DVDizzy Forum

What happened when canned killer squids invade Disney worlds? Please don't be offended .angry or otherwise if you favorite characters die its for fun besides Daleks exterminate so people gotta die.


http://sfstlskyway.com/dalekinvasion.htm

that is unreadable. It needs paragraph breaks.

Paragraph breaks? It needs a lot more than that, such as:

- Spell check
- Grammar check
- Logic

Everything is so rushed, good fanfics draw the story out over multiple chapters and explain things in more detail.

Here's what I mean by rushed.

theyfindthesphereletthedaleksouteveryonediesthedoctorshowsuptheend.

Like the sentence above, it's hard to read and there's no meat to the story. It's like the author (not sure who wrote it) got lazy after deciding the plot and wrote random events and strung them together with slight continuity.

Am I harsh? Yes but it's better than lying and saying "oh that was wonderful"

It was fine until I coveted it to html and its been sitting around for a long time.

Tyle <br> between paragraph breaks to make it more readable. Otherwise all the sentences bleed into each other. And it needs spell check.

Also, read it out loud, if you pause, that usually means a comma belongs there.

I don't know how to put on the web with the formatting preserved I used microsoft works to write it. I don't know why I even bother anymore nothing but people griping at my work.

This is in works format only way to preserve the formatting.

http://sfstlskyway.com/dalekinvasion.wps

bradhig wrote:I don't know how to put on the web with the formatting preserved I used microsoft works to write it. I don't know why I even bother anymore nothing but people griping at my work.

Actuall it's constructive criticism Most people prefer to get the constructive criticisms so that they know what to work on and what needs fixing.

I used an old copy of office a few years back for fanfic and saving as html didn't change the format but doing it with works did don't know why?

As CR said, its constructive criticism. I have had my work published several times, and before I enter it for publishing, I hand over the final drafts to friends and family I know are good with English grammar and spelling. Once they made any corrections I missed, I enter it to be published. I am hoping one day to publish some books. So far, only have done some articles for magazines, but I was very successful.

bradhig wrote:I used an old copy of office a few years back for fanfic and saving as html didn't change the format but doing it with works did don't know why?

I very rarely use computer programs to type my fanfics on but when I do I use Wordpad. One person over on another board just types his story installments up in a post instead of linking it. Perhaps that would work better?

Here's a link you might find interesting as well

http://www.waynesthisandthat.com/writefanfic.htm

Edit: Added link

Well, I wanted to give bradhig the benefit of the doubt, so I took it upon myself to copy/paste the whole thing into WordPad and just fix all the typos and grammar mistakes as I was reading, in order to read it all better. I got as far as the extermination of Agrabah before I realized, "Really...should I bother anymore? Do I even give a sh!t how this fanfic turns out?"

However, I didn't want my work to go to waste, and this could be a good writing lesson for bradhig if he doesn't click Cherny's link. So, I present, an excerpt of "The Dalek Disney Invasion" by bradhig...

No one could have foreseen it. No one realized the use of magic to alter and travel in time had been noticed by creatures far more dangerous and terrifying than anything ever seen before. As the people of the Disney worlds slept, an enemy launched an assault that would send shockwaves around the world.

Outside Agrabah, Aladdin and Jasmine found a large gold sphere. They were unaware that it contained the vanguard of the Dalek army. Genie used his magic to transport the sphere back to the palace. That night while they slept, the sphere began to shake. It slowly began to open in front of the Genie.

“Everyone hurry, there’s something in the sphere,“ Genie said.

The Cult of Skaro appeared with a Genesis Ark. This one didn‘t need the touch of a time traveler to open it.

“Alien life form detected. EXTERMINATE, EXTERMINATE!“ screamed Sec.

“What are those things? I’ve never seen them before,” Genie said.

“EXTERMINATE!!! “screamed the Daleks.

Aladdin jumped on Carpet but Daleks were right behind him. One laser blast knocked Carpet to the ground. Just as Aladdin got up, he was hit from behind.

”EXTERMINATE!!!” the Dalek said as it exterminated Aladdin.

“No,” screamed Jasmine as she tried to get Aladdin to move, but it was too late. A Dalek shot her through the chest, knocking her to the ground. Genie’s magic was bouncing harmlessly off the Daleks' shields.

“Strange gaseous life form detected, adjusting weapons,“ a Dalek said. A single laser blast hit Genie and he turned to dust and was dead. Before long, Agrabah was finished. Smoke rose from several places.

"Spread out across this world and exterminate all life forms," Sec ordered.

Mozenrath, Mirage, and Sadira were no match for the power of the Daleks. Magic couldn’t penetrate their shields and most were dead within minutes of the Daleks' arrival. It was over within hours of the first strike on Agrabah. The Daleks met in the desert and prepared for the next assault.

“We are victorious. We are the supreme beings in the universe," Sec said. He lead them in chorus.

“DALEKS WILL CONQUER AND DESTROY, CONQUER AND DESTROY,” they shouted. With that, they headed for the ocean and the realm of the merpeople.



albert

Good job Scaps I'm sure your work is much appreciated (if not then I"LL appreciate it )

Btw did you click the link? If so at least the link got some excersize

Why so many spaces? A lot of fanfic I have seen doesn't have that much space.

Personally, I found it very moving when Aurora and Cinderella stripped down to their skivvies for a moonlit swim. Good effort, Bradhig!

Chernabog_Rocks wrote: Good job Scaps I'm sure your work is much appreciated (if not then I"LL appreciate it )

Thanks, Cherny!

Cherny wrote:Btw did you click the link? If so at least the link got some excersize

Yep.

bradhig wrote:Why so many spaces? A lot of fanfic I have seen doesn't have that much space.

Because a lot of fanfics are badly written and don't adhere to standard rules and guidelines for writing, which in most cases are the least of the fanfics' problems.

pinkrenata wrote:Personally, I found it very moving when Aurora and Cinderella stripped down to their skivvies for a moonlit swim.

Whoa, really? Hmm, maybe I should give a sh!t and keep on reading...

albert

Eh, maybe if Aladdin and Jim Hawkins had gone for a midnight swim I'd have more reason try and make sense of this, my brow furrowed in a vain attempt to make sense of writing deprived of grammatical sense...

Eh.

blame Aladdin and Jasmine for bringing that void sphere into the palace.

Even I have hormones.

I made some changes and changed the ending as well. You will be cracking up when you see what the doctor does to the Daleks.

http://sfstlskyway.com/dalekinvasion2.htm

fanfictions are the bane of the internet. Go do something more constructive.