesterday morning and saw I'd missed a call, I immediately knew what it was about. Carol wasn't home when I returned the call, but her husband filled me in. Lorene had died peacefully the night before, and they were in the middle of finalizing the funeral arrangements (sadly enough, most of them had already been made while she was still alive). Carol had already told me not to feel bad about missing the funeral, as it had been much more important of course that I got to see her while she was still alive. I'm not sure what I'm feeling now; with all this comes the realization that another important part of my family is gone, that someone with such a hard life still managed to be sweet and caring until the very end, choosing to die with dignity and a sense of optimism rather than the fear and bitterness that many of us might expect. And I think that's a positive message for many, that we should be thankful for the lives we've been given and that life is what we make it.
* * *
I've mentioned before that a lot of the overall negativity has been affecting my enjoyment of this forum, and perhaps the story in this thread helps explain the priorities shifting around in my life and why I get irritated with a lot of the petty bickering. Passion for hobbies like Disney can be very satisfying of course, but some of the recent conversations and negativity I've seen just make me frustrated and tired. And at the same time, I hate to see this forum die. I just . . . I don't know . . . I just hope I've contributed something positive here since first joining 8 years ago. I may not have always been the most ideal member but I've made friends and know that I've had a lot of fun. And regardless of how this may sound, this isn't a goodbye post; even if my visits have been less frequent I'm still around. And even if UD dies next month I'm sure I'll be floating around in cyberspace under this username for some time to come, wanting to discuss Disney and what-not wherever the fans may gather.
So I guess to sum it all up, regardless of losing our favorite hangouts (whether they be RL or online), regardless of losing our jobs or our homes or even our loved ones, life goes on; even if it feels like we haven't been given a fair shake. And it's up to us to make the most of what we've been given.
* * *
P.S. If you're one of the members that has PM'd me in the past few weeks, I'm sorry I haven't had much time, let alone the mental energy to reply. I'll get back to you when I can.
