Wonderlicious wrote:I'm in a similar position to you. It took me till I was 24 to come out to anyone. With the first few people I came out to, it was quite nerve-racking, but with each new person I was open to, the more comfortable I became. Even though I knew all my family and friends were open-minded, there still was that awful fear that they'd still be offended by my coming out, which certainly wasn't the case. One benefit about coming out in one's 20s is that you're generally speaking more mature and less insecure than in one's teens, which has accelerated my own personal acceptance.
That's exactly how it has been with me. I was 24 when I first came out to a person I met here on UD, actually. Had he not approached me and befriended me, I would have probably been lost by now, and I can't possibly thank him enough for that. He helped me get out of my shell (and closet), and there have been constant improvements ever since. It took me five years to get to the point where I am now, though. Self-doubt and confidence issues don't go away that easily, but gradual coming out to people I love the most has helped me with that, particularly when I came out to my sister three years ago. Knowing I had her full support and unconditional love was liberating. Life has been (mostly) a joy ever since, and after a dozen or so coming outs all restless butterflies residing in my stomach have flown away.
Wonderlicious wrote:I'm now out to everyone who matters (aside from some extended family, whom I've been meaning to tell for quite some time but not been able to), and that's simply within the frame of nine months or so. I've had some "oh, we guessed!" but a lot of people have also been quite surprised (though not in a negative sense). In fact, a lot of people I meet normally assume I'm straight.
I've gotten that a lot, too. I've been throwing hints everywhere, and I was positive people would have noticed it if they just tried, but some people are either too blind to see or just don't want to. I myself thought it was pretty obvious to anyone with eyes, lol. The best response by far was of a colleague of mine, who just said, with a totally deadpan expression, "Oh, I knew it. I just haven't said anything because I thought you yourself didn't know."
Wonderlicious wrote:Oh, an tell me about the dating scenario. I think a lot of guys have that fantasy image of coming out and suddenly meeting the dream life partner within a week or two, just like in a rom-com. I've been on some pretty dire dates in the past year or so. Some of the guys seemed to have zero ability to keep a conversation going, and it felt awkward and embarrassing just being there. Yet I'd still keep at the whole dating game. There's an old saying that you have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your prince. And I'd rather attempt to establish real connections with guys as opposed to defaulting to one-night stands and NSA on a regular basis, which frankly is just unrewarding and a recipe for problems. In fact, I've remained quite good friends with one guy I went on a date with (we got on very well, but agreed at the time there wasn't that je-ne-sais-quoi).
Thanks for sharing that. I have/had somewhat similar experiences/expectations. For start, I'm VERY recent to the whole dating scene -- like a month recent. My friend told me to me sign up on a dating site (or rather twisted my arm into it, depending on how you look at it) she heard about from her gay acquaintance, all because she was tired of seeing me single. I had some idea what I wanted in life (love-at-first-sight, long-term/life-long romance/relationship -- thank you Disney!) and what my preferences were, but talking to and meeting other people has shifted my views 180 degrees. I'm now reluctant to enter a relationship out of fear of not liking it there, and I'm afraid that wouldn't be fair to the other person if a long-term relationship was all they wanted. Being in a relationship for a few months/years and realizing that it is not for me terrifies me to the core, because more than anything it means the other person has wasted their precious time on a person who doesn't want the same things as they do. I don't want to hurt anyone like that, and all signs point to that happening eventually.
Then I thought it was only sex I wanted, but I'm just not that kind of person. Even if it was just sex, I'd like to have at least one or two meaningful conversations with the person with whom it would happen.
Am I even making any sense?
Long story short, I'm a mess and I don't know what I want anymore or if I ever did. And all this stems from the fact that at 29 I have zero experience and I feel this is something people get out of their system in their mid-twenties. I just don't have the advantage of 'formative years'.
As for dating, I went on a couple of dates. One guy seemed perfect on paper (he studies French literature, reads Proust, cooks, likes Italian cinema), but for my part there just wasn't any chemistry there. The other one is just too nice, a perfect gentleman, there is some chemistry, but our tastes and backgrounds are just too different for me to see it ever working in the long run, and I'm afraid I would come to resent him for that if we ever got that far. I've decided to take it slow, I like having him as a friend, but he has indicated he wants something more (and a long-term relationship, of course). So, in essence, he's being friend-zoned :/. And there's a third one who is just... indescribable. He's either too needy/clingy, too depressed or too vitriolic, it's impossible to have a proper discussion with him. He'll be on his way out of my life very soon.
Ugh, rant over

. Sorry for boring you and anyone else reading this.