DVDizzy Forum

I found some of these to be hilarious Hope you enjoy them too


Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up every two hours?

If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a Hearing?

Why do we press harder on the remote control when we know that the batteries are dead?

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but he ducks when you throw a revolver at him?

Why do people believe you when you tell them there are four billion stars, but have to check when you say the paint is wet?

Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?

Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

Whose idea was it to put the letter "S" in the word "lisp"?

Are there specially reserved parking spaces for 'normal' people at the Special Olympics?

Do married people live longer than single people, or does it only seem longer?

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze those pink, dangly things here and drink whatever comes out"?

Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken there..... I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes out of it's bum"?

If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

If corn oil is made from corn and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?

Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?

Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?

Ever notice that when you blow in a dogs face he gets mad. Yet, when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?

Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things that are on the ground?

If the temperature is 0 degrees outside today, and it is going to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold will it be?

Chernabog_Rocks wrote:If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

Hee hee hee hee hee hee... innuendo.

Here's some more.

If someone owns a piece of land, do they own it all the way to the center of the earth?

If humans evolved from monkey's/apes, why are they still here?

Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

Why is the show called "Unsolved Mysteries?" If they were solved they wouldn't be mysteries.

If you fart and burp at the same time, would it make a vacuum in your tummy?

When the French swear, do they say "Pardon my English?"

Can you slam a revolving door?

Is eating a mermaid considered cannibalism?

Pasta67 wrote: Is eating a mermaid considered cannibalism?

Run Ariel Run Those are pretty good Pasta67

CR wrote:Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up every two hours?

Because it's the most peaceful two hours ever!

CR wrote:If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a Hearing?

Nah, it's called a Deafing...

CR wrote:Why do we press harder on the remote control when we know that the batteries are dead?

Because often, the batteries aren't dead, they're just really low on power, and by pressing harder, we're holding down the charge/circuit/whathaveyou, and thus, it's pulling and pulling for that remaining power to do its business.

CR wrote:Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

More importantly, how convenient was it that he also had perfect teeth and eyesight and didn't need glasses or braces?

CR wrote:Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but he ducks when you throw a revolver at him?

Because even though it wouldn't hurt, it'd probably sting a little and give him a headache...

CR wrote:Why do people believe you when you tell them there are four billion stars, but have to check when you say the paint is wet?

Which would you rather do: poke your finger on something and see if it's wet paint...or start counting to four billion?

CR wrote:Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?

Just in case the prisoner gets a sudden reprieve and they gotta halt the injection midway, administer the antidote, and pray that he makes it through?

CR wrote:Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

So when they go, they go out in style!

CR wrote:Whose idea was it to put the letter "S" in the word "lisp"?

Whoever it was, he must've also thought it'd be awfully fun to make "cough", "rough", and "bough" all be said differently...

CR wrote:Are there specially reserved parking spaces for 'normal' people at the Special Olympics?

Yep, the back rows.

CR wrote:Do married people live longer than single people, or does it only seem longer?

It seems longer, but that's because you forget anniversaries and may end up repeating a year.

CR wrote:Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze those pink, dangly things here and drink whatever comes out"?

The same one who thought to eat what came out of a chicken's bum.

CR wrote:Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken there..... I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes out of it's bum"?

THe same one who thought to squeeze a cow's udders and drink what came out of it.

CR wrote:If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

Hell.

CR wrote:If corn oil is made from corn and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?

Placenta, Essence of Fetus, and a hint of rosemary.

CR wrote:Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?

I don't think anyone gets the full effect of alphabet soup...

CR wrote:Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?

No, but isn't it fun pushing the elevator button???

CR wrote:Ever notice that when you blow in a dogs face he gets mad. Yet, when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?

That's because people have bad breath, but the open air is much more tolerable.

CR wrote:Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things that are on the ground?

Because it's worth being able to look down on people, and if inclined to do so, spit at them too.

CR wrote:If the temperature is 0 degrees outside today, and it is going to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold will it be?

Damned if I know, I'll be inside!

Pasta wrote:If someone owns a piece of land, do they own it all the way to the center of the earth?

God, I hope not. Who'd want a condo in the Earth's core?

Pasta wrote:If humans evolved from monkey's/apes, why are they still here?

Hey now, come on, some of them are slow learners!

Pasta wrote:Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

Magic! Whoo!

Pasta wrote:Why is the show called "Unsolved Mysteries?" If they were solved they wouldn't be mysteries.

Shhh! People who figure this out end up missing and become a segment of "Unsolved Mysteries"!

Pasta wrote:If you fart and burp at the same time, would it make a vacuum in your tummy?

That would explain the dust bunnies...

Pasta wrote:When the French swear, do they say "Pardon my English?"

No, they'd say "Pardonnez mon Anglais".

Pasta wrote:Can you slam a revolving door?

Yes, but it'd probably slam you back.

Pasta wrote:Is eating a mermaid considered cannibalism?

God, I hope not.

Escapay

Too much, too much....

I read what you wrote, Escapay, and I simply imagined you, in a really tall building, peeking out the window and spitting at people. Then looking at them through the binoculars to see if you made contact. It honestly cracked me up!

Why do you park on a driveway, but drive on a parkway?

Why is it a pair of panties, but only one bra?

Who put the bomp in the bomp-a-bomp-a-bomp?

What if they had a war and nobody came?

littlefuzzy wrote:Who put the bomp in the bomp-a-bomp-a-bomp?

don't ask me why that was soooooooo funny! i have no idea!

If Waldo and Carmen Sandiego got married, would anyone be able to find their wedding?

xxhplinkxx wrote:If Waldo and Carmen Sandiego got married, would anyone be able to find their wedding?

No.

So far I'm guessing this is a random riddle/joke thread correct? if so here goes my dignity

Why is a Raven like a writing desk? (seriously)

What Paris Hilton meant to say bout jail: Hallujah, black and white all the way now that's spicy hot. Aw man can't I sex this jumpsuit up a tad.

xxhplinkxx wrote:If Waldo and Carmen Sandiego got married, would anyone be able to find their wedding?

That one had me cracking up!!
It's so great because there are some things that everybody has already done from that list (like pushing the elevator button)

If nothing sticks to teflon, how does teflon stick to the pan?

Despite the cost of living, has anyone noticed how popular it remains?

How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink?

If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

What's a free gift? Aren't all gifts free?

Why do psychics never win the lottery?

If pro is the opposite of con, then is Congress the opposite of progress?

Why do hot dogs come in 10 and hot dog buns in 8?

Jasmine1022 wrote:

littlefuzzy wrote:Who put the bomp in the bomp-a-bomp-a-bomp?

don't ask me why that was soooooooo funny! i have no idea!

Your not the only one that found that hilarious I think it's just the way it sounds when you say it. (lol probably sounds hilarious saying it faster and faster)

The barbie one was funny too, but I think I've heard it somewhere else, wonder what Escapya's thoughts will be on the new ones

I'd like to thank the guy
Who wrote the song
That made my baby
Fall in love with me

Who put the bomp
In the bomp bah bomp bah bomp?
Who put the ram
In the rama lama ding dong?
Who put the bop
In the bop shoo bop shoo bop?
Who put the dip
In the dip da dip da dip?
Who was that man?
I'd like to shake his hand
He made my baby
Fall in love with me (yeah!!)

For some reason that sounds familiar, isn't it from Grease? That last song they sing.......no wait that's different I think never could understand what they were saying

Much of the song's lyrics are included in the song "We Go Together" in the Broadway musical and subsequent film Grease.

That officially killed me.

I died of laughter.

If you could be any kind of tree, what tree would you be?

Laz wrote:If you could be any kind of tree, what tree would you be?

A tree that doesn't get killed to make tree-killing DVD condoms!

Escapay