Studios Sue Pixar, Demand Bad Movie

[Luke]

<b>STUDIOS SUE PIXAR, DEMAND BAD MOVIE
"Stop making the rest of us look bad," demand Hollywood executives </b>

Hollywood — The eight major Hollywood studios have filed suit against CGI animation company Pixar for its consistent record of quality movies. The complaint alleges that with its sixth consecutive profitable and critically acclaimed film in “The Incredibles,” Pixar is overturning a decades-long public relations campaign waged by Hollywood studios to convince the public that it’s impossible to consistently make high quality films. “If Pixar doesn’t get with the program, we’re going to have to fundamentally change the way we do business,” groused Paramount chairwoman Sherry Lansing, whose studio hasn’t produced a hit film in several years. “I repeat my recommendation to Steve Jobs that he pay John Travolta and Halle Berry $20 million each to provide voices for an effects-laden remake of ‘The Fox and the Hound.’”

Plaintiffs in the suit are Paramount, Universal, MGM, Fox, Disney, Warner Bros., Dreamworks, and Sony Pictures. All eight studios have worked together since 1980 in a sophisticated PR effort to make all Americans believe that it’s inevitable most films will be poor to mediocre. The campaign has included payoffs to critics, training for film school professors, and talking points distributed to corporate spokespeople. Because of the successful campaign, executives have successfully built a system in which they spend tens of millions of dollars each year on development and end up producing as many critically and commercially successful films as a monkey throwing darts at a board would, according to scientific studies.

Asked for comment, a Pixar spokesperson said he believes the suit was motivated by studio executives’ indignation that Pixar and Apple CEO Steve Jobs refused to send them each a free iPod Photo.

According to the studios’ talking points, it’s impossible to consistently make more than 50% of films be high quality, with an average hit to miss ratio of 1:2. But with its six profitable and acclaimed films, Pixar is beginning to make many Americans questions why it actually seems possible to consistently make successful films.

“Those guys are ruining it for everybody,” said Warner Bros. president Alan Horn. “We can’t possibly be expected to stay in business when we’re up against a studio that doesn’t have dozens of unqualified young executives with little or no background or interest in film meddling in the creative process of all their movies.”

“It just goes to show what I’ve always said,” added Universal Chairwoman Stacy Snider. “It should be illegal for companies outside of Los Angeles to produce motion pictures.”

The complaint asks that a court award the eight studios $1 billion in damages or compel Pixar to hire 118 unqualified development executives, option the rights to 38 scripts and books it has no intention of turning into films, and immediately greenlight sequels to “Toy Story” and “Finding Nemo” with $100 million-plus budgets and hire directors whose only experience is in music videos to oversee them.

Source: Dateline: Hollywood

[Jens]

Are they serious? I thought this was some sort of joke, but it seems to be real! How childish can it get? This is business, and in a business world you just need to compete with each other... Pixar is only doing a great job. I doubt Warner Bros or any other studios are holding back in any way...

[EDIT] You got me there! That site is full of fake news stories

[ichabod]

lol I can believe it!

[MickeyMousePal]

What a jokester are you trying to compete with me Luke?

I know I'm the Jokester of UD not you....
You got me their until I read what Jens wrote.
Anyways why would a business really care how much they make oh yeah they keep creaming them at the box office.

[saving107]

The site has Funny headlines,

"THOUSANDS OF CONFUSED, EAGER CHILDREN BOARD AMTRAK TRAINS AFTER WATCHING ‘POLAR EXPRESS"

"NBC DENIES ALLEGATIONS THAT “FATHER OF THE PRIDE” EVER AIRED ON NETWORK"

"INTERVENTION PARTY AIMS TO KEEP AFFLECK FROM MAKING MORE BAD MOVIES"

"SHOWTIME ADMITS IF HBO JUMPED OFF A BRIDGE, IT WOULD TOO"

"CANDIDATES APPEAR ON 'NICK JR.,' DO JUNKETS TO REACH UNDECIDED VOTERS"

"GREEN SCREEN INVENTOR REGRETS CREATING TECHNOLOGY AFTER WATCHING NEW DREW CAREY SHOW"

and last one

"“48 HOURS” INVESTIGATES “60 MINUTES” INVESTIGATION OF “60 MINUTES II” "

[2099net]

Here's something similar I wrote with Loomis, way back.

http://www.jamesreader.plus.com/worddocs/bitchslap1.doc

Warning: Contains swearing. Not for innocent eyes.

[Mr. Toad]

Thanks for the laugh Luke.

Netty - where can I get my AGM season sets?

[Practical Pig]

For about five minutes, I almost believed this. LOL

[saving107]

For about five minutes, I almost believed this. LOL

me also, untill i saw site the news came from,

if it would have been real, that would have been the Stupidest thing i have ever heard.

[Cinderelly]

Wow... This was the best things I've read all day....

It was really well written; I would have almost believed it if it weren't so proposterous!