DVDizzy Forum

Why won"t anyone say anything about the outcome of the story?

You haven't answered my questions, you started going off-topic. I reiterate:

Dr Frankenollie wrote:

bradhig wrote: I didn't know that before about writing the Doctor and TARDIS okay.

That was obvious; I was sarcastically pointing out the silliness of your statement 'Now you tell me'. Am I telepathic? How am I supposed to know that you didn't know?

And this is relevant to our discussion...how?

It appears that I'm the only user commenting on your story, and as I've already said, I only skimmed through it due to the countless flaws, so I never really read the ending.

In the time tunnel story I am working on I keep adding descriptions like crazy do to this discussion making me paranoid about them. How much description is enough? I posted the Dalek stories on Dalek world and they laughing when the squids fell out of the travel machines as the were sent away.

Just uploaded another version of Day of the Romanov's I fixed as much I could find. Microsoft works didn't have anything else underlined or highlighted other then words like TARDIS , and Dalek which it wouldn't know any way.

bradhig wrote:Just uploaded another version of Day of the Romanov's I fixed as much I could find. Microsoft works didn't have anything else underlined or highlighted other then words like TARDIS , and Dalek which it wouldn't know any way.

I just skimmed through it...there are still loads of grammar errors.



I still find the Doctor's hate for the Bolsheviks ridiculous; you do know that the Bolsheviks weren't evil, right?

I fixed some but Microsoft Works doesn't show anymore.

bradhig wrote:I fixed some but Microsoft Works doesn't show anymore.

I'll tell you about some of the errors you've made: you've missed out a few commas and full stops here and there, you use too many exclamation marks occasionally (more than one is a common but completely incorrect grammar error), and also have exclamation marks with commas, which is bad grammar too. Those are the most noticable errors.

I have seen people use multiple exclamation when a character is screaming or yelling. I know sometimes the commas and periods are hard to see on the screen. Maybe I need to use the magnifier in windows.

bradhig wrote:I have seen people use multiple exclamation when a character is screaming or yelling. I know sometimes the commas and periods are hard to see on the screen. Maybe I need to use the magnifier in windows.

I give up. If you're not going to listen to my advice, then I might as well not give you advice.

Ive told you about specific grammar errors in your fanfic a few times now, and you haven't even thanked me.

Dr Frankenollie wrote:

bradhig wrote:I have seen people use multiple exclamation when a character is screaming or yelling. I know sometimes the commas and periods are hard to see on the screen. Maybe I need to use the magnifier in windows.

I give up. If you're not going to listen to my advice, then I might as well not give you advice.

Ive told you about specific grammar errors in your fanfic a few times now, and you haven't even thanked me.

Thanks for helping me. I am sayins it's hard to see some of those things when you are looking at black text on a white background.

just uploaded my first story to fanfic.net It's about the 1960s tv series The Time Tunnel and it's called "The Time of Special Purpose."

bradhig wrote:just uploaded my first story to fanfic.net It's about the 1960s tv series The Time Tunnel and it's called "The Time of Special Purpose."

I've just read (most of) it. It's better than some of your other work which I've read. Unfortunately, there is no real introduction and the opening isn't captivating; furthermore, plenty more description is required, as most of the locations and character appearances are left up to the imagination rather than being properly described (I think the most a character was described was that he was wearing "...a tan military shirt").

Also, you have a really irksome habit of adding commas after using commas, which is an obvious grammatical error. Not to mention there are countless other grammar errors and a few spelling errors too.

At one point, you use two question marks incorrectly:

"Mother are you alright? ",Anastasia asked Alexander?

Why is there a second question mark, and why is it not connected to the speech? It's like the storyteller is askign a question. Finally, there shouldn't be the comma I've put in bold after the question mark.

The characterisation is rather poor: the antagonistic Yurovsky is portrayed as nothing more than evil 'scum'; Doug, Tony and others had no personalities; and finally your version of Anastasia wasn't likable in the slightest. To be honest, I found the bit where she described what she wouldn't be able to do due to the revolution to be laughable:

"Like hosting a full dress ball , viewing my regiments,finding a good husband, and living like royalty ." ,Anastasia said.

Many Russians at the time were suffering in poverty and were callously bullied by the Tsars and manipulated into fighting in WWI, but who cares about that when a spoilt brat of a girl doesn't get to host a full dress ball and 'live like royalty'?

Perhaps the worst part of this fanfic is this part:

"What What? ', Nicholas asks

Yurosky pulls a colt pistol out and shoots the former Czar in the head.

Doug throws a punch knocking Yurosky back into his men and Tony kicks another Bolshevik in the side knocking him and the men behind him into the hall.

The picture in the time tunnel gets fuzzy and goes out.

Can't you seen the problem? It's in the present tense; even though I and most other avid readers favour past tense texts, I honestly wouldn't mind if the entire thing was in the present tense. However, other than this snippet, the rest of your fanfic is in the past tense. THAT DOES NOT MAKE ANY SENSE.

Out of curiousity, why do you hate the Bolsheviks so much? Even though their methods were extreme, they were unequivocally in the right.

I took down the Dalek story. It was missing quotes and i don't know if I forgot them or they got removed by whatever program I was using at the time. someone accused me of not knowing Disney, Doctor Who , or grammar. I haven't been able to finish my latest voltron work cause the ban from the Voltron Forum pushed it aside.

Dr Frankenollie wrote:

bradhig wrote:just uploaded my first story to fanfic.net It's about the 1960s tv series The Time Tunnel and it's called "The Time of Special Purpose."

I've just read (most of) it. It's better than some of your other work which I've read. Unfortunately, there is no real introduction and the opening isn't captivating; furthermore, plenty more description is required, as most of the locations and character appearances are left up to the imagination rather than being properly described (I think the most a character was described was that he was wearing "...a tan military shirt").

Also, you have a really irksome habit of adding commas after using commas, which is an obvious grammatical error. Not to mention there are countless other grammar errors and a few spelling errors too.

At one point, you use two question marks incorrectly:

"Mother are you alright? ",Anastasia asked Alexander?

Why is there a second question mark, and why is it not connected to the speech? It's like the storyteller is askign a question. Finally, there shouldn't be the comma I've put in bold after the question mark.

The characterisation is rather poor: the antagonistic Yurovsky is portrayed as nothing more than evil 'scum'; Doug, Tony and others had no personalities; and finally your version of Anastasia wasn't likable in the slightest. To be honest, I found the bit where she described what she wouldn't be able to do due to the revolution to be laughable:

"Like hosting a full dress ball , viewing my regiments,finding a good husband, and living like royalty ." ,Anastasia said.

Many Russians at the time were suffering in poverty and were callously bullied by the Tsars and manipulated into fighting in WWI, but who cares about that when a spoilt brat of a girl doesn't get to host a full dress ball and 'live like royalty'?

Perhaps the worst part of this fanfic is this part:

"What What? ', Nicholas asks

Yurosky pulls a colt pistol out and shoots the former Czar in the head.

Doug throws a punch knocking Yurosky back into his men and Tony kicks another Bolshevik in the side knocking him and the men behind him into the hall.

The picture in the time tunnel gets fuzzy and goes out.

Can't you seen the problem? It's in the present tense; even though I and most other avid readers favour past tense texts, I honestly wouldn't mind if the entire thing was in the present tense. However, other than this snippet, the rest of your fanfic is in the past tense. THAT DOES NOT MAKE ANY SENSE.

Out of curiousity, why do you hate the Bolsheviks so much? Even though their methods were extreme, they were unequivocally in the right.

So what if it's in present tense. I don't know how to write it in the past tense and no one on Fanfic.net cares.

Bolsheviks answer to everything was killing ,killing , and more killing. Those kids of the czar didn't deserve the death penalty not one thing. Why didn't anyone around the czar tell the czar to modernize , help the poor , etc?