DVDizzy Forum

I can understand why parents react the way they do when their children 'come out'--they don't know as much about being gay as the kid anyway, so what can you expect?--but that doesn't make me any more sympathetic.

Meaning: it is ridiculous people even have to 'come out', like it's a dirty secret or terrible crime or something.

I agree. To some extent, I didn't ever see a real reason to "come out" because who I sleep with/live with in the future is really none of their business. Part of the reason I did it is because my parents are always talking about how "when you have a wife" or "such and such is why you aren't meeting anybody," so that maybe they'll finally shut up.

Overall, the situation hasn't turned out as bad as I'd thought. I'm still not talking directly to my dad, but I'm not closed up in my room anymore either. My mom's starting a job soon anyway, so I don't have to worry really. I don't think she'd let him kick me out even if he wanted to (for once being a mama's boy is a good thing-- ). And, besides, I only have one more semester at my community college before I move to a dorm room at the university I'm transferring to (and my mom is paying for--I do plan to pay her back in the future, so don't think too badly of me ), so I won't have to deal with my father too much longer anyway. Thankfully, me and him have never been too close to begin with, so I don't think I would be too disappointed in not talking to him often. The only thing I hated in "coming out" is knowing I was dependent on them. But I plan to get another job soon, just in case. I don't like feeling helpless.

Thanks for all the support though. Spilling my drama somewhere makes life a bit easier.

Guess I was just looking for a new way to spin this whole thing.

Well, in my parents' case, I know it's kind of harder to accept. I'm the only son and my sister technically isn't my father's child, so there isn't anyone to "carry on the family name," so to speak. So I can kind of understand that they probably feel like a dream has died.

I plan to adopt one day, of course, and I've told my mom this in the past, but she always goes on about how they won't be "biological." Meh.

My friends and I were discussing this recentley. I'm sure a lot of people here have noticed that a lot of homosexual people seem to be more outspoken than straight. Why is that?

I never talked to my parents about these kinds of things. I never trusted them very much or cared much about what they had to say. My father was (and still is) a real bigot, who loves to go on rants about Black People. My mother was and is a crippled (in every way) alcoholic. Both were abusive and neglectful. Both were overbearing and hypocritical.

I've run into lots of people lately online who try to blame all homosexuality on abusive households and accuse all of us of being at some point molested by a family member. But what I find around here is that you people had much more healthy upbringings than I did. I wonder what terrible thing your parents did to you guys to make you gay...

I think the best thing you can do is turn to your closest friends for support. Hopefully you've already come out to them. Even though nobody came out in my high school who wasn't already flamboyant to begin with, if you were gay, no matter what system of friends you had, the typical reaction would be: "Yeah...so?"

PeterPanfan wrote:My friends and I were discussing this recentley. I'm sure a lot of people here have noticed that a lot of homosexual people seem to be more outspoken than straight. Why is that?

Outspoken in what way?

Like...they don't really care about what other people think that much. Or, at least they try not to. I can't really explain it.

Okay... I think that's true when it comes to self expression, sure. Like- for the most part, they don't care what people think of what they're wearing. Or the kind of music they like, etc. I certainly don't care if people raise an eyebrow at the fact that I'm a huge fan of Friday the 13th Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan (and it always does, it never fails to!). If they want to make some snippy comment about my taste based on my love of that film, they can blow it out the back end.

But I don't necessarily think they force their opinions on other people any more than any other group of people do. There was a particularly nasty video on YouTube where some insane woman calling herself an "Ex-Gay" and her Nazi boyfriend/husband were attacking the Gay Community- saying they have a reputation for being caring, accepting, and supportive, but they "turn on you" on a moment's notice. I had to say to myself- "yeah, right- and I guess that means you are more caring." They certainly had a lot of hostility that clearly was there before whatever run-in they think they had with "the angry gay community" and were bending over backwards to indicate hypocrasy...well, who trusts Trailer Trash anyway?

"Outspoken" just means too many things. Anyone can be bossy and that sets in separately from gender, race, sexual orientation, etc. That's one more thing that it would help for the Disapproving Heterosexuals to understand. People say being bossy is being outspoken too. Pushing opinions into the form of aggressive advice-giving. Being judgmental. Etc.

Disney's Divinty, I'm sorry to hear that it's been rather difficult with your parents right now. I'm sure though over time they'll realize it's part of who you are, and they'll love you the same as before.

Isidour wrote:

PrincePhillipFan wrote:Just to get the ball rolling on the topic again, today I attended an interesting discussion my center volunteered for to ...

It seems great PPF! and I wish you the best of lucks on your participation; defending what you believe will be sometimes a hard, yet one of the most important task ever!

I know it's really late getting back to it, but thanks, Isidour! The discussions were really interesting and we fielded a lot of questions (particularly towards me) that I never expected

For my politics ISU I'm writing a essay on the issue of gay marriage in the US and I gotta say in my research I haven't found not one decent piece of evidence that supported being against gay marriage was a good thing, not surprisingly of course.

I wrote this for a friend's website, so I figured I'd share it here too as this is my view of the matter of Gay Teens

Homophobia is unfortunately a big thing in this country why I don't know, but being a gay teen myself it is hard. We have discrimination by many people who only know what the gay stereotype is from the media, but there is so much more than the awful gay stereotype which is pink clothing, shaved legs, shopping lovers, being girly and a lisp. I myself am far from that well ok I like shopping, but it's the only thing I have from the stereotype. Some gays try to diverge as far away from the stereotype as possible I myself am a fan of various Anime Pokemon and the Dragon Ball trilogy being my absolute favorites. I am also a huge Disney fan with my favorite movies being The Little Mermaid, Beauty And The Beast, The Lion King and The Hunchback Of Notre Dame. These examples prove that gay teens are so much more than the stereotypical gay person. I don't mind being gay at all as everyone in this world is different and besides if we were all the same how boring would life be? It would be very boring. Gay people have a hard time getting friends as they get creeped out by liking the same sex there is so much homophobia in the world and it makes me so angry that there is so much gay hate in the world. Coming out of the closet to your family is also hard because they have known you your whole life and then you drop a bombshell like that to them yeah they're going to be shocked, but real parents would accept you for being yourself some parents actually throw their kids out because of being gay and it saddens me when I hear about it as it shows that some parents really don't love their kids at all. I myself have only come out to close friends, my sister and my grandma, and they for the most part are fine with it and still accept me, so at least being gay doesn't have to be bad.

Kenai, that was beautiful! I wish I had a friend like you when I was in high school. When I was in 8th grade I got beat up pretty bad by 2 homophobic 9th graders. And all because they thought I was queer (which I was). Your post inspires me! What is so scary to people about 2 people of the same sex loving each other? I don't get the hate...

Jon

Why all the hate?

It's Republicans, bad parents, religion, negative stereotypes - all these things work together to compound upon the confusion that people naturally feel who haven't learned one of life's most important lessons. That it's okay to be different.

How many places do kids today really learn that it is okay to be different?? Do Disney and Nickelodeon actually teach young people those values?? What happens in school if you want to do something that a lot of other people aren't doing? If you dress differently, have radically different tastes in music, speak differently?

Because humans tend to fear what they don't know, and fear take to hate.

Each and every detail in the pop-culture of today is made to be all alike "I wanna be like..." or "Dress like" tend to "think" like(if we can tell they think)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qsQZiKyJgmw

More political forces to not only vote on denying us equal rights, but to push forth his agenda that gay people should be punished for being gay. He clearly says we should go back to what the bible tells us, then he tells us the bible says gay people should be put to death. He goes on to compare homosexuality itself to murder. And that it's just as bad to condone murder as it is to condone homosexuality.

So, he conveniently shags off anyone saying he said we should be murdered. What he wants is for you to agree WITH him and believe that so he doesn't get in trouble for saying it. But he surely suggested it blatantly enough.

He also said that women were created to be "helpers" for men.

This man is a piece of human waste and should be driven out of his position in government. But just to continue showing anyone here who denies it - there is hate inside our own government. How the hell can we be expected to function properly as U.S. Citizens when this is our representation? Institutionalized hatred and intolerance!

I'd fully comment on the link Laz but my sound seemed to glitch on me *sigh* I'll eventually hear what he has to say and then promptly wish I hadn't >_> perhaps I just won't listen and save myself the trouble?

Anyways glad to see this thread brought back from the depths. However I have a question for anyone interested in answering.

Is staying in the closet a smart thing to do if you don't trust your friend fully to keep quiet from your family? What I mean is my one friend knows about me, but our other friend (who's like a sister to me) doesn't know mostly because she's so friendly and close to my family and I feel like I can't risk her blabbing whether purposely or accidentally to them. Especially since I'm not in a situation where I can live on my own.

I want to tell her because I feel a bit guilty in regards to the trust part, we're so close yet it feels like if we're so close then I should be able to trust her >_> Make sense? Knowing me nothing probably makes sense I'm actually suprised she hasn't caught on considering I've never shown an intrest in dating girls never mind actually having gone on a date.

I'm going to stop rambling now, any advice is welcome if you can decipher my ramble

I've never been in that position, personally. But I think I understand why you decide not to tell that person. Hell, she might already know. I mean- she doesn't talk to you about your maybe-may-not-be sex life at all, does she?

In the end, it depends on how she understands your feelings about your family and how good she is at keeping secrets. And whether she'd be concerned about you if she knew. Do you think she's the type to panic? Or think it's negative?

If you don't know the answers to those questions, it's probably best not to tell her. As for me personally... I never trusted my family with anything personal. I still don't. It's nobody's business but my own. I told 2 friends in-person. One was not really interested but as far as I knew- completely supportive. Which is all I could ask for. They didn't think it was a big deal and neither did I. The other one I told I've since come to regret that confession a great deal. Apparently, he became something of a juvenile-delinquent and was using stories about my personal life for jokes and shit-talking.

You never can be too careful.

I'm not gay, well I'm not sure what I am, but I can say a few things.

First, we all believe what we are taught to believe at very young ages, and sometimes, we don't easily let those beliefs go. I'm not entirely sure its right to continue to teach kids what [b has not been technically proven[/b], as opposed to the facts that are being ignored.

Here's a few things that our society tends to dislike/have disliked.

Islam-homosexuality-naturism(nudism)-women in power-skin color.
\ / \ / \
Christianity sexuality media
\ \
Religion overprotection
\ \
\ peer pressure
narrow-mindedness /

Well, it comes down to narrow mindedness and fear, anyway.

Lazario wrote:This man is a piece of human waste and should be driven out of his position in government. But just to continue showing anyone here who denies it - there is hate inside our own government. How the hell can we be expected to function properly as U.S. Citizens when this is our representation? Institutionalized hatred and intolerance!

Well, Lazario, we have disagreed a lot of times, we this is something we can both agree on. It's a shame such people represent a state in the US Congress. Are there any openly gay politicians in the US? Because I know of some in The Netherlands. In 2002, we came very close at having a gay Prime Minister, but he was assassinated. But not for being gay, though. Nobody cared that he was gay. But he used to brag about it all the time, and people thought it was the most normal thing in the world --which, of course, it is. This year, the Dutch Minister of Education and Emancipation joined a group of gay men on a boat in the Amsterdam Gay Parade, to show support for their cause. He's the most popular member of the cabinet.

Chernabog_Rocks wrote: Is staying in the closet a smart thing to do if you don't trust your friend fully to keep quiet from your family? What I mean is my one friend knows about me, but our other friend (who's like a sister to me) doesn't know mostly because she's so friendly and close to my family and I feel like I can't risk her blabbing whether purposely or accidentally to them. Especially since I'm not in a situation where I can live on my own.

I want to tell her because I feel a bit guilty in regards to the trust part, we're so close yet it feels like if we're so close then I should be able to trust her >_> Make sense? Knowing me nothing probably makes sense I'm actually suprised she hasn't caught on considering I've never shown an intrest in dating girls never mind actually having gone on a date.

A friend of mine who recently came out of the closet told his cousin because they're as close as brother and sister. within a day she told her mom, and her mom told my friends parents. Luckily his parents took it really well, but i've allways thought that was really crappy of her. Especially since he told her to not tell his parents because he wanted to on his own. We give her the defence that she didn't tell them, but even all of us (his friends) know that her mom is the gossip of that family so it was pretty stupid of her.

Anyhow, if you are seriously worried that she might tell and you know your family wont react well then seriously don't feel bad about telling her. You don't need to tell her that you were afraid of telling her, someday when she knows just say that it didn't seem important to tell her. Afterall, your friendship shouldn't be effected by your sexual preferance.

Goliath wrote:

Lazario wrote:This man is a piece of human waste and should be driven out of his position in government. But just to continue showing anyone here who denies it - there is hate inside our own government. How the hell can we be expected to function properly as U.S. Citizens when this is our representation? Institutionalized hatred and intolerance!

Well, Lazario, we have disagreed a lot of times

Have we? For me, it took only one thread to promise I would never reply to you again.

Goliath wrote:this is something we can both agree on. It's a shame such people represent a state in the US Congress. Are there any openly gay politicians in the US? Because I know of some in The Netherlands. In 2002, we came very close at having a gay Prime Minister, but he was assassinated. But not for being gay, though. Nobody cared that he was gay. But he used to brag about it all the time, and people thought it was the most normal thing in the world --which, of course, it is. This year, the Dutch Minister of Education and Emancipation joined a group of gay men on a boat in the Amsterdam Gay Parade, to show support for their cause. He's the most popular member of the cabinet.

Well it's about time.