thedisneyspirit wrote:I miss my family and friends and everything I left behind, and most days I find myself crying. I don't want to emotionally depend on people, and I get very anxious and nervious at some social situations but at the same time I feel horrible if alone. I feel like a failure because of my low grades, but I don't tell them to anyone due to a life of parents always disappointed in my test scores.
*hug* I don't necessary have advice, but try and take solice in the fact that you are not alone with these types of feelings. It can be so hard to find a balance- you don't want to have to rely on others, but at the same time, you have to. I so get that. Sometimes it can take one little thing that you're good at to bring a little more joy to your life. Something that you can do alone that, at least for a brief moment, makes you happy. For me, cooking is an outlet- I can do it alone, and it's creating my own thing, and I get to eat it, and even share it if I want. I also like to get lost in good books- it's another thing that I can do by myself, but it's like spending time with friends, in a way. It is very hard to make real friends sometimes. I used to have a good bunch of friends back through high school, but when I moved away, it was hard to find "real" friends, real lasting friends. Just please don't give up hope. Sometimes it can be freeing to do things you like, alone, but in a public setting. If you have a dog, for example, go to a dog park alone. You might be able to interact with other people, asking about their dogs...it may not be making friends (although it could lead to that), but it's being in a safe social setting without any pressure (to make friends, to make anything other than small talk, while doing something you enjoy). If you like art, maybe go to a gallery. If you like cooking, maybe go to a cooking class.
thedisneyspirit wrote:I've been single for a long while, and while I do want at times to pursue a romance, I feel like it'll be a distraction in my life and it'll just be painful. I've become bitter with love, and for now only seek amusement in sex.
It's important not to lose yourself. It's so easy when in relationships to push aside the things you love in order to spend time with that person and do what they enjoy. As long as you're safe, being with people who won't physically hurt you, and you know, wrapping areas up, there's nothing necessary wrong with that last statement, also as long as your head is in the right place. Casual sex can be just that, not having an emotional attachment. As someone who has become so bitter and untrusting, I get that. Don't lose hope that someday you'll meet someone who you share a special connection with, but don't put so much pressure on yourself to do so.
You need to take care of yourself first. Like if a plane is going down, the parent must put their air mask on before their child's. You can't be of much use to others if you aren't much use to yourself. (I'm saying these words as much to me as I am to you.) If you're in school because you want to be to improve your life, take it as that. Believe me, my parents have always been strict about my grades, and I didn't tell them right away when I failed grad school. (I didn't tell them right away when I was going through a divorce, too.) It's so hard when you want to please your parents, but it can be smothering, too.
Try and focus on yourself every day doing something that makes you happy. Everything in your life can be spiraling out of control it seems, but try to take 30 minutes or so a day to do something you enjoy, whether it's having a dessert, reading a chapter in a book, watching your favorite show, singing in the shower, taking a walk, whatever. You deserve *you* time to be happy.
disneyboy20022 wrote:Also some other great news, I've lost 7 pounds within the past couple months. Shirts that fit my 10 years ago fit me again
That's so wonderful!!! I'm really proud of you!
thelittleursula, it can be so hard when you think you meet someone you can trust, who really cares, to just find out that they were friends with you for the wrong reasons. I had a bunch of those a few years ago. Ultimately, as lonely as you might be without them, it can be toxic to stay "friends" with them. If a friendship is causing you emotional pain and you can't trust the person, it's not a real friendship and should be let go. I'm not an expert in making friends anymore, since I have lost friends. Dating for me is easier, someone to spend a short time with and then move on. But I give you the same advice I just gave to thedisneyspirit: try and focus on yourself, try going to social events (dog park, art gallery, cooking class, etc.) and at least have fun for yourself, no pressure to make friends, but it could happen. Even just having a pleasant conversation, and not seeing that person again, can slowly build up a confidence, can give you hope that not everyone out there is an a-hole.
My rant/what I need advice on, I briefly touched upon (in this thread?) a few months ago. I've been living with my boyfriend since April; I had a roommate before then, was working 3 part-time jobs, struggling with money, and since he said I could stay in the spare bedroom if we break up, until I can find my own place, I moved in. Things have been so up and down, we've almost broken up so many times.
I can't afford a place of my own. I can't afford even to have a roommate. I was in grad school for social work, so I know social workers, and I texted one a week ago, and she gave me a website on cheap housing; she also said, though, that there's a shortage of housing options (re: many wait lists) in this area for low-income people. I don't have a family of my own, just my dog, so it may be hard to get some kind of federal assistance.
My boyfriend wants to work on us, he thinks I'm "the one" for him, but we just don't get along. He punched *another* hole in the wall today- it had been a few months, I guess it was time. It's been such an emotionally-hard over-a-year (failing grad school, being in this relationship). My college degree has been rubbish at getting a job, and I'm making, after taxes, $7 an hour; I make $12,000 a year roughly. I didn't bust my butt in school to live this life; I should have not gone to college.
I'm grateful I went to college, and I learned things, and these days it's the college grads getting jobs high school grads used to get. I can't afford to live; I understand having to rely on other people. I am thinking of going back to school to get an Associate's degree in Pharmacy Technology; I'm not smart enough to pass math & science classes, or else I would have went to school for Nutrition right out of high school, but Pharmacy Technology would let me work in the growing medical field while making a better living than I am now. My dad even said if I continue working full-time and not lose my health benefits, he'll pay for my summer classes, since financial aid won't. But what about where to live? Financial aid, when I was in grad school, was pretty comporable to what I earn now in my job, so it's not like I can just get an apartment on that income. And community colleges don't have dorm rooms, and I have my dog. I don't know what to do. I've lost my spirit, both working in my crappy job (although now I have a better handle on what I do there, and I'm taking more pride in the work I'm doing) and being in this relationship.
I'm so lost and scared. When I emailed my dad about going back to school and a little about my relationship...when your daughter says that she and her boyfriend fight, shouldn't a dad ask if she's okay? Not "I'm not going to tell you what to do in your relationships?"
Also, I just had a breast biopsy; a lump I've had the past few months was mostly removed, and I'll find out Tuesday the results. It's probably not cancer, but with my family history, it's been weighing on me for all these months.
I hope it keeps going, too, You can do it.
Hugs!