DVDizzy Forum

If you really knew me you'd know that life was never easy for me. I always have felt left out in life. I feel like my siblings get more than I do whether it comes to money or attention from my mom. I come from a broken family. My parents divorced when I was a baby, so there was a lot of switching back and forth between me seeing them. I never stayed in one school for too long as I always had to move away not because I was an army child (I'm not) just because of family problems. Making friends was always hard for me as I always got picked on for my weight or my interests and various other things, and it just wasn't fair, and whenever I did make friends a lot of them would betray me a month later because they thought I was weird. Since my Freshmen year of High School suicide has always been on my mind. I have always thought that the world would be a better place if I wasn't here, and that nobody would care if I was successful in doing so. I feel miserable, alone and scared all the time. I feel like the world is against me.

Why are you telling us this?

Super Aurora wrote:Why are you telling us this?

If he's anything like me, it's likely that he has a lot of things to say but doesn't have the right medium to express them or simply the people around him can't understand him, and wants to find a neutral support that can understand what he feels without judging or jumping into conclusions.

My childhood wasn't easy either. Three months after my birth I got really sick and started coughing loudly. It got so bad that the doctors had to put me in an air bubble, and by the end I had lost a great deal of oxygen in my brain. That caused me to have emotional, speech and physical issues. My mother had to take me to every doctor to make sure I was in working condition, but it wasn't easy. People used to pick on me for no reason whatsoever. Sometimes it was because I was weird, I spoke funny or other times because people hated my existence. It got so bad that I wanted to die at a young age. I didn't feel welcomed in the world.

But you know what made it all work? The kindness and support of friends and family. I didn't learn this until my second year of high school, but I realize that despite all the hardships we go through there will always be people to trust and love, and that there are good people as well as bad people. It taught me to be kinder and more caring towards my fellow man and that I shouldn't let the events of the past fog my vision of the future because it is always changing.

And I was right. In the nearly 30 years I've been alive, I've experienced everything from the extreme kindness and love of other people to the cruelty man can brew. I've lived moments of extreme happiness and joy to one of heartbreak and despair. And despite all of that, I am pleased. Can it be better? Sure, but only I can decide that.

It just gets worse if I only focus on the bad rather than the good, and you can even learn stuff from the bad. If you feel very bad, try to vent about it, let your feelings be known and don't be afraid of seeking help, whether professionally or from a friend or relative.

You CAN surpass your past, and you CAN surpass your feelings. It won't be easy. Sometimes before you can return to your normal self you have to go deep, very deep into the darkest parts of your being, and stay there for a while before you can learn to appreciate the greatest things about you and your life.

As cliched as this may sound, hang in there.

Try not to let others get you down. Emote confidence. Even when you don't feel confident.

I'm sorry you've had a tough life and making friends hasn't been easy. Hang in there. And if you can, look into some form of counseling. I think you need someone you can talk to and trust.

If it makes you feel any better, I've gone through bouts of depression at points in my life as well (though most people have to some degree) and felt like I wanted to die even though I knew I never would do anything like that. I was living in MS during Hurricane Katrina and lost my home, job and car all in one swoop. My oldest sister offered to take me in where I crashed in the living room of her one bedroom apartment in CA. I stayed there for a few months but I was miserable half the time because my family was pressuring me to apply for a job even though I had no car and my sister complained I was home too much. I qualified for free counseling at this one place but near the end of my stay the lady discouraged me from coming back since I was about to move and then I got irritated thinking that even my own counselor wanted me out of their hair.

So, it's not the same, but I feel for you. You have to choose to improve your life. Set goals for yourself. If you don't want people to view you as weird you either have to change yourself or decide that you don't care what they think. Don't wait on others to change.

That's just my 2 cents. Hope you feel better soon. And I'm pretty sure that your parents would definitely care if you hurt yourself or attempted to do worse.

I got a little lost myself here. Maybe the title is misleading. I mean, we already have a section for people to tell us general things about themselves. This thing you're going on about sounds a little more serious. Maybe you should change the title to the "Bad Things" or "Hard Things I'm Going Through" thread.

I can sort of relate. I have some kind of head problem too, don't have the money to go and find out what it is. Depression? Manic depression? Compulsive insecurity? Intense guilt? Whatever it is, I went through years of wrist cutting and I've been over that for some time now. Doesn't mean I don't still contemplate suicide (I know I'll never do it- I'm lazy, I'm paranoid and disorganized, and I'm a pain-wimp). The difference between you and me is: you seem to blame yourself for your problems. I blame anyone else. You consider suicide because you think it would make the world better for others. I think it would make the world better... for me.

However, as time goes by you'll see that there's no such thing as "The World is Against" you. It's just always going to seem that way if you can't get out in it and find other people as friends and such. When you become more external. It's usually best to bond with people using humor. If you have that connection with others, they're more apt to want to know more about you. And accept you. Make big things as little a deal as you can. Most things are little and just seem big, as long as they're not health oriented. But, most importantly of all... just try. Try not to be down and try to talk with people more.

I'm really sad to hear that, Kenai. I think that, as far as people thinking you're weird, let them. Other people, fake friends, aren't worth you feeling sad. People like that don't deserve a place in your life. Really try and break away from people who bring you down. Quality friends, not quantity. You can't always help who you associate with as far as school and jobs go and your family, but in your free time, make sure to surround yourself with people who are truly your friends. Or when they're not available, surround yourself with things that you like, whether it's Disney movies or building things or baking or whatever.

Life's too short to try and be who others want you to be. Be who you want to be, and hopefully you'll be more happy.

I, too, had thought about suicide in the past, and honestly, just a minute ago when having a conversation with Bobby...it's a normal thing to feel, as far as most people feeling it at one point or another. What keeps me going is, well, my dog, Oliver, just knowing that I have to be there to take care of him no matter what. Find something or someone in your life that is worth living for...that you know would be irrevocably miserable without you.

I'm truly sorry for you and everything that's happened to upset you so much. In the state you appear to be in, I would first of all recommend you get some counselling or go and see a doctor, if you haven't done so already. Everybody has experienced some real heartache in life somewhere down in the line (myself included), and it can be unnerving. But you've got to focus on happy things. Remember to tell yourself that you are worth something, and try to stay positive no matter how difficult it may be. Allow me to elaborate on this brief paragraph:

1. Don't let your past and your adversaries, past or present get in your way, no matter how dreadful or weak they may make you feel. Always underline that the tragedy would be that you'd otherwise be letting them win or ruin your life in the long term. As pap64 said, you can triumph over hardship and painful memories, hard as it may be. Again, seeking help from a doctor or counsellor would be a good idea.

2. Try to think about the lives of the people who have been mean or have snubbed you. Now, I'm not telling you to instantly forgive them with floods of tears and open arms, or go confronting them, because they probably ought to do that themselves. But have a think about it - they were most likely obnoxious because of their own insecurities, and it's really pitiable that they should deal with it in nasty ways. There's the classic case of people feeling upset about their body image in some way or another so that they end up lashing out on larger people (or sometimes skinny, even anorexic people as well ), but there are other cases, especially when it comes to personality and relations with other people. Some are extreme, some are less so. Let me use one ultimately not so terrible yet nonetheless irritating example of someone I'm friends with (there's a reason I use "sorta", read on). He comes a reasonably repressive household and really has problems with showing any enthusiasm and letting himself go. As a result, he acts coldly and sometimes really displays poor communication skills (he describes it as being reserved), is quite critical of anybody who displays any enthusiasm or artistic flair (myself included sometimes ) or lets themselves go, and can definitely be defined as passive aggressive. If he were simply able to be more open and communicate with himself more affectively, then I'm sure that a lot of people would find him a bit better. In short, a lot of the people who have bean quite beastly to you probably have issues themselves.

3. Relating to the last point, we all have our own quirks and eccentricities, positive and negative, and people need to accept them. The negative ones are probably worth suppressing, but the other ones are worth showing. If some people don't accept them, then to hell with them. The whole world is never going to get along with each other, so don't panic. Don't worry about whether people are going to accept every single detail about you, as it's really being too idealistic.

4. Never think of committing suicide, or harming yourself. However cold people may seem towards you, even those who can be technically classed as loved ones, their lives would be shaken were you to do such a thing. Hope may run dry, and you may just want to crawl up in a hole and die, but life is too precious for it to be intentionally ended.

5. Find an outlet for creativity as a means of expressing yourself, especially something visual (such as art, dance). Join clubs and societies in things that interest you, as (yes, and this sounds a real cliché) they are great for meeting people. And whilst forums are fun, remember that people at places like UD are basically strangers, so don't rely on us that much for friends; it can sometimes be blurring at an overall friendly place like UD, but remember to set up some boundaries between your virtual and real lives (I can understand you wanting to express yourself to us though).

6. Be tactful at the end of the day. I'm sorry if this sounds patronising, but you've got to treat others with respect even if they are horrid. Don't be openly aggressive from the get go, and don't say things that are likely to annoy or upset people. Kill people with kindness; it's a good way to melt people's cold hearts or to piss them off if they're really awful.

7. Take some time each day to congratulate yourself. It really can help. You look like you've been losing weight (you stated so in the photos thread), so that should be one thing to underline at least.

8. Don't freak out at being sad itself. We all get sad for whatever reason, it's only natural, as much as feeling on a real buzz for a day or two may be. Don't get nervous about being sad, because that will only make matters worse. There have been times when I think "omg, I feel so down", which then leads to me thinking "OMG, I FEEL SO DOWN! UH OH!", which eventually becomes "ARRRRGH, JESUS CHRIST SUPERSTAR, I'M SOOOO SAAAAAAD!!! ARRRRRRRGH!!!!". These sort of things don't last too long (probably a day or two at most normally), but they're not necessary.

In short, take no notice of horrid people, and of the banality of society. The society we live in causes lots of people to get wound up (seriously, my mother, a doctor, is saddened by how many young people are increasingly suffering from mental health issues), and sometimes this comes across in nasty ways. Rise above it.

Take care,
Joe

Wondy summed it up better than I would have. They are all great idea to overcome these moments of sadness. You already accomplished one part, which is to admit that you have a problem and that you are feeling sad. Now to deal with that. We have offered our advice, so choose which one fits you best and get to it!

Thanks for all the replies. I didn't think that anyone would because I'm not too active here (again the shyness comes into play sort of). At least I am getting noticed which is good. I changed the title for people who misunderstood the original title.

I just wanted to say, I hope none of you in here get so depressed, or leave us.

kenai3000, you had a picture of you and some girl at a party as your previous avatar? You were smiling in that pic, and I liked it, you looked good! I'd love to see you smile more. And also, please do not leave us, or get too depressed. Think of the good times like in that avatar, and join in the new ones, or make ones yourself, even if it's daring!

Disney Duster wrote:I just wanted to say, I hope none of you in here get so depressed, or leave us.

kenai3000, you had a picture of you and some girl at a party as your previous avatar? You were smiling in that pic, and I liked it, you looked good! I'd love to see you smile more. And also, please do not leave us, or get too depressed. Think of the good times like in that avatar, and join in the new ones, or make ones yourself, even if it's daring!

That was actually a guy. I will never leave this forum I have been here for 5 years, and I'm not going anywhere.

I agree with the sentiment left by everyone here... you are worth something. Even if you think you're "alone", I know there are some people who's lives would be intensely... shaken, were you to kill yourself.

Just do things that make you happy, make new friends instead of surrounding yourself with people that seem to make you angry, and smile. Life will be alright.