Report: Illegal Elephant Crisis Threatens Ultimate Disney
Posted: Fri May 12, 2006 3:45 pm
Illegal Elephant Crisis Threatens Ultimate Disney Community
(Burbank - AP) The Ultimate Disney community erupted in hostility today over the current illegal elephant crisis. A group calling themselves the "British Brigade," led by Sir James Reader and Gen. Joseph Jarvis, attacked a band of protesting elephants just outside the International DVD forum, igniting a number of riots spanning from General Discussion to Feedback. Tensions have been mounting in the region since roughly 5,000 pink elephants went on parade last week, demanding equal rights, citizenship, and fair pay. The community remains divided.
"These elephants are here illegally and undermine the values upon which Ultimate Disney was founded," said Reader. "Their constant nightmare-ish parading is so bloody disruptive that we can't even concentrate on teh Lohan gossip."
Supporters of the elephants, however, insist that the elephants be granted membership status. Lou Miss, director of the Center for the Humane Emancipation of Electronic Slave Elephants (CHEESE), held a press conference in response to the attacks, saying, "These elephants are the backbone of Ultimate Disney. Without their toil, the community would surely fall into the hands of Tangela or perhaps even Ernest Rister. They must be granted immediate membership at the "Special Edition" level if we are to fully acknowledge their contributions."
Miss, a native Australian who also heads the National Organization for Pachyderm Advocates Near The South (NOPANTS), went on to address a proposal by Walt Disney Treasure Justin Smith that a wall be built between the Emoticon Gallery and the Ultimate Disney forum. "These hard-working elephants have every right to be a part of this community," he said, "and such a wall sends a dangerous message about what Ultimate Disney stands for."
At the center of the controversy is the treatment of the elephants by their captor, the maniacal Dr. Albert S. Capay. Capay is accused of smuggling untold thousands of elephants from the Disney vault over a period of three years, forcing them to work in hazardous conditions, dancing relentlessly for his own political gain. The elephants, who do not qualify for Ultimate Disney membership under the current guidelines, have grown increasingly unruly under their master's tyranny. Capay was unavailable for comment, but a spokesman from his office who would identify himself only as "Musicradio77" had this to say in a written statement: "I got this audio of Doctor Capay's response on YouTube and I found it great. It was not very good. Because since none of you have it, it is very rare. Please share your comments."
Many Ultimate Disney members cite <i>Dumbo</i> as proof that Capay's practices are in keeping of the Disney way. Alex Pantajoa, a Pal of Mickey Mouse, said, "Walt made elephants dance so we can to man ok!!! Besides who ever heard of a elephant that just sits? Dancing Elephants rock ok!!! It's not very nice though."
Civil rights groups point out that Dumbo himself was never forced to dance, perhaps implying that the pink color of the illegal elephants' skin makes them an easier target for the British Brigade and related groups.
It is likely that Luke, the community's Commander-in-Chief, will take action in the near future to quell the violence, though opponents of elephant rights claim that Vice Chancellor Renata's own pinkness biases the entire administration in favor of the illegal pachyderms.
(Burbank - AP) The Ultimate Disney community erupted in hostility today over the current illegal elephant crisis. A group calling themselves the "British Brigade," led by Sir James Reader and Gen. Joseph Jarvis, attacked a band of protesting elephants just outside the International DVD forum, igniting a number of riots spanning from General Discussion to Feedback. Tensions have been mounting in the region since roughly 5,000 pink elephants went on parade last week, demanding equal rights, citizenship, and fair pay. The community remains divided.
"These elephants are here illegally and undermine the values upon which Ultimate Disney was founded," said Reader. "Their constant nightmare-ish parading is so bloody disruptive that we can't even concentrate on teh Lohan gossip."
Supporters of the elephants, however, insist that the elephants be granted membership status. Lou Miss, director of the Center for the Humane Emancipation of Electronic Slave Elephants (CHEESE), held a press conference in response to the attacks, saying, "These elephants are the backbone of Ultimate Disney. Without their toil, the community would surely fall into the hands of Tangela or perhaps even Ernest Rister. They must be granted immediate membership at the "Special Edition" level if we are to fully acknowledge their contributions."
Miss, a native Australian who also heads the National Organization for Pachyderm Advocates Near The South (NOPANTS), went on to address a proposal by Walt Disney Treasure Justin Smith that a wall be built between the Emoticon Gallery and the Ultimate Disney forum. "These hard-working elephants have every right to be a part of this community," he said, "and such a wall sends a dangerous message about what Ultimate Disney stands for."
At the center of the controversy is the treatment of the elephants by their captor, the maniacal Dr. Albert S. Capay. Capay is accused of smuggling untold thousands of elephants from the Disney vault over a period of three years, forcing them to work in hazardous conditions, dancing relentlessly for his own political gain. The elephants, who do not qualify for Ultimate Disney membership under the current guidelines, have grown increasingly unruly under their master's tyranny. Capay was unavailable for comment, but a spokesman from his office who would identify himself only as "Musicradio77" had this to say in a written statement: "I got this audio of Doctor Capay's response on YouTube and I found it great. It was not very good. Because since none of you have it, it is very rare. Please share your comments."
Many Ultimate Disney members cite <i>Dumbo</i> as proof that Capay's practices are in keeping of the Disney way. Alex Pantajoa, a Pal of Mickey Mouse, said, "Walt made elephants dance so we can to man ok!!! Besides who ever heard of a elephant that just sits? Dancing Elephants rock ok!!! It's not very nice though."
Civil rights groups point out that Dumbo himself was never forced to dance, perhaps implying that the pink color of the illegal elephants' skin makes them an easier target for the British Brigade and related groups.
It is likely that Luke, the community's Commander-in-Chief, will take action in the near future to quell the violence, though opponents of elephant rights claim that Vice Chancellor Renata's own pinkness biases the entire administration in favor of the illegal pachyderms.
