The Universe has stomped on me thread. Rant or clear the air

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blackcauldron85
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Re: The Universe has stomped on me thread. Rant or clear the

Post by blackcauldron85 »

We had to put Hunter down today. He was not keeping any food down, and he was just too sick. My heart is broken.
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Post by DVDBuff1 »

I'm so sorry for your loss. :(
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Re: The Universe has stomped on me thread. Rant or clear the

Post by Disney's Divinity »

I missed your post from a few days back about your other dog having a problem. At first, I was confused, because I thought the dog's name had been Bean, at least that was the name I'd been using when I prayed, before I went back to the last page. I'm sorry you lost Hunter. :( At least he hopefully didn't suffer any more than he had to. :(
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Re: The Universe has stomped on me thread. Rant or clear the

Post by Rose Dome »

I’am sorry for your loss, Amy :cry:
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Re: The Universe has stomped on me thread. Rant or clear the

Post by blackcauldron85 »

Thanks, you guys. Today's my birthday too so it's the crappiest birthday. I know Hunter won't be hurting so I do take comfort in that. Now it's just hoping that Bean and his sisters have some time left. <3
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Re: The Universe has stomped on me thread. Rant or clear the air

Post by blackcauldron85 »

We had to put Bean down today. His kidney disease had progressed a lot, double from July to August, and more than 70 points in the past month. He wasn't feeling good at all, and we couldn't let him suffer anymore. I'm really sad. Hunter passed just under 6 months ago, so my heart is raw. Hug your fur babies extra tight. <3
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Re: The Universe has stomped on me thread. Rant or clear the air

Post by Disney's Divinity »

I'm so sorry. I know there are no words that can make it better. :( Rest in peace, Bean.
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Re: The Universe has stomped on me thread. Rant or clear the air

Post by blackcauldron85 »

Thank you so much. <3
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Re: The Universe has stomped on me thread. Rant or clear the air

Post by carolinakid »

The spending is out of control in Biden’s Washington.
November 8 can’t come soon enough!
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Re: The Universe has stomped on me thread. Rant or clear the air

Post by singerguy04 »

I'm not really one to air out my issues on the internet, but I just kinda feel like shouting into the void.

This past year has been rough, one of the roughest for me.

I was diagnosed with a rare disease that nearly meant I would need to decapitate my right leg from the knee down. Thankfully, I didn't have to, and there was an alternative route available. I don't want to bore or gross out anyone with too many specifics, but it's a rare disease to begin with and the median age of diagnoses is people between 60-70 yrs old. I was 35 at the time. I underwent 4 surgeries over a 4 month period, had to wear an external fixator for 3 of those months (if you don't know what that is, google it, but be weary if you don't like looking at medieval torture devices), my foot and ankle are nearly all metal plates now, and I have months/years of recovery still to look forward to.

During 7 months of the past year I was displaced between both of my parents houses because I wasn't able to walk or do much on my own. As a fiercely independent adult male, who doesn't see eye to eye with either of my parents all the time, this was as much mentally challenging as it were physical. to explain further, one parent took my diagnoses as something that was preventable and I brought upon myself. They worked really hard to convince me to "change my life" and go back to school for a new career, and modified my diet so much that I felt like I was nearly starving. I lost 40 lbs. in 3 months with them, without any exercise. That all sounds great written down, but doesn't explain that they were implying my life before was now devoid of meaning, that I had made too many life-altering mistakes, that I needed therapy, that I needed to quit my job and move out of my apartment because I was disabled now. My other parent was more freeing, but almost to a fault. Refused to accept the severity of my situation, and would often time avoid the subject or even looking at my leg. They also worked a lot, so I was forced to have to fend for myself for food and such when I shouldn't have. It was a lot of trauma I'm still sorting through, but my relationships with my parents are forever changed which sucks.

On top of all this, I'm a performer. Sure not famous, but I have been acting, singing, and dancing on stage in 2-4 performances a year for nearly 20 years. 2020 was a huge hit to me, because most performance were cancelled or online but I could still move and share my art. This past year was quarantine all over again, but more grim because I had to face that I would never been able to do what I used to ever again. In ways, my wings are clipped. I tried to focus on other talents, like writing, but everything has been so grim I couldn't keep with it.

I am now (a year later) back to living on my own in the same apartment I was in when this all began, home. I have a new job since July because I was forced to leave my successful retail management career of 6 years when I couldn't return 9 months after leaving from the surgeries begging. I like the new job though, and it's with people who know my story and sympathize with my situation. I've even been able to return to the stage twice. Once as the Minstrel in Something Rotten and the second as Reverend Parris in The Crucible. Both were very challenging for me now, and I had to wear a big boot to get through it, but people seemed to like the performances none-the-less.

Things are getting better, but also worse. I don't have any more surgeries (knock on wood), but my disease will never really go away. I have a good handle on it for now, but it will flare up again and claim my leg. There is no cure. So I just live with a fear of that. On top of that, the medical debt! I'm not going into more on that but what I need is a second job. Except I physically can't handle a second job. The American Healthcare System is a crime. There's also other parts of my life that need to recover or I need to rebuild. My friendships are different. Most friends don't know what to make of me, and because both of my parents live hours away from the relationships I built, it was really hard to visit me. Also with Covid, I had to be extra cautious. This all leads to me just being lonely, in a way I've never really had to face before. It's part of the reason why I've suddenly re-invested in my time on the forum after many years of hiatus.

So for all those reasons, and others that I'm not mentioning but cause my anxiety levels to skyrocket, here's my scream into the void!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

Thank you for the space and your time.
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Re: The Universe has stomped on me thread. Rant or clear the air

Post by blackcauldron85 »

:( I'm so, so sorry to hear all that, singerguy04. Having to deal with your parents' ideas and avoidance and not having their full support when you needed them most is awful. I'm SO happy that you got to perform, though. Even though it was challenging and others liked it, how was it to you? Did it feel great and you'll continue doing shows? I'm glad you enjoy your new job and that you have supportive coworkers; I hope that makes it worthwhile, knowing that you have people who care that you spend so much time with.

For extra income, if you're up for it, I hope you can find a work at home job, online transcription or something of the sort, whatever you're interested in, to help with those bills. The mental part, dealing with money and your disease and parents and friends and different job and loneliness- big hug to you, that's a lot to deal with and super rough.

I hope you're able to be comfortable, physically and mentally, and that you can surround yourself with people and things (music, art, Disney, whatever makes you happy) that make you feel good. I wish I could offer better words.
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Re: The Universe has stomped on me thread. Rant or clear the air

Post by singerguy04 »

blackcauldron85 wrote: Wed Oct 12, 2022 7:12 am :( I'm so, so sorry to hear all that, singerguy04. Having to deal with your parents' ideas and avoidance and not having their full support when you needed them most is awful. I'm SO happy that you got to perform, though. Even though it was challenging and others liked it, how was it to you? Did it feel great and you'll continue doing shows? I'm glad you enjoy your new job and that you have supportive coworkers; I hope that makes it worthwhile, knowing that you have people who care that you spend so much time with.

For extra income, if you're up for it, I hope you can find a work at home job, online transcription or something of the sort, whatever you're interested in, to help with those bills. The mental part, dealing with money and your disease and parents and friends and different job and loneliness- big hug to you, that's a lot to deal with and super rough.

I hope you're able to be comfortable, physically and mentally, and that you can surround yourself with people and things (music, art, Disney, whatever makes you happy) that make you feel good. I wish I could offer better words.
Thank you so much for your kind words! Finding something I can do from home is very ideal, I've just never worked like that so I have to do a lot more research into what exactly that is like. I've been so programmed into going somewhere for work that the whole concept of "working from home" feels very alien to me haha.

As far as theatre goes, I've enjoyed performing since the surgeries but decided that for now I'm going to step behind the scenes and direct. I've directed a handful of productions in the past and enjoyed it a lot. It's more work, but less physical and I think that's what I'm going to need. I'm already slated to now direct a play and a musical for a local high school as well as a musical for my local community theater in Fall 2023. I know it probably sounds like I'm not slowing down, but for what I'm used to I am. :lol:

I've have to focus on the blessings I have to stay being positive, and although I've had a lot of misgivings and grief this past year, I really do have a lot to be grateful for. As hokey as it might sound, I'm reminded of Tiny Tim from A Christmas Carol. You never really know what someone else may be going through, but if you give out positivity you'll receive it in return.
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Re: The Universe has stomped on me thread. Rant or clear the air

Post by blackcauldron85 »

I like your attitude! I think directing sounds very rewarding and I'm happy you get to stay working in the theater in that capacity!!
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Re: The Universe has stomped on me thread. Rant or clear the air

Post by Disney's Divinity »

I'm sorry about your pain (mental and physical), singerguy04.
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Re: The Universe has stomped on me thread. Rant or clear the air

Post by Rose Dome »

I’m sorry about what you’ve been through, singerguy :(
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Re: The Universe has stomped on me thread. Rant or clear the air

Post by DVDBuff1 »

Almost 30 years of existing, and I had my first visit in the emergency room as the patient on Monday. Became a huge cry baby in bed over pain throughout the day that ended up just being a kidney stone. Don't know if calling 911 was the right choice in hindsight, but it's what I needed at the time. I feel a lot better now, BTW.
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Re: The Universe has stomped on me thread. Rant or clear the air

Post by blackcauldron85 »

:( Better safe than sorry - if you were in that much pain, I think it was smart to call for help. I'm glad that you're feeling better (and I hope your medical bills will be manageable).
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Re: The Universe has stomped on me thread. Rant or clear the air

Post by Rose Dome »

I’m sorry you felt so much pain. It’s great that you’re now feeling better
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