Hurt or Heal: Stupid Household Appliances I've Made Up
Posted: Mon Apr 21, 2008 8:18 pm
All usual rules apply. And since it's the eccentric Julian Carter who's making this thread, then no more elaboration is necessary.
Descriptions
Kitchen
1. Fable
Can be used as a table, but when hooked up to an electrical outlet starts narrating Aesop's Fables to anybody dining in its vicinity, utlising a cheap speaker fitted into the wood.
2. Supersonic Jumbo Refrigerator
Very spacious. Operates using a state-of-the-art technology donated by NASA. When contents must be cooled, two small rockets pop out of the fridge, fly it out of the house without colliding with the precious vase momsie has in the living room, and take it up into orbit where food and drink and er ... livestock, are rapidly cooled. Once process is complete the fridge re-enters the atmosphere and lands in the Pacific, where it is retrieved by NASA and ... ahem, mailed back to owner with, um ... cooled contents. Can additionally be used as a garage for your monster truck.
3. Vooker
Adios to Global Warming! Instead of using gas, like conventional cookers (does that even contribute to Global Warming? 'Cos if not I'd have to minimally alter the marketing campaign), the Vooker (patent pending) connects to your local volcano, providing safe, free heat. A team of experts will professionally connect your place of residence to the nearest lava pot, be it Mt. Etna or Vesuvius.
The manufacturers of Vooker claim no responsability over people starving to death whilst waiting a couple of centuries for a dormant volcano to erupt.
4. Future Generation Washing Tub
The world-renowned Pony brand from Popyo, Papan, has just unveiled a mind-boggling new wash tub which will turn the dish-washing world upside down. A motorised robotic arm built into the wash tub attaches a tiny electronic chip to all your crockery, instantly enhancing the ceramic's intelligence to an I.Q. of 167. The plates wash themselves. In case of failure, we recommend your plates visit a psychiatrist. Our electronic chips never fail!
Bedroom
5. Jumping Bed
All the world's leading athletes have been motion captured, and their movements programmed into the robotic legs of our award-losing bed! Once the bed detects one's snores, it sprints, pole vaults, and um, freestyles all night long, ensuring a tiring but exciting sleep.
6. Clothes-Sharing Wardrobe
Remember all these file-sharing websites on the internet, wherein you have access to a certain folder on the computer of all who are registered? Well, that's the concept of the clothes-sharing wardrobe. Bought new trousers? Insert them into our wardrobe, and share them with all those registered within the Drobey Network! New clothes pop up into the wardrobe everytime you open it! Major Hollywood stars are giving in to this new technology, so for all you know, you could be wearing Tom Cruise's expensive tuxedo or Paris Hilton's orthopaedic bra on your next date!
7. Vibrating Bookcase
Never ever hold a dusty book again! The book case can be programmed to vibrate daily via an LCD screen, hence knocking off any settled dust. The vibration can be set to range from a barely noticable shiver to a seismic event measurable only on the Richter scale. This setting is recommended for books that have accumulated dust for more than a week.
8. Cheese-Chewing Drive for your Computer
PCs are so cold and mechanical. They're useful, but they can't fill an empty stomach. Well ... not any more! The new cheese-chewing drive from Parmesonic accepts 1mm slices of Cheddar Cheese, and will spit them back out into a special reservoir when successfully liquified and ready for consumption. Parmesonic engineers have developed the tool as a means to make cheese a drink. The cheese-chewing drive can replace the useless DVD-burning/Blu-Ray disc drives already fitted into the computer tower.
Bathroom
9. Monsoon Shower Cubicle
Sprinklers on top of the showeree (ooh, I've coined a word!) gently and ergonomically wet the skin. Very strong jets of water from all directions remove difficult stains from vic... er, showeree.
10. Monster Toilet
Eats foreign substances. That includes visitors you're having at your house who unfortunately must succumb to the calls of nature. The sewage plant in the city is checked for people every few months.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Copy and paste the following in your post, adding and deducting points as necessary (+2 or -2 or +1 and -1 simlutaneously blah blah blah ...). Only one post a day per user is tolerated. Any one failing to comply with these rules shall be exposed to a Monster Toilet.
1. Fable - 10 Points
2. Supersonic Jumbo Refrigerator - 10 Points
3. Vooker - 10 Points
4. Future Generation Washing Tub - 10 Points
5. Jumping Bed - 10 Points
6. Clothes-Sharing Wardrobe - 10 Points
7. Vibrating Bookcase - 10 Points
8. Cheese-Chewing Drive for your Computer - 10 Points
9. Monsoon Shower Cubicle - 10 Points
10. Monster Toilet - 10 Points
Descriptions
Kitchen
1. Fable
Can be used as a table, but when hooked up to an electrical outlet starts narrating Aesop's Fables to anybody dining in its vicinity, utlising a cheap speaker fitted into the wood.
2. Supersonic Jumbo Refrigerator
Very spacious. Operates using a state-of-the-art technology donated by NASA. When contents must be cooled, two small rockets pop out of the fridge, fly it out of the house without colliding with the precious vase momsie has in the living room, and take it up into orbit where food and drink and er ... livestock, are rapidly cooled. Once process is complete the fridge re-enters the atmosphere and lands in the Pacific, where it is retrieved by NASA and ... ahem, mailed back to owner with, um ... cooled contents. Can additionally be used as a garage for your monster truck.
3. Vooker
Adios to Global Warming! Instead of using gas, like conventional cookers (does that even contribute to Global Warming? 'Cos if not I'd have to minimally alter the marketing campaign), the Vooker (patent pending) connects to your local volcano, providing safe, free heat. A team of experts will professionally connect your place of residence to the nearest lava pot, be it Mt. Etna or Vesuvius.
The manufacturers of Vooker claim no responsability over people starving to death whilst waiting a couple of centuries for a dormant volcano to erupt.
4. Future Generation Washing Tub
The world-renowned Pony brand from Popyo, Papan, has just unveiled a mind-boggling new wash tub which will turn the dish-washing world upside down. A motorised robotic arm built into the wash tub attaches a tiny electronic chip to all your crockery, instantly enhancing the ceramic's intelligence to an I.Q. of 167. The plates wash themselves. In case of failure, we recommend your plates visit a psychiatrist. Our electronic chips never fail!
Bedroom
5. Jumping Bed
All the world's leading athletes have been motion captured, and their movements programmed into the robotic legs of our award-losing bed! Once the bed detects one's snores, it sprints, pole vaults, and um, freestyles all night long, ensuring a tiring but exciting sleep.
6. Clothes-Sharing Wardrobe
Remember all these file-sharing websites on the internet, wherein you have access to a certain folder on the computer of all who are registered? Well, that's the concept of the clothes-sharing wardrobe. Bought new trousers? Insert them into our wardrobe, and share them with all those registered within the Drobey Network! New clothes pop up into the wardrobe everytime you open it! Major Hollywood stars are giving in to this new technology, so for all you know, you could be wearing Tom Cruise's expensive tuxedo or Paris Hilton's orthopaedic bra on your next date!
7. Vibrating Bookcase
Never ever hold a dusty book again! The book case can be programmed to vibrate daily via an LCD screen, hence knocking off any settled dust. The vibration can be set to range from a barely noticable shiver to a seismic event measurable only on the Richter scale. This setting is recommended for books that have accumulated dust for more than a week.
8. Cheese-Chewing Drive for your Computer
PCs are so cold and mechanical. They're useful, but they can't fill an empty stomach. Well ... not any more! The new cheese-chewing drive from Parmesonic accepts 1mm slices of Cheddar Cheese, and will spit them back out into a special reservoir when successfully liquified and ready for consumption. Parmesonic engineers have developed the tool as a means to make cheese a drink. The cheese-chewing drive can replace the useless DVD-burning/Blu-Ray disc drives already fitted into the computer tower.
Bathroom
9. Monsoon Shower Cubicle
Sprinklers on top of the showeree (ooh, I've coined a word!) gently and ergonomically wet the skin. Very strong jets of water from all directions remove difficult stains from vic... er, showeree.
10. Monster Toilet
Eats foreign substances. That includes visitors you're having at your house who unfortunately must succumb to the calls of nature. The sewage plant in the city is checked for people every few months.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Copy and paste the following in your post, adding and deducting points as necessary (+2 or -2 or +1 and -1 simlutaneously blah blah blah ...). Only one post a day per user is tolerated. Any one failing to comply with these rules shall be exposed to a Monster Toilet.
1. Fable - 10 Points
2. Supersonic Jumbo Refrigerator - 10 Points
3. Vooker - 10 Points
4. Future Generation Washing Tub - 10 Points
5. Jumping Bed - 10 Points
6. Clothes-Sharing Wardrobe - 10 Points
7. Vibrating Bookcase - 10 Points
8. Cheese-Chewing Drive for your Computer - 10 Points
9. Monsoon Shower Cubicle - 10 Points
10. Monster Toilet - 10 Points
.